| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Room To Grow |
Posted - Jul 31 2010 : 4:46:39 PM
My daughter told me this week that the mortgage company called and they want payment. They are actually 3 months behind. Her husband has lost his job last yr and they have went through all there savings and stocks. They have even asked his Grand Mother for money which she has given. Now this is why she wont listen. Her husband has family in Kentucky. We live in Georgia. And his Grand Mother has said they can stay in her house rent free. She doesnt live in the house and the family was going to try to sell her house. So the house is empty. But there is only 3 bdrms and there are 6 people in my daughters family. I suggested to her that she could put the 3 girls in the master bedroom and her and her husband could dtay in one room and my daughters step-son could stay in the other room. It will be a snug fit but they could do it. And then the other reason why she wont move. My oldest grandaughter has been hand picked for a really good softball team. So my daughter thinks she needs to stay in the area so she can play softball and have a chance of playing softball for High School. My oldest granddaugher is in the 6th grade. Well I asked her what are you going to do if they come and make you leave your house and put your things out on your lawn. She said she would deal with that when the time comes.....Not sure what to say to that....
Deborah
we have moved to our farm...and love it |
| 23 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| ramonaj |
Posted - Oct 01 2010 : 4:01:25 PM
What a tough situation. sounds like your darling daughter is in a bit of denial. It's hard to lose your home and all that goes with that. I hope she comes to her senses and moves before they come to drag her out. That happened to me as a kid and I remember how awful it was to this day. She sounds like she's afraid her kids will miss out on opportunities, but opportunities exist pretty much everywhere. A powerful lesson for them as a family - you do what you have to do to get by, then pull yourself together to thrive. Good luck to all of you. My son is in a similar situation and it's no fun watching your kid go through that.
happiness to all sentient beings |
| traildancer |
Posted - Oct 01 2010 : 10:10:33 AM
Hi, Cherime. I grew up in Palmer and my parents still live there. In fact, my daughter spent the summer working at a vet clinic on the old P-W highway and living with her aunt. Do you grow big cabbages? One year my mother let each of us ( I have two younger brothers ) plant a cabbage start. We had SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much cabbage that year. Never again! We had sauerkraut forever. I think this year my mom didn't plant a garden. She's 73 so I guess it's time to slow down.
The trail is the thing.... Louis L'Amour |
| Cherime |
Posted - Sep 30 2010 : 09:07:32 AM
I came to Alaska kicking and screaming all the way, terrified of the cold. It was the best move I ever made. The kids grew up in the bush (AK speak for boonies) and my DS and DD are tough and able to take care of themselves. I have a cabin, paid for, although a bit rough around the inside, found a career; for a girl without a high school diploma, becoming a paralegal was a major miracle. Alaska is my home. But I did not know that God had a plan for me up here and I wasn't about to listen either.
CMF |
| Room To Grow |
Posted - Sep 28 2010 : 7:51:18 PM
Well Ladies things had to get worse before my Daughter and her husband and there children had to come to reality. My son-in-law still doesnt have a job that cant pay the bills and then the ex-wife has started trouble that no one thought would happen. DEFACS had to get involved. But that is all taken care of and nothing came about it. Now they are considering moving to KY aftr school is finished at the end of May. So my DH and I are very glad this is going to happen. Thanks ladies for all your support in this.
Deborah
we have moved to our farm...and love it |
| HealingTouch |
Posted - Aug 18 2010 : 11:41:24 PM
So many people are in the same situation. First off they buy a larger house than they can afford and a loss of a job just sinks the ship. I don't know if your daughter bought a house that was more than she could afford. If she did who does she have to blame. This is a society that bombards you with commercials to get every new gadget and then some. The newest fashions, games, cars and what have you, and sadly enough people jump on the bandwagon and buy all the crap. The only thing that happens is the seller gets richer and the must have buyer goes further in debt. There is nothing you can do but try to encourage her to do the right thing. She has 2 choices...Move or stay. After she chooses she will have to live with the cosiquences of her choice. Prayers for you and her.
Hugs and Blessings,
Darlene
Sister 1922
The road to a friends house is never to long! |
| maggie14 |
Posted - Aug 17 2010 : 9:51:07 PM
I'm so sorry, Deborah. I'll be praying for your daughter.
I hope everyone remembers not to be so quick to judge. It's ok to disagree but its a totally diffrent thing when you start calling people idiot and dumb. We may disagree and wonder what she is thinking but why call her names?! Will that change anything?
For me, I don't think your daughter is doing the right thing for her family, but I will pray that she will change her mind and take the house.
We live in a tiny house, 3 bedrooms, 6 people, 1 bathroom but we do fine. I share a room with my sister, my brothers both share a room, and my parents share a room.
Big hugs to you, Deborah, and your daughter.
Hugs,
Channah
Farmgirl sister #1219
Just a small town country girl trying to live her dreams. :) |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Aug 16 2010 : 9:19:53 PM
Sadly sounds like there is no talking sense into your daughter.
Speaking from my own experience I'm 35, I live in NYC. I'm a stay at home mother cause that's what I think is right to do. We live in a one bedroom apartment cause that's what we can afford! I can't tell you the amount of people who ask why we don't live in a bigger place. I'm like, hello we are a single income family in NYC where would that kind of money come from? Then they ask why I don't have a job, again hello, do you know the cost of daycare, what would be the point? Then I am told my husband and I could work opposite shifts, um for what? So the kids see of drift apart and possibly damage our marriage from never seeing each other just so they can live in a larger place? Yeah what ever!
However, we do want the children to have a place to play outside, size of the house isn't really important to us, to tell you the truth we feel we are doing quite well in our one bedroom apartment as far as room goes, we just think kids need a place to play outside! So......we are moving in with my parents in their one bedroom basement apartment (apartment in their basement) so we can stay a one income family while saving money for a house.
In that, means we are moving from NYC to Kansas! Yeah a HUGE move. Given my children are not in any kind of sports or what ever, but even if they were....as was said if they are good at their sport they will be good at it regardless of where they live. Sounds like your daughter is in some major denial. She's old enough to know better, obviously doesn't care. I don't think there is anything more you can say to her. Sounds like she and her husband are just willing to drive the family into the ground all for what ever it is they think the area brings them-prestige, not willing to admit failure, I don't know. But, sounds to me like you will just have to sit back and wait for it to all come crashing down around them and maybe you can help the grandchildren pick up the pieces of their lives after it's over, I don't know. But, sounds to me like you have said every thing possible, and your daughter is in some kind of denial stooper or something.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| MaryLD |
Posted - Aug 04 2010 : 10:28:44 AM
Thanks for sharing your wise words with us, Deborah, and for letting us help carry some of the stress.
Let us know how it goes. I hope your daughter sees things clearly at the perfect time for her family.
( If a message like this from me posts twice, I'm sorry. It's the computer-)
Mary LD
Haflingers- You can't have just one!
( I'm just one short of a drill team!) |
| Room To Grow |
Posted - Aug 03 2010 : 11:57:12 AM
Mary, No hard feelings. It is hard to tell how people are intending to be when writing. And there is no emotion in writings. I just spoke to my daughter today and she told me that she would not move fromt he area that her children would have to change schools. They know everyone and are comfortable in that area. I tried to tell her that she might not have a choice. And she said whe would do what ever it took to stay in that area. But she has not had to suffer in her life. I made sure of that. Yes we moved but not that much. We were in the same house from the time he was in the 6th grade. So I am not sure if she thought I moves her around alot. I was moved around alot. I was in a different school every school yr and 4 times in the 4th grade. i dont think it hurt me...In fact I think it helped me to be able to make friends easily. And fit in in many different areas. I am thankful for all the kind words that the ladies here at MJF has given me in the few yrs I have been apart of this forum.
Thanks Again
Deborah
we have moved to our farm...and love it |
| MaryLD |
Posted - Aug 03 2010 : 07:30:02 AM
Deborah, I know your grandaughter does not feel that way- no decison has been made yet, there has been no course of action. She would not have time to feel that way, yet! I'm sorry if that came across wrong.It would have been better if I wrote it from a future perspective- or from the perspective that maybe your daughter needs to see that not all family decisons are child- centered. And not all child centered decisons are actually good ones!!!I guess I'm senstitive to current family trends that elevate children's hobbies to higher levels than they used to be. I needed help in the past, to see that my son would be fine even if I had to make hard changes for our survival.
I'm sorry if my writings caused your heart to hurt in any way. I just pray for a world where kids to be kids, and adults can be adults! We seem to have it all mixed up sometimes. I pray that your grandchildren are indeed at the right place at the right time, with the possible foreclosure.
My Very Best,
Mary LD
Haflingers- You can't have just one!
( I'm just one short of a drill team!) |
| Room To Grow |
Posted - Aug 02 2010 : 2:40:11 PM
Thanks again ladies....Mary...it is not my granddaughter that thinks she is the center of attention. It is my DD that is not wanting to understand that things are going to happen. Now she tells me that her husband made 400 last week and things are looking up. But they still cant pay the mortgage payment. They are just getting by. Again I am praying that my grand babies are at school if the sheriff comes to the house.
Deborah
we have moved to our farm...and love it |
| classygram |
Posted - Aug 02 2010 : 11:16:58 AM
Sending prayers that your DD will see what is ahead of her and her family. I so much pray that she will make that decision to move so the children can start the new year of school with the rest of them. It doesn't take children very long to adjust and make friends. And just like Mary said, it could be for the best. You never know what plans the Lord has for them.
Hugs, Brenda
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
| MaryLD |
Posted - Aug 02 2010 : 06:50:30 AM
I moved my son to Texas from California in his senior year of high school, as I had gotten remarried and my husband lost his job. Damon got work in Texas, where we joined him once his job was stable. Meanwhile, I worked my tailfeathers off in CA, trying to make ends meet until we could catch up and I could move.
My son was already a Varsity wrestler for 3 yrs when we moved. He became a co- captain in TX, and the coach believes Gordon will be a future coach at some point in his life. He had a great season, with a whole LOT of time in the limelight. Whoever and whatever you are, you take that with you when you go. It's really not appropriate for an 11 yr old to believe that her interests/ skills are the center of how family decisions are made. It's a big, tough world out there, and kids need to get with the program when things get dicey. There is a higher plan for us, and we have to go with that when we see signs of hope.
Your daughter is probably in the denial stage of grief. That would be normal, but she needs to get unstuck! She is losing her home- a loss- and she is not quick to see what opportunites exist, or to accpet the risk of foreclosure. That's the normal denial stage of grief. We all have to move through the stages like that.
My son and I lived in one bedroom apartments, one bedroom trailers, and shared a rented room in a house ( twice) because that is what I had to do to make it without child support and without an education. Things came around, and I became a midwife but we did what we had to do.
A lot of families are in this type of situation.
~ Mary LD
Haflingers- You can't have just one!
( I'm just one short of a drill team!) |
| Room To Grow |
Posted - Aug 01 2010 : 3:37:50 PM
Ladies, You are such an inspiration. And I thank you for your thoughts. I am just praying everyday that it takes awhile for the mortgage company to send someone to make them leave. And maybe the kids will be at school so they dont have to witness a sheriff knocking at the door and telling them they have to leave. I am not sure my Daughter will understand how bad it is until they do come and tell them to leave....If they come to my house they might have to sleep in tents or borrow ours neighbors RV....We only have 1 bdrm...our house in only 985sq ft....But we would make do if that happend until they could get to KY.
Deborah
Deborah
we have moved to our farm...and love it |
| pnickols |
Posted - Aug 01 2010 : 3:23:43 PM
I have been where your daughter is about 5 years ago. I moved us before the sheriff came and said get out. I refused to subject my children to that humiliation. It was bad enough to make them move out of the house and bad enough to be in that kind of financial straights. There are other softball teams, if she is that good they will be thrilled to have her
our greatest glory is not in never falling but in getting up every time we do (confucious) |
| emsmommy5 |
Posted - Aug 01 2010 : 3:22:25 PM
The hardest life lessons are often one's that our pride gets us into. I sure hope her heart is softened and she can see pass the immediate and into the future. It's rough times for many, many people. The kids will adjust easier to a move now than a policeman at the front door.
It's hard to be the parent of adult children and watch them go through hard lessons, that didn't need to be so hard, if they weren't so dang HARD=HEADED!!!!
Do what you love, love what you do. |
| natesgirl |
Posted - Aug 01 2010 : 11:53:06 AM
My family got in a bad spot a while back. We are 5 and we moved in with my MIL makin it 6 in a 2 bedroom house. We turned the den into a bedroom and borrowed a trailer from my MIL's sister. We are addin on to the house, but it's a slow proccess. We have the baby in the room with us, my 2 oldest are in the other room and the den, and my MIL is in the trailer. It's tight and stressful, but better than gettin tossed out on our keisters! My MIL has been so glad we were here to handle the property and help with the bills. It's too much for her on her own, plus she was havin to pay people to mow and pick up the limbs and fix stuff, now we handle it.
Your DD just needs to learn the hard way apparently, it's a sad way to learn. Sorry.
Farmgirl Sister #1438
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
| tea_lady_tammy |
Posted - Aug 01 2010 : 09:47:14 AM
I will be praying for your daughter. How could you not jump at a chance for a house that is rent free? Oh so sad. I hope she will change her mind.
hugs
TAmmy
Tea is like being in the stars with God.
http://breathsoffaith.blogspot.com
Farm Sister #1889 |
| Room To Grow |
Posted - Jul 31 2010 : 7:36:19 PM
Thanks Ladies...my daughter is 33. And one day she will understand that here Mom is not crazy...and that i do know a thing of 2. i want them to be safe...And I think you are right Jill..my granddaughter will be heart broken and imbarrassed...if they people see when they are put out of there house.
Deborah
we have moved to our farm...and love it |
| Fiddlehead Farm |
Posted - Jul 31 2010 : 7:10:19 PM
This is just plain dumb. There are probably soft-ball teams in KY! The important thing is to move to that house (free) and stay together as a family. Materialistic and superficial "things" are not important.
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
Happy to be a "Raggedy Ann" in a Barbie World! |
| jill skane |
Posted - Jul 31 2010 : 6:25:43 PM
It is only going to be harder on gran daughter if they have to move later
after she has been on the team and she has to leave it then, an what happens if she does not get the change again to move in if the family sells the house.
Jlll |
| Room To Grow |
Posted - Jul 31 2010 : 6:02:38 PM
Teresa, Yes I agree with you...And I told her there might be a better life in KY...She is not thinking. I said the very things you have just said.
Thanks again
Deborah
we have moved to our farm...and love it |
| 1badmamawolf |
Posted - Jul 31 2010 : 5:00:18 PM
I'm sorry, but your daughter is being a complete idiot, what is she thinking...when the marshell or whoever tells them to get out, what ever they can grab and carry is all that they will be allowed to take. Their children will be tramuatized and embarressed, it is not a pretty picture. I'm sorry about the softball team, but what is more importent, that or a roof??? And so what if they are a little crowded, there was 6 in my family (4 kids, 3 boys and 1 girl, plus my husband and I), and they were all raised here in this house of 925 sq ft, 3 very small bedrooms and 1 bathroom. The importent thing is having a roof, and a place to sleep safetly, your daughter and her husband need to wake-up and do whats best for the family...
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
