| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| KD Earthwork |
Posted - Jun 06 2010 : 05:40:13 AM
My husband had to retire early and he's taking care of our four yr. old daughter while I work.
He's been terribly depressed.Has no motivation to do anything.He's lost forty pounds,he was thin to start with.Lately he's started to get really mean too.He's never been like this with me before.I think he's spent so much time in his life avoiding thinking about his feelings and what he wanted out of life.
Two weeks ago I went to my boss to cut my days by one to be home more for him and to take some of the burden off caring for our daughter.I then had my boss permanently cut my hours (after twelve years)!So I've been running around,not sleeping well. I got into our farmers market and now yesterday was invited to the bigger local one.I was hoping to do this later in a few years when we had really gotten more production down. I'm also trying to sell Hearth bread out of our wood fired bread oven.Both these things take a lot of time for little money.
Anyway my DH has a plan to try to get healthy, try to start talking to a counselor.He's trying hard to eat.I have our daughter now much more.
Any more suggestions? It's nice just to share this. |
| 17 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Jun 26 2010 : 12:57:53 AM
I grew up with dad........being woken in the middle of the night screaming to get on the floor didn't I hear the bombs going off! We're under attack, I needed to get on the floor! Yeah... any way after a few years of that, mom took him to the VA they didn't want to see him either. She threatened that she would call our state senate and the local news stations (it was getting really bad) and they decided to take him right away. (of course back then he was still active duty as well!) Any way, he's in group counseling now. Been the same group of men for decades now. There's also a group for their wives. mom's in that. And grandpa, he's in the group for Korean Vet's cause he's a Korean Vet. They live in Wichita, Kansas, and go to the VA there. I'd check to see about the group.
Seems to me it's harder to get in the one and one and easier to get in on the group. I'm not positive but I think the group counselor is also their one on one counselor.
The men do a lot of stuff together-family picnics at the lake and the like. And I think it really helps. No one's being woken up in the middle of the night any more at least! Not for the most part that is.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| KD Earthwork |
Posted - Jun 25 2010 : 6:19:07 PM
Thank you everyone for your helpful suggestions and stories. I don't want to give up on him. I reduced my hours at work to be home more for him and it's seemed to help.He's given up regular alcohol which was becoming a crutch.We both now rarely drink.This I think also has helped.
He's made an appt. for counseling but had to wait for three months to get in and then we'll see if it's someone he can talk to.I need to find out if I can also get counseling and maybe my daughters.Two from a previous marriage.
I think retiring has just brought up a lot of things he worked so hard to avoid thinking about.
Katie |
| happydaze |
Posted - Jun 25 2010 : 5:33:04 PM
I feel qualified to respond after 43 years of marriage to a 100% disabled combat wounded viet nam vet. He has outworked every man Ive ever met, worked 20 yrs at the Post Office without taking a sick or personal day, and brought me to the beautiful Northwoods of Mi. to play at being a farmgirl. He has battled and beat cancer and alchoholism, The hard part of the story is the constant physical and emotional pain he lives with on a daily basis. Yes he has mood swings, his rages which were so terrifying have abated, although he still only sleeps 2-3 hr at a time, he rests now during the day. I used to get hit or kicked at night during his night terrors and flash backs, but separate beds, pushed together have solved that. It has taken many years to get to this point, I just never gave up on him when things got ugly, and it did alot. I just got out of his way until he was calmed. now he is on medication, and couneling, which wa not readily offered so many years ago. Life is better. get help for you and .be patient/ |
| frannie |
Posted - Jun 08 2010 : 3:00:28 PM
my husband is a viet nam era veteran. served in the marines. and now works for the veterans administration. (20+ years)
i would encourage all viet nam veterans to pursue their benefits. not only can it help them and their families , but all who served by keeping the va a viable benefit.
some veterans can receive as much as 2600+ per month, but you wont know if you qualify if you dont check it out.
i will be praying for you and your family and PLEASE, tell your husband thank you for his service to our country, and to all the farmgirs here who have veterans in their lives.
love from texas
love
frannie in texas
home of "green"crafts,
where no scrap is left behind
(http://abunnystale.wordpress.com/)
www.angeltree.etsy.com
check out the farm at:
www.localharvest.org/farms/M24434 |
| bboopster |
Posted - Jun 08 2010 : 07:19:26 AM
http://www.pentagonchannel.mil/
Hello,
If you can go to the link above and look for Recon story The Wall. There is a short piece on the Wall and the memorials that are left behind. My Dh and I were very fortunate to take part in The Wall Bike. We have many friend who are Vets and the day they shot this piece I sat with a box of kleenex listening to the stories that were told by the vets. This is only a short film and many hours of interviews were left on the editing floor. But just to hear their stories reminded me of how we need to make sure that this never happens again to those who fight for our freedom. Which is not Free!
My prayers are with you. May all of you that have family that has been torn apart by war find, Peace.
God Bless!
http://www.bboopster.blogspot.com
Nana to 4 with 1 on the way.
3 Blue Star Mother and Proud of it!
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
| Calicogirl |
Posted - Jun 08 2010 : 07:04:56 AM
Hello Katie,
I don't have a spouse or loved one that served in Vietnam, but my father was a Korean War Vet and his job was a flamethrower. Something very horrific from what I understand.
My Dad could be so sweet and loving and then turn on us in an instance. He could never sleep, was depressed and had high blood pressure. He was always insecure and defensive too. I KNOW that our troops have experienced so many horrible things while serving and my heartfelt thanks, appreciation and prayers go out to all.
My Dad was also declared 100% disabled. He was on many types of meds and sought counseling. Honestly, the only time I can say that I saw him getting better was after he became a Born-again Christian. I know this probably sounds extreme to some, but Jesus is our healer. My dad was struggling with all of the deaths he caused and through Christ he recieved forgiveness and healing. I would encourage him to see a Pastor or if you know someone who is a Born-again Christian, speak with them. I am praying for you and your husband.
~Sharon
By His Grace, For His Glory
http://merryheartjournal.blogspot.com/ |
| classygram |
Posted - Jun 08 2010 : 05:30:51 AM
My husband is just joining up with the VA. It takes 6-8 weeks to process the paperwork. But we have a good friend that is getting all his medical attended to at the VA. He is very pleased. He is also in counseling and looks forward to see them.
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
| N@n |
Posted - Jun 08 2010 : 04:18:25 AM
Good morning KD,
Please keep encouraging him to continue to seek help through the VA. There are some great sources for help. I have a friend who is very active in helping Viet Nam era Vets. While he is in Michigan, I will ask him if he has some suggestions for you out there in Calif. if you would like. My DH is also a Viet Nam vet. God bless you and him and your little one.
N@n in Michigan
keep searchin'-it's out there somewhere. |
| KD Earthwork |
Posted - Jun 07 2010 : 9:42:59 PM
Thanks everyone for all the support and personal stories.Yes we know there is help available, but wanting to address it is another matter.I need to look into counseling for myself as well to deal with the stress. He's waiting to hear back about counseling.So often though they just want to give him drugs.
Katie |
| SusanScarlet |
Posted - Jun 07 2010 : 8:13:52 PM
Free mental and physical health services are available for Vietnam vets through the Veterans Administration. If they are disabled due to their services, monetary compensation is also available. |
| Faransgirl |
Posted - Jun 06 2010 : 7:20:16 PM
My husband is a vet. For year and years he would not talk about it or even mention it at all. He was laid off his job a year ago and is spending a lot of time now on his computer and watching TV. I have noticed lately he is watching more and more History Channel and movies like Band of Brothers. He seems to be talking about it once in a while now. About 2 months ago we were out at the Barn where I stable my horses and he noticed a sticker on the back of some one else's truck and "Said they guy served in Viet Nam" I asked him how he knew and he said it was because of the sticker. A few days later he went out to go to the feed store, lumber yard, etc and when he got home there was a sticker on the back of my truck. I don't know why but he seems to be opening up about it. It makes me think that the things he watches on the History Channel may have something to do with him becoming more accepting.
Farmgirl Sister 572
When manure happens just say "WOO HOO Fertilizer". |
| maggie14 |
Posted - Jun 06 2010 : 3:19:47 PM
He has my prayers Katie!!
Hugs,
Channah
Farmgirl sister #1219
Just a small town country girl trying to live her dreams. :) |
| classygram |
Posted - Jun 06 2010 : 11:57:47 AM
You know Betty Jo it was a horrible homecoming. Tom said the things they were shouting at them and spitting on them. It's just unbelieveable. They were young men doing what they were told and there for us! It for sure changed who they were. But with time and support they can get well. Never forget, but continue healing.
Hugs, Brenda
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
| bboopster |
Posted - Jun 06 2010 : 10:58:04 AM
Not only what they went through but what happened when they came home. My DH and I have many friend who served during that time and the horror stories of coming home after their service which was demanded of them makes me want to wretch. I will pray for all of you and hope that you find a way through the problems of Viet Nam. God Bless you and thank your spouse's for their service. 
http://www.bboopster.blogspot.com
Nana to 4 with 1 on the way.
3 Blue Star Mother and Proud of it!
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
| nut4fabric |
Posted - Jun 06 2010 : 08:52:53 AM
Katie I very good friend of mine is a Nam vet and he went through years of counseling to get healthy again. The biggest step is realizing that he needs help and it sounds like your husband has done that now for the hard work and it will be hard but if he sticks with it he will come out whole. Don't hesitate to go to counseling yourself.
Hugs, Kathy |
| KD Earthwork |
Posted - Jun 06 2010 : 07:42:45 AM
Thanks Brenda,
It's really nice to know there's others too.Sometimes it just feels better to talk about it myself.He's such a great guy but so wounded by the war.
Thanks, I love him so much, Katie |
| classygram |
Posted - Jun 06 2010 : 07:17:23 AM
Katie, my husband retired with 23 yrs. in the Navy. Sweetie, I think they went through alot that we will never be able to understand. It must be horrible carrying those memories. No only the tragedy they saw, but the lose of buddies. My DH seems to crawl inside himself at times. Like he's not even in touch with now. It's very upsetting and difficult to handle at time, but just knowing what they have inside them, you learn to except. The counseling is a good thing. At times you may not think so, because it will be rough for him. But it will be well worth it. Sweetie I pray that he continues to get healthy and the two of you can work through this together. Good luck with you farmer's market. There's nothing like home grown produce.
Hugs, Brenda
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
