| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| MissLiss |
Posted - May 16 2010 : 10:59:31 AM
Removed. No more problem thanks to you ladies...hopefully! |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| MissLiss |
Posted - May 18 2010 : 7:01:52 PM
Kris, I'll be praying for your husband and you, of course. I'm sure everything will turn out well. Let us know how things go.
Melissa ~ Farmgirl #724
Mother Hen to The Knitty Gritty Farmgirls of the Inland Empire
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| miss kris |
Posted - May 18 2010 : 07:16:45 AM
Melissa, we are all like that - trying to be optimistic but some times it is just hard. But you sound good - we all need to just keeping walking forward and looking up.
My husband is going in for a surgery today, early afternoon. I would not be concerned at all if his heart was functioning at a higher level. It will most likely come out okay but still I am just a bit concerned. He is being very quiet this morning...course, he is starving as they have asked him not to eat since 12:00 am.
Good to see all your messages - Kris
For I know the plans I have for you...Jer.29:11 |
| MissLiss |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 4:22:06 PM
Thank you ladies! I have talked to him about the not calling thing - the original reason for the post - and he's said "okay, I'll call next time". So we'll see if that actually happens or not. I will take your advice and find a Dave Ramsey class in our area. Thanks Siobhan for your support and insistence! I know it must be a wonderful tool if you're willing to offer something like that. :-) I will get all the information together, then present it all to him with a date and time already. |
| Fiddlehead Farm |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 12:36:22 PM
Siobhan, that is so nice of you. Melissa, that class is awesome! It really opened our eyes. Really seriously consider it.
Age only matters if you are wine or cheese.
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922 |
| delicia |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 11:41:46 AM
Melissa, I am sad for you and know that you love your Husband but, he is completely in the WRONG. That is no way to treat some one you love. I agree with the other ladies that you need to set boundaries and just calmly explain to him that in case he forgot he is a father now and a husband and therefore has responsibilities It Is Not All About Him any longer.
delicia |
| clothedinscarlet |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 11:03:04 AM
I guarantee you, after the very first Dave Ramsey class, his eyes will be opened to the mistakes that he is making financially. He will be blown away. The statistics of debt are crazy and the majority of people out there are totally oblivious. Your husbands friends and coworkers are probably all in significant debt if they make the same $$$ and are getting a starbucks every day. Like you said, you don't know what their financials are, but if that's a priority for them, I guarantee you they're not good. Seriously...look into the classes and see if you guys can make one. And if your hubby objects to the $100 enrollment fee, you tell him you have a farmgirl sister (me) who's willing to pay for your class so you guys can go and have a "date night" and learn finances together. The class isn't difficult and it really doesn't take a ton of effort to follow the principles right away. Your eyes will both be opened to a world you never knew and it will be SO beneficial! Do the leg work. Get the information and then present him with the idea.
Farmgirl Sister #1110
Siobhan - AKA Liza-Jane (my farmgirl name), wife to my best friend, Trent, and mommy to Camden (11/28/05) and Bennett (7/11/07). and Truman (7/28/09) |
| Kirksmom71 |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 10:46:00 AM
Just remember men and women are wired differently. We see situations from different viewpoints. Tell him how you felt and what you expect and move on! You need to be relaxed for this baby. They respond to your tension and frustration. Focus forward. Remember all those times he did the "right" thing.
Sassy City Girl with Farmgirl Fantasies! |
| Fiddlehead Farm |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 10:40:06 AM
One week of starbucks will pay for Dave Ramsey's class. You should both go together, he may just wake up and smell the coffee (not starbucks)!
Age only matters if you are wine or cheese.
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922 |
| MissLiss |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 10:25:17 AM
Thank you gals so much for your support! I feel like I have real sisters to talk to ( I don't have any "real sisters" ) and it is just wonderful to be able to get all of this encouragement and advice. Alee, we do have insurance through my hubby's work, our prenatal visits are costing about $25 a visit, so I'll be hoping for less, but planning for a number like yours or Siobhan's. That's a lot to come up with! |
| melanie47601 |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 08:07:59 AM
Melissa, I am praying for you and your family. I was in a similar situation. It ended in divorce, but there were also factors in my situation that casued it to go that way. All I can say is I would be mad as hell and I am not one for keeping my temper in line. But I do agree with the girls - try to leave the emotions out of it, especially the crying. And that is super hard to do. He needs to be put in his place. Just be as "matter-of-fact" about it as you can. {{HUGS}}
Melanie
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!"
Blog~ http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/
Swap Blog~ http://mels-swapshop.blogspot.com/ |
| BarnChickCecily |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 07:53:11 AM
I am keeping you in my prayers. The Dave Ramsey program is awesome... My husband and I are working on our 'snowball' right now. We recommend it greatly!
Farmgirl Sister # 241
www.thebarnchick.blogspot.com/ |
| MrsRooster |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 07:18:37 AM
Lots of prayers for you.
I am married to a Marine and they are very different to deal with. Mine has been out for some time.
You aren't being emotional and it isn't the babies fault. He is going to have to think about this. It is best to let it go.
If it becomes a habit, then you will have decisions to make. He is anxious about the baby and the whole deal too. Guys do weird things. Especially if they have single friends.
Lots of love to you. It will be ok.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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| Fiddlehead Farm |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 07:05:43 AM
Melissa, I am sorry for your pain. I have been there and done that. My first Husband drank all night with friends, spent money willy-nilly on toys and went on snowmobile trips for weeks and left me with $20, pregnant and with a toddler at home. Needless to say it ended in divorce. His drinking and drugs became more important than his family. My children are grown and turned out pretty well, as for their father...he is still a drunk. He missed out on their lives and it is his fault. You need to put your foot down and don't be emotional about it. He is out of line. The Dave Ramsey class that Siobhan wrote about is awesome. My current DH is taking the class and it has helped us greatly. We are now a united front and are getting out of debt but still living a wonderful life. He does not "need" a motorcycle right now, you both need to save for the birth of your baby and pay off debt. Another loan would be reckless. The economy is headed in the toilet. He needs to put on his "man pants" and take care of his family. End of story.
Why not go out on a limb, that's where all the fruit is! "Mark Twain"
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922 |
| clothedinscarlet |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 06:47:50 AM
Oh my. Yeah, my birth with my second was uninsured and was a little over $10,000, not including the prenatal care. And I had absolutely no interventions (no drugs or anything). Birthing a baby in the hospital without insurance is outrageous! Maybe if he were to see those figures he would change his tune on spending. I would suggest you guys find a Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace class and attend it as a "date night" for a bit. There are many churches that offer the class and some will provide child care too, so it could be a couple hours of peace and quiet for you guys together without the little one. I looked on the site (www.daveramsey.com) and there are several classes in your area. Maybe you can call around and see if any of them offer child care. Anyways, his class revolutionized our spending habits. There is so much more security in our marriage now because we're financially on the same page. You know, many divorces happen because of money. It's a huge issue in marriage and if you conquer that big step together, then it would change a lot of things. The class costs $100, but if you apply the principles right away you won't ever regret or miss that $100. In fact, you'll have been willing to pay much more for the wealth of information that you got. The other benefit to the class is that you go through it with a whole class full of people who are in the same place as you. You hear lots of different situations and get to watch other people conquer their spending and debt issues. It's really cool.
Farmgirl Sister #1110
Siobhan - AKA Liza-Jane (my farmgirl name), wife to my best friend, Trent, and mommy to Camden (11/28/05) and Bennett (7/11/07). and Truman (7/28/09) |
| Alee |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 05:39:59 AM
Melissa- First off- I am so sorry that he is going through this. My husband went through this too. He went through a phase where if he wanted it, he bought it. Even if it was 2 weeks before Christmas. I was struggling to pay the bills with a crappy job and couldn't figure out why we were getting further and further behind and why I was the only one buying groceries. Seriously it came down to one day all we had left in the house was pretty much a can of green beans. I was so tired and frustrated. My husband also plays video games and does a table top war game where they have to buy these plastic and metal figurines that they paint. Well he was spending A LOT of money on these things and he surprised me with a dishwashed. Uh yeah. Every gal dreams of being gifted a dishwasher *rolls eyes* I mean don't get me wrong, I loved that dishwasher but come on! That is a household purchase! Not a gift!
Now it has been five years down the road and I am not going to say my way of dealing with it was the best- There were lots of fights, tears, screaming and making up. The other day we were having an open conversation about our finances and I was telling him how encouraged I am that we are paying off so much debt and things are getting better all the time. He told me he really regrets the time when he was spending willy nilly and told me that he often was spending money first and then coming home and saying he wanted to get and item. It was hard to hear but it did justify some suspicions I had.
Unfortunatly I think you have to find your own way through this. Maybe if you tell him "Of course you work hard and I want you to have everything you want as long as you find a way to pay for it that won't hurt the family."
Oh and I had a regular delivery but had to have oxytocin because my labor didn't start after 8 hours from my water breaking, and I had to have an epideral. Between a hospital stay for observation and two more days for delivery and recovery, Nora's birth was $13,000 and that isn't counting the prenatal care.
Do you have any insurance?
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
| texdane |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 05:25:47 AM
Melissa,
Sending you a farmgirl <hug>. Sounds like you can use it.
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
KNITTER, JAM-MAKER AND MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE |
| vintage saver |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 01:48:50 AM
This doesn't sound good. It's very suspicious. You know that in your heart. He has to be shown that you are a strong woman and can live and do things without him. You didn't get married to be treated this way. As the women said, just calmly tell him so this time, and if it happens again, then you/ve been shown what he really wants and I would calmly leave for a couple of days and visit friens, family, even if someone had to come and get me because he needed the car. If you allow yourself to be walked on, he'll feel free to do it again. Just stay calm and accept the situation whatever happens. Concentrate on yourself and the children. You can only do so much for men. I've found out that the more you do for a man, the less he'll do for you. This is from my single days when I was fixated on a man for 8 years. This was really pitiful looking back on it now. I finally came to my senses and said I was tired of it and was going to find a good man and it only took me a month. NOW i treat him really good as long as he treats me well, and it has worked out for 16 years, but 8 years of my life was wasted in that respect. |
| MissLiss |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 12:02:01 AM
Thank you girls - for letting me vent and for giving me the good advice. |
| Alee |
Posted - May 16 2010 : 7:07:15 PM
I just ran the scenario past my husband and he even says he would feel I was justified in being upset (if it were me)!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - May 16 2010 : 6:45:13 PM
And to put the blame on an unborn baby is really wrong. Sorry, but that is bad, Mr.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| Bear5 |
Posted - May 16 2010 : 6:38:29 PM
As Robin put it: Unexceptable!
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
| Old Spirit |
Posted - May 16 2010 : 5:52:54 PM
Time to grow up and be an adult. A married person does not go out and not come home. If one NEEDS to go with out their partner they go and come home, not too late. That is just respect for the other person. You are not out of line.
Rae
Farm Girl #647
...those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles:...
Isaiah 40:31
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| Faransgirl |
Posted - May 16 2010 : 4:50:52 PM
Sounds to me like he does know that he was wrong but rather than admit that he was wrong he is trying to turn the tables on you so he can get away with it and not feel like he was wrong. When men do that sort of thing and get away with it it just sets you up for it to happen again. Tell him what you expect in no uncertain terms and don't discuss it again.
Farmgirl Sister 572
When manure happens just say "WOO HOO Fertilizer". |
| clothedinscarlet |
Posted - May 16 2010 : 4:06:34 PM
Kris gave you some excellent advice. I agree that he was out of line, but fighting and making him feel like a jerk is just going to make him angry because he doesn't really see any fault on his part right now. Just letting him know where he crossed the line and leave him to think about it with no more words than that. He will think about it. And he will realize that what he did was totally unacceptable. I don't know how far along you are, but if something had happened while he was unreachable, he would have never forgiven himself and he needs to be there for you right now. No reason why he should be in a situation that could leave him unavailable to you. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You have every right to be hurt and upset. But, don't let the sun go down on your anger. Settle it and let it go.
Farmgirl Sister #1110
Siobhan - AKA Liza-Jane (my farmgirl name), wife to my best friend, Trent, and mommy to Camden (11/28/05) and Bennett (7/11/07). and Truman (7/28/09) |
| OneCraftyBugger |
Posted - May 16 2010 : 3:28:26 PM
UNEXCEPTABLE!
Oh happy day! Farmgirl sister #1485
http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheFeltedGnome
http://bellasaysitsso.blogspot.com/
http://theswappingcrafter.blogspot.com/ |
