| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - Apr 25 2010 : 8:51:20 PM
I just watched the Hallmark movie about Bill and Lois Wilson, the founders of AA and AlAnon. I cried the whole way through. The commercials sure didn't help. I love Hallmark commercials.
It was such a good movie about their life together. I had no idea. I have been through all this with family and know how hard it is on the family members too. And how important it is to talk about it. I can so understand how mad she was at her husband when he finally got sober. All thos eyears she stood beside him and loved him and tried all she could to help him. Here he was having these meetings with all these men and the wives were sitting outside all alone. It took his wife to see that to start AlAnon.
I want to get the DVD now. It's available at Hallmark stores. I hope everyone has a chance to see this movie. Especially those with alcoholics in their family. Very good movie.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| 12 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| KanMogirl |
Posted - May 07 2010 : 8:19:27 PM
Ladies, thank you for sharing your experiences. I have not had any experience with alcoholism so I do not know what you have gone through. I saw the Hallmark movie and I don't know that I would have had the courage to stick with him. Luckily, she did or we might not have had these programs to help people with their addiction.
I would rather wear out than rust out.----Richard Cumberland |
| miss kris |
Posted - May 07 2010 : 08:17:45 AM
I didn't see the movie - do not get the channel - but I know about the story and the reality. Its hard and I am so very thankful for the Al-anon program and feel it comes from God. Kris
For I know the plans I have for you...Jer.29:11 |
| Old Spirit |
Posted - May 06 2010 : 12:32:53 PM
As many of you know I am dealing with this currently in my husbands family. A lot of denial going on and it is hard. I have accepted I can not make them change and have to let it go. I will pray and encourage but not take the burden on myself.
I have seen many friends ruin their lives with alcohol and know first hand how stupid one can get  I don't touch the stuff myself any more and want no part of it for my own life.
Rae
Farm Girl #647
...those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles:...
Isaiah 40:31
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| kristin sherrill |
Posted - Apr 26 2010 : 12:20:36 PM
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry for anyone who has to go through this. I think I feel more for the families than the actual alcoholoc. I get mad at them. They always seem to put the blame on everyone else except themselves. My oldest DD did that.
I have an older brother and a younger sister that both had problems with alcohol and drugs. My brother was in the Army and they threatened to kick him out if he didn't stop. He did and has been sober since. My sister had drug problems. She was in and out of rehabs. And she blamed me. Not my mother who was an alcoholic but me. Who had to take care of her. I would have to take her with me if I wanted to go anywhere. So yes, she was around things she shouldn't have doen. But I sure didn't make her do it. That was back in the '70's. I was pretty wild back then. But as soon as I found out I was pregnant all that stopped. My kids were the most important thing in my life. And my husband. So I just have a hard time understanding the whole thing.
I am so glad ya'll shared your stories here. I love that we can share. It helps so much to be able to talk about it.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| KayB |
Posted - Apr 26 2010 : 11:28:16 AM
Grandpa died long before I was born as a result of an accident while working the railroad. The story is that Grandma told him he could have either his family or his bottle and threw him out until he could decide which he wanted. He chose family and I heard he was wonderful man up until the day he died. I wish I had known him and maybe he would have had some advice when I was going through 'cause talking to my parents would have been useless - my mom got drunk and disappeared for 2 weeks which got my 3 brothers and I put into a home and my father actually drank himself to death. I wasn't close to him but according to my brother - yep, the liver explosion thing. I have heard that there may be a gene and that children of alcoholics can easily become that way themselves, which may be why I pretty much stay away from it. That, and I just don't like the taste. There are times I think my 2 girls drink too much, but it may be Mom just being cautious.
KayB
Life's a dance you learn as you go |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Apr 26 2010 : 10:17:14 AM
Wasn't that wonderful--very bittersweet. My husband and I watched the whole thing...and we were fine, until the commercial came on about the older man learning to read, so he could read the cards his daughter sent him through the years???? Um...not a dry eye on the Lynch sofa, lemme tell you!
My first marriage was to an alcoholic, and we divorced after 4 selfish, angry years...I remember feeling all the things she felt...and more. Unfortunately, he never wanted to be better, he didn't see the problem, and after loving him too much, thinking if I cooked more, bought him more, did more nice things, I ended up hating him more. To this day, I haven't the faintest idea where he is, and have no interest in knowing. Even with mutual friends on Facebook, I've never even entertained the idea of finding out about him. I don't wish him ill, just don't wish to know him anymore....
Apparently, my grandfather, who died when I was 3 (he died, penniless, in a tack room on the backside of a horseracing track in Florida when his liver, for all intent and purposes, exploded) was described to me very much like Bill Wilson. My grandmother was no Lois, though, and waited for him to get home to pounce on him and fight like the devil--naturally, that made the situation far worse for her two daughters, and my mother practically lived at my Great Grandmother's house to get away from it all. My mother's only advice to me when I would call her at 3 am crying, both worrying about my (ex) husband and enraged at him, was to "let it rest until the morning...DON'T fight with him, it makes it worse and it can be so dangerous!" It's an enabling behavior I see in her, sadly, to this day. She never questions or demands anything--she's always afraid to rock the boat, or speak up for herself, and avoids ALL confrontation. To this day, she exhibits a mild OCD behavior, which is often apparent in children of alcoholics--as an adult, they can control what they couldn't in their childhood, and do so, ten fold.
Alcoholism affects us all in so many different ways...though my Grandfather was (by all accounts) a loser, I still would have liked to have known him--there had to be glimpses, you know? Of the good person? They married for a reason, and I've heard him described as brilliant, but tortured. By what? Guess I'll never know...
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| KayB |
Posted - Apr 26 2010 : 09:24:16 AM
I'm descended from an alcoholic grandfather, mother and father, so I try to stay away from it. Many years ago I used to go party a lot and could have very easily gone that direction, but I got pregnant and that sobered me up quick. Unfortunately, my partner in crime didn't, so I left him and married another guy who was wonderful. He died after 15 years of marriage. A few months before he died, my former love came back into my life and helped both of us out because Bill knew I would need someone to lean on once he died. We got together after Bill died and got married 13 years ago. I didn't know he hadn't really quit. It got so bad. He would leave and not come home for days at a time. It wasn't fair to my kids and myself. However, he did get into AA and I started Al-Anon, even when he was off the wagon. He lost a couple of jobs. He tried to get into treatment programs, but insurance wouldn't cover them and most of them wanted money up front. He used to tell me he wished he could be like other people and quit after just 1 or 2 drinks. He has gotten to the point where we have wine for a special occasion and that's it. I am so proud of him. However, I do get scared. We watched the movie last night and it was almost deja vu! I explained to him - what those ladies are saying is how I felt. I didn't get it - how can it be a disease when you decide whether to drink or not. One time DH told me it was my son's fault he drank and I went ballistic. I asked him, "What?!? He sat on your chest and poured it down your throat when you didn't want it?!?" Al-Anon saved my sanity. I'm so glad it showed her side of the story. I realize that it must be hard for the people who are drinking, but it's just as hard as for the ones who love them. There's so much fear involved. I know they talk a lot about God in their recovery and DH and I both looked at each other and remarked how although AA and Al-Anon believe that, it seems like today God is nothing. We keep hearing how "I can stop whenever I want and I don't need help". We both know better. My DH and both of his younger brothers have alcohol problems. Neither of their parents drink, but DH has and right now his baby brother is staying with my in-laws and they stay in the back bedroom getting drunk and blaming everyone else for it. (BIL blames his ex-girlfriend.) He did AA for a while but is back to his ways. I feel like their parents enable them by allowing it as they have let all 3 boys do this, but since I'm not a expert, I don't know. I remember flying into rages and throwing bottles on the sidewalk until they shattered. I felt betrayed and, in a way, cheated on. What really hurt is when DH would ramble on about his ex-wife when he was drunk. I have felt like some of those wives who sat outside the AA meetings because they weren't able to trust their hubbies to drive.
This movie was so good, I think I will buy the DVD. I love Hallmark!!
KayB
Life's a dance you learn as you go |
| sherrye |
Posted - Apr 26 2010 : 06:57:22 AM
when i see the brothers i see so much potential. we had robin here for awhile. it did not work out. he is still using. not at my house. when folks dont understand enabling i think they get lost in the problem. robin is so handsome smart hard working. he says to me he feels like he is worthless. no self esteem at all. so sad. papa is doing great so far.its been 4 yrs. when i was sick before my diagnosis (porphyria) i drank some to kill physical pain. it got out of control. i was friends with gene hackmans sister in law. i called on a sunday and told her i need rehab. she came and took me home. she fought hard to get me in a fine place. this was 25 yrs. ago. i prayed hard and ask for help. the place i was in was $40,000. a visit. i had no ins.i called family and friends for help. no one did. so the hosp. was impressed with my determination to stay. they gave me the program. God will provide. they told me i could stay as long as i wanted. i stayed 2 and 1/2 months. i was a closet drinker. NO one knew but papa and kids. i am still sober. the hosp. said i was not typically an alcoholic. i was self medicating my illness. still i do not drink. i feel the help was priceless. they offered self esteem classes and education. it really helped me. when my medical diagnosis came we understood it all. i am sober happy and having happy days on the farm. i will always be grateful to God and the hosp. for the help. i try to pass it forward. i write this in hopes it may encourage someone who may need help. it was an article in a redbook magazine that was on closet drinkers. it hit home. i got help.happy days on the farm sherrye
the learn as we go silk purse farm
farmgirl #1014
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| kristin sherrill |
Posted - Apr 26 2010 : 05:07:37 AM
Brenda, I have alcoholics all through my family. My mother was for years. Now sober 33 years! And works in the same place now where she got sober. Both my kids went through this too. One still has a problem but won't admit it. So for me I just do not understand it. It makes me mad. And every time they do it again I get madder. I am so glad it didn't get to me. But now I have to live with it anyway. My step dad is a firm believer in the AA program. He went cold turkey 34 years ago and did great for about 25 years then had a melt down. Didn't drink but had to go to a mental health facility that dealt with the problem. He goes now about twice a week to AA.
So I know exactly how you feel, Brenda. You never have to apologize for that. Ever. You were torn apart because of it. But you have moved on and I hope forgiven them. I had to forgive alot of people. And still do. It's a bad thing.
Sherrye, that's so sad. It just tears families apart so much. And they just don't know what to do about it but continue the way they were.
My granddaughter had to write an essay about drugs and alcohol. I helped her a little by talking to her. She has been through alot because of this too. She's almost 11. She really had a lot of great things to say. Some pretty funny but true. The end of it she says: "The reasons I want to stay away from drugs and alcohol is because I don't want to go to court, or prison. Or lose everything. Or overdose. (there was a 15 year old girl that did that just this past weekend. She is dead.) Or end up a vegetable. Or stealing. Or even dead or killing someone else. I want to be a good person and a Christian and stay away from all this bad stuff, It has affected my family and I will stop the chain!" She did a great job.
I think people could learn so much from children if they would just listen to them.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| classygram |
Posted - Apr 26 2010 : 01:13:48 AM
I'm sorry Kristin that I got carried away with my thoughts. I also watched the story and it too brought tears to my eyes. At least she knew where and how to help herself and others. Cheers for AlAnon.
Brenda
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
| classygram |
Posted - Apr 26 2010 : 01:10:15 AM
I understand alcoholic's very well. My best friend of 20 years was an alcoholic and I did everything I could to help her. Took her to a treatment center twice and kept her in our home when she first came home. But it eventually broke up my 1st marriage. She became very dependent on my ex and he liked that. I'm not blaming her totally, he had a great part in it. But he likes a weak woman and alcoholic's are weak. She was much easier to control than I was. I'm a very strong lady and will stand up to what I believe is right. We've been divorced for 16 years and she is still drinking and their relationship is effected by it. But he allows it. I guess that is easier. I pray for her that she will get it under control, but she doesn't want to. You can do nothing for them, they have to want to do it themselves. I guess I sound very bitter about this, and I guess I am. But it tore my family apart for awhile and I just don't have tolerance for someone that does not want to help themselves. Or except help from others. Forgive me if I have offended anyone, for this is a very sore subject for me.
Hugs, Brenda
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
| sherrye |
Posted - Apr 25 2010 : 9:05:05 PM
i agree kris, i grew up in a homw with alcohol. them when my husbands oldest brother his wife and their 17 yr. old son were killed in a car wreck papa drank. he drank a lot for a long time. he missed his brother so. finally i had to say stop or move out. i love him so much. he stopped. i am so glad. we are so very close now. his 2 brothers are still drinking.he was the father figure in the family. when he died it was a mess. the family has 7 siblings. many are still not over it. it was very bad wreck. it took days to be able to move the cars. we were told not to view car or family. post traumatic stress was diagnosed. we had to go and take their home apart and sell.she was a missionary. such can be life. i have seen all sides to alcohol.i do not like any. it is a fine thing she could see it was needed. it is a great movie. sherrye
the learn as we go silk purse farm
farmgirl #1014
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