| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| LakeOntarioFarmgirl |
Posted - Dec 17 2009 : 2:10:08 PM
My mom and dad are coming from South Carolina up here to NY tomorrow. Actually right now, they are probably somewhere in PA.
They come up every Christmas because my brother and his family can never go there(looong story for another time). There were years that my family- hubby and kids spent alone- and it wasn't the tragedy that it is if my brother spends Christmas without them.
Anyways, for the last year or so, every time they come up, my mom and I have some sort of big argument. I didn't start dinner early enough, I started dinner too early. I didn't make enough cookies, why did you make so many cookies? No one likes the way I make things(mom talking here), why don't you do this the way I do it?
You get the idea.
Last year apparently no one said a word about the antipasto on Christmas Eve. I mean no compliments- she cried about it. Well, actually people did compliment it, she doesn't remember. This past summer when she was here, she cried in a restaurant when mom and dad, hubby and I, and my brother and his wife were there, and said she would never make it again!
The general idea is we butt heads all the time. My brother has always been her favorite. Not my dad though, my dad is just about perfect to me! :)
I have decided that life is too short, they are elderly, and I really want to have a nice, relaxing fun time with my mom. I don't want a fight, I don't want to cry, I dont' want her to cry.
Can I ask for a few prayers and thoughts that I will be able to hold my temper, remember the patience that I inherited from my dad, and remember that this is a joyous time of year, filled with wonder and thanksgiving?
I really do love my mom, I just wish she was easier to get along with.
Brenda
FarmGirl # 711
If you rest, you rust. Helen Hayes
http://theviewfromhere-brenda.blogspot.com/ |
| 19 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Nancy Gartenman |
Posted - Dec 27 2009 : 11:30:52 AM
Been reading this to see how it would end. Sounds like you made it through with flying colors. well you know almost. MY GRANDMA USED TO SAY,'sometimes pert in near is good enough" Had to spell that out the way it sounds. also if nobody is talking back your fighting alone, thats no fun. So glad for you that it worked out, and you miss them. Thats a very good thing.
Nancy Jo
www.Nancy-Jo.blogspot.com |
| LakeOntarioFarmgirl |
Posted - Dec 27 2009 : 10:59:29 AM
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!
Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers.
We did have a few rough spots on Christmas Eve, and at one point I had to leave for a little bit, but then my sister in law showed up, and we had a great time, and my girls kept my mom away from me and out of the kitchen, so that helped. The rest went fairly smoothly, I really, really tried, and it worked.
Now, they have left to go home- a day early, big snow headed this way- and I really miss them already! :)
Brenda
FarmGirl # 711
If you rest, you rust. Helen Hayes
http://theviewfromhere-brenda.blogspot.com/ |
| Bear5 |
Posted - Dec 24 2009 : 1:25:24 PM
Brenda
So happy to hear things are going okay for you. I'm still saying prayers for you. Be strong. God Bless. Merry Christmas to you and yours.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
| weaverchic |
Posted - Dec 23 2009 : 10:22:14 AM
Brenda,
I am happy to hear that your visit is going well with your mom. I have a mom who has always been very critical and outspoken to say the least on anything I did or do. I have grown into a woman who lives with a inferiority complex "is it good enough"!
I believe that individuals like this don't know any better. I think that their up bringing may have influenced them to always be defensive and pessimistic over everything. I have lived my life with the shreaking sounds of negativity! As a young child I knew that a change would have to be made within myself to bring out the goodness that I felt. I knew that what was instilled in my mom was not what I wanted to pass along for myself and my life. I fostered an independence of love and kindness and withold that in my heart everyday!
The point I want to say is now my mom is in a critical stage in her life where she depends on me and my sisters for assistance. She is a dialysis patient with complications with peripheral vascular disease (circulatory) and hypertenstion (blood pressure) She cannot walk without the aid of a wheelchair or assistance by one of us to walk (baby steps). It breaks my heart that a women who lived independently for so many years after the death of my dad (who is in my book cannonized a saint)depends on us.
This may be the last Christmas we may have with her. Always stand above the unforseen behaviors that your mom may display. Enrich and embrace yourself with her presence. You are "Good enough" to deserve the best!
Gerri
Happiness is in the comfortable companionship of friends.
-Pam Brown |
| tea_lady_tammy |
Posted - Dec 23 2009 : 08:39:36 AM
so glad to know that things are going well. I will continue to pray. Merry Christmas Brenda
blessings
Tammy
Tea is like being in the stars with God.
http://breathsoffaith.blogspot.com |
| LakeOntarioFarmgirl |
Posted - Dec 23 2009 : 03:36:30 AM
Thanks girls for all your thoughts and prayers!!
So far, it's going good. The thing that really helped this time, is that they stayed here for 4 nights, then yesterday went to a town closer to my brothers house to stay in a hotel until Christmas Day, then will be back here for 3 more nights. It helps to break it up like that, then they can see my brother and his family exclusively, for a while too.
So, I don't have to deal with all of it all the time! ;)
I am also remembering that I have my mom here and I don't know for how long, so I need to treasure and remember these times.
Brenda
FarmGirl # 711
If you rest, you rust. Helen Hayes
http://theviewfromhere-brenda.blogspot.com/ |
| Beverley |
Posted - Dec 20 2009 : 6:53:38 PM
Brenda, My question is has she always been this way or just since she has gotten older? Just wondering older people sometimes just get cranky in their old age and if this is true it might be easier to handle if you just think of her age. I also lost my mom some 18 years ago and wish I had her here to just give a hug too so hang in there and love her just the way she is.
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett Beverley with an extra E...
http://bevsdoggies.googlepages.com/ |
| Diane B Carter |
Posted - Dec 20 2009 : 09:40:59 AM
I know what your going through, I pray this year will be a very happy and relaxed one for both you and your mom.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
| janiee |
Posted - Dec 18 2009 : 07:47:10 AM
Brenda,
I understand completely! my mom is turning 81 this Saturday and I just love her to pieces but she says a lot of means things not just to me but to my siblings as well. I tell them, that I would rather have her with me and saying mean things than not having her at all! I lost my dad over 20 years ago and I still miss him and wish he was around. my siblings don't understand why I spend so much time with mom but i look at that that is their problem, not mine....just take deep breaths and try to make a joke of it if she says anything. that is what i do with my mom and i can usually get her to laugh at herself and with us. I know that you do the best that you can and it is appreciated whether she says so or not.....
sending love and prayers your way for a wonderful Christmas time!
hugs
janiee
farmgirl #390 |
| tea_lady_tammy |
Posted - Dec 18 2009 : 07:41:19 AM
Brenda,
I will be praying that peace fills your heart and that you have a blessed Christmas.
blessings
Tammy
Tea is like being in the stars with God.
http://breathsoffaith.blogspot.com |
| ceejay48 |
Posted - Dec 18 2009 : 07:36:15 AM
Brenda . . . I will be praying too!!
My mom is gone to glory and I miss her. We did get along well and for that I'm grateful. My mother-in-law . . . well, that's another story and we will be seeing her this year. The advantage is that my father-in-law is gone to glory too and she is in an assisting living situation and we will be at my brother-in-law's place. So, issues won't be food and/or cooking . . . but I'm sure there will be other issues.
I will pray for peace, fun, laughter and LOADS and LOADS of LOVE!!
CJ
...from the barefoot farmgirl in SW Colorado...sister chick #665
From my Heart - www.fromacelticheart.blogspot.com
From my Hands - www.cjscreations-ceejay.blogspot.com |
| simplyflowers |
Posted - Dec 18 2009 : 07:07:43 AM
Interesting.....I can totally relate to this. My dad and I are two peas in a pod and get along great. My mom and I.....well that's another story. She still gets upset with me sometimes becasue I don't cater to her needs while she visits and I don't put up with rude comments very well. She will make some sort of mean comment about something or someone......and I will usually tell her to pipe down and be nice in my home. She doesn't like that. "Jamie, you should show me more respect as your mother..."..... Then I tell her to respect me as well.....that we are adults here. She will usually give me the silent treatment for a while.....but then she gets over it. I do love my mom, she is special, and interesting. We are just two different kinds of people and don't feel the same about stufff sometimes. We both know this.
:) *Hope all works out on your holiday dear!*
Hugs,
JAmie
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison
Check out my blog!! http://thehappycalamity.blogspot.com/ |
| Ga Girl |
Posted - Dec 18 2009 : 04:44:24 AM
I will be praying for you and her to have a memorable time, filled with love. Blessings, Karen
Create in me a pure heart,O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalms 51:10
www.KKJD1.etsy.com
http://farmgirlingastyle.blogspot.com/ |
| Bear5 |
Posted - Dec 17 2009 : 6:57:31 PM
Brenda:
I will pray for you and your Mom. I wish I were in your shoes. I lost my Mom when I was in my 20's. If I could have her with me for this Christmas, I'd let her say anything. I'd just smile. Like Teresa said, "she needs to love you, no matter what". I hope I am not speaking out of place. I'm sure your feelings were hurt, and you wish she'd say nicer things. I understand. I feel for you, too. Maybe it's just the time of the year making me feel this way, but still... if my Mom were here, there is nothing she could say to me that would upset me. I would disagree with her if I felt she was wrong, but I'd follow it with a I love you Mom anyway. I hope everything is absolutely beautiful for you and yours this Christmas.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
| nubidane |
Posted - Dec 17 2009 : 6:02:19 PM
Put in the movie "National Lampoons Christmas" THat ought to make any family feel normal! |
| ClaireSky |
Posted - Dec 17 2009 : 5:03:07 PM
Boy, do I understand! I am sort of in the same predicament. You certainly have my prayers. God Bless You and Take Care!
Julie
Farmgirl Sister #399
West-Central WI Farmgirls
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog...Charles F. Doran |
| 1badmamawolf |
Posted - Dec 17 2009 : 3:44:54 PM
I will send prayers for you and your mom, for you to be able to "deal" and make it thru, and for her to realize that she needs to remember to love you, no matter what.
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
| MasterGardener |
Posted - Dec 17 2009 : 2:48:50 PM
Oh my, do I identify...Brenda, you have my earnest and heartfelt prayers...
1st Praising and thanking God in all things...and trusting in His power to ensure that your time this Christmas be filled with the fruit of the spirit...
"love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control"
New American Standard Bible
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.
Merry Christmas!
Say to them, may the Lord bless you and protect you, May the Lord smile upon you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you His favor and give you His peace. (Numbers 6:23-26)
.• ´¨¨)) -:¦:-¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
((¸¸.•´ ..• -:¦:- -:¦:- Chandra
-:¦:- ((¸¸.•´Farmgirl Sister #64
|
| gramadinah |
Posted - Dec 17 2009 : 2:48:04 PM
OH Brenda Good luck Deep breaths and remember we are all behind you. Just remember Let Go Let God.
Diana
Farmgirl Sister #273 |
|
|
