| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| goneriding |
Posted - Sep 02 2009 : 3:37:16 PM
You guys could probably figger out what this post is about without me even saying anything more than the subject line, now couldn't you??? 
I hate to even post anything cuz it just gets old but a little bit ago, hubby said something about his family that floored me yet again. I'm so down again. And, yep, they are coming for a freakin' visit. I can't leave for the wknd cuz my MIL and his daughter go thru my cabinets and mail, so I have to stay to watch out for things. I'm going to hide all personal stuff and may have to put a lock on our bedroom door, yes, they'll look in there too. Already have that T-shirt.
It's not just the visit that has me down but also he said he was working hard on the house just for them...not for us or even me, for them. That hit me in the solar plexus (sp?).
What the h*ll am I doing here?? I'm so down and on the verge of crying. Need some words of encouragement.
Winona
To read funny stories about my cooking 'skills', please visit http://lostadventuresincooking.blogspot.com/
For uber-opinionated, pleasurable horse related reading, please visit http://horseinfoperson.blogspot.com/
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| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| walkinwalkoutcattle |
Posted - Oct 19 2009 : 09:28:22 AM
Since they're not coming, I guess you don't have to worry too awful much right now, but, if I had that problem,I'd go to some craft/party store and buy a bunch of shrunken heads or plastic bugs/spiders and put those in there too. Or how about the motion detecting halloween decorations that scream? That would be an ABSOLUTE HOOT.
Starbucks and sushi to green fried tomatoes and corn pudding-I wouldn't change it for the world.
www.cattleandcupcakes.blogspot.com |
| knitnpickinatune |
Posted - Oct 10 2009 : 08:44:27 AM
Winona,this is great news! It's sounding like hubby is waking up. Could be mom slipped & said something during one of their phone conversations that got his snap. Not too late to change plans for the holidays-might as well finished whats been started. Give yourself the gift of a joyous holiday season.
I'll be doing this too with an uncle that never calls,or comes over except he intrudes on Thanksgiving & Christmas for free food & then proclaims he didn't shop for gifts "cause he didn't feel like it" As he's opening the gifts Dad & I got him. So-I gotta call him & let him know we'll be busy over those two holidays & to make other plans. (and yes,this relative has plenty of $$ and a job)
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fingerpickin Farmgirl #702 |
| goneriding |
Posted - Oct 06 2009 : 11:00:53 AM
An update...
Welp, as of right now, no one is planning on visiting!! Woo-hoo!! I'm not sure what has happened but even the phone calls between hubby and his family has slowed down. Sometimes I catch him sitting and staring into space and, just being intuitive here, I've wondered if he's finally wondering how much they've had to do with running his ex-girlfriends/wives off. He doens't talk about them nearly as much as he used to. He doesn't try to tell me how his mom makes (example here) apple pie, when I'm trying to learn to make apple pie, know what I mean?? I've heard him telling them how I'm trying to make applesauce or just saying how much I've help him cut wood. THAT never used to happen!! He's praising me to them!! Shocka!!
So, so far, no one is due to visit and I'm sure not offering. We did have an agreement that this year we'd go to his family Thanksgiving and Xmas days. I'm dreading it already (WHY did I agree to this??? Why?? :-) ) but I've girded my loins and feel I can take 'em on. Actually, I'm hoping that something happens, at least, to Thanksgiving and we can skip that but I did agree to it last year. We agreed to swap family stuff every other year. But if we do end up there, I'm game!! I have a drivers license and the pickup keys and can always leave, y'know! ;-)
Winona ;-)
To read funny stories about my cooking 'skills', please visit http://lostadventuresincooking.blogspot.com/
For uber-opinionated, pleasurable horse related reading, please visit http://horseinfoperson.blogspot.com/
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| magnoliakathy |
Posted - Sep 30 2009 : 11:05:51 AM
It's hard sometimes to remember why you married your guy where his family is concerned. I had a grandneice that I caught snooping once (she was 10 at the time), I grabbed her hand and took her to her mother and told them both if it happened again I was going spank the little one and slap the big one, no one snoops in my things. I go with leaving the notes and seeing if any one speaks up.
When you free your mind your heart can fly. Farmgirl # 714, |
| CountryBorn |
Posted - Sep 28 2009 : 6:27:37 PM
Oh Winona, Julie's idea of a mouse trap would be a hoot! I am sitting here laughing so hard. Can you imagine one of them letting out a yell from that mouse trap! My Lord, I bet that would cure them !! I know, I know, I have a wicked sense of humor. But it would so serve them right.
Still laughing...... MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
| Diane B Carter |
Posted - Sep 28 2009 : 10:32:47 AM
Left out the word Good in front of children.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
| Diane B Carter |
Posted - Sep 28 2009 : 10:23:58 AM
I like Alee's idea of putting a peice of paper down with the question why are you snooping in this drawer? you can put different questions in each area, like (Are you looking for something in here?)or (If you need help locating something please ask me, I'll help.)
If it used to be there home maybe they are just seeing how you changed things around for the better. Some people are just nosey but kicking a dog, That would have to change. I would start out by saying I haven't kicked you out yet but if I see as much as a toe near our dogs then consider yourself kicked out.
Good luck with them....Sometimes I can't believe how somepeople have such children.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
| Beverley |
Posted - Sep 27 2009 : 9:29:45 PM
If some one ever kicked my dog , my response would be "ever do that again and you I will break your leg" and I would not say it very nicely either.. When I was married to my first husband I put up with stuff from his family. since I am older and a little wiser I would never put up with that stuff again. I told my husband I have now before we ever got married I come first or I don't come and I meant it. these kind of people you may just have to be harsh with to get your point across but put our foot down that it is your house and mean it and you might just all get along after that. some people just push until you push back and they only do it just to see how much they can push. they have to test everyone they come on contact with and once the other person draws the line they settle down and actually can be very nice. So put your foot down and keep it there.. Good luck!!!
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett Beverley with an extra E...
http://bevsdoggies.googlepages.com/ |
| paradiseplantation |
Posted - Sep 24 2009 : 10:55:18 AM
Oh, yeah! I love both Alee's and Rosemary's responses! Winona, I am so sorry you are going through this, but I'm also on Mary Jane's side. I would be in their face the second they pulled their foot back to kick my dogs. Basically, it would be Katie Bar the Door, and God Help those in my way. Good luck. And you might want to consider adding a mouse trap or two, set of course, into some of those drawers and cabinets! Oh, definitely. This belle loves the idea of some harmless booby traps!
from the hearts of paradise... |
| knitnpickinatune |
Posted - Sep 19 2009 : 1:21:54 PM
You're my girl.....2 thumbs up! You keep that attitude! 
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fingerpickin Farmgirl #702 |
| goneriding |
Posted - Sep 18 2009 : 9:01:57 PM
Thanks for the replies and an update. The following is my take on things...
Everything is going fine. Just had to woman up and grow some bigger ovaries, so to speak. My natural way is to be overly kind to people and it gives the impression that I can be ran over. So, when hubby doesn't stick up for me, that reinforces it. So, actually, being a big rig driver has made me toughen up and so I now have two 'personalities' so to speak. I'm nice when the otehr person is nice but turn female truck driver when people rile me. I figger if they don't care about me, I'm not caring about them. Actually, that attitude works a charm, just took a while to get the nerve to use it on THEM. I've learned to mirror people. How others act towards me determines how I respond to them, in a nutshell, which actually shuts down some obnoxious people!!
Last nite he said that his mother and daughter had asked how I was doing and that I should be happy they cared to ask. My response?? "Don't care and don't want to hear about it anymore.". I figger if they want to know about me, don't do it third person, just ask me outright and show a little interest in me. This has happened so much where I would be sort of flattered and fall for their shenanigans, only to have them thunk me that now I don't care. Hubby has to deal with it, I'm through!
Winona ;-)
To read funny stories about my cooking 'skills', please visit http://lostadventuresincooking.blogspot.com/
For uber-opinionated, pleasurable horse related reading, please visit http://horseinfoperson.blogspot.com/
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| homsteddinmom |
Posted - Sep 14 2009 : 12:04:27 PM
I havent read all the replies but was wondering how long yall been together?? The reason i ask is you are living my past life!!! My dh and I have been together 18 years and im not sure when in there it changed. I think it came with me packing up and leaving i think...lol I told him that I was his NO 1 family now and his parents came no 2. He had to take care of me first or i was outta there. I know even after we had kids his parents ranked up higher than i did. His parents threatened to take our kids away and he said nothing. WEll when i was packing up to leave with the kids i think it hit him that i finally had all i was going to take. Now we live 1000 miles away and they have visited us 1 time in 7 years that we lived here, they only call 1 time per week. We have no more dropping evertyhing and driving to see them every weekend like we used to do when we lived closer. At our wedding we got his dad on tape saying that this was the biggest mistake his kid had ever made and that they were gonna do whatever it took to split us up. Well we are still together and just minus inlaws always taking first place!
Homesteading Mom in East Texas. Raising chickens, Rabbits and goats here on my farm! |
| Brenda Kay Groth |
Posted - Sep 10 2009 : 12:06:07 PM
try not to personalize what is going on..i'm sure he didn't mean to say anything hurtful..men speak in wierd terms sometimes..as for the inlaws..do NOT try to impress them..if he does..that is HIS problem..not yours..be yourself..no masks..no worries..just let it be.
as for your personal stuff..if they get into it..ask them to stop..tell them that it is personal and you wouldn't go through their personal stuff so they shouldn't go through yours..
speak the truth in love..if they get to be a problem..toxic to you..walk away calmly and go somewhere and shut the door or walk outside..it isn't worth worrying or being upset aobut..just walk away
bloom where you are planted |
| goneriding |
Posted - Sep 07 2009 : 6:29:19 PM
Hellooo! I didn't make it really clear, they weren't coming this wknd but it's gonna be 'soon', as soon as 'canning' season is over with. Maybe canning will go on forever.
Yep, Rosemary, you are inspiring! I hadn't thought of that and may do it. Love the idea!
Welp, when my FIL kicked my dogs, it was the once and I and hubby were so surprised that we didn't have enuf wits about us to say anything. I know in hindsight, we should have but when you're in the play, it's kind of hard to see. Sort of like, 'did he kick the dogs??' to each other. So the dogs have never been back.
I'm to the point and have said, that I don't like them, don't want to be around them, can do without them. I don't know how much clearer I can be. I mean, I wished I could just put up my hand and stop the parade but it is probably gonna only be one wknd and then maybe they'll go away and stay there. They may never come too, I'm hoping, I'm hoping.
Fact of the matter, like I said above (somewhere), I have to woman up and deal with them and put my foot down about my home. Hubby may not have the whole pic but he's a whole lot closer than he's ever been before!! This is new, uncharted territory to him, standing up to his family but he's making the effort. It ain't perfect but it's WAY better than it's been, believe you me!
Anyway, I'm not near as wigged as I was, I'm a bit more centered now and have my wits about me. I'm armed (figuratively) and prepared for ANYthing (literally) that comes up with them.
I. Am. Ready.... :-)
Winona ;-)
To read funny stories about my cooking 'skills', please visit http://lostadventuresincooking.blogspot.com/
For uber-opinionated, pleasurable horse related reading, please visit http://horseinfoperson.blogspot.com/
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| SuzieQ |
Posted - Sep 06 2009 : 8:33:49 PM
We farmgirls are very creative when it comes to mean people. I agree with everyone leave notes and voodoo or sex books in all the spots that they will look in. When they look at you (after they snooped) just smile and walk out. Don't even tell your hubby let it be a suprise to him also.
Bless the uncooth people in the world. |
| Alee |
Posted - Sep 06 2009 : 7:00:40 PM
Winona- I hope you find a minute to update us. I am curious on how things are going and if they are getting the hint!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
| Janneane Hazlip |
Posted - Sep 06 2009 : 4:51:57 PM
Hope your weekend is going better than you anticipated. I can identify with your frustration. On day my SIL asked me if the outfit I had on was new. She said she had gone through my closet and had not seen it in there. I thought it was gutsy of her to fess up that she had been in my closet!!! Maybe a few strategically set mouse traps would work. Just don't forget where you set them and get caught by your own trap. Good luck. Janneane |
| knitnpickinatune |
Posted - Sep 05 2009 : 8:05:03 PM
I swear,if anyone comes to my home & would be mean to either of my cats,out the door they go & they'd be banned off the property forever. Spouse,if I had one,be damned.
I think I'd like to mess with their heads. Give em something to find. Books of spells,voodoo books,etc.I mean I'd make sure there was enough stuff that it'd absolutely scare the living sh*t out of them. Bottles labeled Hemlock,Oleander,and Lobelia would be placed by the stove in the kitchen (safe cooking herbs in them,of course!) notes in drawers saying "what the hell are you doing in this drawer?" I also think I'd lay down the law with em. It's your house,and if they can't follow basic rules like staying out of your stuff then they'd be not only asked to leave,but it would be made clear that they aren't coming back. Ever. I don't mean this against your husband,but it doesn't sound like he's getting it entirely. I think it's time to be crystal clear about the fact you don't want them around for very valid reasons,& if he still doesn't get it,well,it's your life but this isn't sounding like a happy life for you. In fact I think I'd cancel their visit & tell hubby you've absolutely had enough of his family. He wants to see them,fine. He can go on his own & you'll be waiting for him when he returns. I know this sounds rough,but what you're putting up with on a regular basis is nonsense. Giving you a big (((hug))) and start setting up perameters.
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fingerpickin Farmgirl #702 |
| Alee |
Posted - Sep 05 2009 : 5:24:47 PM
HEHEHE! Rosemary you are a genius! You could take some printer paper and write things like "Why are you snooping in this drawer?" on the paper and lay them flat over the contents of the drawers. If they don't open anything- no harm no foul, but if they do snoop they will have to fess up to complain!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
| AmethystRose |
Posted - Sep 05 2009 : 5:15:59 PM
Would it create any problems with your husband if you tried to beat them at their own game? Leave notes for them in the places that you expect them to snoop....a rubber snake on your bed... |
| CountryBorn |
Posted - Sep 04 2009 : 8:15:52 PM
he kicked your doxies??? If anyone ever did that to my doxies they would be picking themselves up off the floor. I mean it. I'd throw their sorry butts out of my house so fast their heads would be spinning. I realize it was their house they did that in, but I'd of left right then and there. But, they'd of gotten a good piece of my mind thats for sure. I'd never of gone back.My husband would of totally flipped out too. I guess I am very out spoken when it comes to things like that, I will not take BS from anyone, never have never will. Maybe your best bet is just to stay as far away from them as you can(with your doxies lol)and let your husband deal with his family's visits. I usually don't say much about anyones personal business. But, when you said he kicked your babies, that did it for me!
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
| Alee |
Posted - Sep 04 2009 : 1:38:40 PM
Glad to hear that you hubby listened! Sometimes I think guys can be pretty dense, but then other days they makeup for it! Like today, Doug is taking care of Nora and let me take a nap since I am sick. Hope the inlaws get a flat tire and can't come?  or if not that, I hope they stay on good behavior!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
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Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
| goneriding |
Posted - Sep 04 2009 : 11:53:50 AM
Oh, forgot to mention, I told hubby that if his dad kicks either of my mini-doxies again, I will bow up and let him have it. It's our house and I don't put up with animal abuse of any sort. At my in-laws house, we don't take the dogs in after he kicked both of them but this is MY house. I'm not sure how to deal with it exactly but kicking dogs of any sort will get you ejected from my house.
Winona ;-)
To read funny stories about my cooking 'skills', please visit http://lostadventuresincooking.blogspot.com/
For uber-opinionated, pleasurable horse related reading, please visit http://horseinfoperson.blogspot.com/
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| goneriding |
Posted - Sep 04 2009 : 11:49:30 AM
Thanks for the support again. I know it gets old but actually, it's caused me to sit back and really, really look at this thru new eyes.
Yep, saying he's trash is a bit too rough, he's really not. In all else, he's fabulous, just can't think for himself when it's his family.
Right afterward, we had a 'discussion' and 'quite a bit of quiet' afterward. Then he spoke up and said he meant it like some of you guys have said. Just wanted the house to be nice and wasn't really thinking how it came out. (No, you think??) He went on later to say that he does everything for us, me especially NOW. Wasn't really that way in the beginning but now he's thinking of us and me first, or trying to. Old habits die hard, I know. Hubby seemed to be slightly flabbergasted that I had such a reaction to them and it's like he finally saw how bad/hard it is for me.
Now I feel bad about flying off the handle but, as above, old habits die hard, especially when I have to be on the defensive so much with his family. Just the THOUGHT of them coming here wigs me no end! I'll probably have LOTS of posts then!) I mean like maybe starting to drink again. Not really would I drink but it's enough to put panic in my heart. That feeling trapped, no getting away.
So, I guess I'll have to woman up and, like Alee said, 'be there' and when they get snoopy, say what she suggested. I will say that the one thing I did notice over the years (insight is soooo handy in these cases) that when I sort of ignore them, they seem to be a little nicer. When I try to be my normal, friendly self, THAT'S when they treat me badly. So, have to remember to keep the wall up a bit and eyes open!! I can put a password on my computer and that will keep them out. I hadn't thought of that but being pro-active.
Thanks again for your support!! You guys mean a whole lot to me and help me to see things that maybe I wouldn't see otherwise! Maybe I can do the same for you too, I try to.
Winona ;-)
To read funny stories about my cooking 'skills', please visit http://lostadventuresincooking.blogspot.com/
For uber-opinionated, pleasurable horse related reading, please visit http://horseinfoperson.blogspot.com/
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| electricdunce |
Posted - Sep 04 2009 : 09:23:24 AM
Oh goodness, I know the feeling of complete panic about people snooping in your stuff, my sister used to do that when she came to visit. It is so rude.
You are absolutely right to safeguard your belongings and your sanity. You can always tell them you have diarrhea and hang out in the bathroom with
a good book. Good luck!
Karin
Farmgirl Sister #153
"Give me shelter from the storm" - Bob Dylan
http://moodranch.blogspot.com
http://domesticnonsense.etsy.com |
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