| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Aug 25 2009 : 06:13:50 AM
Jus and I share almost equal parenting...he's home with Violet on Monday, and I am home with her Wednesday thru Saturday evenings after while he works. We are together as a family Monday night, Tuesday night, Saturday until 3:00 and all day Sunday...
But, lately, I've been feeling really insecure about my relationship with Violet (and let me preface this by saying: I KNOW this is stupid, but I can't shake this little feeling of resentment and insecurity creeping into me...) Jus is a tremendous father--the best. I am awe inspired and I am so lucky...but I'm also a little jealous. Violet has smiles for daddy she doesn't have for me--she smiles at me, but not at all like she giggles/grins/laughs for him. And, when we're both in the room, she's looking at him. She's absolutely captivated! I just feel like the nursery maid-I do her laundry, give her baths, feed bottles, etc..and I try to take care of the house too, because well, I have to! But I just feel sometimes like the hired help and that leaves little time to be the goofy parent, the happy go lucky parent. And lately, he makes these comments every now and again that just irk me--they irk me because of how I'm feeling--like he knows everything about her, knows what she wants all the time, etc..."she can have her taggie" when I'm trying to get her to sleep (I KNOW SHE CAN HAVE HER TAGGIE!!! WHY DO YOU THINK IT'S IN MY HAND????) or "you should do hold the bottle like so" or "she would have been asleep by now if you'd just put her in the swing" when, oddly enough, she's been asleep the last 3 months every night at 9:30 WITHOUT the use of the swing!!!! I know I'm being overly sensitive, because we do have different approaches, so what can I do? How do I remind myself that I'm super lucky to have a man that helps with our child, is an integral part of her growth and loves to be so? He never balks at changing diapers, poo or no, knows the routine without prompt, and is an all around amazing father.
Why am I such a snot?
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| 15 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| HeatherAnn |
Posted - Aug 28 2009 : 12:37:42 PM
oh my little 15 month old girl is the same way! daddy, daddy daddy! Everyone and even myself sometimes, thought it was pretty nuts to have two babies 13 months apart! But I was blessed with a little boy and at 2 months he smiles and coos for me more than anyone. :) I'm home with my babies all day monday through Friday and just recently saturdays too. but my little girl is just all about her daddy. don't feel bad, i hear it's a very, VERY normal thing. a girl friend of mine that had her little boy first said she felt guilty because her little boy couldn't have cared less about his daddy! I just look forward to the day when my little girl starts getting interested in playing dress up, then daddy wont be quite as fun :)
Heather Ann
Apartment Farmgirl
"You got to look at all the good on one side and all the bad on the other and say 'Well, alright then.'" - Aunt Eller, Oklahoma
www.plumblossomknits.etsy.com |
| Alee |
Posted - Aug 26 2009 : 07:09:47 AM
*hugs Jonni* Sometimes it's nice to know that you aren't the only one in the world that feels that way! When Nora was first born, my parents came up to visit and I knew they only had a week with her, so I let them hold her lots. And of course, Nora and I had our one-on-one time alone, but when my mom left and I was there holding my little baby I was sitting there think "I hope she likes me!" Sometimes I think our hormones that kick also feed the insecurities. One of those feedback type of things. We love and care for them so much it is hard to fathom, but then the feedback is that we worry that we don't do enough and or that they don't love us in the same way back.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Aug 26 2009 : 06:56:15 AM
Thanks, girls--Anna, I mentioned in the posts above, he is an amazing parent. He always doubted his ability, but I never did, and he loves this little girl like crazy. I know she can't express her feelings the way adults do, so a lot of the way I feel is merely me "putting" my feelings on to her--which is ALSO crazy. I know it. And I am so happy that he's an involved father--makes our home a happy one, for sure. In fact, it's made him even more attractive to me.
Jeannie, I can see your husband's side, too. It is good to know that, in hindsight, you wish you would have allowed them more opportunity to bond. I will remember that. There will be plenty of times when one of us will be the bad guy, regardless of how hard we try not to be.
It was better last night--I talked with him about the way I felt, and he was very understanding--has nothing to do with him, per se, just my insecurities. Tonight thru Saturday night is my shift so we'll do some fun things together (the weather is supposed to be wonderful) and I'll get myself right again :)
Thanks again, girls, for all the support---at least I know I'm in good company.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| jpbluesky |
Posted - Aug 26 2009 : 04:26:14 AM
I have been there, too, but my daughter always came to me with more hugs and all than to her daddy, and it would break my heart for him. I feel I should have tried harder to let them bond, and stepped back, because I could see his face sometimes, and felt so bad. So there are many sides to this, and I think all parents who are loving and committed experience it in some way. It will all be okay, and you have a daughter who will always love you forever. Believe me.
Farmgirl Sister # 31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
| Annab |
Posted - Aug 26 2009 : 03:34:14 AM
WOW
I fall at the feat of a man who takes his parental/husbandly role so well.
It is to be admired and applauded.
I obviously don't have kids, but revel in men who are great fathers and whose kids adore them in return.
I DO know that parenting is sometimes a thankless job. Kind of hard when Violet can't express it in ways you are used to like from an adult.
You might take peace and comfort in knowning that Violet is growing up in a secure, very loving and stable family situation. Something lacking these days I'm afraid.
(((((Hugs from NC))))))
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| Alee |
Posted - Aug 25 2009 : 10:24:08 AM
Jonni- I had feelings like that too when Nora was younger. Just recently she went through about 3 months where Daddy was totally "out". She would even cry and hold her arms out for me when Doug was holding her.
BUT- I think you might want to talk to Jus about maybe doing more work around the house. You are carrying a FULL load- you work full time and then work full time at home. That doesn't leave much time for fun time with your kiddo! Maybe since he is home a bit more- he could do some loads of wash and since we do know that he knows how to cook- maybe he could do dinners and such when he is home and make enough for leftovers?
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Aug 25 2009 : 09:14:49 AM
Thanks, Marian...Daddy does some things around the house, but I do think I'm probably more dedicated to getting "all" done and don't (all the time) stop to make goofy faces. I usually reserve that for when I finally sit down. Maybe it's time to worry less about the house :) I love her dearly, guess that's why it's smarts a little :)
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| 1badmamawolf |
Posted - Aug 25 2009 : 09:14:31 AM
Jonni, I raised 3 boys and 1 girl, my boys were just that from birth "mama's boys", my daughter, well she was a classic "daddys little girl", and there was no deneying it!!!If she was fussy, all my hubby had to do was say her name, and instantly it was smiles and cooing, if I could'nt get her to sleep, my hubby would walk her for 3.4 seconds and she was in dream land, lol. Be thankful you have a hubby who wants to be "part" of your babys life, cause alot don't!!!
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
| dutchy |
Posted - Aug 25 2009 : 09:12:21 AM
(((((JONNI))))) I can only hug you from afar girlfriend. I bet you are a wonderful mommy and little Violet loves as much as she loves her daddy. Maybe it is because you also do the house cleaning etc. and daddy "just" looks after Violet that she sees him more on a one one one basis then she does you? Maybe I am wrong 100 % since I am not a mommy:) But just know you love her and she loves you.
Hugs again from Marian :)
Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
My personal blog:
http://just-me-a-dutch-girl.blogspot.com/
Almost daily updates on me and mine :)
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| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Aug 25 2009 : 09:11:06 AM
Well, I probably would, too, Lisa. You've met Sterl, he's an absolute joy to be around!!! ;)
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| nubidane |
Posted - Aug 25 2009 : 08:47:53 AM
I think I remeber just reading on another post that miss wilma's Brian August screams when Sterl leaves the room. |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Aug 25 2009 : 07:50:37 AM
You're so right, Kris and I love the description: "It's a daddy-baby girl thing, too. And a mommy-baby girl-daddy thing."...I think you're soooo right on! I am doing my best and sometimes I feel I fall short, and that's when those lovey dovey eyes she makes at her daddy get to me. "Make them at me! Make them at me!!! I work full time, and I do all your laundry and wash all your dipes! I make sure all your blankets are soft and snuggly and that your bottle is the perfect "warm" and I really feel like I'm a superwoman until I see you making googoo eyes at papa!"
He is the most wonderful papa, and she thinks the world of him, for sure. I do, too... I'll get over it, just need to get my sea legs again! Thanks, girls for cheering me.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - Aug 25 2009 : 07:39:16 AM
Jonni, been there and done all this myself. You are normal, girl! It's a daddy-baby girl thing, too. And a mommy-baby girl-daddy thing. Been like this for thousands of years. Just know that you can only do certain things where he can't and vise-versa. Have you ever noticed men do not have waists? I always knew my poor kids were so uncomfortable when their daddy carried them on his non existant hip. So he had to always move them more to the front. But the guys are so very handy to have around at dinner time. Because babies always got whiny when I was trying to get dinner fixed. So dad got them if he wanted to eat! He does sound like a great dad and she loves him so much. She has her daddy-I'll-melt-your-heart-smile for him but you have the mommy-I-can't-make-it-without-you-look. Maybe not that smile you want, but she loves you sooo much in a very different way.
Enjoy her while you can and let your hubby have all his attenetion, too. She'll be grown so fast and you're gonna miss this!
Hugs, Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Aug 25 2009 : 07:19:43 AM
Jessie, I'm glad to hear it's not uncommon--I know I was a daddy's girl, but I'll have to ask my mom if I was more into Dad when I was little, like Violet.
How you describe your feelings about Tori and CR...it's exactly how I feel. I spend a lot of time with her, and I also need to take care of the house, do the laundry, etc...and there are times when I'm NOT making goofy faces at her or throwing her in the air...last night it really got to me. We went on a walk at the nature park, and she was cooing and chatting away, and almost to the car, he took her out of the stroller and put her up on his shoulders. She looked down at me with this sly little smirk like she was queen bee and when he took her down to put her in the car (and left me to put the stroller in), he kissed her and she laughed, I kissed her and she burst into uncontrollable sobs...how does that make me feel?? I KNOW she was tired. I know it. But the timing was just terrible. Horrible. And I know he was trying to be nice when he got me the box of Sour Patch Kids to make me feel better, but it felt more like a consolation prize!!!!
I felt like this when she was about 3 weeks old, as well. She would settle down for him when she did nothing but cry for me when she had colic. It was to the point where I would say, "she was really upset tonight" that it became almost unbelievable because she seemed totally fine when he got home. I started to think (with all my crazy hormones) that it was a conspiracy, and that she already hated me--that's supposed to be reserved for when she's 14!!!!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| Sitnalta |
Posted - Aug 25 2009 : 06:50:36 AM
Jonni--This is not silly and you are definitely NOT a snot! ;)
This is exactly how I felt when Tori was little. She would always settle down for Hubby at night, she wanted him when she didn't feel good. I spent all of my time with her, but when it came to Hubby being there, I might as well have been a piece of the wall.
It seemed like all her little joys were found in being around Hubby.I was so jealous and I started to think "fine! If she's going to be like that, then CR came take care of her all the time!" And when she said Daddy first after having spent all of her time with me, I was devastated.
She did grow out of that, and even has moments when Daddy just doesn't cut it for wanting Mommy. There's just something about Daddy's and little girls.
HUGS it does get better!!!:)
Jessie
People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when the darkness sets in,
their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
www.messiejessie2.blogspot.com |
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