| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - May 08 2009 : 07:09:11 AM
This will be my first mother's day. And I WAS really excited about it. My husband has been talking about all the wonderful things he has planned (going to lunch at a new restaurant, and then out to the Indiana line to my favorite plant nursery). And I've been looking forward to it all week long....
Enter my mother,the great grandmother, and my two mother in laws.
My mother decided that she can't rearrange her bi-weekly Sunday cleaning job so she could come to lunch with us, so she said to me "well, don't eat much at your lunch and bring a pizza over on Sunday evening around 6 or so". I don't even think she remembered that it was mother's day for me, too. I don't WANT pizza--and why on earth should I have to monitor myself at a lunch that is supposed to be enjoyable?
Then, Justin told me that his grandmother will be celebrating mother's day at one of her daughter's houses, and all the family (large, Irish Catholic family) will be there celebrating (including his father and my OTHER mother-in-law, Jane)...so he told his dad we would "be there" and figured, "that would knock Jane out"...and then I thought to myself, "what about his mother?", who is going to be by herself on Mother's day because Justin's sister isn't coming in to town (because SHE'S SMART!)...and so I asked him about her and he said, "Oh, I told her as well that we'll stop over on Sunday..."
And so I'm thinking...(rather selfishly, I know) how did my first Mother's Day turn into a day catering to everyone else?
It's not at all my dh's family--they've made no demand on our time. My dh just offered (because it's family, you know?), and my mom? Well, I'm just not sure. And if I say something to her about putting a damper on our original plans, then I'll get the Grade A mother guilt trip!
Any advice?
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - May 13 2009 : 10:54:19 AM
I love that you called your mother the Artful Dodger--fabulous! And so literate, too :) I'm glad you liked the title of my thread...they really do blow, sometimes 
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| electricdunce |
Posted - May 13 2009 : 10:03:38 AM
i used to call my tiny mother The Artful Dodger. She was great at avoiding family holiday horror shows, I learned from the best. I just love that line : Why Do holidays have to blow so much? I guess it is the nature of the beast...
Karin
Farmgirl Sister #153
"Give me shelter from the storm" - Bob Dylan
http://moodranch.blogspot.com
http://domesticnonsense.etsy.com |
| levisgrammy |
Posted - May 13 2009 : 03:40:46 AM
I know I am late posting to this but I just had to add my two cents, ;)
I work in a Hallmark gift shop and I know that most holidays are pushed by retailers, obviously.
However, keep in mind that we are nt our husbands mother and personally I would rather have my children do something for me if they want to. My oldest dd, who is a mom herself now, made dinner and did the dishes that day. Of course she normally does this on but she wanted to make the day special for me. She gave me some beautiful handmade items that I will treasure. My second dd gave me a gift and my son didn't, he is not in much of a position to be spending and usually his sisters prompt him. I was not offended that he didn't get me anything as he does a lot of outdoor work. I wanted to get my oldest something for mother's day to celebrate the two little treasures I have as a grandmom. It was special for me and I enjoyed it but I let go of expectations on my husband's part a long time ago. I also got to spend time with the little ones later on when I babysat. I enjoyed the blessing of being able to do that! I guess I am more into what they put into it. I know that my son for instance knows that I like the yard to look nice but don't get out there much to do anything. He makes sure it is taken care of. Let's be sweet to our mom's and mil's since if it weren't for them we wouldn't be moms. And they won't be around forever. They like to be remembered without having to ask too.
I know this is late but I hope everyone enjoyed the day!
Denise
www.torisgram.etsy.com |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - May 12 2009 : 11:20:24 AM
I totally agree, Corinne--
When I was feeling blue about Mother's Day, I did some "theraputic shopping" and bought the other mother's in my life gifts, but also myself. Our daughter is named Violet and while shopping, I found this beautiful tea cup and saucer made by Portmeiron that had lovely botanical illustrations of blue and purple Violets and reads in script, "Sweet Violet". I love tea and I love my Violet, so I snatched it up without even looking at the price because, well, it spoke to ME and it was my gift to ME. If I had looked at the price, or thought about it for more than a minute, I would have talked myself out of it because I'm very practical...but phooey on practical sometimes!
Laura, I now know what those bumperstickers that I see around town mean: Don't Postpone Joy. To me, this sums up your situation with your husband....take care of YOU and don't wait on him for YOUR joy. We, afterall, are all responsible for ourselves and we can't will someone to be something they're not inclined to be, right or wrong.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| Corinnelouise |
Posted - May 12 2009 : 10:40:34 AM
Sometimes when we do not get anything, we should get out and get ourselves the little something we have wished to get from our man. A nice flower, a candle, a scarf, a new eye color make up. In her book "simple abundance" Sarah Ban Breathnach say we all need a special drawer where we put some comforting items we like and which can make us feel good anytime. I've used the idea and have a couple of perfumed candles, a book yet to read, a few nice teabags, a couple of fat quarters, just in case ...
Corinne
Sister # 101 |
| LauriP |
Posted - May 12 2009 : 09:56:40 AM
Oh Jonni!! -- tha's really what it is!! My dh does get very selfish, and it drives me just about to jump off the roof. But it's how he's always approached any holiday, or some day where he "has" to get me a present.
And believe me, I've already sat in my studio an' figured out what I'm getting for my "present" that I've wanted/waited for since for Evah...
And I even said to tom on mothers day (while we sat in the parking lot of a mall when he got my vitamins...) "You really don't do holidays well, do you?!!" He said he didnt, and all I could do was sit and wonder why I couldn't just run away!!
I tell people that I haven't had gin in over 30 years, "But believe me, this may just be the time to bring that to a halt!!" -- Mothers Day was just That close to driving me over the edge!! LOL!!
Laurianne |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - May 12 2009 : 09:40:25 AM
I'm so sorry, Lauri--it really is hurtful, isn't it? Especially when women (not all of us) are by nature, thoughtful, creative and instinctively giving (to a fault)...
My husband is a dear person, he just drops the ball sometimes. Sounds like your man is somewhat self absorbed--and I think they all can be at times.
I don't have any advice, except to say maybe just go out and buy yourself something wonderful. You can either tell him or no, but at least you can have something fabulous!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| LauriP |
Posted - May 12 2009 : 09:33:31 AM
Because tom's mom has always been such a depressing and selfish woman, he really doesn't know how to handle any holidays. And mothers day is no exception.
He'll say he'll do such and such for me...like cleaning the kitchen. Ha. Yesterday I ended up doing 3 loads in the dishwasher of the dishes "I'm gonna wash for you!!" -- He also said he'd get me "Whatever ya want!" -- I got a $6.00 hanging basket from Big-Lots..an' then this morning he called from one of the Port's in Virginia, saying, "I went to wal-mart and bought..." and listed all the things he got himself.
He always did this growing up w/his mom -- fighting for her to notice him when she got something..then she'd feel guilty, buy him something, an' then tell him to "Go off somewhere..." -- and the circle never ended.
I'm feeling numb right now from the phone call. I know I shouldn't feel like I don't like what he got me, but it never works out that I have a "gift" -- it's always something that's needed, not a present. I really wonder how much damage his mother has done to him. But you'd figure after 55 years on this earth, he'd get his act together..
Laurianne |
| 4forMe |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 1:40:59 PM
Just wait til Christmas rolls around.....it stinks to have parents who are divorced and remarried and DH and I both have parents like that. They don't want to celebrate Christmas together but they also expect you to make an appearance at their house with their granddaughter, each and every one of them. I have tried everything, dragging my kids from house to house, hosting an open house at my home Christmas day and then I gave up. Someone always complains and it always made my holiday stressful. Now we just chill out, the kids and DH and I. We do what we feel like doing and don't let others make our holiday plans for us.
Sewing, knitting, gardening mom of 4. |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 11:56:38 AM
You're right--marriage is just that. There isn't anything wrong with peanut butter toast, now!
Close, Cherry...I actually had an even better bout with crazy on Friday at the office. See the same thread :)
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| CherryMeDarlin |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 11:36:19 AM
Chalk it up to a learning curve! Show him lots of appreciation for his thoughtfulness and now he has an idea of what pleases you! And I'm so, so happy you had such a lovely morning. My hubs idea of brunch is peanut butter toast served on a paper towel and a glass of sweet tea!  (I guess your Walgreen's experience is the full-moon craziness you mentioned, huh?)
~~Cherry~~
"A thing is as simple or as complicated as you make it." --TT Murphy |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 11:26:09 AM
It was...I was being a baby, I know...and he was being a bit of a baby, too :) He is feeling a bit better, and I think we both have a better understanding of what "expectations" are :)
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| therusticcottage |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 11:21:30 AM
Jonni - your Mother's Day sounds like it was perfect (except for the Walgreen's part). Your husband sounds like a very caring man to make brunch and buy you that sweet gift. I hope that he is feeling better today.
Handmade Soap & Lotion Bars http://www.therusticcottagebath.com
The Rustic Cottage Blog http://therusticcottage.blogspot.com
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| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 06:43:51 AM
Oh yes! How callous of me! I forgot to mention...he has some sort of prostate issue--it runs in his family, but it acts like a severe flu in which he gets a high fever and has trouble going to the restroom, along with extreme back pain. Much like kidney issues. Usually we have some warning, but yesterday, BOOM! It was just sooo sudden. Once he gets the antibiotic in his system, he should be feeling better, but I left a VERY sleepy daddy and baby girl at home this morning.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| Alee |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 06:42:30 AM
Oh Wow, Jonni! What was wrong with Jus? Is he okay now?
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
| Amie C. |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 06:40:26 AM
Oh my gosh. The first part of the day sounds so sweet, and then it all went wrong. Hope Jus is feeling better. |
| Sitnalta |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 06:30:14 AM
Definitly excitement at your house yesterday. Your breakfast brunch sounds heavenly. So sweet of hubby.
Sorry to hear he got so sick. Is he alright now?
hugs
Jessie
Farmgirl Sister #235
"You are my strength when I am weak. You are the treasure that I seek. You are my all in all. Seeking You as a precious jewel; Lord, to give up I'd be a fool. You are my all in all."
Stop by my blog for a visit www.messiejessie2.blogspot.com |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 06:18:38 AM
Well, this thread gives me heart....Thank you all for understanding. I do believe that men and women are just cut from different cloth and sometimes they are just so obtuse. I'm sure I can be, too, but I really do try to understand what's important to him...even if it bores me to tears, or I'm not so keen on it.
I'm so sorry, Ronna--you are right, though--if you don't expect, then you don't get disappointed. And it's funny--what Julia said is true. It is what it is, and I had to end up just "letting" go of my expectations and that enabled me to enjoy the day.
It seems that because my husband works in the restaurant industry, that he just loathes holidays like mother's and father's day brunches and Valentine's Day and New Years Eve dinners because each one is a madhouse and the customers are usually unbearable--he also notes that the food is rushed and the staff is hurrying you out for the next turnover table because of the demand for reservations. I forget sometimes, that working in an eatery does not a good consumer make. He's the WORST date for dinner....ever.
So, he made "breakfast" and we dined al fresco on our porch with my mother...and it turned out lovely. I finally just gave in and decided I would enjoy whatever came my way, because I would ruin my own day by pouting or thinking about what "wasn't". And I'm glad that I did. The table was set with my vintage tablecloths and antique brunch napkins, a crystal vase with white violets, columbine and lily of the valley, and Justin made an omlette with goat cheese, roasted red pepper, chives, basil and spicy sausage and we had english muffins with butter and Miss Wilma's homemad grape jelly, mimosas and coffee. It was really lovely--food and garden and company, all. He also was very thoughtful with my gift. He went to the jeweler where we purchased our wedding bands and bought a lovely delicate chain for my antique rose cameo that I've wanted to wear, but never could because I couldn't justify the expense of a chain.
Then we headed to the garden center. I wanted to put Violet in a dress, but the little diaper covers just don't fit her waist, so I'm going to have to take them in (an then out) but I didn't have time yesterday. Got some herbs and some perennials, but I didn't get anything for my cool little vintage seed spreader like I wanted. It's a 1950's Scott brand seed spreader with signature Green and Orange paint and I wanted some color. But, I couldn't really find anything that popped.
Then, off to Hyde Park and then to Mt. Adams where my husband got deathly ill and had to go to urgent care. I stayed behind with Violet because everyone was so upset she had to leave after just getting there, and ended my night at the 24 hour Walgreens waiting for his prescription until 11:30 with a total FREAKSHOW...seriously. When a woman stood up and yelled to the pharmacist, "Sir, I'm gonna throw up--where's the john?!?!" I practically charged the counter and said, "I have a two month old and I don't want ANYTHING that these people have, so can you please check on that prescription I dropped off 30 minutes ago????" Thankfully, it was ready and I was outta there...
Never a dull moment with the Lynch family!!!
I hope you all had a lovely mother's day, mother or no...and thank you for your kind understanding. This is such a warm and wonderful place!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| dutchy |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 05:09:05 AM
Jonni, I hope you had a nice day after all . Many hugs from Marian
Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
My personal blog:
http://just-me-a-dutch-girl.blogspot.com/
Almost daily updates on me and mine :)
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| yarnmamma |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 02:25:20 AM
Good idea Ronna...the embroider! Make me one too! LOL
I am usually depressed or sad on mother's day but this year I wasn't. I think it is because my son and his wife, who live a long ways from me, have sites on Facebook. I just got online to find them and we keep in closer touch than ever. I knew my Danny boy would make me a card (this year it was huge...a whole poster board). I also refused to do any housework that Saturday and sewed all day! I made a blouse and a skirt for me!
Linda
in Scranton, PA
farmgirl #71
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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| Ronna |
Posted - May 10 2009 : 7:47:04 PM
Thanks Diane. I didn't mean to sound like "poor pitiful me", as it reads back to me now-I just have learned to flow with what happens and save myself from being hurt. As has been said, most men just don't realize women need the nurturing. Goes back to my "famous" statement...women have to talk things out, men just burp or fart and think it's settled. Someday I'm gonna embroider or cross stitch that so my kids can fight over it when I'm gone :) |
| Diane B Carter |
Posted - May 10 2009 : 5:52:43 PM
Ronna, We live we learn, some of us just have bigger hills to climb. All we can do is try to make it easier for someone else and that usually will make us happier.I hope you and all the farmgirls had a good if not great mothers day.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
| Ronna |
Posted - May 10 2009 : 3:04:41 PM
On my first Mothers Day, in 1963, I said something about it to Larry and he informed me I "wasn't his mother". My reply was he didn't do anything for her either. I reminded him of that yesterday, so this morning he asked if the dogs told me happy mothers day. The first one after we remarried in 1995, he was at work in Alaska, but ordered flowers for both me and our daughter; said he realized all he'd missed out on all 26 years we were apart. I think I've gotten a few things-like floor mats for the Vette, since then. If you don't "expect", you won't be disappointed. I never could get my mother to understand that..she always thought everyone should do what she wanted them to do. "He should have given me a card; she should have called me", etc.
I always made sure everyone in my family had great birthdays, etc, but very seldom has anything been done for me. I can remember two good birthdays, when Larry bought my new Corvette in '95 and last year when a truly sweet farm girl sent flowers. I asked mother why I never had birthday parties (my sister did) and her reply was that "everyone" was on vacation on my birthday in July. Huh?
As our own farmgirl Julia Hayes says, "it is what it is". Easier to learn to just deal with the hand you're given and not try to change what can't be changed. So, now that my eyes are full of tears, I'll go back to cleaning house. My stepbrother did take his lady and me out for a nice dinner last night, so I'll have the rest of my steak for dinner tonight. |
| therusticcottage |
Posted - May 09 2009 : 4:40:01 PM
My MIL used to try and monopolize Mother's Day every year. Some of the biggest fights my husband and I ever had were over Mother's Day. Finally I stood my ground and said "Mother's Day is my day and the one day of the year that I get to do whatever I want. I'm choosing to stay home and enjoy MY day. You can go with your Mother if you'd like to." That was the end of that.
I think that you should let your husband know, in a kind way, that you'd like to spend the day with him and Violet. You can be with the other moms on Saturday or Monday.
Handmade Soap & Lotion Bars http://www.therusticcottagebath.com
The Rustic Cottage Blog http://therusticcottage.blogspot.com
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| mulegirl |
Posted - May 09 2009 : 1:16:08 PM
I don't think guys get it with doing special stuff. It is not a bad thing, they just think differently. In all the tv shows and movies it is women or gay guys planning the perfect wedding or event. I've stopped getting disappointed not getting something special whenIi think I should a long time ago. I got blue in the face dropping a gazillion hints, men just don't get it. I think women should get together and celebrate the times that are the most special for us...birthdays, Mothers Day, let Halloween and 4th of July to co-celebrate.
By the way I did actually get a 55th birthday present this year from my boyfreind. On the way back from his annual deer hunting trip with the man buddies he picked up a rusty old chair from a field and a 55 mph sign (get it 55 for 55!) I do actually love the rusty chair as it will get a painting on it one of these days...but see what I'm talking about?
So if you want a special celebration ask women to plan and attend it!
Rosemary
smile, follow your heart and don't look back
http://web.mac.com/rosemaryart |
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