| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| mikesgirl |
Posted - Dec 11 2008 : 11:45:05 AM
I don't know who else to talk to about this so here goes. My oldest daughter had talked to me about Christmas a month or so ago and told me we were invited to come up as they want to stay home on Christmas - as it has been every year since she had children. I said "sounds good" or some such thing. My son and his wife and said last year they would go one more year (last year), but that was the last time for awhile because it is a long trip and they thought it was oldest daughters turn to travel for a change so I assumed they would not go this year. Well, a couple of weeks ago, my dil asked if they could come to our house for christmas, and not thinking, I said sure. Well, when I realized what I had done, we tried to find a solution, as younger son is traveling from Wyoming for christmas and wants to see all of his sibs. My husband called my oldest daughter last night and left a message (she never answers her phone) asking if we could come up for a couple of hours the day after Christmas as the other kids wanted to come here (much closer) on Christmas day. Today I received a curt e-mail from her saying sorry they wouldn't see us on christmas - they were busy the day after and she was confused because when she talked to her brother a couple of weeks ago it was her understanding that everyone was going to her house. Well, our son has since become out of work, doesn't qualify for unemployment because hes self employed and has no gas money to travel for Christmas - probably not even to our house. My oldest daughter won't answer my apologetic e-mail - attempting to explain the miscommuinication and work out a new solution and I am heartbroken. I feel so bad, like I let her down and my grandkids and Christmas is going to be ruined for our family. I'm just beside myself today, crying and pacing back and forth and I don't know what I can do to fix this mess. I know it's my fault but I didn't mean any harm. I would love to go to our daughters but I was also thinking of our son and his wife who doesn't have any family on the west coast at all. What can I do to make this better?
Farmgirl Sister #98
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| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| homemom |
Posted - Dec 18 2008 : 10:39:25 AM
Sherri,
I am glad to hear that some of this has worked out for you. My heart was breaking while I read this. Such difficulties you are facing right now and you don't need pettiness at this time. I can understand your situation because some of these same things occur in my family. Your other kids sound wonderful with the way they tried to work it all out so you could have a nice Christmas. Sending hugs and prayers your way. I hope you have wonderful times with your family.
Ruth
Living the farm life in my heart.
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Ruth
http://farmgirlinmyheart.blogspot.com/ |
| shepherdgirl |
Posted - Dec 16 2008 : 10:49:42 AM
Did you say "Cabin" Sherri? Oh, if it were ME facing such a headache, I'd be saying "Well, Daddy and me are headed to the Cabin for Christmas! Anyone who wants to join us, come on up! Bring your pillows, bring your blankets-- and NO GRUMPIES allowed!!!" But that's just ME!!!! ~~~ Hugs and blessings to you ~~~ Merry Christmas! Tracy
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ~~ George Carlin |
| mima |
Posted - Dec 15 2008 : 06:29:49 AM
Why can't all us farm girls live in the same town!!! I miss you guys alot!!! That was quite a special experience wasn't it? Even though we all don't keep in touch as often as we should I feel a bond with you all!!! I'll have to think about the BBB. This semester I was taking Interior Design-ALL consuming- and those cute little girls...I haven't thought of next summer much!!! If I can convince hubby...hmmmmm..maybe a road trip!! Love ya toots!!!!XXXOOO
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| mikesgirl |
Posted - Dec 14 2008 : 7:02:00 PM
Hey Debi - that means a lot coming from you! How's the grandbaby? I think YOu are one of the nicest people I"ve ever met too (except for when you scare me when I'm in the outhouse!!)LOL! HOpe to see you again one of these days - are you coming to BBB?
Farmgirl Sister #98
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| mima |
Posted - Dec 14 2008 : 2:01:25 PM
Hey Sherri!!
I just read this thread! I feel so bad that you had to go through all that!! You are like one of the nicest people Ive ever met so I hated to know that you were feeling so guilty!! I'm glad things worked out!!! I hope you have a really nice Christmas! You of all people deserve it!! Love and hugs!
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| goneriding |
Posted - Dec 14 2008 : 09:56:21 AM
I, too, have a daughter who likes to control things and the best I can say is don't worry about it. Much easier said than done. You've done the best you could and tried to fix it. The way I see it is the ball is in her court. I sure do understand about the grandkids too. They are learning from their mother/your daughter about how to treat you and that's scary. Do the best you can (which I think you did a great job) and try to go on. Family is the pits a lot of the time but you have us on this board and we care about you!! I read something from an ancient man the other day that said something along the lines that 'Patience will cure all troubles'. That's a paraphrase but it's very true. ;-)
Winona ;-)
When you lose, don't lose the lesson!!
http://goneriding.wordpress.com/
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| katie-ell |
Posted - Dec 13 2008 : 05:44:30 AM
Glad it worked out, Sherri. My thought was that you should honor your first commitment, to your daughter, especially because of the grandchildren. So glad that's going to happen. Families are difficult, sometimes. But I think we shouldn't all judge your daughter as being the only difficulty in this situation -- 'judge not', I think. None of us know what may be going on in HER life and what having you at her house for Christmas means to HER. So, I'm glad you'll be there. And, yes, go to the cabin next year!
www.youaretoocreative.blogspot.com |
| Mother Hen |
Posted - Dec 12 2008 : 10:35:53 PM
Sherri, I'm glad to hear everything worked out for you. I do agree with everyone else when they said your oldest daughter needs to think of the rest of the family and not just her. I'm happy to hear she finally got in touch with you. It's heart breaking when your child acts like that. I speak from experience too, unfortunately.
Sounds like you will have a wonderful 2 days of celebration! Enjoy it and don't sweat the small stuff
I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. Psalms 34:1 |
| Alee |
Posted - Dec 12 2008 : 12:16:19 PM
Glad a solution was worked out!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
| mikesgirl |
Posted - Dec 12 2008 : 09:23:23 AM
That's exactly how I feel Jami - "wheh!"! And I do feel better - I'm going to go shopping with DH tomorrow and have a WONDERFUL DAY!!!!
Farmgirl Sister #98
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| Jami |
Posted - Dec 12 2008 : 09:14:46 AM
Whew,you could be a logistics manager for the President, girl! Way to find a solution for this year's holiday "save." I know you feel better, I can tell. That's super your son can come after all too.
Now, have a very Merry Christmas!
Jami in WA
Farmgirl Sister #266
http://woolyinwashington.wordpress.com/
http://farmhouseflair.etsy.com |
| mikesgirl |
Posted - Dec 12 2008 : 09:11:03 AM
Thanks for all of your input - you have no idea how much it helps. Here is what the final "shakedown" looks like! Youngest daughter suggested that we (the younger three and their SO's) spend Christmas Eve day together, and go to dh's brother's house in the evening. The next day, younger daughter and her bf will go to his brother's house and dh and I AND oldest son and his wife will go to the daughter who has been causing the stink. (and younger son if he happens to make it out from WY). At his request, I informed older daughter that oldest son was having financial difficulties due to lack of work and no unemployment. She, in turn, e-mailed me back saying she had his name for Christmas and if he wanted she would send him $50 for Christmas that he could use for gas money. Well, I knew how that would go over - successful big sister swooping in to save the day for unsuccessful little brother - and was really hesitant to tell him that. Instead, I gave her his phone number (she has had all of our phone numbers a million times but says she loses them) and let her handle it. First smart thing I did in this whole debacle! Anyway, I don't know if she called him or not, but I was proud of oldest son - he called and said he'd make it out to our house and if it was ok, he'd agree to go up to her house again this year if they could ride with us - because he wants to play with his three little nephews on Christmas. SO, looks like that's the solution. Next year, I am OUT of it! They can hash it out themselves and let us know where they expect US to be!! Maybe we'll just go to the cabin!!! Thanks again ladies - after reading all of your answers I KNOW you know exactly how i felt and I really could feel the support from all of you! That's what I love about Sisters.
Farmgirl Sister #98
Check out my new online store
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| Jami |
Posted - Dec 12 2008 : 07:55:13 AM
Sherri, I completely understand you want some harmony during the holiday and some togetherness and to keep everyone happy. That's what we moms do. Hope some Christmas spirit comes over your oldest daughter soon so you can have your heart's desires this year sharing it with everyone.
You raised an independent, driven daughter, but with those attributes comes the "stinkerbelle" side too! To me, it sounds like she wants you all to herself! Maybe she's a mama's girl deep down but doesn't know how to express it well. It is time to be a grown-up however and learn to share.
Jami in WA
Farmgirl Sister #266
http://woolyinwashington.wordpress.com/
http://farmhouseflair.etsy.com |
| graciegreeneyes |
Posted - Dec 11 2008 : 5:41:35 PM
Oh Sherri - isn't family hard? It seems like there always has to be drama or guilt or something, and during the time of year when you most want to move past the petty things. I don't have any word of wisdom although I would recommend not sacrificing your relationships or opportunities to spend time with your other kids trying to have a relationship with your daughter that it sounds like she is not ready for. Maybe she will "grow up" (don't know how old she is) and realize that she needs her mom!! I am praying for you!!
Amy Grace
Farmgirl #224
"use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without" |
| K-Falls Farmgirl |
Posted - Dec 11 2008 : 5:20:22 PM
Sherri.. I agree with Kate on this one too.. (((hugs))
http://www.k-fallsfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
Cheryl #309
Farm girl sister
Enjoy the little things in life....someday you'll look back and realize they were the big things. |
| kissmekate |
Posted - Dec 11 2008 : 5:13:20 PM
Sherri,
First off, Big hugs to you from Minnesota.
Secondly, as harsh as it sounds, I agree with Mary Jane's post. Your daughter needs to grow up, and know the world doesn't revolve around her. Perhaps she will learn a hard lesson this year?
Screening her calls? That is so tacky, especially when it is your own mother. Also, your time is valuable too, what if you were calling regarding an emergancy?
Let her pout, and enjoy yourselves at your home-whether it is just you and honey, or all of you!
In the meantime,with all of us farmgirls praying and pulling for you, I am sure a compromise will present itself.
Merry Christmas!
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
| keeperofthehome |
Posted - Dec 11 2008 : 2:50:20 PM
I don't mean this to sound flippant, but don't worry about it! Pray and you know, there are still 2 weeks until Christmas. Just prepare everything as you would in your own home and if kids can and will come they shall. It's okay! There's plenty of time for things to change.
Blessings!
~Farrah
http://oldfashionedhomekeeper.blogspot.com
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| mikesgirl |
Posted - Dec 11 2008 : 2:40:12 PM
Thank you Mary Jane.
Farmgirl Sister #98
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| CountryBorn |
Posted - Dec 11 2008 : 2:36:26 PM
Sherri, I am so sorry this Christmas has gotten so mixed up for you. Please forgive me, but, it sounds like your daughter is behaving like a spoiled brat. You have other children too, and you can't be everywhere at once. Sometimes these things happen. You can't please everyone, so just do what you feel is the right solution. I wouldn't let her guilt you into anything. Like I said, you do have other kids too and they need to come first on occassion too. Your own husband is out of work also. It is a shame this year she couldn't have just given a bit and come to visit all of you. This will work out for you. Just don't let it ruin your holiday. Maybe as one of the farmgirls suggested you could go up a little later and visit the grandchildren. I hope things smooth over for you.
Mary Jane
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
| mikesgirl |
Posted - Dec 11 2008 : 2:27:32 PM
Thanks! Cody has friends in Jackson but I'm not sure what he'll do for the holidays if he can't come home. He's trying to drum up some side work to pay for his truck, so he may do that. I wish you were closer too - it'd make me feel so good to know he was spending Christmas with a Sister! We'll all get through this rotten economic time - we just have to stick together and support each other.
Farmgirl Sister #98
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| Jami |
Posted - Dec 11 2008 : 2:16:02 PM
That's the farmgirl spirit, Sherri. In the meantime, I'm going to say a prayer just for you. Hang in there, girl.
Jami in WA
Farmgirl Sister #266
http://woolyinwashington.wordpress.com/
http://farmhouseflair.etsy.com |
| Alee |
Posted - Dec 11 2008 : 2:12:19 PM
Oh Sherri *hugs*
I know what you mean about it all hitting you at once! I wish we were closer to Jackson! Does Cody have friends in Jackson to be with on the holidays?
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
| mikesgirl |
Posted - Dec 11 2008 : 1:48:56 PM
thanks all - it helps a lot to hear what you all have to say. I just talked to my youngest son a minute go and he thinks he can't come home from Wyoming for the holidays now because he just had truck repairs that were over $1000, so it must be the day for bad Christmas news! Boy this economy is really hitting us hard all at once - both sons and dh out of work at once - plus I am having to pay an extra $510 a month for my mom's care AND she fell out of bed yesterday and banged up her nose and cheek! I thought bad news was only supposed to come in 3s, I think I'm hitting 5 for the past two days!! Anyway, I feel better - no solutions, but I feel better. Thanks again for your shoulder and input!
Farmgirl Sister #98
Check out my new online store
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| dutchy |
Posted - Dec 11 2008 : 1:33:02 PM
((((Sherri))))
No advice, just a hug. That is a difficult situation, I am sure.
hugs
Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
My personal blog:
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Again new creations added, too cute lol. Come and check it out!!
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| Alee |
Posted - Dec 11 2008 : 1:32:38 PM
Also Sherri, I wouldn't beat yourself up too hard! Circumstances changed between when you talked with her and when you son called. She- for her own sake- needs to learn to be more flexible. Family is important and at some point she needs to be putting effort into the relationship as well. *hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
