| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| yarnmamma |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 05:13:47 AM
Hi farmgirl sistas,
I am going to send my 8 year old son to a group home. I cannot handle him any longer. He is mildly autistic and adhd and most of all Opositional Defiant Disorder. He is stronger, more angry and bold.
He has been in Psychiatric hospital twice within 4 months. This partial day program hospital he is in brings him home to me after school and all weekend. He tells me of the violence he does to them during the day and they have restrained him at least once in the first week out of hospital. I could go on and on about the things at home but I won't, like running off, confronting all kids and then getting bullied for his words. I can't have him with other kids and he treats me the same. At least one temper fit a day at home.
I walk with a cane now and get therapy off and on for vertigo and also pinched nerves in my back. I can't chase him or restrain him. Lately I can't get him to stop cursing at me.
I am putting enough of this in writing to help me with it and to ask for supportive feedback and prayers.
His dad is in Afghanistan and couldn't handle him when he was home. He gets to angry and impatient. Before Dannny boy gets really hurt I will do what I can to keep all of us safe.
He has been suicidal and also has a gender disorder....obsessed with wanting to be a girl....anyway there is more but this is enough to share.
I know that I am a great mother and will do the best for all concered but I will not live with anyone who throws things around and threatens me and curses at me often.
I am calling his caseworker on Monday finally. I knew this day would come and he is 8 1/2 now. It will only get worse as he gets older.
I am going to get a one bedroom place with no steps and a shower bar for my bathtub. I am almost 59 yrs old....God, I have done amazing job with him to last this long.
Thanks for your loving encouragement. This is one of the hardest decisions I have had to make. I am asking them to take him before it's an emergency and I have no choice.
 Linda |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| yarnmamma |
Posted - Dec 11 2008 : 07:30:58 AM
yes, thanks Alee. I'm getting therapy on my hand/wrist. It has tendonitis. Got work to do with that hand...lol
The vertigo not severe lately but I still have to carry a cane and probably always will. I'm getting a new place to live with no stairs and also a shower/bath bar. I figure a new place will be fun to decorate! Farmgirl style! I'll get ideas here!
I am sooo looking forward to seeing Danny boy tomorrow...we talk every night but it's not the same as a real hug.
I appreciate all the wonderful prayers and encouragement from farmgirl sisters.
Linda in Scranton, PA
farmgirl #71
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May we always be in thankful contemplation.
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| Alee |
Posted - Dec 11 2008 : 07:17:31 AM
Linda- that is wonderful! I am so glad that Alf came home right when you both needed him the most. Hopefully you are getting some good rest and healing too?
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
| yarnmamma |
Posted - Dec 11 2008 : 06:58:34 AM
Hi friends!
I picked up Danny's dad from the airport and we drove straight to the hospital to pick up Danny to be discharged. His dad was the surprise...uniform and all...straight from Afghanistan.
:=D
Danny was shocked, stunned at first but of course happy to be with dad now. They have been on a vacation to see his family since then and now getting settled in Alf's home with Danny living with him full time.
They are also working towards the Residential Treatment Facility plan.
I have been encouraged all along that I was doing a good job with Danny and glad that I was able to do the single mother job for a few years. He is now on new meds...very strong...but necessary. It is such a relief to have his dad here now doing so much.
I am sad and missing him today, it took a while to feel this way but I knew it would come....just normal emotions. Danny boy was my life for many years! Now I'll take the time to reconnect with friends and get back into my volunteer jobs.
Thanks again for all the prayers.
luv to all of ya!
Linda in Scranton, PA
farmgirl #71
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May we always be in thankful contemplation.
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| keeperofthehome |
Posted - Dec 11 2008 : 05:24:02 AM
Linda,
What's the latest on Danny boy?
Blessings!
~Farrah
http://oldfashionedhomekeeper.blogspot.com
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| bboopster |
Posted - Dec 10 2008 : 8:18:35 PM
Hello Linda,
I had to make that same decision 7 years ago with my daughter. Many keep telling me not to, social workers, police, doctors, school, and the list goes on told me that I was giving up on her. That I did not love her enough, I should try harder. and that list goes on but in the end I did what I felt was right for her, myself, and my family. I sent her to a girls home. It was the hardest thing I ever did. But I was her mom and I knew what was the best for her. I am happy to say that she is doing very well now. She and I still do not talk as much as I wish we did but mental health issues and abusive life before she came to live with me. I love her with all my heart but we could not live together. Go with your heart, do what is best for you and Danny boy. I will pray for all 3 of you.
http://www.bboopster.blogspot.com
3 Blue Star Mother and Proud of it!
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
| kmbrown |
Posted - Nov 18 2008 : 7:13:25 PM
Linda,
I am so sorry that this has happened to your son. When I worked in homes for children we were required to fill out incident reports even if we didn't know what happened. If we saw a bruise and didn't have an incident report filed...even if all it said was "noticed a bruise...wherever it was....do not know what caused ect." it could have been our job. I worked for an agency called ARC. They are a county agency that is available in most areas. Not only do they have homes but they also have day care and other services available. I would check in the government pages or call your local social services office to see if your area has anything in that nature. We worked very closely with Social Services so they would know. Hugs and prayers to you and your little fellow....and a happy dance that daddy is home to help out!!! |
| abbysshadow |
Posted - Nov 18 2008 : 4:50:19 PM
hugs and peace to you and yours, linda, we are here.
...I cannot do all the good that the world needs, but the world needs all the good that I can do... |
| Amie C. |
Posted - Nov 18 2008 : 10:32:55 AM
Linda, that's terrible (what happened at the hospital, I mean, not the good news about your ex). I'm not sure if this affects your plans to get Danny placed in a group home, but I hope you have an easier time while Danny's Dad is at home. |
| peachy |
Posted - Nov 18 2008 : 09:42:22 AM
Linda, your story has touched me...tears rolling down! My prayers and many thoughts go out to you! You sound like a wonderful and strong woman with a great farmgirl support team behind you! I'm so sorry Danny was hurt, I'd keep after them until you get some answers! What great news to know his dad is coming home safe and can help out!!!
Prayers and hugs,
Melissa
Farmgirl Sister #360
Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain! |
| country lawyer |
Posted - Nov 18 2008 : 09:31:02 AM
Know that there is a huge network of your Farmgirl sisters praying for you and your family in this difficult time... |
| shepherdgirl |
Posted - Nov 18 2008 : 08:01:58 AM
Oh Linda! Great news that his Daddy is coming home!! (Please tell Sgt. Chavez I'm sorry I was such a lousy e-pal!!!)
I applaud your decision to bring Danny home. Sounds like that was NOT the place for him at all. When an injury (especaially to a child or an older person) can't be explained and is virtually IGNORED by doctors and staff, there is something seriously wrong there. Do file that complaint. Hopefully that will help the staff there get their act together. If not, well, it's just one more thing that will probably get the state moving on an investigation into the practices of that hospital.
I raised a very challenging boy myself (though he did not have the medical issues that your Danny Boy has), so I feel a LITTLE bit of your pain. At the age of 2, my oldest son's Pediatrician wanted to put him on medication. I told him "My son will be put on medication over MY DEAD BODY!!!!!" (needless to say, that was our LAST visit to the Dr. that had been seeing my son since he was born!) Oh what a NIGHTMARE it was raising him! But, like you, I loved my son like a Mama BEAR and NO WAY was I going to let anyone hurt him or take him away from me!! (though, truthfully, no one else WANTED him! I couldn't even get anyone to BABYSIT him, he was THAT bad!).
I'm happy to say my son has grown up to be a remarkable young man. He's almost 19 now, STILL a bit of a handful, but nothing like he was when he was younger. All those tears, feeling like a lousy mother etc.... were worth it, now that I look back over the years of our life together. It was hard, but we survived and I'm so proud of how he's turned out. He's very smart, driven, and will soon be working for the same company as his father (EXCELLENT opportunities! They will pay for all of his schooling for his degree and certifications which equals VERY GOOD $$$$. Most kids only DREAM about a job like that at such a young age!). In the meantime he went out and found himself a job that pays $10 an hr-- which he thinks is a rip off! I have to laugh every time I hear him say that! (Considering min. wage in Ca is about $7.25 hr.) He complains LOUDLY when he sees the taxes taken out! All I can do is laugh and say "Welcome to the world of Adulthood son!!" He couldn't WAIT to grow up-- and now he has.
Hang in there Linda. I can't say I understand EXACTLY what it's like with Danny, but I can say that, because you are a so determined to do what's best for him (and because you LOVE him so much), there is hope that things will turn out well for all of you. Danny just needs the right people to help him with the issues that he faces and I have a feeling that you and Danny's dad WILL find them! This story WILL have a HAPPY ending!!! Hugs and prayers to you all ~~~ Tracy
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ~~ George Carlin |
| Beverley |
Posted - Nov 16 2008 : 9:28:42 PM
My heart just aches for you. You are making the right decision no matter what you decide. Please vent here anytime that may help. Prayers and thoughts are with you all the way. Beverley
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett Beverley with an extra E...
http://bevsdoggies.googlepages.com/ |
| Alee |
Posted - Nov 16 2008 : 5:19:15 PM
Linda- I am so sorry that Danny got hurt in a place where he was supposed to be safe and getting help! You have good Mom's instincts and know what is best for him. I am so glad Alf is coming home so soon. Hopefully between the two of you, you will have a better environment for all.
Isn't there security cameras at the hospital? I would be all for getting a review of the tapes. I strongly advise you to call around to see if a lawyer could give you some Pro-Bono advice. *hugs* I would also see if you can get a picture of Danny's face and note how many days it had been. I know this might all be for nothing, but if the Hospital did do something wrong, they need to be accountable.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
| yarnmamma |
Posted - Nov 16 2008 : 4:41:43 PM
Thanks so much sister Farmgirls....ya all mean so much to me.
I went the first time to visit today and he has a big bruise on his cheek...I was shocked, and especially unhappy that NOBODY could tell me what happened. They didn't even notice! I wanted to walk right out of there against medical advice and take him home. It wouldn't be good to take him without a prescription for the meds he's taking now and I knew that.
I was assertive and asked for them to find out while I was there what happened and asked the staff and nurse how she'd feel if it was her child there in a psych ward and suddenly bruised like that. I didn't yell or get real rude but was very assertive. I've got a regular apt. with his therapist/social worker tomorrow and I'm going to call first thing and ask to have Dr. release him asap and tell them why. After looking at his records and daily log there is still no information about the bruise. It's right on his face and asked the staff how in the world could they not see that.
The reason he went into the hospital was for safety and he gets hurt like that there...he'll NEVER go back there again and I am going to file a complaint.. I can't just let it go..what do you gals think? When kids get hurt we always get a phone call from the school or partial hospital telling me what happened and that a nurse looked at it. I thought that was the law....I feel like there is no excuse for not noticing a patient was hurt like that....it's too important. This is not a tiny bruise...and right on his cheekbone face. I do know that he is extremely hyper so maybe he just bounced around too much...but he was very calm today (obviously drugged).
They still didn't notice today....and to me that says they really don't CARE. :-( :-(
Good news is Alf...his dad, my X surprised me with a phone call from the States...NOT Afghanistan...he survived and is now on USA soil...not getting shot at. I'm telling Danny boy Daddy will be here in about 5 days...it will be such a wonderful happy day for all of us-- after a whole year. He was near the front line with morters...nothing safe about the job either.
I get some help and relief now for a while!
Linda in Scranton, PA
farmgirl #71
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Yes! I live in the Scranton, PA "The Office" TV show is based on! LOL LOL
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| katmom |
Posted - Nov 13 2008 : 11:29:53 AM
hi Linda,
I am a little late on this post but my heart, hugz & prayers go out to you.
Hang in there, stay strong & know that your are loved by all of us here @ MJF.
>^..^< Happiness is being a katmom.
mjf#72
Sisters on the Fly#472
www.katmom4.blogspot.com
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| yarnmamma |
Posted - Nov 12 2008 : 04:44:46 AM
thanks gals,
I'm so tired...long drives back and forth to hospital again.
going back to sleep
zzzz
Linda in Scranton, PA
farmgirl #71
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Yes! I live in the Scranton, PA "The Office" TV show is based on! LOL LOL
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| shepherdgirl |
Posted - Nov 11 2008 : 4:17:26 PM
Oh Linda, my heart goes out to you. How terrible it must be to love a child with "issues" so much and try so hard to care for him alone.
I am an e-mail pal of Danny's father, Alfredo, in Afghanistan. He tells me all the time what a GOOD, absolutely WONDERFUL MOTHER you are!!!!!! He is sooo proud of you and how you've handled Danny up to this point. I also know that his heart is heavy because the burden is on you alone to care for your son.
The saying "Don't judge a man (or in this case-- a WOMAN) until you have walked a mile in his shoes" is so fitting here. I doubt very many of us could walk even a few FEET in your shoes, let alone the miles you've covered over the years with that sweet, troubled boy.
So sad to hear so many stories like yours. What's happening to our children? and WHY don't the BIRTH mothers of these children realize what they are doing to their unborn babies? Selfish, hateful and just plain irresponsible. I just don't get it. But someday Danny will realize what you've tried so hard to do for him. How much you love him. God WILL bring the right professional people into Danny's life to help heal his heart and his mind. One day soon you will have that son you've raised him to be. Take heart Linda, and take care. We're all here for you, and you and Danny will be in my prayers. God bless you both ~~~ and HUGS, HUGS, HUGS!!!!! ~~~ Tracy
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ~~ George Carlin |
| Annika |
Posted - Nov 10 2008 : 10:37:20 AM
Thinking of you Linda and hoping all is going well today.
*hugs*
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
Mud Hen Queen
MJ's Heirloom Maven's Librarian
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| Lainey |
Posted - Nov 10 2008 : 10:09:27 AM
Linda,
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm sure your decision was for the best. I'm sending warm thoughts and hugs your way.
Farmgirl Sister #25
http://countrygirldreams.blogspot.com/ |
| Aunt Pammy |
Posted - Nov 10 2008 : 07:13:52 AM
Linda,
How very strong and brave of you. Big hugs and prayers go out to you in your time of need.Please know that I understand that you are doing the best thing for your son.Everyone has defining moments- when we must make difficult decisions that are heartfelt and often-times misunderstood by people just "passing by". Know that you are loved and that I know your son is loved by your decision to get him the best help in his time of need.
This little piggy went wee wee wee...all the way home.Aunt Pammy |
| Suzan |
Posted - Nov 10 2008 : 06:53:55 AM
Linda, My thoughts and prayers are with you but please know that you are doing the best thing for all. My sister has a son with similar disorders as Danny, he has tourrettes, ADD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, the list goes on and on...he was always threatening his sister and threatening suicide...it broke up their family. Thankfully as he got through those teenage years when the body is undergoing so many changes anyways he has been much better...but life was hell until then for all involved...Stay strong and lean on us... |
| Sue Feely |
Posted - Nov 09 2008 : 5:46:33 PM
Dear Linda & family
Please accept my thoughts and prayers for you and your family. Gosh and we all think we have it bad; you sound like a trooper and I believe that you have made the right decision! Make sure to take care of yourself too! |
| Bonne |
Posted - Nov 09 2008 : 4:40:35 PM
Linda, you've given so many years of your life unselfishly fostering "throwaway" children.
You should be proud of yourself and all that you have given to others in need. Danny needs professional
help now and you've made the right decision. ((Linda))
 http://bonne1313.blogspot.com/ BLOG
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| willowtreecreek |
Posted - Nov 09 2008 : 08:49:42 AM
Linda I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. I want you to know that you have my full support. I know it was a hard decision but it really may be the best one for your son. If you ever need someone to talk to send me an email. I'll be glad to listen.
Farmgirl Sister #17
Blog
www.willowtreecreek.wordpress.com
Felt and Fabric Crafts
www.willowartist.etsy.com
www.willowtreecreek.com
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| Mumof3 |
Posted - Nov 09 2008 : 06:05:42 AM
Linda- Sending you a huge (((HUG))). I absolutely understand your decision and I applaud you for being brave enough to take this step. It will be a time of healing for you and your son. You have done the right thing.
Karin
Farmgirl Sister
# 18 :)
www.perfectlittlemiracle.blogspot.com
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