| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| FannyMay |
Posted - Oct 21 2008 : 9:40:46 PM
Okay, I usually don't ask this kind of thing, but I need some advice on a parenting issue. In some of my earlier post I stated that this is our first year to homeschool. I pulled the kids out of PS at ages 13 & 11 and have a 3 yr old. My daughter was not functioning well in school but she does'nt want to be hs either. The last few weeks have been getting better. She still wants to socialize, and right now we are very isolated. We have lost our church over hs and we live in the STICKS! THey have to pipe sunshine in to us we live so far back. SO, I got the internet turned on and now the problem is I can not get her to get off of it. We only have one phone line right now and when it is turned on it ties up the phone. Anyway I have been letting her check her mail in the morning and telling her not to get on untill about 3:30 or so and she can talk for a couple of hours well she just will not get off when I ask her to. She has a screaming crying fit and just thinks that the world is going to end. I think 3-4 hours at a time is ENOUGH and maybe two much, but she would stay on there untill 11 at night or later if I would let her. Tonight she has thrown two fits already. Her dad told her to get off around 7 and then she got back on around 8:30 at 9:30 I told her to get off and help clean the house well she got up and ran around and done her jobs (not a very good job!) Well I kept telling her to get off and go to bed well finally at 10:30 I just unplugged this durn thing and boy did she have a tantrum. I told her she was not going to be able to be on the computer the next two days because I am tired of fighting her to get her to get off and do something else. Please yall give me some suggestions on this I am very tired and weary. we have had lots of changes in our home lately and I am afraid they are catching up with me. I need some advice!
There is no other life for me, but farm life. |
| 16 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| oldfashioned girl |
Posted - Oct 25 2008 : 5:17:35 PM
Tara, My heart goes out to you! Mine are 6, 4, and 3 and youngest 2 are girls and even at that age it can be a challenge! My hubby and I seem to disagree at times, where I think he's too harsh or on the flip side I totally loose my temper! It may help to sit down with your hubby and come up with specific rule for discipline where you are both in agreement that way you are a team and won't end up pitted against each other! One thing I read once was to pick your battles carefully and when there is a battle determine that you will win it! That way there is a consistency! Don't give up! Even though mine are younger, I know what it's like to weary! I will keep your family in my prayers!
Monica
farmgirls rule!
www.justducky48.etsy.ocm |
| MissDana |
Posted - Oct 25 2008 : 10:15:33 AM
Tara, I know your pain! Very good advice has been given. I would only add that I have asked my kid to help my DH and myself come up with a plan. I found that if we engaged them in their own disciplinary action, it went better. it allowed them to feel like they had some power (and it is a power struggle, after all) and begin to think about consequences. We are big on consequences good and bad! Like I have shared before, it takes several months for a "schooled" kid to relax into homeschooling. It will get better!
Dana
Proud Farmgirl Sister # 267
www.schultztroupe.wordpress.com
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| Alee |
Posted - Oct 25 2008 : 09:42:46 AM
Tara- That sounds like you are getting a good handle on the situation. Perhaps you could also suggest she starts a journal of some sort?
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
| FannyMay |
Posted - Oct 25 2008 : 07:34:47 AM
Thanks for all of the advice. This next week I am going to try and start a points program. I am going to work out the details this weekend and start Monday Morning. Right now all she wants to do is be on the net or watching t.v. and I don't want her to become a couch potatoe. She has always been one to ride her horse or go work with her show heifers or play with the dogs or read or draw, but she doesn't want to do any of these things now. I think I will reward her with points when she does an activity. The more activity she does the more points and the more points the more puter, and t.v time. I will take away points for the MOUTH and ATTITUDE. I keep telling her, it is not what she tells me, but how she tells me. I want her to be well rounded and getting on the computet all day or watch tv all day just does not cut it for me. And yes I think when she is about to have her cycles we have BIG dramaLOL. And it always semms that we are about on the same schedule, so I am ill myself and that does not help out I know. Again thanks for the help ladies.
There is no other life for me, but farm life. |
| soapmommy60543 |
Posted - Oct 24 2008 : 12:48:48 PM
Hang in there, Tara! We homeschool our two kids (dd is 11 going on 30, and ds is 9 1/2), and boy oh boy is dd full of the drama. We have had the same problem with the computer. Now I lock the door to my office if it gets out of hand. The kids tried to jimmy the lock once. I caught them and told them that if they ever did that again, I'd put in a combination lock. I'm quite handy with tools, so they knew not only could I, but I would. We've had to adopt a points system of sorts - we use colored beads. Any black beads and no computer time, 2 or more and not TV either. 5 or more, my son loses his Pokemon tournament privileges and my daughter can't go visit her grandma with her bazillion kittens. I've also started paying attention to my own "cycle" because I've noticed lately that even though nothing has started yet for her, she's already PMS-ing about the same time I am. Lovely. Like I said, hang in there. You said it best, you've been through a lot of changes, and she is adjusting. Keep standing up to her - you are the grown up whether she likes it or not. Even though it took your DH a while to start backing you up, now that he is, things will get better. She'll learn she can't pit one against the other.
You're in my prayers, dear friend.
Ann in Oswego
Times may be tough, but farmgirls are tougher!
Craft Fasting since October 21, 2008 |
| Suzan |
Posted - Oct 24 2008 : 11:26:40 AM
Susan, Don't count on it. I raised 2 boys and 2 girls and I'd take 10 boys to 2 girls anyday!!! Drama!!! Anyway, they do come out of it eventually...all turned into lovely people, but there were days...firmness and follow through is the key. |
| MarySueK |
Posted - Oct 24 2008 : 09:28:39 AM
I think the "world is about to end" might be a thirteen year old girl thing. My two boys were never like this. My daughter sees her friends at school and still feels like she has to be in contact the whole rest of the day. I have the secret password, however, so she has to ask me to log her on and I tell her how long she gets to be on. When she's being nasty she knows she's unlikely to get me to log her on, so she tones it down. She's turning 14 on Monday so maybe she'll become less dramatic???
Sue in Richland WA |
| Aunt Jenny |
Posted - Oct 22 2008 : 9:26:09 PM
I love that Tina!!
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
| doglady |
Posted - Oct 22 2008 : 7:12:31 PM
Hi Tara,
I had this problem with my oldest son getting on without permission and not wanting to get off. I finally called Dell and asked them to walk me through placing a password on the "Boot System" which only me and DH knows. As soon as the computer is turned on, a black screen appears and asks for the password. The computer won't go any further without it! My son - the computer whiz - tried to sneak on one day and crack the password. The computer gives you three trys and if it's not correct, thanks you and tells you it is now powering down. It was just too funny and he learned the rules very quickly after that. Give it a try and hang tough.
Tina
You can tell your dog all of your secrets and they'll never say a word!
www.kennelcreations.com |
| FannyMay |
Posted - Oct 22 2008 : 6:54:58 PM
Thanks for all of the advice ladies. As of today I have taken the tv and computer away for 4 days. I started out with just one, but the mouth kept running and so I kept adding days. I do like the idea of a point system. I was thinking behavioral points and attitude points would be a good idea. We are going to a hs group enrichment day this Friday and Next friday we are meeting them for civil war days at a local state park and just Monday night we had a 4-H meeting. My husband and I are trying to figure out what we are going to do about our church and when we do that there will be a wednesday night that she will have with other kids. We are some of those that go everytime the door is open.
I have to admit that a lot of this is mine and my husbands fault. She was our first born and I was very young and spoiled my self and all he could talk about was his litte girl. Well he had a hard time disciplining her or letting me and now he is finally seeing the light. To be honest we have almost gotten a divorce over this child. When she was younger, if I disciplined her he would just have a fit and then go baby her.UGGGGHHHHH. I think he has finally begun to see the daylight and I hope it is not to late for her sake and ours. Thanks for all of the advice!
There is no other life for me, but farm life. |
| Aunt Jenny |
Posted - Oct 22 2008 : 2:59:46 PM
I don't homeschool..but do have 4 kids ages 14, 12, 12, and 11 at home. They actually very rarely get to use the internet although it is connected. Only for research or something for school..and with me in the room. It is set up in our family room..only computer. I get a little bit of static about THAT since all their friends have email *******es, my space or face book things or whatever..but we just don't do it.
If they WERE allowed to use the internet more it would sure be an earned luxury. They have certain things that must be done before they get tv time too (which is also limited..and not in their rooms) We are strict..but the kids are kept pretty busy so they really don't fuss much. I think the secret to that is being consistent for sure. My kids don't whine or beg..because it never works. EVER. It dosn't take long for them to understand that.
That being said..don't think my kids don't have fun..they do...just not on the computer, cellphones (we don't allow them until the kids are 16 and have their driver's lisence..which worked great for the 3 grown boys) or video games.
I really applaud you for homeschooling..especially starting at that age. It is a hard age to be a parent and a teacher both.
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
| wild daisy |
Posted - Oct 22 2008 : 2:52:29 PM
I didn't home school my kids but I still had the same issues with my kids. I had to use the computers password option. My two kids (which are now in their early twenties) had to earn time on the computer. Homework counted as well as chores around the house and even helping out with the dog counted. It works. Set up a time that you can be available for the kids to use the computer. Set up a point system that can be converted in to minutes etc. Remember you should also put in a minus option. This would deduct time or points for missed homework or sloppy chores. They know when things were just rushed and not worth their time too. Happy parenting......good luck.
Madelynne #355 |
| Bellepepper |
Posted - Oct 22 2008 : 11:27:11 AM
Tara, I know this is hard and thank God we did not have computers when my kids were growing up. We raised 3 kids, we have 10 grandkids and 4 great grandkids. The hard part is that you have to be the parent/teacher. I'm not sure what you mean by you not being able to get her off the internet. Unplug it!!! if that don't work, well you don't want to know what I would do. Now-a-days it is against the law do raise kids like I was raised and how we raised our kids. You just have to be firm. Physically remove her from the computer or remove the computer. Is she bigger than you? If she is call in Dad. I'll bet he can IF he will. I wouldn't be telling her more than once. I like Alee's suggestion of buying time by doing extra chores.
The only way I can relate to this problem is that we don't allow the grandkids to have their cell phones on or use them at all while they are here. But we watch them as they drive up the drive and park their car/truck. They are on the phone. They may stay out in the car for a few minutes before they come in. But they come in with out their phone. Simple but not easy. Lay down the law and inforce it. |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - Oct 22 2008 : 10:07:10 AM
Tara, I just had to jump in here when I saw this.
I homeschooled my girls years ago. I had a friend who did also who's boys were the same age as my kids. She taught music every other week and then we had a wonderful neighbor who was a potter and artist who gave art lessons the other week. We also went on field trips at least once a week, too.
I believe the trick to success is to keep the kids busy. Not just school work busy, but around the house with you teaching house work skills and outside doing yard work skills or building things, tearing things apart and putting back together.
A friend homeschools her youngest and her DD has 6 kids and does, too. They belong to a HS coop. They meet every Friday and take turns teaching several classes. The kids spend all day there with other kids, so there's the social part, plus in classroom settings, there's the structured part. The parents get to talk to other adults, too. It's a great idea.
SO if you know other HS people in your area, get together with them, do some swapping with teaching or fun classes. The kids get to hang out with others and have fun, too. Start a coop yourself.
Good luck and don't give up. She'll be ok in the long run. Mine were. They made it just fine.
Also, look up this website: www.nogreaterjoy.org. These people raised 5 kids at home. They are all married now and HS their kids, too. They have a magazine that's free and there's lots of great ideas in it.
Kris
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| Alee |
Posted - Oct 22 2008 : 06:01:54 AM
Wow! I really sympathize with your situation. With gas prices being as high as they are, it really isn't feasible to run into town everyday for socialization I am sure. I remember being her age and it is tough. You so wan to be part of the crowd, and if you are "out of the loop" for even five minutes, the other kids start to ostracize you. Can you find a different church in your area that would perhaps be a bit more supportive?
One thing that most computers come with is that funny key that most people pack away with the manuals and everything. If you turn the computer off and then use that key, the computer can't be used (It might boot but it will ask for the key to be turned before going further). Put both sets of the key on your key ring and then you will be in absolute control.
The best thing when I was that age was really clear cut rules. Anything ambiguous let me take advantage (sorry Mom!). It might sound weird at first, but maybe write a breakdown of the day's schedule where each hour is accounted for for the whole family. You don't want to make her feel like she has to be on a schedule and no one else is. That would probably just cause resentment. Then if she asks to use the computer and it is not "time" for it, you have a clear cut reason as to why it isn't allowed.
Also, you could possibly assign her extra chores to be done to your standard (not hers) that would buy her extra time on the computer. Say emptying the trash would buy 15 minutes or so, and then buy an egg timer with a really obnoxious buzzer so she can't pretend "I didn't hear the buzzer" etc.
I hope that helps! Like I said this is just coming from me remembering what it was like to be that age, caught between trying to be a grownup and still wanting to be a kid. My heart goes out to both of you!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
| kissmekate |
Posted - Oct 21 2008 : 9:46:45 PM
Is there somewhere you can lock up the phone and the computer tower? Seriously. I had to take the key board and mouse to work with me because my son was getting bad.
He is better now, thank God!
In the meantime, when she has a hissy fit, just send her to her room. Like a three year old child, her tantrum will be considerably shorter if she doesn't have an audience.
Just be firm. It is a battle of wills right now, and you're the Mom. She just needs to be reminded of that fact.
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
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