| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Pavla |
Posted - Aug 21 2008 : 09:11:11 AM
Hi Ladies,
Guess I wanted to update a little. Today my exhusband had jury selection for his trial. Now let me explain what happened so you can all see the stupidity of it all. My ex has not been the greatest to me, even though he left ME (with a 2yr old and a 4 month old baby) but seems to think everything is still my fault. I could not have left, it's just not how I am. And I told him when he left that I did not agree and this was not mutual, but I sure wasn't going to beg him to stay, thats for sure. Anyway he had been verbally abusive, a lot of the time in front of the kids, and so when I met Dave he started coming along to pick up/drop off to shelter me a little. Well ex started having a problem with Dave giving the girls kisses in his view during pick up/drop off. Now we live with Dave, I have never in my life loved someone so much and so purely. For him to not kiss the kids goodbye would be selfish. How to you explain to the little ones why the person they live with is not allowed to give them a kiss goodbye. Anyway one day at pick up ex got in my face about it. He was not nice. Dave intervened and they stepped off to discuss exs problem. My oldest (3 years) was looking out the window at them. Out of nowhere ex starts hitting Dave. All of this over a kiss goodbye! Dave could have beat the everything out of ex, but didn't because of the kids. So Dave's nose was not broken, but he was having trouble breathing a couple of days later and went to a doc. He ended up having to have surgery to patch his septum back together as it was shattered, and to put it back into the center of his nose where it belongs. Doc said surgery or you will never breath right again. So surgery it was. It was horrible! Anyone else had facial surgery?! I felt so, so bad for him. It was so painful and the pain killers made him sick and it was just awful. So right after the event we call the police. They press charges, ex pleads not guilty. He had already confessed that he did it, but I think he's going to try and play the self defense card. It was not self defense at all, it was an attack. Today was jury selection and trial is in a month. It makes me feel sick. All of this. I tried to get his visitation reduced but because there was not a conviction, no one cared. He has a temper and I just pray that he will not take it out on the girls. But there is nothing more I can do in regards to this, I tried I really did. And it appears the girls are doing fine going over to see him. But this whole thing like I said still makes me sick. It just feels weird, at one point I did love that person, but he kept so many of his bad attributes hidden and they are coming out en masse now. Or maybe the signs were always there and I didn't see them? Ignored them in order to deal? Probably. I don't know. It makes me feel bad. I feel guilty about what happened to Dave and that the girls are all caught up in it. There is still a possibility that if he is convicted that child protective services may step in. They were present at the assault and so it would be considered domestic abuse. Guess I just wanted to get this out. There really is no way to deal with this other than to just do it. It's just how it is. How I pray every day for peace! It's all I want and daydream about every day. Anyway, thanks for reading. |
| 12 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| shepherdgirl |
Posted - Aug 29 2008 : 10:46:07 AM
Oh Pavla! You are a strong woman and you have a strong, loving man to stand behind you! What your babies are seeing with their own eyes, and how you handle this situation, will go a long way tword their understanding as "women." The youngest might not remember, and your 3yr old might not either, but watching how Mommy handles the agonies that life throws at her is the greatest teacher there is-- that, and having a man like Dave-- a man NOT their "biological" Daddy-- but one who has already proven what a WONDERFUL, LOVING person he is. That will ALSO have a huge affect on their lives as they grow up.
You know, there's that old saying "Any man can Father a Child, but only a REAL man can RAISE one" is so true here. It's not often, it seems, that a man comes along and is able to show such HONEST and PURE (as opposed to PERVERTED-- SHUDDER) affection for a child (let alone TWO!) that is not his own. I think most men would go the way of Tom Cats given the choice-- EAT the young of a rival male, then create your OWN to take their place! You are truly blessed where Dave is concerned Pavla, and don't worry about how the trial will turn out. Regardless of the judges ruling, I doubt your ex would be STUPID enough to pull another stunt like that! Hang in there and know that we are all praying for you and your family, and that the light of truth will shine brightly on this whole matter and you will FINALLY find the peace you long for. Hugs and blessings to you and yours ~~~ Tracy
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ~~ George Carlin |
| Aunt Jenny |
Posted - Aug 23 2008 : 10:18:01 PM
Oh Pavla..I hate to hear that anyone has to go through what you are...especially with your kids involved too. Sounds like Dave is so good for you...
I have been in your situation too..and a restraining order helped. IT helped alot more when ex moved far far away and never bothered us again.I will sure keep you in my prayers...hang in there!!
(((hugs)))
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
| melanie47601 |
Posted - Aug 23 2008 : 9:50:24 PM
Pavla, lots of hugs to you and the girls and Dave too. What a great man you have there! I have been in a bad marriage and gotten out.
Still trying to get my ex to back off and leave me alone. Praying everything goes well for you during the trial.
Melanie
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart. Helen Keller "http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/ ~shop~ http://www.brokenin.ecrater.com/ |
| Daisydu |
Posted - Aug 23 2008 : 09:03:07 AM
Pavla,
Been there, done that! I had to leave the state in order to get him to leave me alone. I knew it was the only way, before someone got hurt. I know that is not always a choice, fortunately, it was for me. But things got bad before I left. I have now found my version of your Dave and I wouldn't trade him for the world. Keep your faith and keep praying. My faith is what kept me strong!
Loving a simple life in the country!
www.twistedfencepost.wordpress.com |
| lilyblossom |
Posted - Aug 22 2008 : 4:21:11 PM
Pavla,
I am sorry that all of this is happening in your life. I know it is hard to think about now, but something good will come out of this situation....actually something has Dave. Big hugs to you and your little farmgirls.
Donna...true blue KY farmgirl, farmgirl #86 |
| peacemama5 |
Posted - Aug 22 2008 : 10:52:48 AM
Pavia, I am so sorry this is happening to you. I lived with a truly abusive man for 7 years and had 2 children with him. I then met a perfect husband and went off to live a great life. I will hop you find the same. Your choice now is to protect all of your family from this beast.I will pray for you. Love and peace mary PS ask for supervised visitation if it is in your area. |
| Bear5 |
Posted - Aug 21 2008 : 3:42:21 PM
Pavia:
You sound like a true positive woman. Stay that way. You seem to see good in people who are good. Stay that way, too. You are not stupid, my sweet farmgirl. We are all allowed to make mistakes in this wonderful life. And, we all learn from our mistakes. To me, you've learned from yours. Take care of yourself, and those girls. I will keep you in my prayers.
Marly |
| Pavla |
Posted - Aug 21 2008 : 1:00:28 PM
I appreciate it everyone! I do pray and I know that there is some reason for this all (besides my own stupidity I guess! You do have to lie in the bed that you made, as they say). Someday I will get my reward to (a little farm, peace, chickens to watch, gardens to weed, that is my greatest wish!). And I do think that my girlies will be all the stronger. In fact I will make sure of it, right now that is my greatest purpose, to raise strong farmgirls. And Dave, well, I don't know what I would do without him. I love him so much and he has just been the greatest thing to happen to us as a family. I am really very fortunate! I really do try every day to focus on the good stuff. Firemama, I love your quote, how true! People can only do to you what you allow them to do. That is certainly hard to focus on though when the situation arises. Thanks everyone. |
| Bear5 |
Posted - Aug 21 2008 : 11:14:09 AM
Pavla:
My prayers are with you and the girls.
Marly |
| Firemama |
Posted - Aug 21 2008 : 10:54:29 AM
Oh Pavla I am so sorry you are dealing with that. Just love your girls and pray!
Mama to 2
FarmGirl# 20
People can only make you feel inferior with your permission, and you dont have my permission......
http://myfarmdreams.blogspot.com/
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| dutchy |
Posted - Aug 21 2008 : 10:44:54 AM
Many many hugs from me!!
Love and hugs from Marian/Dutchy
(Only Elvis is a black kitten :) )
http://princess-of-pink-creations.blogspot.com/
my new BLOG
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| Alee |
Posted - Aug 21 2008 : 10:37:57 AM
Pavla- *hugs*
It is a statistical fact that abusive persons often hide their tendencies for long periods of time. It is wonderful that he left you before he got physically abusive with you. I know that you have gone through a horrible time. But look at Dave. He was standing up for you, protecting you and the girls, went through all that pain and suffering and yet he is _still_ with you and the girls. If that isn't the definition of a true man than I don't know what is!
I am so happy for you your ex is getting tried. *hugs* You will make it through and you have a true partner to walk by your side now! *hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our new blog:
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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