| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Jan 14 2008 : 12:26:16 PM
AGAIN??? Gosh, this is the question of the week around here. While I like the idea of moving somewhere new (Gypsy in me) I am also very tired of moving and want to be settled. I swear, I am surprised DH doesn't think I am mental. 
Option 1:
DH stays in and we try to get orders to Texas (recruiting) or Florida. We want to stay where it is warm. We are both sun birds.  The downsize is he would have to make another deployment and I don't know if I can do that on my own with DS. But, it is his career we are talking here and I try to be adventurous. I do like seeing new places and DS would learn so much. But, that means always renting and never settling and the possibility of another move after 4 years. We have lived like this over the past 4 years and it has ben fun but also exhausting.
Option 2:
DH gets out of the military in 1 year and we go back to Texas for good. End of story. We can go wherever we want and do whatever we want and not have that worry in the back of our minds. This would allow us to live our dreams without interruption. I can get a great healthcare job in Texas and DH wants to join the police force. It means we will have stability, especially for DS.
I know option 2 seems like the right answer, but I don't want to dash DH's dreams (military wise) but at the same time, it is about time for me to be selfish and I also need to think of DS. He will be 3 when we move on either option, so I don't want to be uprooting him from school alot. He has already been in 2 daycares as is and he is not even 2.
Sometimes, I think I just need to grow up and stop living in my dream world. It is so hard and I really have no one to talk to about this. I am so alone here. 
DH knows how I feel but sometimes, I really miss my girlfriends and getting out and chatting with people. I havne't had a sense of community since we go married due to the fact that we move so much that by the time I start to get settled and familiar with the area and the people, we move again, starting over. That is also why I am looking at getting a job around here right now. More $$ in and I need the socializing. I literally go weeks without "talking" to another human being (other than DH)
UGH!!!
I feel like we are both at that point in our life where we really need to say ok this is it, let's get to it. We are 33 (me) and 36 (DH) and I admit, we both tend to like to be gypsies, having bounced around from job to job and state to state, enjoying ourselves but still...I think it is time to settle down for more than a year or 2 at a time. Truly, if we didn't had DS, no problem for me to move. And if we are thinking of having another baby, well, I want a house with a yard in a pretty neighborhood- not military housing. I think we have reached the first important cross road in our married life.
I think I am also having a mid life crisis of sorts (exhibit A- my lastest rantings on here  ) I just feel like I finally hit that point where I know I am an adult and I have finally accepted that. I know that sounds naive or stupid, but it is the truth. I suddenly got hit with I am not longer a kid. Takes me awhile to actually believe things!!! I do think sometimes DH and I can be immature but we are always responsible. Now, I will always be a kid at heart, but it is time I accepted my adult role in life.
I want to be know in my neighborhood, have parties, go to school meetings, know my check out person at the store, I am craving some semblance.
Ok, enough rambling...just had to get it out of my head before it exploded.
Cheers,
Heather |
| 10 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Alee |
Posted - Jan 15 2008 : 8:46:35 PM
YeeeHaww ya'all! Awesome! I am so happy for you, and you aren't being selfish if you are concerned about your family's ultimate well being. I love the old saying "Ain't momma happy- ain't NOBODY happy!!"
Really the heart of the family resides in the matriarch. Traditionally we do the most "home" based duties such as carrying the children, then doing the main raising until they get to the interactive ages. If it is going to help you to raise your son better by throwing down roots- I think that has got to be #1 priority. I am sure you husband understands or soon will as soon as he sees how happy and relaxed you will get.
Doug was a little leary about me putting my foot down at first, but he is so happy now. He says he thinks the move is going to be great for us and is excited now.
I would write more- but Nora is screaming so I had best go take care of her! *hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
Please come visit Nora and I our our new blog:
http://FarmgirlAlee.blogspot.com" target="_blank"> http://FarmgirlAlee.blogspot.com |
| KYgurlsrbest |
Posted - Jan 15 2008 : 8:42:43 PM
I really hope you find what you're looking for. I never was a settled person, by choice, having moved around by myself since I was 14. But, when I met my husband, I finally feel like I found my "place"...ironically, it was in the very house, the very town, the very street I spent so much time running away from. I met my neighbors, I enveloped my community, and I love it here. I found a Mary Englebright magnet once, with an adorable spotted dog, a house and a lovely red headed little girl that read, "Everyone needs their own Spot!"
Wherever it is, Heather, I wish you the same joy!!!!
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
| Annika |
Posted - Jan 15 2008 : 8:40:48 PM
YEEEE-HAAAAW!!!!! Heather!, go for the dream girl!, I'm glad you put your foot down. You have to be a little selfish for the sake of your family. I'm happy for you =)
Annika
Farmgirl sister #13
Mud Hen Queen
http://innermountainmudhens.wordpress.com/
http://panzymoon.wordpress.com/ |
| Tina Michelle |
Posted - Jan 15 2008 : 8:37:53 PM
congratulations.I really hope all works out very well for you.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~
visit me at:
http://gardengoose.blogspot.com/
and at www.stliving.net
you can also check out my etsy shops at:http://GardenGooseGifts.etsy.com |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Jan 15 2008 : 7:41:01 PM
Well, it's official- WE ARE GOING TO TEXAS IN 12 MONTHS!!! Can I get a YEE-HAW Farmgirls!!! YIPEEE....
Had a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGg talk with DH and the thing is this- I, as in being selfish here, need some stability. Like I said, 12-13 years of moving around has finally taken it's toll on me, mentally and physically. I told DH- get me settled and you can still live out your military life in the Reserves, if he wants, and do the cop thing. I desperately need a sense of community, people I can trust, farmgirl friends. I am so tired of sitting at home by myself, talking with no one, while he goes out and lives his dreams while I wait for that day when it is my turn. It sounds so selfish and is coming out wrong, but I don't think I could handle another big move to another big state where I have to start over again. Even the small amount of time I have been in Texas, I was comfortable and happy.
Like Alee said, I am putting my foot down on this one. We have been so jerked around by the Navy and yes, it is our choice that we served, but now that we are a family, this is not the lifestyle for me or my little family. I can't live with not knowing what the next day holds- deployment, no deployment, move here, go there, go to the boat for 2 weeks, change that to 6 weeks- all in a matter of 24 hours. Like I mentioned before, no one else helps us and no matter what DH says, he does not get how hard it is for me to take care of DS, on my own, 24/7 for weeks on end with no relief. That is why I so need to build a coommunity of protection, even if for me and my son. He has yet to spend one day ALONE with DS, so I kinda can say, no he doesn't understand. And I don't need him 4,000 miles away if something happens to him or me.
Truly- this is a blessing, because I think if we stayed in, it would ultimately tear our marriage apart. I just can't live like this anymore. Texas is a fresh start and a fresh end too- does that make sense? We seem to be juggling so many balls right now, and this would be one less to have to worry about.
This opens up a whole bunch of new doors for me that otherwise had to remain shut until we got stable...Thank GOD!!!
Cheers,
Heather |
| Alee |
Posted - Jan 14 2008 : 3:52:32 PM
Exactly. I we all crave that sense of hometown community. I am really looking forward to settling down like that!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
Please come visit Nora and I our our new blog:
http://FarmgirlAlee.blogspot.com" target="_blank"> http://FarmgirlAlee.blogspot.com |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Jan 14 2008 : 3:46:31 PM
AMEN to that Alee!!! I actually just made a trip to the grocery store (ok follow me on this one) and I really wanted to always have MY (insert town) grocery store, MY (IT)bank, hairdresser, etc. Especially now that I am getting my degree in Health Information Management, I am going to be dealing with the public around me, at some level. Wouldn't it be nice to know those folks? Know who is pregnant, getting married, graduating, retiring or just because?
I know I have the answer and now it is just a matter of ticking the time off the calendar- 12 months and 21 days and we are free to do what we want!! I don't care if DH gets out and works at Starbucks for all I care. As long as we can support ourselves, be out of cc debt and are happy, what else matters?
Thanks.
Cheers,
Heather
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| Alee |
Posted - Jan 14 2008 : 3:39:38 PM
Hey Heather!
I know what you mean. I have been going through similar feeling lately myself. Infact it sparked a huge discussion with my DH where I declared we were moving and that was that. We have a rule in our marriage that if one of us feels REALLY strongly about something- we will follow it through and see where it leads. Doug calls it "putting your foot down". I _know_ that this move which will put us at a place to "put down roots" will be good for us, but it is going to be hard at the same time because it will be closing a chapter in our lives as well. I think you just need to really do some soul searching- but I think you have your answer already. I think you are feeling the need to settle down as am I.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
Please come visit Nora and I our our new blog:
http://FarmgirlAlee.blogspot.com" target="_blank"> http://FarmgirlAlee.blogspot.com |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Jan 14 2008 : 12:56:11 PM
HA!! I would LOVE To start a farmgirl chapter...oh the ideas are buzzing in my head now...oh my goodness!!!
I can't tell ya how being truthful has helped me in so many ways. I just can't lie- I need to put it out there and let it be for all it is!!!
True- I think I am mostly scared of settling as I have never settled since I left home 13 years ago!! Maybe it is just the unkwown- which I am not usually afraid of, rather quite bold about, so maybe my word of the day is """"TRY"""" after Julia drawing me "Responsiblity" yesterday...sheesh!!!!
I would love to take my son camping and have multiple cats and dogs and not have to worry about them ruining the renters house or carpet, etc. I want a house- haven't ever had one of my own that I can put my farmgirl stamp on, I want to paint MY OWN ROOMS and hang up funny sayings on the wall, with as many holes as I can drill into the plaster. I want to try my hand at gardening, even if I only want tomatoes, onions, radishes, peas and some squash. I want to learn how to swim better, and then there is the issue of my new career in the healthcare industry---and all this talk of a baby looming in the background...I swear if I didn't have creative outlet for all of this in my head, I would really be nuts!!!
But as you see, I sound so selfish. I feel like I am just forgetting about DH, which I know I am not. He just looks so tired some days and I wish he could just have his little job and not the BS of the military, even though he sometimes loves it. I think he could use his energy in a better way.
Adventure to me could be as simple as going to the Texas Roadhouse and dancing with the gals when they do their line dancing----so I am always looking for an opportunity!!
I want to wave to my neighbors and actually have them know my name before I pack up and leave again. I want to know the quickest way to the best junking haunts and where hte best BBQ is, I want the to know my Boxer at my vet. I guess with my lack of family support, I am looking for a replacement, but in a good way. Just tired of moving and just getting to know people and then move again....
I will talk with DH tonight (again, for plan #354...we have a running joke on which plan we are on) and keep ya'll posted.
Thanks.
Cheers,
Heather |
| Carol Sue |
Posted - Jan 14 2008 : 12:43:00 PM
Heather,
You are so amazing truthfull girl, and don't worry your head wont' xplode....yet.....
I think I see it this way, that you will always have adventures but they will just be in a different direction now. Adventures of learning what the town you live in will be like, making lasting friendships, starting your very own chapter of farmgirls, checking out the state and it's historical places, good camping spots, hmmmmmm what hobbies would you love to have and go find out about.....yep, just a different direction. Hey vacations will come and then you can venture a bit further.
I am 51 and still a kid at heart, I don't ever want to lose that because you enjoy the wonder of things that way. Just like you do and will.
Can you tell which option I am thinking about....lol
As long as you and your honey agree on your choice, you will do fine sweets.
Carol Sue
listening to the quiet moments
Farmgirl #39
www.Quitemoments.blogspot.com |
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