| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| lmillward |
Posted - Dec 12 2007 : 7:45:59 PM
I just left my daughter at yet another rehab facility. She is in her 20's now but has been dealing with drug addiction since she was 13. Although this is not the first (or I suspect the last) time I have been through this with her it is still very difficult. I'm struggling to find that, almost invisible, line between enabling her and supporting her. It seems to be getting harder as she gets older and has more to lose.
Thanks for listening
Lorie
Wonder, explore, learn, love... act! |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| lmillward |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 7:13:37 PM
Thanks, gals- you cant know how much your support helps me! Julia- I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts!
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! |
| julia hayes |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 06:08:03 AM
I'm on a very different journey with my daughter right now but I couldn't help but think of something a dear friend said to me recently, "Every day, every hour, every minute, every second is one step closer to recovery." I found this so comforting because like you, life is just taking each day moment by moment. A week is an amazing accomplishment! I will continue to keep you and your family is the light of positive thinking!
blessings, ~julia hayes
being simple to simply be
Farmgirl #30
www.julia42.etsy.com |
| Carol Sue |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 12:25:39 AM
Every step and milestone is grand and a week is a very long time!!!!!!! Will keep on praying.
listening to the quiet moments
Farmgirl #39
www.Quitemoments.blogspot.com |
| lmillward |
Posted - Jan 29 2008 : 7:46:30 PM
Howdy, gals!
My daughter has been clean for 1 week today!!!! She is going to work everyday and to therapy every night. It doesnt sound like a long time but it is a great start!
Fingers crossed
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! |
| lmillward |
Posted - Jan 21 2008 : 09:20:43 AM
Well gals, she comes home today. Wish us luck! she knows that this is her last chance. the insurance company has basically cut her off and I have no more resources to offer her. It will take a major shift in every aspect of her life for her to stay clean (and alive). Once again, thanks for your support!
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! |
| Ronna |
Posted - Jan 18 2008 : 4:21:23 PM
Lorie,
This is a long and painful journey...and there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. Try to rememember you have lots of virtual help with the members of this group. Each person is an individual and how you, your family and your daughter deal with it will be different from anyone else. Many shoulders here and it's helpful and healing to be able to express your feelings.
My grandson is with his uncle in Utah, has gone back to school and hopefully will be getting his life back on the road to success and happiness. He knows he has me and his unc on his side at all times.
I do hope the next post from you is positive, but you have those who care here regardless.
Ronna |
| Carol Sue |
Posted - Jan 17 2008 : 11:40:22 PM
Lorie,
I have not walked in your footsteps, but my heart goes out to you.
All those people who want to "help" with no experience can cloud the waters. I am so glad that you find comfort here and that there are fellow journeyners who can help you on your way.
Hugs hugs and more hugs,
Carol Sue
listening to the quiet moments
Farmgirl #39
www.Quitemoments.blogspot.com |
| lmillward |
Posted - Jan 17 2008 : 8:05:56 PM
Thanks fran and janice. You cant know how very helpful it is to me to hear your words of encouragement and understanding. I have somany people in my life right now telling what I should do and how I should treat my daughter- most of them have never even dealt with this type of situation but suddently they are big on advice. It does more harm than good. That's why i appreciate y'all so much!
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! ~John Muir |
| myfairlady636 |
Posted - Jan 17 2008 : 09:13:54 AM
I am also the mother of an addict. It has been a long and difficult journey, but also very rewarding. He is 18 months sober. We finally gave him enough rope to "hang himself" and when they picked him up he was high on meth, marijuana, and alcohol. Driving a friends truck with no license, no insurance. In the process he has earned his GED, got a job, starting seeing his daughter, and actually learning how to deal with his emotions and anger issues. I agree that trying to reason with him when he was using was like talking to a brick wall, and my son was not inside the body that was using. His road to recovery has taught me a lot about myself and I am greatful for that. His dad and I pray for him and with each passing day that he is clean it is a miracle to us, because we have our son. We know he may relapse, we know we may lose him at any point, but we keep loving him, encouraging him and trying not to enable him. Here is a hug to all of you sisters who have to be on this path.. I know it is difficult. I am so glad to have a place to share.
My Fair Lady Farm Girl Sister # 92
"Our lives have meaning, purpose and direction"
http://millberrycottage.blogspot.com/
http://myfairlady636.etsy.com |
| frannie |
Posted - Jan 17 2008 : 08:56:45 AM
lorie,
i am so glad to hear from you, i have wondered how things were going.
i believe from my own experiences that your daughter needs this fear to begin her journey back.
the addiction to opiates is a very strong one as you know, and there is a very strong physical component. the pain receptors in her brain have to be extinquished and will power alone cant do that they have to be starved out. so every day that she is without a substance progress will be made.
i will continue to have you and your daughter in my prayers and thoughts. i want you to try to take this time to refresh and renew yourself. please do what ever you can to take an emotional break from this very weary journey you and your daughter have been on.
you have provided the best circumstance for recovery that you can and now it is in the hands of the pros and your daughter and in my world
God.
i call on all our farmgirl sisters to please send out prayers whenever you can for our farmgirl sister and her daughter.
love
fran
(http://farmfolks-frannie.blogspot.com/) |
| lmillward |
Posted - Jan 17 2008 : 08:44:39 AM
Looks like my daughter will be going back into detox today. Not even a month out of the last time. She is finally afraid she is going to die- as I have been for a long time. I'm just about worn down.
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! ~John Muir |
| lmillward |
Posted - Jan 10 2008 : 9:43:01 PM
OOPS! Hit the wrong button. Any way, residential treatment programs are VERY expensive- on the order of 20-40K per month- and insurance doesnt cover it (at least not mine). The counselor matter of factly suggested we borrow the money from a family member. Obviously he has never known monetary hardship and was quite surprised when we told him our family was poor (an awkward thing to have to tell someone especially when they dont understand).
It made me realize how many people will never be able to get treatment or quality care because of their socio-economic status. At least we have been able to do what we could but I'm afraid it's going to bankrupt us (again).
Thanks for listening
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! ~John Muir |
| lmillward |
Posted - Jan 10 2008 : 9:36:44 PM
Well, she got a job and has been there for 4 days! I hope this works out. In counseling they told us that she really needs to be in a residential treatment for several months
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! ~John Muir |
| lmillward |
Posted - Dec 27 2007 : 8:15:34 PM
Thank you, Lisa for telling me your story. I am always heartened to hear success stories. After 7 years and 9 treatment programs it gets harder and harder to feel optimistic but I am trying. As you say- it is incredibly hard on the family. It is hard to have the energy to give to my other daughters in the midst of all the stress and worry.
I appreciate you thinking of me- it really helps - more than I ever thought it would!
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! ~John Muir |
| lisamarie508 |
Posted - Dec 27 2007 : 4:25:31 PM
Lorie, I also know what you've been going through. I would not wish this kind of heartache on my worst enemy. Our middle son got involved in drugs and what a horrible experience for our family for about 4 years. It almost ended our marriage, it got so bad.
We lived in West Valley, UT at the time. The last time our son was arrested (for felony charges) we convinced the judge to commit our son to rehab. The judge put him in Odyssey House in Salt Lake two weeks before his 18th birthday.
After everything we had done or tried to do with him that didn't work...I'm so glad the judge listened to us. I'm convinced that judge saved my son's life because I was sure he was either going to end up in prison or dead if he continued on the path he was on. That was in early 99. My son spent 8 months in Odyssey House because he had continual setbacks (he was not there by choice) and they're policy was not to release patients until they were certain that they were ready and could make good life choices.
He's been clean for more than 7 years now. He has a good job, goes to school at night to be a nurse, is married and expecting a baby in June! I got my son back and I couldn't be more proud of him now.
I pray your daughter's life turns out just as well. My heart goes out to you.
Farmgirl Sister #35
"If you can not do great things, do small things in a great way." Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)
my blog: http://lisamariesbasketry.blogspot.com/
My Website:
http://www.freewebs.com/lisamariesbasketry/index.htm |
| brightmeadow |
Posted - Dec 24 2007 : 07:59:51 AM
I'm glad you're getting through this. This is a really hard time of year for a lot of people, and it sounds like you and your daughter have a strong support network. Keep reaching out to others, there are lots of people who have been there and who understand.
My daughter didn't get involved in drugs (at least, I don't know it) but she's found lots of other ways to cause heartache in her late teens. She's getting better now - time really does heal all wounds.
I'm thinking of you, and pulling for you and your daughter.
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
| lmillward |
Posted - Dec 23 2007 : 11:01:10 PM
4 days into being home and everything is OK so far. She came to the family christmas party (which is saying alot since I have 9 siblings all married with kids- so around 50 people or so arrive for any get together!)!!! They have started a "Heroin Anon" group at the University where I work so she is trying to get involved in that too. Feeling hopeful.
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! ~John Muir |
| lmillward |
Posted - Dec 20 2007 : 4:23:12 PM
Thank you all for your thoughts and concern. It makes me very sad that so many families are effected by this kind of situation. It can be devastating for the person and the family who loves the addict. Ronna- I pray that the move will help your grandson and show him how much support he has from his family.
Julia- I appreciate your understanding of the feelings I have right now. My husband and I (along with our other girls) are really scared. We've been through this many times and I think it gets harder each time.
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! ~John Muir |
| julia hayes |
Posted - Dec 20 2007 : 11:38:10 AM
my heart just aches Lorie!! I loved your last post..'my daughter came home today...now for the hard part.' isn't that the truth! I will keep you so close to my thoughts and prayers..I don't know what to say other than I'm taking a deep breath....~julia hayes
being simple to simply be |
| Ronna |
Posted - Dec 20 2007 : 09:58:13 AM
I don't think there's a family around that hasn't been affected by drugs and the damage it does to everyone. My daughter got really mad when I told her paybacks were a [bleep]. My grandson, 17, will be going to live in Utah with my son and hopefully get his head on straight and do something constructive with his life. My son is just 16 years older than him, but has always been the strongest male in his life and that's a plus.
I also have an adopted sister, just 5 weeks older than my daughter, who has been in and out of prison and rehab for at least 15 years and struggles every day. In a small town, it's hard for people to believe she's clean and trying to be a good person. My heart is with you in this long hard journey. Hopefully, both of you, and the rest of the family will come through with more wisdom and understanding.
Ronna |
| shawna |
Posted - Dec 20 2007 : 07:09:04 AM
we will all be keeping you both in our prayers! best of blessings!
xoxxo MERRY CHRISTMAS xoxxo |
| lmillward |
Posted - Dec 19 2007 : 8:33:16 PM
My daughter came home today. Now for the hard part...
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! ~John Muir |
| lmillward |
Posted - Dec 14 2007 : 9:04:49 PM
You are all so amazing! There is something so liberating and yet so comforting about sharing a hard situation with other women and mothers. Through the years I have certainly gotten to know many mothers dealing with this same issue through the various programs we have been involved in and felt support from them as well. The difference, however, is that y'all don't know me or my daughter personally and yet, you still provide comfort, prayers and support willingly and with no expectations or judgement. That is indeed rare and a testament to the fundamental nature of a farmgirl. I am so proud to be one of you!
Thank you for answering my prayers for comfort and understanding.
Lorie
Wonder, explore, learn, love... act! |
| goneriding |
Posted - Dec 14 2007 : 7:01:45 PM
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this but I have a daughter who has been sober for over 3 years now. I had to finally 'give up' on her and let her fall flat, hit bottom HARD and stay there till she decided to pick herself up and get with the program. She has done all the rehab herself as, even tho I love her, I won't be here/there to pick her up and she knows it. According to a counselor, she wasn't even supposed to make it this far...that's how bad she was.
My daughter knows I won't even be there for her to lean on me, she has to be that strong for herself. I helped her with money for a bit and then cut her off as soon as she found a little job to pay the basics. That's all I'll do for her and she knows it. Now she is doing fabulous and is trying to buy and established business.
Not that I'm trying to brag on my daughter, the point is I finally just gave up and let go and let the chips fall where they may. Truely both my daughter and I are relieved and we have a very strong bond that can't be broken.
Maybe something from my story will help you in your problem...I hope so...
Winona :-)
When you lose, don't lose the lesson!!
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| Nance in France |
Posted - Dec 14 2007 : 09:56:12 AM
Lorie, sending you a hug, and keeping you close in prayer. It is a tough time, so keep close to God and pray for guidance; He will not let you down. Keep your spirits up and positive so that you will be ready to help when your daughter is ready to lean on you. Nance |
