| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| BarefootGoatGirl |
Posted - Jun 20 2007 : 07:40:10 AM
Hey there, girls! Sorry I just dropped out of sight there, especially after posting questions to some of you, but I had no other choice. My husband has been a bit "odd" since returning from Iraq last April and about mid Feburary compleatly lost it. He was/is very paranoid and shut off the internet and phone since he believed that I was using them to help unnamed "they" spy on him. The last day I was on, he thought I spent too long looking at Alee's baby pics and got furious. That was only one episode...Foolishly, I believed that if I obeyed him I could prove that I was not doing him any wrong. Eventualy he ended up keeping the children and I hostage at home for 2 months, only allowing me to leave for groceries and making me leave the kids with him to ensure that I was coming back. He would not allow anybody to come see us (he made the kids hide when a car pulled into the drive). My parents and some dear friends finaly convinced the county to come in and get him (he was AWOL) on an involantary commitment order. They brought a swat team into get him and it took two shots of the tazer to get him into a car. That was 3 weeks ago and he is still in the psych ward on post. He will probably be there another 6 months until a medical discharge goes through and then he will be transfered to a VA hospital. He is refusing treatment and has gone into a POW mode. The kids and I are staying with my mom and stepdad, social services is involved  and it is a mess.
Right now it looks like I just don't have a husband anymore. My kids are traumatised (George may have PSTD himself). My animals are farmed out with friends. My garden untended. That song "There is No Arizona" keeps running through my head. In my weak moments I am tempeted to believe that there is no future. I know that God doesn't just leave us in the hard times, I do get down some days.
I am glad to be back on the forum to share life, projects, and ideas with you all. Trina
'
Bloom where you are planted. |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Alee |
Posted - Sep 14 2007 : 12:34:42 PM
Trina-
How are things going?
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for typing, one hand to hold Nora!
http://home.test-afl.tulix.com/aleeandnora/ |
| ArmyWifey |
Posted - Sep 12 2007 : 3:02:19 PM
Also just finished reading "While they're at War" which is a good read for wives or families who have no clue what a military wife's life is really like while they're gone! Doesn't deal to much with PTSD but some.
Hugs,
Holly
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
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| bboopster |
Posted - Sep 10 2007 : 5:31:18 PM
Dear Trina,
Please take care of yourself and your children. I have dealt with PTSD with my adopted children who's father also dealt with it from the Vietnam war. It is a horrible disorder but keep fighting for help. I too am a Army mom with one son being deployed for Iraq for the second time. It worries me as his father had PTSD and he also was diagnosed with it at age 6 (long story). My oldest son is being deployed to Korea and I'm waiting on orders with my youngest that can come any day. The military is a very hard way of life and affects more then those who fight for our freedom. We all have to stick together and lean on each other for help. Please lean on those who you feel help you the most and stray from those who you feel do not help you (ie old consular) Pray God is ALWAYS listening and will carry you when you feel you can not go on. You and your family are in our prayers.
3 Blue Star Mother and Proud of it!
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
| ArmyWifey |
Posted - Sep 04 2007 : 08:27:48 AM
Dear Trina,
Glad to hear that things are slowly progressing for you!
I just finished a book called "When Joy came to Stay" that you might like. (Karen Kingsbury is the authoress) about dealing with depression - the issues are not the same of course but you still might find it a comfort.
I hope hubby is making progress!
The Lord bless you today,
Holly
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
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| windypines |
Posted - Sep 03 2007 : 05:29:46 AM
Trina, just read this all, and you have all been through so much. I pray for strength for you all. I hope it is going better for you and the kids.
Michele |
| AFMom |
Posted - Sep 02 2007 : 05:18:45 AM
Hi Trina,
After reading this discussion, you have opened my eyes to the very real effects of war and the toll it can have on families and military members. My DH is currently in Iraq for a one year tour...we talk twice a week & write emails daily...and I am very sensitive to the tone of his voice and messages for fear of depression setting in. More importantly, I feel greatly for you during this time and am so proud of your commitment to yourself, your family and your husband. I will keep you in my prayers. Warmly, Erica |
| Kelly43 |
Posted - Sep 01 2007 : 6:38:25 PM
Trina, What an amazing farmgirl you are!! I can't even imagine going through what you are right now. You stay strong and we will all be praying for you and your family.
Kelly |
| Cheryl |
Posted - Sep 01 2007 : 05:50:00 AM
Trina, You and your family are in my prayers.
Cheryl
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 |
| Marybeth |
Posted - Sep 01 2007 : 05:43:23 AM
Trina, you have been in my thoughts for quite awhile now. I am glad things are moving forward a teensy bit. You are a strong woman and will continue to do what you have to for your families sake. MB
www.strawberryhillsfarm.blogspot.com
www.day4plus.blogspot.com www.holyhouses-day4plus.blogspot.com
"Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well dance!" |
| Carol Sue |
Posted - Sep 01 2007 : 12:22:34 AM
Trina,
So very glad to hear from you and that you got the legal guardenship. Slowly but surely it moves forward. Will continue praying. Hang in girl, having someone who gets it and encourages you is important, and he continues to reasurre you about your love for your husband. That is a god thing to be reminded of, especially that you hate the disease and not him. It is tough going but girl I am proud of you for coming to his aid when he cannot for himself.
Carol Sue
Enjoying life. |
| Alee |
Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 3:16:48 PM
Hi Trina!
I am so glad to hear from you! I was starting to wonder how you are! I am so glad that you won guardianship! I hope this can be the corner you needed to turn towards full recovery for your family.
*hugs*
Alee
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for typing, one hand to hold Nora!
http://home.test-afl.tulix.com/aleeandnora/ |
| Hideaway Farmgirl |
Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 12:27:36 PM
Thanks for letting us know how you are doing, Trina! Getting the legal guardianship for Martin is a big hurdle overcome...and that should help you help him a bit more now.
I'm glad you have someone to talk to, as well. I doubt you have the energy or inclination for any torrid love affair with an old friend at this point! You'll probably be a good support for him, too.
Hugs to you and your children...
Jo
"Wish I had time to work with herbs all day!" |
| BarefootGoatGirl |
Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 11:48:50 AM
Hello, everybody! Thanks for the love and advice. Today we had a compentency hearing for Martin and he was deemed incompetent and I am now his legal gardian. I will meet with the doctors the beginning of next week to put together a treatment plan. When I meet with them, I will ask about the neuropsych testing Janet recomended. I know that he will first require drug therapy to get him compliant enough to do any testing.
I am now in counceling, but am having to find a new concelor for the kids. The woman ended up being very hostile to the homeschool culture and is blaming it for every little thing. Also, she seems to feed fears to the children (long story). I supose that my counceling is going well, but the thing I have found the most helpful is talking to an old friend. Next to Martin he probably know me better than anyone else in the world (at one time everybody believed I would marry him), and since his wife is bi-polar he understands what I am going through. When I am ready to scream "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" He very calmly reminds me that I hate the illness not Martin. He reminds me that I am Martin's only hope and if I do not stick it through and get him help nobody else will. Mama worries about me talking to him, but I think he is the only person I can really relate to right now. Loving and being married to someone who wants you dead isn't a very common problem. There isn't even a PTSD support group for spouses of ill soldiers, I have looked. I am going to go to the local NAMI meeting this month and see what they have to say.
Ok, gotta go. I am on the library computer and I am really here for the purpose of doing some research before the doctors meeting.
Love you all. Trina
http://glitteringgoat.blogspot.com/
If you would know Love, you must know pain too. -Hannah Hurnard |
| janetinva123 |
Posted - Aug 09 2007 : 1:20:23 PM
Tina, I still hold you in my thoughts and prayers. Some of the work I do is with vets and brain injuries, make sure they do a neuropsych test for brain injuries. the test should take about 5 hours anything less is not enough to truely test if he also has a brain injury along with the ptsd. love and prayers, janet
Jc
http://beloved-creations.blogspot.com
http://beloved-creations.com |
| Hideaway Farmgirl |
Posted - Aug 09 2007 : 12:27:45 PM
Trina, I am glad things are on a bit of a steadier road for you and your children now.
I am also glad that you have gotten counseling services for yourself; and that you will use them! Right now, you are the central rock for your kids (and for your husband), so you require and deserve people to help you take care of YOU, as well as helping you take care of your family. It's a good thinkg that you all felt comfortable in your own home again; I am sending lots of farmgirl hugs your way.
Jo
"Wish I had time to work with herbs all day!" |
| Past Blessings |
Posted - Aug 07 2007 : 10:54:29 AM
Trina,
I am so sorry for all that you and your children have gone through. You re in my thoughts and prayers. Please don't give up on your husband though. I have heard of other such cases that through lots of therapy and prayers have turned around. It is obvious your husband dealt with some major trauma in Iraq to put him in this position. Now we will pray that the professionals working with him can unlock it and help him to move forward. In the meantime, maybe there is some kind of support group you can find . . . with other military wives who have endured similar things? I would check with your local military branch for such a group. There is a strength that comes when you surround yourself with others who have been through similar trials. Hugs and prayers coming your way.
Brenda
Past Blessings . . . Celebrating Life as it used to be . . . when people loved God, loved their families and loved their country. |
| Carol Sue |
Posted - Aug 04 2007 : 10:46:29 PM
Trina,
Good for you for fussing it out as you say. Much needed in the process, see him when you are ready and not before. Thinking of you often and praying. Yeah for the couseling thing coming through.
Carol Sue
Enjoying life. |
| MamaHumbird |
Posted - Aug 04 2007 : 12:00:43 PM
Trina,
I think of you so often, thank you for filling us in on the latest. I wish there was something more we could do to help you. You have to take care of yourself and your wonderful children. As you guys heal, you will be stronger and more capable of helping him later.
Hugs & Prayers,
Holly |
| Marybeth |
Posted - Aug 04 2007 : 07:13:10 AM
Trina, your words sound encouraging as if you are seeing through things. You and your family are always in my thoughts. MaryBeth
www.strawberryhillsfarm.blogspot.com
www.day4plus.blogspot.com www.holyhouses-day4plus.blogspot.com
"Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well dance!" |
| BarefootGoatGirl |
Posted - Aug 04 2007 : 05:10:50 AM
Thanks, everybody. I have just got my Tricare approval for councling. The kids have been going since we first got out. I really do need to start journaling agian. I quit when he got so paranoid because he felt there was something sneaky or underhanded about what I was writting. The other night I got so upset that I was screaming and crying at the same time. My sweet step-dad just held me and let me fuss it out, then I felt so much better. If I loose it when mama is around, she takes it personaly and gets upset.
I'm feeling very well this morning. I was in a turmoil yesterday because I didn't know if I should go see him or not, but then I prayed about it and just felt so peaceful. After talking to his family, I came to the conclusion that it probably matters more to me than him if I go or not. When I feel up to it I'll go, otherwise I am not going to sweat it. Sometimes I get the feeling that he doesn't even remember who I am between visits. And it makes it easier to do things that he will dislike (such as have him declared incompetent and force him to get treatment) when I do not have to see him.
Last night, we stayed at our house for the first time in over 2 months. I was a bit worried about how the kids would take it, but they did just fine. It actualy felt good to be home. The blessing is that with his job he was rarely there so it really is our home, not his. I use to tell him that when he retired he was going to have to marry me.
Thanks, again. Have a great day, girls. Trina
http://glitteringgoat.blogspot.com/
If you would know Love, you must know pain too. -Hannah Hurnard |
| Carol Sue |
Posted - Aug 03 2007 : 4:30:52 PM
Ah Trina, blubber and vent anytime you need to. That in itself helps. The frustration of dealing with the very very slow process of dealing with the government can drive any nuts in good times, under all the stress it is one more brick on the pile.
I for one am glad to see you. Your emotions are going to be all over the map with each thing that comes up because you are the one who has the aftermath of his illness. You are the one who has to take care of the bills, the home, the kids, the never ending paperwork, the constant phone calls to deal with it all, and no down time under the stress of it all cause you are the parent right now.
Breath Trina breath, a journal does help, where you write everything, the good the bad and the ugly. Even a few words at a time helps.
Dh had a major trama head injury 17 years ago, and our lives literally changed. I had to be everything. journaling the ups and downs helped. That and punching the darn pillow a lot.....
Praying for you and thinking of you often. Vent away girl. Glad to hear from you.
Carol Sue
Enjoying life. |
| Bluewrenn |
Posted - Aug 03 2007 : 10:19:50 AM
Trina - are you and the girls getting any counseling for yourselves? It sounds like it might be in order... Are there any other family groups dealing with the same thing in your area? What about online? Surely there are some post-war counseling services for the family members...While we can pray for you and sympathize and offer our ears for listening, it might be helpful to talk with not only other veterans, like Carrie suggested, but also their families. They might be able to share with you some ideas for coping with all this.
My Homesteading Journal http://toomyvara.livejournal.com
My craft journal http://bluewrenn.livejournal.com
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| Amie C. |
Posted - Aug 03 2007 : 08:49:18 AM
Trina, I've been checking this thread since the beginning but I never felt I had anything to add until now. I know what you mean about loving/hating someone at the same time. You're right about divorce not fixing anything, but the illusion of freedom from his problems must be so tempting.
Quitting (a little bit) isn't such a bad idea. It really sounds as though you've done all you can do for now and the ball is in their court. I know it's hard, but try not to run yourself ragged trying to speed up the bureacracy. Maybe all you can do right now is wait. Hang in there. |
| Marybeth |
Posted - Aug 03 2007 : 08:47:05 AM
Hi Trina--I think a journal might be helpful maybe for your piece of mind. I cannot believe the Army can be so bull-headed. I feel so bad for you. I know on your blog you mentioned the Dave Matthews petition---we should all get on that band wagon. Let us know what we can do. Thanks MB
www.strawberryhillsfarm.blogspot.com
www.day4plus.blogspot.com www.holyhouses-day4plus.blogspot.com
"Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well dance!" |
| Cheryl |
Posted - Aug 03 2007 : 08:00:56 AM
Hi Trina,
It is very nice to hear from you. You have been on my mind and in my prayers. I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this.
God bless,
Cheryl |
