T O P I C R E V I E W |
chickenladycris |
Posted - Jun 21 2011 : 7:03:22 PM Okay girls, I need to vent. Ever had a neighbor who was not nice to you, rude and rather mean in all interactions, even though you try to be nice and respectful and accommodating from the get-go? I've been living in my little rural village for the past five years, happily keeping a handful of chickens and rabbits and dogs and kitties and lots of gardens on my 3/4 acre of the world. Recently, the grumpy neighbor to the back called me on a peaceful Sunday afternoon, and yelled at me accusing me of causing a rat to move into her garage. Now, I've never seen a rat, signs of a rat, or any rodent hanging about the property, but apparently, this "rat" came from my straw mulch to her yard. Though I tried to help by offering to call a pest control expert to catch whatever it was in her garage, she has refused--but has gone around to other neighbors AND the village board, complaining that I am a bad neighbor, breeding rats (I don't have ANY rodent problems, period), and that I've been refusing to acknowledge the problem let alone take care of it. Meanwhile, I've contacted the county ag agent, talked with him a lot about the life & times of rodents, made sure everything is tidy (it was already, but you know, being accused of a public health hazard will make a girl paranoid), and visited with the other neighbors to see if anybody else has been having concerns but not telling me (nobody has, whew!) She is apparently on a campaign to make me (1) get rid of all my animals (she is very phobic and afraid of all animals, poor thing) (2) get rid of my gardens, because they are "messy", and (3) order me to not use straw because of her "rat" problem. At the village board meeting last night, where she went to complain about me and I found out about it in the nick of time so I could run down there and explain my side of the story, she claimed that she's lived in her house for 54 years and never had any problems with anything, ever, until I moved in. She also claimed that she knew I am planning to get three goats, a cow and a horse (all of which was news to me, and is NOT anything that I am even thinking about!). Everything that goes wrong, she blames me. Oh, how nice. Keep in mind, I've had maybe five conversations with her in the past four-five years, all of which began with her saying "we have a problem". Grrr. Anyway, I am not so worried that the powers that be will make some sweeping statement about what animals people can & can't keep here (there are three working farms in the village limits), I am just so darn mad that she is LYING about the situation, and talking behind my back. Her biggest issue is she doesn't like how things "look messy", but she doesn't elaborate on that at all. My place is CUTE, dang it. It's just a functional yard with stuff growing in it, all animals are contained and cleaned up after and well cared for and AWAY from her, instead of her yard with its 1/4 inch mowed lawn....sigh. Anyway, since her big issue is what she objects to when she looks over here, I am installing at my expense a privacy fence/screen at the back of my property to shield her delicate eyes from my unsightly growing garden. As to the rat accusation, I am hoping that it died last night--when I shared that the ag agent was convinced that it could not have been a rat, and was more likely a vole or a chipmunk that wandered in there, and that everything I am doing here (keeping feed in steel cans, portioning out what is eaten in a day, monitoring for rodents, keeping areas cleaned and no debris piling up to cause a rat-habitat) is more than adequate. I also offered again to call a pest control expert, and she turned me down flat in front of everybody. I swear, I think she just likes being mad! Of course, now I am mad, too. Grrrr. Arrrrggh. I just hate how one person can make it their mission in life to be a bully and try to ruin a perfectly peaceful, not-hurting-anybody situation with lies and false accusations. Know what I mean? Thanks for letting me rant. I am really trying hard to stop being mad, and just do what I need to do (put in a nice solid fence) to eliminate much of the problem. It's just a bit fresh, right now.
"A farmgirl can never have enough chickens!"--me |
24 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
chickenladycris |
Posted - Jul 05 2011 : 2:53:34 PM Thanks for all the encouraging words, girls! I really appreciate them. Sometimes, when situations like this blow up out of the clear blue, I start thinking I must be the only target on the planet. It's comforting to know that I'm not, but wouldn't it be nicest if we all could get along?? Wishful thinking, I know.![](icons/icon_smile.gif) Here's an update: My plan was approved, building permit obtained, and digger marker folks came & painted lines where NOT to dig. Lucky for me, there weren't any markings sprayed where my fence is going in. Hot dog, we are good to go! So my handyman Jack came over & started digging post holes. Hole #2, he hits a LINE where no line should be. Didn't cut all the way through, but you can see shiny wires down in there. Auggghhhhhh! It looks like an old phone line of some sort, no neighbors are complaining about not having phone service (I snuck to the neighboring village and called my grumpy neighbor's phone, which went through--sneaky, I know, but I didn't want her seeing my caller ID!) I'm left wondering if this is even a line that is in use, since they just rewired everything a year or so ago for fiber-optic cable. I called the phone company, and explained the situation--at first, they didn't want to come out, so I said "okay, well. I have a bucket covering the hole now, so if you want to wait until a thunderstorm comes & shorts everything out, I guess it can wait." Suddenly, they are sending over a guy in a truck to check the broken line. I am 99% sure it is a phone line, since the power lines are all up in the air here, and no one has gas lines (we each have our own LP tanks close to the house). I am not sure what this line is, and since it wasn't marked, I am worried about what ELSE might be underground. As I said before, AUUGGGGGGHHHHHH! On a neighborly-relations note, it seems that while everyone else in town has heard her sob story of Evil Cris and the Great Rat Infestation, nobody but her immediate family (sister, nephews, son, etc.) are believing it. Not that they speak up and tell her she is being silly, but they are telling ME that it'll be okay. She is content with ignoring me, basically as if the air had a heat ripple in my vicinity and that I am not actually there. I've been doing the same. It's working well, actually. The village board seems happy about the privacy screen/fence going up. The pest control man came, found no rats, rodents or other types of creepy crawlies, made a suggestion to lay in some gravel around & under sheds to keep everything out, and will be writing a report that I'll share with all & sundry, proclaiming once and for all that I am not harboring rats. (He said he was really impressed that nothing was around, and that I must be doing a great job keeping everything tidy and controlled! ) More updates as they happen, stay tuned for the soap opera which is my life in this teeny tiny village. Ha ha!
"A farmgirl can never have enough chickens!"--me |
batznthebelfry |
Posted - Jul 05 2011 : 01:43:04 AM this is so sad & makes me remember the house we owned before moving here...I had a cottage garden set up & the man behind me hated it as his looked like a golf range...so he would constently call the health department on me over it, they would come out see everything & say there was nothing wrong with my yard...this went on for 13 yrs....I trimmed bushes that were on city property that came into my yard & they came over yelling at me that I was trimming their lilac trees the woman was so mad she got in my face & while yelling at me was spitting on me then had the nerve to tell me to go back to the south where I belonged.....Now being me I never raised my voice & actually started talking so soft she had to shut up to listen to me...thats when she got so mad she told me to go back to the south.....I spent 3 days in city hall getting all the records on our property lines, the city came out & said they had illegally planted the trees on city property....I sent a registered copy of everything to them with a nice note that said if she ever came on my property, talked to any of my family or me I would put a restraining order on her.... that kept them out of my yard but I still got visits from the city who had to come out even though they knew what my yard looked like....here I have a young neighbor who just bought the house next to us a yr ago & she will not look at me or talk to me cause she saw some of our sick chickens headed towards the back of the shop to be killed/butchered...she never saw they die but she came unglued over it...but so far so good, she stays out of my way & I stay out of hers so I can deal with it... I don't understand this bully attitude cause if something happens to the bullies no one in the area will help them...my old neighbors said if the golf range guys house burned they would all bring marshmellows...that really bugged me but I understood that they brought this on their self by being mean to everyone. I too, have thought of putting up a privacy fence but since we may eventually move back home in the next 3 yrs I don't want to spend that money for it....
but I just ignore when the young girl is outside & keep doing what I am doing cause at my age I refuse to let anyone make me afraid to enjoy my yard....I paid for my 1/3 acre, pay my taxes, have my garbage picked up & keep things tidy so I don't care what anyone else has to say about me....so chris if she bad mouths you to everyone just ignore it as heresay & go on & enjoy your life...if she comes on to your property to yell at you or say we have a problem turn around & walk away....don't let her have that upper hand...right now she feels she has that with you & until you stop that you will be bullied when you are outside doing what you enjoy.....& like the others say its not you, you just happen to be the closest to her that she can fight with....& honestly some people like to stay mad & will create events to stay mad.....so don't let her do this to you.....you do not have to talk to her when she confronts you, you do not have to offer to help her with a problem that she has decided is your fault...ie rat....you can not ever make her happy & if you were ever to move she would do this to the next one....my golf range guy had caused problems for 2 families that owned my house before me....they hated everyone for the 50 yrs they lived there...so put up your fence, live your happy life & close your eyes to this bitter hateful woman....Michele'
Chickens rule! The Old Batz Farm Hen #2622 |
smiley |
Posted - Jul 04 2011 : 07:01:45 AM Chris you sound like a nice person. I think I would have been tempted to tell her I didnt see any rats on my place and if she found one on hers she'd best keep it there! Good luck. Its a shame people have nothing better to do than stick their noses in others business. |
missusprim |
Posted - Jun 26 2011 : 12:55:42 PM Is this woman a widower? And do the neighbors speak warmly of her, or cautiously because of their own dealings with her?
She sounds very lonely and with too much time on her hands. My ex MIL used to say something about idle minds and the devil playground.....
At any rate, if you've been nothing but kind to her and have offered numerous suggestions and alternatives at your own expense - I'd say you're doing all you really can.
Maybe include in your letter to her and to the board a side note stating that you truly do not like discord and animosity with neighbors and would therefore wish to be in good standing. By making this statement you would be presenting yourself as the bigger man (we know you are, and my guess is that the board AND your other nabes know you are) and that you're willing to put feelings aside for the betterment of fellow (wo)man.
That said - BOY is she a whiner! I would agree that she is someone who feeds on negativity and likes to create trouble where there is none. Geesh, who on earth can control a varmint coming into their garage any more than a bird roosting on someone's roof? So, in ending I will say that I hope that once your fence is up that she will stop her ranting. But as someone else said, make sure the fence is well within your property limits and well maintained. Oye vay.....
Keep us posted!
Farmgirl Sister #2984
"Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms." George Eliot
http://farmchicatheart.blogspot.com/
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OKCookee |
Posted - Jun 26 2011 : 09:34:47 AM Cris, This is something I had thought of doing a while back for a problem neighbor (luckily, things improved, but I may do it anyway). Send her "secret pal" cards. You don't every have to tell her they are from you. But maybe she is so angry because her life just isn't like she wants and she has all kinds of time to complain about what is wrong with her "world". Happy little card like "thinking of you" or whatever. Just a thought - kind of like killing someone with kindness when they are rotten to you. Good luck. Chris in OK
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest". Matthew 11:28
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BalancingAct |
Posted - Jun 24 2011 : 8:49:34 PM Cris, I do understand your frustrations. We live in a "low-lying" area that can, and does, flood easily. Our property holds water after a very hard rain, but not nearly as bad as it did when we first moved here. Our first or second summer here my DH rented a "ditch-witch" and dug a trench to lay drainage tile back to what I call a creek, but the county calls a "water ditch". He then put in a sump into a hole he dug for the water to fill and then be pumped out. A couple years ago I saw a neighbor taking pictures of the water that was coming out of the pipe my DH laid. Next thing I knew we got a letter in the mail from the Environmental Protection Agency regarding this. I had to call and explain what we did and why, and that we were not pumping anything bad(just water) into the environment. I explained that I also am an environmentalist and am very conscious of my impact on the world. Everything turned out A-Ok(they actually came out and did an analysis just to make sure), but what irked me profoundly is that neighbor didn't have the decency to ask us directly what the water was from. I would've gladly showed them how it all works(it's actually very ingenious) had they just asked!
I am very happy to say that neighbor moved recently. HALLELUAH!
Farmgirl Sister #2851 -"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
http://www.fiberandherbscottage.blogspot.com/ |
Melina |
Posted - Jun 24 2011 : 5:29:32 PM I feel your pain. The complaints and interference of a neighbor forced us to sell our first little mini-farm over 25 years ago. I still miss the place! One thing to remember, always speak kindly of her to everyone else. Even throw in a little "Bless her heart" once in a while. It will make such a contrast to the way she's behaving, and it will actually help soften your attitude toward her. Remember, bless those who curse you.
The morning breeze has secrets to tell you. Do not go back to sleep. Rumi |
FarmDream |
Posted - Jun 24 2011 : 3:55:30 PM If your fence is approved then good lord make sure it's a few inches on your side of the property line. Otherwise she'll be hotter than....you know what.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
chickenladycris |
Posted - Jun 24 2011 : 3:27:31 PM It was a wooden fence, with the commercially-made 6 x 8 panels. According to the fence ordinance, the fence can be "vinyl, wood, stone, brick or similar". And it has to be installed in a "workmanship-like manner", so I'm thinking that my handyman Jack with 30+ years experience in construction can handle it. You're right, maybe she will demand a "fancy fence", but it would be hard for her to do that with how the ordinance is written. Ahh well. It is too lovely an evening out to worry about her crabbiness right now! I am going to be HAPPY!
"A farmgirl can never have enough chickens!"--me |
alterationsbyemily |
Posted - Jun 24 2011 : 2:49:22 PM The plan for the privacy fence... was it a poly-whatever that never needs painted or maintained? I could see her demanding one like that, ooh yes and it must only be installed by Lowes, not some contractor, or yourself.
Good luck on this Cris, document everything, even take pictures of the pest guy going around, you can never cover your behind enough.
--- Farmgirl #2951 Currently renting-farmgirl wannabe |
chickenladycris |
Posted - Jun 24 2011 : 2:20:31 PM Thanks girls! I'm feeling better today. I found out that I need a permit to put in a privacy fence, so I submitted my site plan and materials list to the Board yesterday. And wouldn't you know it, the same afternoon there's the mayor next door, chatting with my grumpy neighbor with papers in hand. Hmmmmm. Last I knew she wasn't on the Board, and there's nothing in the fence ordinance that says a neighbor needs to "like" the plan in order for it to pass. Ahhh well. I suppose I will find out what "they" decide eventually. I'm not sure why she wouldn't want a fence put in to hide her view that she feels is "messy", except maybe for the same reason she turned down the pest control intervention: She likes to stay mad? :-) I called a pest control person myself on Wednesday, and for $150 he is going to come out and walk my property, take pictures, and provide a written report of what he finds (or doesn't find). I'm planning on mailing a copy to my neighbor with a friendly cover letter, and "cc"-ing copies to the Board. If the pest guy should happen to find something (I really don't think he will!), then I will obviously deal with it right away. Either way, there will be something official in writing that should maybe satisfy her, or at least satisfy the Board. Nobody asked me to do this, but it dawned on me the other day that perhaps it would help. Who knows, right? I do feel bad for her--I can't imagine how sad and angry and bitter you must feel all the time to treat other people this way. And yes, you're right--I'm not the first neighbor she has decided wasn't good enough to live next to her. I'm just the current one, with the most to lose.
"A farmgirl can never have enough chickens!"--me |
walkinwalkoutcattle |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 11:04:14 AM I'm going to second what others have said, and take PICTURES, write stuff down, get statements, etc. Do everything you can to protect yourself. Maybe even video record your yard for a few days. Get statements from your other neighbors and maybe some of hers, as well. It seems like she wants to give you a bad name, so I'd fight it.
But be nice to her, but do NOT let her walk all over you or bully you.
Farmgirl #2879 :) Starbucks and sushi to green fried tomatoes and corn pudding-I wouldn't change it for the world. www.cattleandcupcakes.blogspot.com
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Tall Holly |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 07:24:04 AM Our neighbor down the hill has property that adjoins ours but we live a half mile apart. she is a paranoid, bitter old woman. She was aboused by her husband for 40 years and allowed her children to be abused by him. His first wife left him with their two children whom he had sexually abused.
anyway she is the classci version of someone who was oppressed and is now the oppressor. she is a bully and wants nothing to impinge on her little world to cause her to think outside her little box.
That being said I think the best way to deal with her is to be kind. I think I should show her kindness and friendliness. I should smile and wave each time I drive by. I should slow down and not run over her nasty little dog. I should show her compassion. I am working myself up to it and started yesterday by smiling and waving. Each incident of nastiness sets me back but I think the right way is to persist in showing her that someone in this world thinks she is important enough to be kind too.
Holly
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Bensgrandma |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 2:48:53 PM It seems like it takes one in every neighborhood. We had the most lovely neighbors here and they have all passed away.
The week the first new one moved in I took a cake over to welcome them to the neighborhood and to introduce myself. The wife was not home, the husband accepted the cake and never heard from her again - two years. I wave at the husband but that is it.
Then number two moved in - next door. Again the cake. This one does not even acknowledge me in the yard. If she sees me she turns away - well she did talk once when she called to tell me my horse had gotten out and was in her yard. I apologized profusely and promptly brought her home.
Then number three across the street - again the cake - this one calls only when she needs something or wants to complain about someone.
I really miss the old neighbors.
Maybe it is my cake.
Sorry you are having such a bad time of it. - fence definitely will help. I bet they all know what a cranky old person she is and just write her off. If she does it again, I would consider threatening her with slander too but it could make it worse.
http://www.etsy.com/shop/HugsandStitches
http://www.etsy.com/shop/ACharmingExperience |
FarmDream |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 1:04:50 PM Do you think the village board can send out a letter or email stating that complaints about other neighbors must be factual or the complaintant could be found guilty of slander? Maybe you could post a notice around your neighborhood to that effect.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
Tea Lady |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 10:42:09 AM Yikes - this sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant experience... I agree about taking frequent pictures, etc. The fence is a good idea too. She does sound like she's just miserable. As hard as it is, try praying for her and/or send good thoughts her way. Who knows what makes people so ornery and miserable??? I truly believe when you are a negative person, all you see is negative in everyone around you. It is very sad. However, if all else fails, I love Nini's idea of the box of rat traps and cheese. :o) Hang in there.
Lorraine (aka Tea Lady) Farmgirl #1819 www.birdsandteas.com |
Heartbroken farmgirl |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 10:28:53 AM Cris, I'm sorry you have to deal with this! Not fun at all! Sounds like you are going above and beyond what is necessary, including installing a privacy fence. Great advice, about pictures, and make sure there is a date stamp on the camera. Lots of good advice here, and lots of support! Hugs to you, and I'm sorry you're going through all this.
The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.
www.broken908.blogspot.com http://forums.familyfriendpoems.com/broken908
"The aim of education is the knowledge not of facts but of values."-Dean William Ralph Inge |
SarAvery |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 08:46:50 AM Hi Cris, Let me say that I feel your pain! We have had neighbor issues for years and it is no fun. But let me tell you that you are doing all the right things. A fence is the best idea and I agree with everyone else- write every interaction down. One other thing I have learned about neighbors who are elderly (at least yours sounds elderly) is that if it is not you, it is going to be someone else. There really is no reasoning with them, but remember that they are old and probably a little lonely with a lot of time on their hands. This is where my empathy comes in and helps me through the situations I have been in. It is really the only thing that helps me and keeps me sane. Hope everything works out! :) Sara
Farmgirl #3137 |
embchicken |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 06:00:15 AM Hi Cris~ I think you pegged it right when you called her a "bully". Bullies often work behind the scenes and are unreasonable to the point of ridiculousness. I agree with the other ladies - take pictures, keep a log of your interactions. I think the fence idea (although an expense for you) is actually a very good idea - sometimes "out of sight, out of mind". Maybe if she doesn't see anyting she will move on to something and somebody else. I had a rude neighbor that sounds like this lady, I tried everything, but was rebuffed. The sad part was, some days I dreaded coming home to the confrontation (and there was always one). Finally the neighbor moved away (I waslucky) and now I have a nice garden growing neighbor. I know this is difficult for you so I'm keeping you in my thoughts....keep us posted!
~ Elaine Farmgirl sister #2822
"Find yourself a cup of tea; the teapot is behind you. Now tell me about hundreds of things." ~Saki
http://embchicken.blogspot.com
http://gusandtrudy.blogspot.com |
beekeepersgirl |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 04:30:22 AM Hi Cris -
I can certainly sympathize with you - I'm having the same problem with my landlady (who lives upstairs from me) - except she is sweet as pie to my face and bad mouthing me all over town. Same type of issues - I don't keep my apartment clean enough, etc. - of course you can't even walk through hers because of the mess, but I suppose that is different. I've bent over backwards to please her. Unfortunately, apartments and reasonable rent in this area are very hard to come by, so I'm stuck here.
Keep your chin up - I agree with documenting everything just in case.
Hugs! Luanne
beekeepersgirl #691
Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.
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Dusky Beauty |
Posted - Jun 21 2011 : 10:46:49 PM Fits the stereotype of the cranky old biddy who attempts to find happiness by attempting to hyper control her environment. Yech.
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.” ~Will Rogers |
Alee |
Posted - Jun 21 2011 : 10:21:58 PM Wow- That is amazing. If what she is saying isn't true and it sounds like your place is nice and tidy- then it is slander. I too would recommend keeping pictures and if she continues to make true trouble like trying to get injunctions or ordenances passed, then I would have a lawyer write up a cease and desist letter letting her know that libel and slander are punishable by law.
What a horrible neighbor! If she doesn't like what your yard looks like- she should quit being so nosy! And if she really did have a rodent problem, she should have jumped all over the offer for an exterminator! *hugs* Your place sounds wonderful and I bet it is cute! I think the privacy fence is a good idea! What a tough situation!
Alee Farmgirl Sister #8 www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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oldbittyhen |
Posted - Jun 21 2011 : 8:39:06 PM I would suggest you write everything down, date and time, take photos of your property from all angles, including your animals and their pens, get statements hand written by your other neighbors and signed regarding their thoughts about your property, then if she continues, have a lawyer speak to her regarding her nasty lies and slander...good luck...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
Ninibini |
Posted - Jun 21 2011 : 7:36:51 PM Wow, Cris - that is the pits... I would normally say to approach something like this with humor (a gift box of rat traps and some cheese, perhaps?) but dear Lord this lady sounds like she's trouble. Hopefully the board understands the type of person she is and sees that you are doing everything you can to keep things clean and without issue for her. She did, after all, publicly refuse your offer to provide pest control... You just can't make some people happy. And I also would think if the board had problems with your home and lot, they would've said something to you about it right there at the meeting. Since they didn't, I would think that means they realize there is no serious issue. You know, I would also think that if your yard were truly that bad and harboring rats, that they'd be happy to stay there and not roam over to her yard. I mean, happy rats stay where they're comfortable and well-fed - at least that's what I've seen on "Verminators." Maybe something's wrong with HER lot, if she really did, in fact, see a rat. Hang in there, and just keep doing what you're doing: the right thing. Hopefully she'll drop it over time. If not, I'd contact an attorney about harrassment - you know what I mean?
Good luck - I'll say some prayers for you!
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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