| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| NatureNymph |
Posted - Jan 09 2009 : 11:38:37 AM
Our vision of the future is not meshing well. He wants to live near the city for his job which I said was okay as long as I can have (afford) enough property to have a few animals.
He thinks my desire to have a homestead is a whim and that I will tire of it. He said he doesn't want to make any drastic moves in case I change my mind. It doesn't seem to matter that I have spent hours upon hours reading everything I can about farming, gardening, homesteading etc. He doesn't seem to understand how much I want this. I can't seem to convince him either.
Because the farm isn't intended to make money for us and I will essentially still be a stay at home, home schooler, he feels his job/paycheck wins. I've never realised how polar opposite we are in regards to this. I thought it was something we both wanted...he even told me this many times. Maybe the economy is making him scared.
How do I get through to him?
"Everybody likes to go their own way--to choose their own time and manner of devotion." Jane Austen, Mansfield Park
http://simplicitysampler.blogspot.com/
http://blessewefarm.blogspot.com/ |
| 14 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Diane B Carter |
Posted - Feb 13 2009 : 7:44:15 PM
You don't need a lot of room to grow veggies. My brother is legally blind and he grows everything up. They farm a 6by20 foot garden that is 6feet high, Some times the beans would grab ahold of a branch and keep going. Being blind he could not tell the difference between a weed and a plant until they got taller. So he choose to grow up. I know the desire for farm animals, I would love a horse but live in town. Compromise I'm sure you and your family can work it out. |
| NatureNymph |
Posted - Feb 08 2009 : 07:26:21 AM
Thanks for all the encouragement.
I think we have come to a compromise. And I don't think it will be as difficult to find a place like it appeared before. There seems to be a big influx of properties for sale here and there is a few choices for us to consider.
Thanks again,
Tracy
"Everybody likes to go their own way--to choose their own time and manner of devotion." Jane Austen, Mansfield Park
http://simplicitysampler.blogspot.com/
http://blessewefarm.blogspot.com/ |
| TabithaLenox |
Posted - Jan 29 2009 : 08:14:14 AM
Is there something that he would like to have in his life that he could have if you had more property? Like maybe a big garage or workshop? I agree with the others that being within commuting distance is a good compromise and a small piece of property to start is a good introduction....you just need to find a way for him to benefit so that the dream of a place is mutual. My husband isn't into the horses we have as much as I am but he has a big barn and workshop...and a shooting range right here on our farm.
What would you husband like to have on the property that wouldn't just represent more work to him?
Kim
Farmgirl #184
Keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground...T.Roosevelt
http://www.tabithalenox.blogspot.com |
| EmPaige |
Posted - Jan 27 2009 : 2:09:07 PM
I can totally relate. My husband likes to dream with me but then when it comes down to making it happen, I feel like I'm the only one. Some men are just really slow movers. then need a loooong time to let the idea percolate. Baby steps....
love, Emily
"Wide open spaces...room to make the big mistakes."
http://wideopenspaces.squarespace.com/
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| MotherLodeBeth |
Posted - Jan 25 2009 : 12:36:14 AM
quote:
Originally posted by NatureNymph
Our vision of the future is not meshing well. He wants to live near the city for his job which I said was okay as long as I can have (afford) enough property to have a few animals.
He thinks my desire to have a homestead is a whim and that I will tire of it. He said he doesn't want to make any drastic moves in case I change my mind. It doesn't seem to matter that I have spent hours upon hours reading everything I can about farming, gardening, homesteading etc. He doesn't seem to understand how much I want this. I can't seem to convince him either.
Years ago it was the late Jimmy Stewart who got me hooked on chickens which he and his wife had in Beverly Hills. People in San Francisco, Berkeley have chickens and even goats. And some of the best vegetable gardens I have ever seen. Oh and honey bees.
~MotherLodebeth- I was born in the wrong era~ |
| K-Falls Farmgirl |
Posted - Jan 14 2009 : 10:08:46 AM
Tracy,. Keep you dream alive. I agree with these other farmgirls. Keep a record of your spending to show proof of your determination. Read read read and here is a secret that I did....(.leave some magazines articles around the "bathroom" . It works for me. I cut articles of gardening, & farmlife and put them in the "reading material rack in His bathroom) Good luck..
http://www.k-fallsfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
Come visit the barn at http://barndoorcreations.blogspot.com/
Cheryl
Farmgirl #309
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." Maya Angelou |
| farmmom22 |
Posted - Jan 14 2009 : 09:58:57 AM
Tracy, all these gals are right on target. We have five acres right now and there is plenty of room for everything. We have raised beds and tilled garden beds. We have goats, have had lots of rabbits, 2 guineas and getting chickens in the spring. And we are talking about getting some feeder pigs to slaughter and my daughter wants a horse! So believe me when I say you can do alot with even a small farm. And if the economy is what your hubby is worried about then let him know that what you raise and grow is for the table. Things are really uncertain right now and the more you can do for yourself the better! Just hang in there, men are stubborn!
Best farm wishes |
| NatureNymph |
Posted - Jan 14 2009 : 06:50:16 AM
Thanks for the advice.
I am very limited to what I can do at our current home. We live on a military base and they regulate everything. Last summer, without permission, I did turn over a small patch in my backyard (10ft x11ft) with tomatoes, brocoli, peas, cucumber, peppers and parsnip. Half way through the season surveyors from the base came through my yard and saw my illegal garden. I had to fight to keep my garden. I would love to have chickens back there, there were so many crickets and grasshoppers I knew any chickens would have a field day.
I also purchased a lot from local farmers at harvest time and blanched/froze or canned most of it. Our freezer has never been more full.
I have pretty much done everything I can at this place. I sew, knit. I want to learn to spin (even wash and card raw wool if I found a supplier).
Anyway, it's not that I haven't done what I can. I just would like so much more, and it can be done financially, he's just resistant to it.
Thanks again,
Tracy
"Everybody likes to go their own way--to choose their own time and manner of devotion." Jane Austen, Mansfield Park
http://simplicitysampler.blogspot.com/
http://blessewefarm.blogspot.com/ |
| Buffalomary |
Posted - Jan 10 2009 : 5:20:20 PM
Hi Tracy,
First, let me give you a great big sista <<<hug>>>. Please know you are not alone, I can definitely relate to what you are saying.
Homesteading is something I have always wanted to do. I was raised on a dairy farm along the Snake River in Idaho and grew up helping Dad in the barn with the animals and Mom in the kitchen with the canning, as well as working in the garden. By the time I met my husband, I had already collected several years of Mother Earth News, had started a library of homesteading handbooks, and was dreaming of moving to Alaska to homestead. It was no secret to him and he said he wanted it as well. Unfortunately, it did not happen that way. Life has an interesting way of handing out detours and unexpected road blocks sometimes. We ended up in Tucson, his hometown, and I spent most of the time trying to create a homestead in a hostile environment.
We did reach a compromise of sorts, he was agreeable to living on the outskirts of town, and we found an acre that was zoned for horses so I was able to have chickens, rabbits, and goats, but it was hard and at times he was my greatest obstacle.
I'm still not sure if he thought it was a whim of mine or what. It was very challenging to get his help. But I kept at it. I just did whatever had to be done. I would keep the animals for as long as I could and if it got to be too expensive to feed them or if my full time job didn't give me the time I needed to care for them properly, I got rid of them. The last time I had to get rid of my goats, I spent the time I would have been milking, sitting out in the milking shed, crying, but after a few days I was able to move on.
The bottom line is that I could not change him and he never seemed to understood my desire. I'm not sure what went wrong. I guess he just didn't believe me. They say hindsight is 20/20, so if I had to do it over again, I think I would try a few things differently.
1) Start small. I tried to do too much all at once. I was so excited when we first moved out to our acre, that I tried to do too much all at once. I made the garden too big at first, tried to get too many animals, and etc...
2) Not talk about it so much, but just do it. I was reading a lot as well, and was getting several different homesteading magazines. But I also kept talking about wanting a homestead. I kept trying with the animals and the garden, but he never seemed to understand. It really hurt when he would come home and tell me that someone wanted to give me something but he told them no. It actually reached a point where he started to tell me I couldn't do it anymore.
3) Be willing to communicate more. We reached a point where neither one of us would talk about what we wanted. I believed him when he said he wanted to live on a homestead that when it didn't happen, I was stubborn and did not try to find out what was going wrong. Prehaps if I had of, things would have been different, but maybe not; at this point, I'll never know.
We are no longer together for many reasons. Our children are now grown and moved on and I have moved back to Idaho to be close to my parents. I still don't have the homestead of my dreams but I do have an urban homestead. I still won't be able to have everything I want but I can have part of it and I suppose the biggest plus is I don't have to listen to his verbal abuse anymore.
Keep the communication lines open, see if he will talk about what is causing him so much concern.
I'm hope this is helpful. 
Buffalomary
Farmgirl Sister #293
You can take the farmer's daughter off the farm but you can't take the farm out of the farmer's daughter!!
Please visit me at my blog: http://buffalomaryscorner.blogspot.com |
| marcy jo |
Posted - Jan 10 2009 : 10:15:17 AM
When I started talking about having a farm my DH said the same things!! I read a lot and started canning and then two chickens and the garden and even made sustainable changes inside our home. This fall I brought home a lamb, we adopted the neighbors chickens when they moved and added more kittens to the mix...he is the one who talks to the animals when he thinks Im not looking and says the chickens need a larger apartment...
Bottom line is his paycheck pays all the bills but my personal ones..and it has taken him a bit to realize I am serious.
We want to build but with the economy we may end up buying his gramas house...he even has it planned where the critters will live on that property...
Keep working toward your goals and he may come around..once I stopped talking and started doing is when he started noticing I meant what I said!!!
Marcy #257
When I stand before God at the end of my life I hope that I would not have a bit of talent left and could say “I used everything You gave me”.(erma bombeck) |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - Jan 10 2009 : 08:54:04 AM
Vicky's right. Never give up. I wanted a farm more than my husband did. I do all the work except heavy stuff. Even put up fence by myself. He drives a truck and is gone a few weeks at a time. So it doesn't really matter to him where we live. He did say he never wants to move again, though.
But we just have 3 acres and every foot is used. I even have a neighbor who lets me use his empty pasture next door for overflow critters. Calves are there now. But you could have less than this and still have a lot on it. And raised beds are great for small spaces and yeild alot of food.
But you can farm right where you are for now. Like someone else said, container gardening is a great start. And you can have a few hens most places. No rooster, though, in town. Rabbits are good to have in town, too. That gives the kids some responsability, too. Than maybe when your hubby sees how serious you and the kids are, he may reconsider. There are all kinds of small farms near towns. Just check zoning laws.
Good luck. Keep us all updated, ok? Kris
And welcome, RedTartan and Mndreamer!
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. Maori proverb |
| mndreamer |
Posted - Jan 10 2009 : 07:39:30 AM
I agree with RedTartan. By the way, Welcome RedTartan. I'm also new here but haven't gotten around to listing myself in the WW yet.
Tracy, there are alot of ways you can "get to the country" without having to move. You can garden right on your front steps or deck. There are alot of websites that can give you ideas, and then maybe when your husband sees how serious you are he may reconsider. Don't give up! Good luck!
~Vicky~
It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.
--- Laura Ingalls Wilder
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| RedTartan |
Posted - Jan 10 2009 : 07:22:41 AM
You could be an urban homesteader. Seriously. Google "path to freedom" and you should find a blog about people that live on 1/4 acre that grow enough food for themselves and sell the surplus to area restaurants. Also google "Patti the garden girl". She's even more inspiring. She uses raised bed gardening, chicken tractors, keeps goats and rabbits, and does it all in an urban environment. The only thing you want to avoid is Home Owners Associations. They are the devil.
RedTartan <- new girl. Intro is in "Welcome Wagon"
There's nothing finer than a man in a kilt.
My tractor's not leaking. It's marking its territory.
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| ThePixiesPlayhouse |
Posted - Jan 09 2009 : 12:00:06 PM
Is there a way to compromise? Find a small piece of land within commuting distance. This would allow you to have your mini-farm, and still allow him ease of commute/work? You don't need a large piece of land to reap the benefits. It is amazing what you can do with a small area.
________________________
Farmgirl #428
"It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought, without accepting it"
Aristotle |
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