| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| brightmeadow |
Posted - Sep 10 2006 : 3:14:03 PM
OK, how do you girls deal with people who make you feel like the little red hen? I mean the ones that hear you talking about your garden and say "Ooooh, I love tomatoes ripe from the garden. If you have more than you can use I'll take some!"
Usually I just smile and change the topic of conversation. But I'd love to have a better idea, because this really makes me feel resentful towards the person.
I've thought of saying "sure, bring your rake and shovel over tonight, I'm weeding from 6 till dark"
or
"well, I usually sell what I don't use at the Farmer's market"
or
"I'm doing a lot of canning this year"
and if I like the person, I have even gone so far as to take the produce in to work for them, since none of the above seem appropriate. But I curse myself, since for pride's sake I have to take the best in, the ones without big bites out where the rabbits got them or the scars from bug bites -- so I end up with the bits and pieces, and I'm the one doing the work!
The thing is, if they didn't ask for my extras, I would probably have shared them anyway. It's just that they are putting in their "dibs" on my stuff ahead of time that bothers me so much....
Anybody have the same problem and a better solution?
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
| 14 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| therusticcottage |
Posted - Sep 11 2006 : 9:59:12 PM
After your explanation it sounds like these people are the type that don't want to get their hands dirty by gardening. But are more than happy to ask for freebies. In that case, I would probably tell them that I sell at the market, let them know what days, and invite them to stop by to purchase produce! My daughter had a new friend over tonight. The mom brought her so we could meet and also brought the 5 year old sister. That little girl was so cute! She saw all my tomatoes lined up in the kitchen window and her eyes got as big as saucers. She said "I just love to eat those things." I asked her if she'd like to have one and she said "Oh yes please!" She chowed down it until there was only the stem left! These are the types of instances where I don't mind sharing. I don't like to share if it's expected like your co-workers.
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| medievalcat |
Posted - Sep 11 2006 : 6:03:58 PM
The co-worker sounds like someone who is use to getting what they want out of guilt and manipulation. I know people like this in my life. They will take and take and take without ever giving back. I had to step back and let them hear the word "no" from me. It's done a world of good for me and to a certain degree...them. But there are some people that just don't get it. Even if you give them gifts from the garden this time, then they may expect it next time and might even get miffed if you don't hand it over without them asking.
Cynthia
"The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today." President Roosevelt |
| DaisyFarm |
Posted - Sep 11 2006 : 5:35:37 PM
Just because our gardens are something we enjoy doing and we are proud of what we accomplish, does not mean it isn't very labor intensive. I will readily admit that I took offense to the "pride and control" inference as well.
I give away lots of produce, all of it excellent quality. I beg my family to take produce home with them, as it is healthy, organic and fresh and I want to share with them have what we have. What I do have a problem with is a s-i-l that will take whatever eggs I happen to have in my frig, as well as a dozen for a friend, and not offer to pay a dime. Eggs here are scarce and feed is expensive, and she knows it...then she has the gall to complain that she had to BUY eggs because I was sold out. I would gladly give her free eggs if I have extra, she is my family, but to expect them just plain ticks me off. If that makes me a bad or selfish person, so be it..
Di
http://www.daisyfarm.blogspot.com |
| brightmeadow |
Posted - Sep 11 2006 : 4:32:12 PM
Diane, thanks for the sympathy, and I know what you mean about the insulting way people act - I just figure they are ignorant (they haven't stumbled on the secret of life yet) and remember this quote from an 1862 report to the Commissioner of Agriculture - "the impression pervades all classes of society that the cultivation of soil is the most healthful mode of life, and gives the highest promise of a peaceful, quiet, and happy old age." We know it, and they don't!
Katie, that's looking on the positive side of things!
Cynthia, that's an excellent idea. The people that I am talking about can afford to buy anything they want - I think I would feel much better giving the "extras" to a homeless shelter or food bank if they can use it. In fact this weekend one of my husband's former employees came over to have his car worked on, he is retired now, and a minister in the poorer section of town, and he was absolutely delighted with the stuff we gave him - we sent him home with half a bushel of pears and a gallon of cherry tomatoes. He'll make sure that people get it who don't normally get fresh produce. I can feel good about that!
Sunshine, I know what you mean, I have people asking me to knit them sweaters on my knitting machine too - I tell them it takes me about 15 hours to make one, but if they'll come and sit with me while I do it (or let me teach them how) and their interest usually disappears.
Thanks, Mary Ann, that's pretty much what I have been doing - just doing what I please with my produce. You're probably right that they don't know what I am feeling. They are probably "unconsciously ignorant" (from learning theory) of the effort it takes to maintain a productive garden, and it probably wouldn't make me feel better to make them "consciously ignorant".
I guess I am bothered by guilt because they've asked for something and I'm not going to give it to them - like when the soldier asks you to carry his armor for a mile and you're supposed to carry it two... You know the Lord loves a cheerful giver and I just can't be cheerful about this one....
Tina, I like your idea too.....It hits the spot because that is what is bothering me... Two of the people I am thinking of have said something about gardening like "I don't have time" or "Oh, I don't want to get my hands dirty..." but they're willing to take the produce off my hands for free...and as I said, they can certainly afford to buy it.
Whoa, Amie! Pride and control? You must be thinking of someone else! Not me! LOL....In other years I have brought in produce from my garden, the difference is, I did it "just because" and not because I was prevailed upon. And come to think of it,since you mentioned it, there are some coworkers who bring in "treats" for all to share, and there are some that never, ever, do... and the one lady I am thinking of is one that never, ever, does....
Kay, there is a difference between an elderly person who can't get out and garden like perhaps they used to, and people who are in the prime of life but are too busy watching TV or going to church...I wouldn't think anything either of sharing with my grandmother or even my husband's mother... but the more I think about, these people that are asking are "takers", not "givers" in other aspects as well, there's no turnabout. They're not really my friends, they are more like acquaintances.
Ok, maybe I am just stressed out from working, then trying to maintain my garden, my house, my web sites, do canning, fix my family's computers, go to the farmer's markets and everything else in my spare time... Maybe if I took some time out just to relax I could feel more generous towards these people (who seem to have a lot of time to relax!)
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
| therusticcottage |
Posted - Sep 11 2006 : 12:27:32 PM
I've never felt put upon when people asked me to share my garden bounty. Just yesterday I was telling my husband's grandmother about the tomatoes I had harvested. She asked me to bring her some. I didn't even think twice about it and put some in a bag for her.
Wherever I've worked people always brought in bags of extra produce that they couldn't use. The years that I didn't have a garden I was so excited to get it.
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| Amie C. |
Posted - Sep 11 2006 : 12:08:18 PM
I'm kind of suprised that so many of you feel put upon or insulted by that remark from friends or family. I have several friends/co-workers with large gardens, and they act as though they are swimming in produce they can't use fast enough. They bring bags of veggies in to work and urge everyone to take some. I don't think they are feeling like they have to do it; they have a surplus and they enjoy sharing it.
If you have plans for all your produce, either canning, sale, or donation, then by all means just say so. I doubt anyone is trying to exploit you. They are probably just accustomed to having friends who garden as a hobby and aren't prepared to deal with the bounty. Besides, if these people are your friends they probably share things they make or do with you as well.
Brenda, in your original post you say that you wouldn't mind sharing your extra produce at work, but the fact that you feel like your coworkers are putting in claims is what bothers you. It sounds to me like this is an issue of pride and control more than anything else. Maybe they are trying to take advantage of you, but on the other hand they might just be trying to have a friendly conversation about your garden. You could respond to them by saying that you'll bring in some stuff if you have more than you need. Then do just that. If you have good veggies that you feel like sharing, bring them in and leave them out in a common area for whoever wants them. That way, you have control over the situation and you don't need to feel like you are being pressured or taken advantage of. |
| Tina Michelle |
Posted - Sep 11 2006 : 09:34:41 AM
why don't you just tell them where you bought the seeds from and tell them that you'd be happy to share what you learned about growing your own and that growing their own can be a rewarding experience for their own families too and they ought to give it a try. If they say something like"well, I haven't got the time" say "well, isn't your family worth making the time? to have fresh homegrown food? make it a family experience" I bet then you'll perk their interests and beggars just might become doers in the process.
just an idea.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~ |
| Horseyrider |
Posted - Sep 11 2006 : 07:27:59 AM
LOL! Why, thankyou! |
| Hideaway Farmgirl |
Posted - Sep 11 2006 : 05:08:22 AM
Mary Ann, I like your style!
Jo |
| Horseyrider |
Posted - Sep 11 2006 : 04:41:30 AM
They have no idea how they're making you feel because they've never been in your situation. When they say they'd like any extra I might have, I smile and say that when I have extra I'll keep them in mind. And then I do whatever I wish with my produce.
And as far as being talked down to because you choose to farm, that also speaks volumes about them. They choose to believe all the media stereotypes. I'm a college graduate, my hubby has an MBA, and they farmer we bought our house from has a PhD.  |
| sunshine |
Posted - Sep 10 2006 : 8:24:28 PM
I have that problem not with food but things I make. People come up to me oh you crochet I NEED you to make a dress for my daughter I say sure that will be $--.--. Then a few say but I am family or they say I thought you would just do it because we are friend. Sure I do that when I want to a s a gift for someone, trade, or pay. I don't just do it because someone is lazy or greedy. I have a cousion who had a girlfriend who saw all three of my girls in dresses I made and a cousion wearing a bonnet I had made and wrote me a letter stateing I was mean because her baby only had a bonnet and she wanted a dress too like my kids. I ignored the letter to her but told my grandmother the story she then proceeded to tell me that the girlfriend was already on the way out and just wanted as much stuff from the family as possible to be mean to my cousion. She didn't get the dress of course and I am mad as she kept the babies bonnet in stead of giving it to my cousion to keep for his baby. So a woman I can't even stand has a gift I gave to my cousion and thinks its hers. I totaly understand it just hurts when people do that.
have a lovely day and may God bless you and keep you safe
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| medievalcat |
Posted - Sep 10 2006 : 8:13:03 PM
Branda...I know what you mean!
I have found that my "extras" get listed for families in serious need on the local Freecycle groups. One year I had so many eggs that I ran out of room in two fridges...I listed them and they were gone in a flash. When my well meaning extended family asked for eggs without chipping in a dime, I simply said there were slated for charity. The families that got free eggs were so thankful that I never felt resentful mostly cause I asked if anyone could use them.
Good luck!
"The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today." President Roosevelt |
| katie-ell |
Posted - Sep 10 2006 : 3:45:59 PM
I don't see anything wrong with just saying the truth: 'I usually sell at the Farmer's Market' or 'I'm going to can what we don't use fresh' are both perfectly acceptable responses.
Just be upfront with people -- all they want are good tomatoes! And it's quite a compliment to your gardening abilities, after all. |
| DaisyFarm |
Posted - Sep 10 2006 : 3:29:18 PM
Same problem, no better solution Brenda. I have on occasion told folks that I do run a market garden and sell at the farmer's market...they are welcome to come to either for other vegetables I also have!
I too tend to have an assortment of strange looking, but otherwise okay, vegies in my frig as I always sell the best of what I have. Heck, you should see the dozen eggs in my frig...not one the same size and some mighty strange looking shells. But, it is still good quality nutrition wise and I remind myself (and sometimes customers) that I grow food, not art.
My biggest pet peeve is being treated like I'm stupid, or worse yet patronized, because I choose to be a farmer.
Di
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