| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| prariehawk |
Posted - Apr 13 2011 : 6:14:20 PM
I have a dilemma: how does an admittedly robust, single, middle-aged woman project an aura of sexiness without leading men to believe that she's "on the prowl"? I used to be thin (a long time ago) and men wanted to date me, but I soon found they were only interested in one thing. I dressed in a sexy but wholesome style. Then, after some very bad experiences ( a guy who thought he was Jesus and another who mentally abused me), I gained a lot of weight and just didn't worry about guys anymore. I still don't worry about guys, and I know I'll never be a size 7 again, but I feel like such a slob sometimes. I usually wear jeans and loose-fitting t-shirts. I've been walking a lot lately in an effort to lose some weight and just feel better about myself. I don't care if I'm never thin again, but i want to at least feel sexy. I feel frumpy. 'Tis no fun:( Any suggestions?
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Lady Woodworker |
Posted - Apr 20 2011 : 3:40:47 PM
What an incredibly honest and powerful thread this is.
Thank you, Cindy, for having the courage to say this.
Thanks to all of you for your kind sharing. You inspire me greatly.
A few years ago, I lost over 45 pounds. I gained back about eleven pounds and I'm fighting to get it back off (down five so far).
I run and do Pilates and am planning a major lifestyle change this fall so that I will be more active everyday.
Once I lost the weight I found that I still have a spare tire around my waist and my face looks tired and saggy.
My husband says that I imagine it (he's wonderful to me) but I can see that I am older and it makes me sad.
I can still look nice and I admit that I do feel better about myself as a thinner person but I still battle with self esteem issues constantly.
A few years ago I would never have guessed that these issues would not leave when the weight did.
I did get some bangs a few months ago and even that one little thing gave me a major lift.
All the little things you can do for yourself as the ladies here have suggested are really all much bigger than they seem.
Getting my hair done is a huge spirit lifter. Or, setting my hair and making it look as nice as I can. That helps.
I love to get a manicure or a massage.
When I read about others who share about teeth and weight and some of life's most difficult burdens I feel so lucky to know you all.
You are beautiful. All of you.
Thanks, again, for being here,
Karen
Farmgirl Sister # 2419 |
| greenpaws |
Posted - Apr 19 2011 : 09:56:27 AM
Hello Prariehawk! I read a quote recently, cannot remember who said it, but goes something like this..."be yourself, everyone else is already taken"....I need to remind myself of this from time to time, sometimes day to day. If I am not happy with something about myself I usually try to fill the space with something about someone else which is not truley me. Does this make sense to you? Being ourself is certainly accepting, with all our limitations,(and there are many)ourself and finding ways to strenghthen our assets. I am in my "60's" and I feel I am finally, since about 50, able to accept me. We all have doubts, and it is good to know we are not alone with those feelings.
Keep your hands dirty!
greenpaws |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Apr 19 2011 : 09:05:22 AM
Yes, the only problem though with that philosophy for me, is I can't live too much with too many chemicals, they put me in the hospital with asthma, burns and rashes. lol So it's not so much fun living with the chemicals for me.
Also depending on the meds, I'm not so sure my grandma would agree, she had life after cobolt, it was really sad.......and agonizing, again not much of "life", strapped to a toilet cause her intestines disappeared, along with her ears literally fell off her head, and the back of her legs fell off too. Cobolt did some nasty things to her even though she was technically alive. She died of sepsis cause of her intestines disappearing. It was a pretty painful death.......she also never left her house the last ten years of her life from that medication, cause she was embarrassed about the poo just coming out and her not having any control. Like I said wasn't really much "living".
However, I myself have been on my death bed (the doctors even asked me my last request, literally!) and understand the sentiment. I want to live, but not in misery. lol
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| goneriding |
Posted - Apr 19 2011 : 07:18:31 AM
Years ago, an old cowboy told me that clothes make the (wo)man. I finally figgered it out. 
I'm on my phone so it's hard to look things up but someone said they were concerned about the safety of hair color. Yep, there is that but I feel that life is so short anyway, I want to live it to almost the fullest, not worry about too much. A friend told me this several years ago when she had a life threatening problem. I told her to not take this "icky" med (cuz I felt it would do further damage long term) and she said she'd rather take the med and LIVE her life, even if it shortened it. That has always stayed with me even tho I need reminders every so often.
For some 'venting'-type of entertainment, please read my blog, http://lostadventuresintrucking.blogspot.com . Now with pictures!!
|
| babysmama |
Posted - Apr 18 2011 : 4:55:45 PM
I find that it doesn't matter the size of women...being attractive has to do with your attitude and who you are. I've heard so many times "Why would that man cheat with THAT woman...his wife is so much prettier." Maybe it's because she laughed at his jokes, or smelled good...or who knows what.
Getting a few nice outfits that you like and wearing them is a good start. No matter your size, you feel good when you look good. Spritz a bit of perfume on and put a little makeup on...you'll feel great!
I'm only just realizing this about myself. When I dress and/or look like crap, I feel like crap. Even just a nice blouse can make me feel 100 times better. :)
Good luck to you!
-Elizabeth |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Apr 17 2011 : 08:24:19 AM
I agree with Sherrie, but really mainly because I believe in the natural way cause I worry if that is healthy or not. I have had gray hairs since I was 18 years old. My husband married me at 25 years old, he doesn't seem to care! lol haha My grandma got a stripe of gray hair very early in life as well, she was always proud of it. So I remind myself of her as well. I think there is something special or striking about some people's hair with gray. However, I think the right cut and style have a lot to do with it!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| knitnpickinatune |
Posted - Apr 17 2011 : 08:11:04 AM
Joann you wear your hair as you like it. I haven't dyed mine in 3 years now,and I'm enjoying seeing the silver & white hair come in. Funny thing is,I recall my mom also wanted to let her hair grow out and my Dad & I wouldn't permit it. I think it was the fact it helped me to stay in denial that my mom was in fact,getting older. I regret now we were so stubborn-I wonder what she would've looked like with silver hair? So you stick to your tastes and they'll adjust. eventually.
http://www.mandolinbabe.com
http://www.fiddlebelle.com
http://www.gigulele-bag.net (Zibbet Store)
@MandolinChick on Twitter
mando pickin,uke strummin, & fiddle sawin' Farmgirl #702 |
| Joey |
Posted - Apr 16 2011 : 9:46:51 PM
Well Cindy, that is so true. I am Wise but I feel like that is the compensation for getting old. Here's the thing. I had auburn hair as a kid. As I got older it got darker. Age 17 I decided God said I should have alburn hair and I began to die my hair red...for 40 years. no problem. So now I'm almost 60 and struggling with it and I don't even know what color my hair is anymore so I let it grow out. my best girlfriend says my hair is a nice salt and pepper and I shouldn't die it again. I look in the mirror and I see my mother and I wonder when this happened. MY 9yr old GD who has red hair is so upset when she sees my non-red hair that she crys and asks me to fix it. My husband thinks "all the guys want me when my hair is red and he feels lucky he's got me. SO NOW what?
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
| prariehawk |
Posted - Apr 16 2011 : 7:33:19 PM
Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way! Reading all your comments makes me feel better already--I may not be a sexy young thing anymore but I can be a ravishing wise woman!
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
| knitnpickinatune |
Posted - Apr 16 2011 : 07:50:46 AM
There's a wonderful book called "Romancing the Ordinary" by Sarah Ban Breathnach. It's a daily read thru the year where she gets you to try new things,and introduces countless ways of pampering yourself (inexpensive ways at that!) as well as opening your mind to trying new things. She does mention pretty underthings at one point,BTW! I got my copy used and am doing my 2nd year with it (there are times when I forget to read it in the morning-like this morning  ) Book suggestions,recipes,tips,all are in there and have helped me a lot. I'm getting a small scent collection together,am taking more care with my makeup and looking after my hands as in moisturizing and keeping them manicured-nightime pampering with a cuticle & nail salve by Burts Bees.
I think part of our problem deals with the fact we get so much focus when we're younger on looks,how to nab a man,fashion,that sort of thing & then when we hit middle age & later,the topic is dropped like a hot potato,and all at once we're lost because we have no guidelines on these things with slightly older bodies & faces,which of course have changed since we were 25. So we either keep dressing like we were 25 or knowing we can't do that anymore we let go and do nothing for lack of know how on our "new" faces & figures. Media doesn't help either- all the weather women on my fave news channel look like Barbie dolls and dress to the 9's.
http://www.mandolinbabe.com
http://www.mandolinbabe.net
http://www.gigulele-bag.net (Zibbet Store)
@MandolinChick on Twitter
mando pickin,uke strummin, & fiddle sawin' Farmgirl #702 |
| Beverley |
Posted - Apr 15 2011 : 9:17:49 PM
wow am I glad I found this thread. I have felt this way for a year or two now and just did not know how to put it into words. you women did that for me. I am a jeans and t shirt person, always have been but have gained weight and just don't look as good as I would like too. I look in the mirror and wonder too, who is this person. I am 53 but feel 80 sometimes , I think just because of how I feel about myself. I am going to start walking as soon as the weather here gets warmer. Wow I am not alone. That in itself feels good. Thank you ladies!!!
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett
Beverley with an extra E...
https://sites.google.com/site/bevsdoggies/
http://bevsdoggies.blogspot.com/ |
| Joey |
Posted - Apr 15 2011 : 5:22:52 PM
Oh Cindy,
Count me in! I was SO sexy even before I knew what that meant. After a HORRIBLE divorce (while I was pregnant with a baby who then died) I decided I wanted to be alone forever. I deliberately gained a ton of weight so men would leave me ALONE. My current DH is a guy I knew several decades ago before I married my ex and he would love me if I were 500lbs in a paperbag. I don't feel sexy. He knew me back when I WAS sexy and doesn't care. I care. I want to feel sexy again. I'm a nurse so I mostly wear scrubs but most of my every day clothes are black "leave me alone" outfits. I have no desire to shop and I have HUGE boobs so nothing fits anyway, but I hated clothes even when I was thin. Cindy, here's my only trick...wear earrings and a V neck...it makes people look to your face (and maybe a little less at my boobs.) There's this stupid joke but I like it.."Why did God give women big breasts? So strange men woun't have to make eye contact. HA.
Mostly I am a happy person in a good relationship with God and my family. I am confident and funny. I'm walking more. I'm good at my job. I have great friends. I just wish I could get back to sexy.
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Apr 15 2011 : 4:19:11 PM
lol ok. I gotchya now, one of our Sally's for a while did have a salon, I never knew the price though.
Funny I went to Super Cuts here once and they really messed up my hair, gave me a mullet, I don't like my hair in a mullet, I looked around and every one in there had a mullet, small children were literally crying, cause that's not what they wanted. Either was the hair cut I got, I showed a picture! And she still gave me a mullet, same with the little kids they had pics, and still got a mullet, we all looked the same when we left! hahaha So I haven't went back there.
Sadly I find the walmart salon is super cheap and always does a good job, but I just hate paying walmart, when I know the girls there aren't getting much money at all. So I was hoping Sally's may be a good alternative. lol haha
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| goneriding |
Posted - Apr 15 2011 : 3:30:22 PM
Oh, I didn't make it clear, sorry.
I buy my hair color and cakeup stuff from there. My hair is cut at Supercuts or Superclips, can't remember the name. I have an easy haircut and so they do a good job. I've gone to real salons and , honestly, they usually botch it up. Simpler the better.
For some 'venting'-type of entertainment, please read my blog, http://lostadventuresintrucking.blogspot.com . Now with pictures!!
|
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Apr 15 2011 : 1:09:05 PM
oh you know I have never had my hair cut at Sally's in fact, I think the only Sally's we had that did hair cuts is out of business now, I will have to call around. But, I have been wondering if they were any good. What is the average price of a Sally's hair cut, and do they go based on length (ie charge more for long hair?).
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| goneriding |
Posted - Apr 15 2011 : 12:21:26 PM
I'm in that middle aged fluffy group too. Actually, what has brought me out of it is finding Ross Dress for Less and shopping my heart out! I have always loved the nicer things but am a chinch too. Since I found that store, I have jackets and blouses, tops w/spaghetti straps, camisoles (black, no less), bras od every sort, shoes, the list goes on!
However, I have a slight paunch and so wear Levi somethingorothers. They have tummy control and long for my boots.
Then I discovered Sally Beauty Supply and have contibuted seriously to their bottom line. I consider it all an investment.
I color my hair and do it all up. Am experimenting with a little different haircut each time I go in.
I do want to lose weight and the only way is to walk it off. Now that the weather is getting nicer, I'm out walking my pudgy dogs.
Hubby supports me in all this, although he would like to see some weight go. I'm finally comfy with myself.
For some 'venting'-type of entertainment, please read my blog, http://lostadventuresintrucking.blogspot.com . Now with pictures!!
|
| CMac |
Posted - Apr 15 2011 : 10:29:19 AM
Us skinny girls can have the same issues. Just sayin. I remember when I noticed that men didn't look at me the same way anymore. I'm talking on the street, in stores etc. It was like I was suddenly invisible. I was still in good shape, took care with my looks and dress but still something had changed. I determined it was my age. Messed with my head for a while! I came to terms with it cause it seemed I could get angry and resentful or accept it cause I sure can't change it. I realized I'm not part of the procreation game anymore. I'm just not a player so why the need to compete? That little realization changed my perception of how I am perceived. I am now a wise woman. That is where my value is. I have to honor my new role and serve as best I can. Still on that path and loving it.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Apr 15 2011 : 10:15:35 AM
so true, so true, I kind of loathe victoria secret for just that reason! I mean if you are going to specialize in underwear, why can't you have ALL sizes! And while Penny's has a larger range of sizes, they do it too with the saying you are X size only because that's the sizes they carry.
I wish that there was more My Intimacy stores around, that's where I got the best fit in my life! And even though they carry a LARGE range of sizes they did not have my size in nursing bras. AND they did not try to sell me one that didn't fit. The lady got me the largest bra cup for my band size they had and it still was too small, she didn't try to get me a larger band size to convince me of fit, instead she said she was sorry and to look online and gave me some leads. I went to Nordstrom's where they lady again tried to put me too small of a bra, but at least they had a brand that worked for me, just not in my size, but from them I knew that the brand carried my size so I was able to go online and order them. Elomi is the only brand that carries nursing bras in my size. I am so glad though that people at My Intimacy didn't just try to make a sale that day! They have always been super duper with me though. Too bad they are far and few between. I went to the one in Manhattan, any one who ever visits NYC, I think My Intimacy is a MUST see! My mom is a dr, and she says she thinks there would be a LOT less breast reductions if people knew how to get the right size bra (cause their back wouldn't hurt, etc). And with the risk of the surgery she would rather see them wearing a correct fitting bra then getting the surgery.
BTW My Intimacy does sell my size in regular bras. And I love every bra I have bought from them. Especially my prima donna! oh if only prima donna made nursing bras!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| CurlysQuilts |
Posted - Apr 15 2011 : 10:12:09 AM
I worked at Fashion Bug for a couple of years (before they went bankrupt!) and if there was one thing I learned it's learn to dress the size you are. Don't buy things that are the size you want to be, or even a size smaller that what you are. Getting the size that fits you correctly will make you look better, and no one has to know what size it is. There is a real mentality of being beautiful even when you are big. Figure out what style looks awesome on you and stick with it. Jackie Kennedy used to buy the same exact outfit in all it's available colors cause she got this idea. Making your own clothes is good too (I'm learning this right now myself). And just for laughs, watch "What Not To Wear". Such a great show that gives you some very simple and elegant tips on how to dress your shape.
Curly's Quilts
www.curlysquilts.etsy.com
“He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” - Micah 6:8
|
| BarefootGoatGirl |
Posted - Apr 15 2011 : 09:05:36 AM
heather! i have been trying to convince women that they wear the wrong size for years now. just beacuse some idiot at Victoria's Secret measured them and told them what size they are (of course, a size Victoris'a actualy carries) they wont concider trying a different size. as a designer, i don't feel i can properly dress a woman wearing the wrong bra size! it just makes me crazy to see a size 6 girl wearing a 38DD simply beacuse nobody ever told her that a 32I exists.
www.barefootfashion.wordpress.com
http://www.corrinemackrell.carbonmade.com |
| pnickols |
Posted - Apr 15 2011 : 05:04:41 AM
does everyone get into the "frumpy" feeling in middle age? I am 53 and have gained around the middle, yeah for menopause,I have days where I feel so blah..... bless my hubby, he always manages to make me feel like the 20 something he married |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Apr 14 2011 : 10:48:22 PM
Thanks Corrine, the only problem is.......they don't make patterns with my bust size. Even when I go to the highest ones they sell which is a 3x they don't make it to my bust inches. The only ones that do are by elizabeth lee, and that's cause her's are based on a D cup. I have no idea why the companies make their patterns based on a B cup when I would imagine the average american woman if she is truly wearing her correct bra size is probably a C to D cup. (most women though are wearing too big of a band and too small of a cup. I can see it in how their breast are sagging past their elbows, while I have to roll mine up in my bra-or they would sag much lower then my elbows lol, with correct band size/cup size they set where they are supposed to between my shoulder and elbow and not below! lol haha)
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| hawthorn7 |
Posted - Apr 14 2011 : 7:27:45 PM
What great suggestions! I too am at the -gained weight, going grey stage. I think the big thing is to do a little something for yourself when you get dressed. It doesn't need to be a new wardrobe, but sometimes a scent you love, or a bit of jewelry, or promising yourself you won't go out in sweats (or whatever you think of as your 'stay at home comfy cloths') even if it's to run to the store. A little primping goes a long way. For me, it's earrings- I feel positively manly without them, lol. Also getting out and doing the things you enjoy and pursuing your interests. Its all about being interesting to yourself and giving your self a bit of TLC. I think that sometimes the biggest problem is that most of us have so much else to take care of- house, farm, family, job, etc. that caring for our self gets set aside (no time, no money, no one's looking) and eventually we fall out of the habit of pampering our self a bit, until it feel weird or makes us self conscious to even go for it. The nice thing is that that extra minute or two to care for yourself has a chain reaction- you feel good and like yourself more, and then others start enjoying you more too.
"Success requires the emotional balance of a committed heart. When confronted with a challenge, the committed heart will search for a solution. The undecided heart searches for an escape." |
| HollyG |
Posted - Apr 14 2011 : 7:03:55 PM
Girlfriend, you are in the same boat many of us are. I'm personally glad I'm not rowing in a circle all by myself! I've found the secret is not in how others see me, but how I see myself. Like the other posts, I have learned to tell myself I'm uniquely and wonderfully created in the image of God. He made me just as I am. Of course, I added the chocolate, but my features and characteristics are His.
Now, not to discount what a relationship with Him will do - it's the best thing you can do. If men would be honest (and some of them are) they are just as attracted to our attitudes and confidence as they are our bodies. Not arguing the fact they are visual creatures and like all of us, "see" with their eyes first, but any man worth his salt will look a little deeper. Confidence is the sexiest thing out there - look at some of the leading men in the movies - not all of them are gorgeous, but they have that confident devil-may-care attitude that has women panting after them.
I've found that making myself feel good about me is the simple stuff. I like to paint my toe nails. Rarely does anyone else see them, but I know they are cute in a home-done French manicure. It makes me smile to know I'm walking on beautiful feet. I went to college with a girl who spent a fortune of her daddy's money at Victoria's Secret. She said even if she was wearing grubby sweats, she knew she had on pretty panties and it just made her smile to know something no one else did. What a philosophy! Find something that makes you feel good - painted toes, pretty panties, a great smelling lotion...with glitter, a bikini wax ;) . Whatever it takes. Indulge yourself. I guarantee it will change your whole attitude.
HollyG
Farmgirl #2513
www.mydeepwoodslife.com |
| BarefootGoatGirl |
Posted - Apr 14 2011 : 3:42:50 PM
heather, i too have a huge difference in bust/body size. instead of sizing up the bustline, i start with a pattern that fits in the bust and size the rest down. that way i dont have to do the slash and spread method that takes so much time. i just cut away the pattern pieces where i dont need the extra room. this results in the armholes of my dresses/tops being a bit bigger than usual, but i like that. as an active girl, i find that most set in sleeves result in limited shoulder movement and i have been known to tear them out.
www.barefootfashion.wordpress.com
http://www.corrinemackrell.carbonmade.com |
|
|
