| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Montrose Girl |
Posted - Feb 06 2011 : 06:54:02 AM
As a little girl we all imagine what getting married will be like, the big wedding, lots of family and friends around. I'm beginning to realize that no where in those dreams is the day after. The moving in together and being a couple.
Right now the BF and I are rearranging his house for my big arrival. We moved everything out of the garage into the shed, had to buy shelving (the big industrial stuff) to arrange tools and everything else he uses around the orchard, put in a new work bench, and get things organized (that was my job). In the garage, we will convert it to a library/office/craft room for me. It will also serve as a place for us to hang out when there are guests around for the B&B. But that means building up the new wall, we already ordered carpet adn I still have to pick up paint. All of this while he is chomping at the bit to get out to pruning. He's only 75% crazy over that as the temps really have been too cold, but come mid-month he will have to buckle down, which means the wall has to be done. I can paint and the carpet is being put in by someone else so that will free him up.
Once that room is done I'll be able to move my stuff that way. It will give us a place for me to stage while I put things away. But at my own place I look around and wondered what needs to go and what doesn't. We've both had full homes for years and have many of the same appliance and kitchen ware. I feel a big yard sale coming on. Fortunately, mom will be back to help and she's a mega packer. At 71 I dare any moving company to do a better job than her and to keep up.
Then there are my cats. He's not a big fan of cats in the house, but mine have never been outside cats, so in they go. The one agreement, not in the bedroom. Hmm, well ok.
Mixing our clothes, finding room for all my canning jars (another project in a root cellar come spring), whew, moving in together was never part of that young girl fantasy.
I'm nervous and excited. I can't wait to be with him all the time. My life will change as I will become a part of the orchard full time and we are adding other crops to diversify. I'm going from a desk job to full time farm life. That scares me. Can I keep up? I know I'm a bit out of shape, too many hours at a desk and I still intend to write. I want to get published and the only way to do that is produce pages, so I have to find a balance between the two.
So how did your transitions go from single to married life?
Laurie
http://www.inntheorchardbnb.com/ |
| 17 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| barefootmama |
Posted - Feb 16 2011 : 09:31:27 AM
Blessings Barbara..I was brought up in an abusive house..im glad you got away and are safe..as for telling your son it's really up to you..I have told a few stories to my little ones about what their mama and aunts went through and they handled it very well..I dont want to hide anything from them. My husband knows all about it..I am so proud of you for having your own life now that is great! way to go and thank you for sharing your painful story with us..i hope it helps you heal
Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves,for they shall never cease to be amused:) |
| dprovence |
Posted - Feb 16 2011 : 08:28:00 AM
Barbara - It sounds like you were waiting to exhale without even knowing it. I am happy that you felt comfortable enough with your Sisters to share such a painful part of yourself with us. Thank you for trusting us enough to let us help you get rid of that hurt.
Huggs and Smyles
Debbie
Farmgirl Sister #2636
Life is a dance - Learn as you go! |
| nh.farmgirl |
Posted - Feb 16 2011 : 06:47:38 AM
Hi,
Y'know, a need to tell that story never occurred to me. I never talk about it - ever. I have a grown son from my second marriage who knows nothing of this as I've never mentioned it, never even speak the guy's name. Sometimes I wonder if I should tell my son,, as though I am keeping a big secret from him. I don't know why he'd have to know this. I don't want to cause him any pain.
Barbara
"If I could say it in words there would be no reason to paint."
- Edward Hopper
www.newhampshirefarmgirl.blogspot.com
Farmgirl Sister #2694
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| Dorinda |
Posted - Feb 16 2011 : 06:03:24 AM
Oh Barbara I am so glad you got out of that marriage! What a scary story!
Seize The Day!
Dorinda |
| Montrose Girl |
Posted - Feb 15 2011 : 2:29:40 PM
Wow Barbara, I guess you needed to tell that story. :) I've loved hearing all you ladies have had to say.
thanks,
Laurie
http://www.inntheorchardbnb.com/ |
| nh.farmgirl |
Posted - Feb 15 2011 : 10:32:30 AM
It was so long ago. He was my first love, and after "it" happened, after which I cried and was sick to my stomach, my future seemed written in stone. That's how it was back then - once "it" happened, you married the guy, pregnant or not. I wasn't. My parents were completely against it; they didn't like him because he was a farmer, and years before there had been some sort of falling out between my dad and his, and my grandmother didn't like his father because he'd let his dog wander and the dog was killing her chickens. So of course, we fell in love. We had been dating since my junior year of high school and married a little after I graduated. We had a little money from the wedding and went to Florida for a honeymoon. While in Florida, he spent just about all the rest of the money we had left on this old Chevy pickup truck that someone had painted orange. He called it The Orange Blossom Special. We barely had enough money to get ourselves back home, but we gassed up the orange pickup and headed up the coastline to New England. Somewhere around Maryland or New Jersey the truck broke down. My parents were well off, but because they didn't like him and his family, they completely cut me off. My father hated farming and said you can't make any money pulling tits - words I found completely gross and insensative and cruel. His mother and father fixed up this tiny upstairs apartment in their house for us, all to their own liking, and we were informed that we were to work the farm. He milked the cows and I put down the grain and the hay. I fed the calves with a pale with a big rubber nipple on it. I absolutely loved this once particular calf I named Star because of the star-shaped white on its forehead. Suddenly the calf was gone - his father had it slaughtered for veal. :( We baled the hay and all that. I helped him put a new engine in the pickup out in the middle of a cow field, using the power takeoff from the tractor to somehow lift the old blown engine out of the truck and in turn lower the good engine down into place. His father gave him a $60 weekly allowance. There was never any money, and I had $15 a week for groceries. But I loved him and okay for a couple of years until he started to drink. Blackberry brandy. He'd get drunk and violent. I was pregnant when he whipped an empty brandy bottle at me, breaking the bottle on my left hip and leaving a deep cut. I still have the scar. I needed stitches but was too afraid of him to go. Then I lost the baby. I was so young and missed my mother. One morning when I was taking a shower, I happened to look down at my hips - nothing but bones and two deep hollows. I'd always been slender, but at about 97 pounds at this point, I started crying. His father bought this old house trailer and put it in a field for us near the barn. I wanted to get a job for the money, and at first he wouldn't let me. At some point he said okay, and I got a job as a waitress and made a little money with tips. His drinking got worse. The trailer was horrible with a roof that leaked every time it rained and mice were getting in through holes aroumnd the pipes under the kitchen sink. I wanted to leave, us get jobs and build a life of our own, but he was completely loyal to his father. He said, "This place is good enough for you or any other wife I have." He was coming in at night drunk and puking in my kitchen sink. Then he brought home the most adorable little puppy, without first making a place for it - no dog house, no dog food. He wouldn't let the puppy in the trailer. Oh man! :( One cold morning when we got up, there was the now half-grown puppy lying dead on the side of the road where it had gotten hit. It was the dead of winter, the ground frozen. He picked up the dead puppy and threw it on the frozen ground right beside the trailer steps, said he'd bury it come spring when he could dig a hole. Oh man!!! :( Any amount of my begging him to at least put the puppy in a box did any good. I'm 20 years old, my handsome husband was drunk 90-percent of the time; I was pretty sure why I lost the baby; no money. The saga of the puppy is what did it. While he wasn't home I threw a few things in a bag, called my mother to come get me, which thankfully she did, and I left. He and his father showed up later in the pickup truck to get me and bring me back, and I had no choice but to go. What a dark sinking hopeless feeling. :( My heart was not in it anymore. I knew there would come a window of opportunity when I could escape, and I planned, had a little bag packed that I'd hidden for when the right time came, and one day it did come when I saw the three of them, him and his mom and dad, going off somewhere in his father's truck. As soon as they were down the road, I grabbed my bag, ran out past the dead puppy still lying frozen by the steps, and left. I hid out from them and filed for a divorce. I had to sell my wedding and high school rings for the money. He and his father countered that I was running around on him (I absolutely was not - I only wish there WAS a boyfriend or somebody, anybody, who would have helped me then). I have never looked back. He still lives in that old house trailer, and I have built a new life for myself, my own little slice of heaven. I am now remarried to a nice country man, and the last I heard, the 2nd wife of my first husband eventually left him after years of him drunk and beating her up. So anyway, that's how I started married life, and all I can think is "shell shock" - it was definitely not the life I had dreamed of as a girl.
Note added after I posted: Very sorry this is so long - I hadn't realized as I was writing! :(
Barbara
"If I could say it in words there would be no reason to paint."
- Edward Hopper
www.newhampshirefarmgirl.blogspot.com
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| Mommyswanson |
Posted - Feb 15 2011 : 09:01:33 AM
Congratulations Laurie!! My husband & I married when I was 32 & he was 39. It was a big adjustment for us. Before marrying I had shared a house with my older brother & I remember going over to visit him about 2 weeks into the marriage & was whining to him about living with my husband & trying to mesh our lives & he just laughed & said: "What did you think it would be like? Marriage is hard. it's all give & take." Now mind you my husband & I dated for three years before we were married, lived a block apart & spent everyday together so we knew each other really well, but it is an adjustment. Happy to tell you my husband & I will be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary this May & we couldn't be happier. He is my best friend & we love being together :) Good Luck!!!
"That which does not kill us makes us strong!" "I cast all my cares upon you Lord." |
| OneHippieChick |
Posted - Feb 15 2011 : 07:23:56 AM
Hi Laurie! First of all, congratulations! Take things one day at a time, one hour at a time if you have to sometimes. I agree with paradiseplantation to just remember the beauty and humor in things, instead of the yuckies. Sometimes the yuckies win, but know that tomorrow is another, and probably better, day.
My husband and I have been married almost 11 months - I was married before, but it's his first (and last!!! ha!). I was previously married to my son's "dad" in South Dakota for 15 years (and we are still friends thank goodness). It just so happened that both of our leases were up when we decided to marry, so we all (my son still lives at home) moved into a good size apartment. Combining 2 full households into one has definitely been a challenge! When we move into a house during the next couple of weeks or so, I definitely foresee a large garage sale in the near future!
There have been a few challenges along the way, the first being culture shock. After living in South Dakota for nearly 20 years and then moving back 'home' to Alabama, I've had to learn to re-acclimate myself. Different culture, different attitudes, toooootally different thought processes. Some of the struggles my husband and I now have are usually related to at least one of those three things in some way or another. Also, my husband and I both have life-long serious health issues so trying to coordinate feeling crappy or energetic at the same time has been...interesting at times. Haha!  Sometimes it just is what it is and you accept it, roll with it, and move on. We are truly soulmates with our only regret being that we met in our 40's instead of our 20's.  Enjoy your life together, try not to take each other for granted, and always keep your spouse in the "appreciation room". From the book, The Love Dare, here's a link where someone posted in regards to the Appreciation/Depreciation room: http://lifestyle.msn.com/messageboards/thread.aspx?board=00000065-00fd-0000-0000-000000000000&thread=a2ae77a2-263f-4347-9b9d-96cef307ab69
Sorry! Didn't mean to write a book here! (((((Farmgirl hugs)))))
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Susan ~ Farmgirl Sister #1978
Fiber artist, spins, knits, crochets, sews, weaves, quilts, soap maker, as well as various beauty products and some natural cosmetics
Working on getting my Etsy website and blog up and running - stay tuned!
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| sherrye |
Posted - Feb 08 2011 : 05:32:51 AM
heidi welcome to mjf. glad you joined in. papa and i have been married 38 yrs. wow anyway accepting your partner as is and loving them anyway worked for us. we are still enjoying our differences. we support each others ideas and wants and dont worry about the small stuff. really most things are. happy days for you now. sherrye
the learn as we go silk purse farm
farm girl #1014
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| paradiseplantation |
Posted - Feb 08 2011 : 05:04:57 AM
I went from a single woman to a family of four. DH came equipped with two kids, and we ended up raising both of them, as their mom moved out of state. All I can say is, I put one foot in front of the other, had a huge garage sale and learned to cook for four instead of one. It was tough, but honestly, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I just wish we could have owned the farm back then. Laurie, you're gonna do just great. Take it one day at a time, and just remember to see the humor and beauty in things, instead of the yuckies!
from the hearts of paradise... |
| HDA |
Posted - Feb 07 2011 : 5:17:38 PM
Laurie-
I went through the transition to married live just over 3 1/2 years ago. My best advice is to expect change, but don't fear it, embrace it! When I was engaged a couple months later my (now husband) moved to my house. I had bought a house less than a year prior while he rented so it made sense for him to move to my house. The first thing we did was have a huge moving sale! My house was tiny, so we had a limited amount of space & lots had to be sold. We went through everything together & basically kept the best/most useful things between both our households & sold the rest. The money we made on that got put in our "wedding fund" :) My husband had been divorced 10 years earlier & been living bachelor life & was fortunately ready for a huge change, while I had just recently bought my own house & wasn't even fully settled in yet so this transition went pretty smoothly, since change was inevitable. It was fun & exciting & I hope your move goes the same way. Changing over to farm life will probably take some adjusting & learning, but what an exciting change! I hope that it turns out to be a wonderful new adventure and brings you closer together. |
| ceejay48 |
Posted - Feb 06 2011 : 12:45:45 PM
Well, Laurie . . hmmmmm. We celebrated our 42nd wedding anniversary last December and we married pretty young. I don't even remember being single. Maybe that's because I was such a SHORT period of my life and that was during college years.
I wish you the best . . . and I think my hubby and I will try to make a trip your way, stay in your B&B, go taste wine and all that stuff.
But we won't come for a while . . . you've got PLENTY to do for a while.
Yup, life changing! You'll make it!! And, I agree that your mom will be heck of a "packing queen". Hope to see her again too!
CONGRATULATIONS!
CJ
..from the barefoot farmgirl in SW Colorado...sister chick #665
From my Heart - www.fromacelticheart.blogspot.com
From my Hands - www.cjscreations-ceejay.blogspot.com
From my Hubby - www.aspenforge.blogspot.com |
| Montrose Girl |
Posted - Feb 06 2011 : 10:52:07 AM
Thanks ladies. One day at a time. I know that and sometimes forget. Dorinda, your story had me near tears. I'm glad it worked out. I love hearing these.
Laurie
http://www.inntheorchardbnb.com/ |
| CamelliaCottage |
Posted - Feb 06 2011 : 10:44:41 AM
I was 33 when we got married, and living at home to help out with my dad who was having major health problems. All my stuff was in a storage unit, and I had gone through most everything before putting it there, so that helped! Another thing that helped was that we bought a house together and it was large enough to take both our stuff. We put his living room stuff in the living room, and we took the one car garage and had the builder make it a family room instead, so my living room stuff went in there. We moved in in April before getting married in July. I told him there was NO WAY he was moving in there before me, and his condo was sold so he had to move!
I guess the thing that made the most difference was just accepting our differences and being aware of what each of us wanted for our home, our lives. I guess it worked - this April will be 26 years since we moved into that house! We've moved 3 times since then, and we are still together, still happy, and love each other more today than ever.
Just be patient with each other, and talk, talk, talk! Keeping the communications lines open and moving freely is extremely important! Blessings on this new life of yours! Becky G.
Becky Garrison
Sister # 1941
Focus for year 2011: "Live life to it's fullest, filled with gratitude and a joyful heart!"
Hearth and Home Blog: http://camelliacottagediary.blogspot.com
Crafting Blog: http://camelliacottagedesigns.blogspot.com |
| Dorinda |
Posted - Feb 06 2011 : 10:26:20 AM
We were so young and right out of high school. His parents bought us a brand new double wide trailer and set up on their property behind the barn. They also had an orchard (orange grove) that they farmed. Since my husband was the only son and his dad was up in years we had to stay on the farm so he could help work the grove. His dad was 56 years old when my husband was born. I think he was around 73 years old when we got married both at the age of 18 years. We started dating our Sophmore year. So we had been dating about 2 and half years when we got married. At first everything was okay and fun. I worked a full time job. My husband of course stayed and worked on the farm. When I would come in from work he would be sitting on the couch waiting on me to get home and of course start dinner. His Dad only paid him $2.00 an hour. Not moch money. It seem like all of my money went to pay the bills. So after about 8 months into the marriage I started not liking marriage life. We never went out any more and it seemed that all I did was work and clean and cook. So one evening when my husband was working late in the barn I packed all of my stuff up. He had'nt done anything to make me mad. I just did not want to be married anymore. I wanted to move back in with my parents and us start dating again so we could have fun again. Plus I wanted to start college. So anyways when he walked in and saw all of my things packed up and I told him what I was doing. He fell to his knees and started crying. He begged me to stay and he would go get a job and help me with the finances so I could start college. Plus he said his mom and dad would be so mad because they had bought us that brand new double wide. I felt bad so I stayed and long story short we have been married for 31 years now. We now live on the other side of the grove in a house we built in 1987. He did go get a job and I started college. We are very much still in love and very happy!! Of course his father passed away in 1988.
His mother is still living and still lives on the other side of the grove. She is 84 yrs. old.
Seize The Day!
Dorinda |
| graciegreeneyes |
Posted - Feb 06 2011 : 09:46:39 AM
Our married life has been marked by one near calamity after another so honestly I never had time to think about adjustment, just putting out fires it seems. It sounds like you two have had ample communication and planning though, and everything will work out fine as long as you can talk about it:) Good luck with training the cats that the bedroom is off limits though:D
Congratulations!!
Amy Grace
Farmgirl #224
"use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without"
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| Melina |
Posted - Feb 06 2011 : 09:43:40 AM
It was so long ago, I don't remember. Actually, we were both just out of school, had nothing of our own and were living at home. We had nothing, so the problem was filling empty space! We recently consolidated our offices into one...that was enough to create chaos and stress for months! I do wish you all the best in the future, though. Remember, patience.
The morning breeze has secrets to tell you. Do not go back to sleep.
Rumi |
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