| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| carsandpots |
Posted - Dec 31 2010 : 11:00:17 AM
After being together for a time, couples tend to stop "dating." Times become so different from when we are first together with our spouses. I don't think we should stop dating. We are all so creative and smart, or so I'm told...
I'm in to my 12th year with my husband, and life is full of to do lists, but as I looked over that list one morning, I realized my husband was not on that list. I wondered how he had gone from the most important thing in my mind to falling completely off the list? After a moment of reflection I said , oh yeah I know how...responsibilities, obligations, children, extended family, our new landscaping business, places to go, grocery shopping, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and the girls were down to their last pair of underware - time for laundry...etc etc etc. If it wasn't a special occasion then it was business as usual, routine as usual.
I laughed thinking ironicaly how we had turned out the way we said we would never be...it just happened. I missed my husband, I missed spending time with him. We saw each other every day but sometimes, we didn't really "see" each other. I looked at my to do list: Clean the fish tank...but nowhere did it say, spend time with your husband.
I knew i wanted it to be different and that thought stayed with me. I wanted more good times, happy times, fun times with him. Life really is too short for that "someday things will be different" time.
I found a moment later that day and ran into the wine store. I don't know much about wines, I usually buy a bottle based on how the label looks! There on the bottom shelf it seemed like a bright light was shining down on this one particular bottle. There is was, a beautiful cobalt blue bottle with a wine called RELAX, inexpensive white wine - perfect.
The First Date - Date Number 1 Scrabble and Cheap White Wine
I still had no plan, but I had a bottle of wine and figured I could wing it! I put the girls to bed early that night then ran around picking up every sign of a child's toy and cleared the dining room table. My husband called to say he was on his way home, he had put in a really long day of landscaping and sounded beat. To sort of play a trick on him I said, I knew he had a long day but we really had to take care of some of the mountains of business paperwork piling up. He sighed and said he knew it and definitely would do what needed done. I hung up and went to the closet and stared at the board games that have gone untouched for five years! I wasn't crazy about scrabble but it was ok and I knew my husband liked it. I grabbed my nicely chilled bottle of RELAX and two wine glasses. I set up the scrabble board and I knew it was corny but I spelled out the words "I LOVE YOU" on his scrabble letter holder.
I heard my husband pull up outside and he came in tired and dirty smelling of grass and gasoline and looking so beat. I met him at the door and said are you ready to get to work? He sighed and said yep, let's get to it. We walked through the living room and then into the dining room. He looked at the table and then at me and back again. He had the funniest look on his face it was a combination of confused disbelief and happiness. I told him we were bagging the paperwork crap for the night and if he was up to it we were going to just spend time together. He looked so disbelieving, that I had to say it again. I told him it was nothing fancy just scrabble and white wine. He was thrilled. It was so simple and last minute and perfect. He gave me a big hug and a long kiss and said he would be downstairs as fast as he could after a quick shower. I said go for it and he bounded up the steps with an energy surprising after the day I knew he had had. It wasn't the scrabble he was excited about! It was that we were going to forget all the stress and worry and just focus on each other. I was surprised in a way when I realized he wanted time to be together too, but like me just didn't know how to get it.
That night we laughed and joked and I would try to spell words that maybe were words, but my husband would say he didn't think so and I would lose my turn...and we would laugh about that too. It turned out to be a simple, lovely, relaxing night. It was our first date in a long time and it had been long overdue.
I don't know why we hadn't done it sooner, we had gotten into that rut of letting the t.v. be our entertainment. Maybe we felt like if we did have a date it would have to be full of glitz, expensive dinner out and a show and a babysitter. We both realized it didn't have to be that way at all.
We only have but so much time and then all the time is gone. A day will come and I really don't want to look back over the years of my life and say, what did we do with the time we had to spend together? I want to know what we did instead of having it pass mindlessly by. I want to enjoy my husband and the time I can spend with him.
We really liked the feeling of being in love and loving each other. Those feelings were how we got together in the first place, it was so nice to get back there again.
After that first date my husband and I were out mulching some flower beds. I wanted to think of more ways we could spend time together. We always have excuses why we couldn't and I was tired of the excuses. The reality of our situation was that we had children and we were on a tight budget, but I didn't want to let that stop us. There had to be things we could do in our situation. So we came up with a list of things we could do at home after our girls were in bed. I suggested an Italian date night, my husband suggested an 80's night (I said ok to the 80's night as long as I didn't have to watch him do his air guitar to AC DC!) It was exciting and creative and fun and full of no pressure.
I think we live our lives and get stuck doing the same things not really aware that we don't have to live the way we are living. If we are unhappy or situations are not working for us, we don't have to stay that way. This simple idea of a date night was the beginning of a whole new world of excitement for us and a catalyst for a change for the better in our relationship. Everyone needs something to look forward to, I know I do. I need something fun and uplifting to think about, not just all the worries of everyday life.
Instead of only thinking about all the good times that we had had, now I also spend my time thinking about and planning the good times that are coming.
There are so many great ways to date your husband! I have a list and more stories if anyone is interested in hearing some of them. Maybe everyone can post here a special idea and we can all get back to that love we knew.
Rachael
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| 17 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Jan 03 2011 : 09:26:06 AM
Great idea...in fact, it was one of my "gifts" on my Christmas gift list. In addition to some of cooking utensils I asked for, I asked for a date night. We'll be married 10 years this August, and we have an almost 2 year old. It's really important, especially with her in our lives, to take time to be together. I want her to see what healthy, happy marriage is like and date night is a part of it!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| Cindy Lou |
Posted - Jan 03 2011 : 09:16:18 AM
Thanks Rachael for a great reminder and for the pictures too. It is really fun to put a face, or rather both of your faces with your excellent writing. I noticed you're pretty new here and so glad you are joining us.
You mentioned 12 years being a long time, well, try 39. We are now empty nesters and the both retired. You'd think that would mean having a lot of time for each other but we get so into patterns. We often hold hands and I love to see other couples, young and older doing the same at the grocery store or whereever. We spent New Years Eve ordering our garden seeds for the coming season, not exactly romantic but it works for us.
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
| graciegreeneyes |
Posted - Jan 03 2011 : 08:57:48 AM
Awesome idea Rachael - we have been trying to do this more too, so important. I love your different date night ideas and pictures too:)
Amy Grace
Farmgirl #224
"use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without"
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| KellyWall |
Posted - Jan 03 2011 : 07:11:35 AM
Your so cute, and your ideas are fabulous! I need to get busy this year and make some romantic memories! I get so wrapped up in the everyday routine, I really needed this inspiration! Thanks!
My husband and I have been married for 17yrs, and have 3 children, we need to slow down and enjoy more time together!
Kelly #238
May your bobbin always be full... |
| chicken necker |
Posted - Jan 02 2011 : 1:41:18 PM
Awesome!
FarmGirl Sister #123
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| Fiddlehead Farm |
Posted - Jan 02 2011 : 07:13:14 AM
How awesome is that? You have given me some great ideas!
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
Happy to be a "Raggedy Ann" in a Barbie World!
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
| carsandpots |
Posted - Jan 02 2011 : 06:38:14 AM
Our Italian Date Night
Thank you everyone for all the comments and great ideas. Katie, I loved the one about the coupon books. I've done the same thing way back, and it would be great to do it again now. We are in the same situation kind of. We started a landscaping company about 3 years ago and things are very tight. Doing what we can until things change. All the dates I've thought of, believe me, have been very low budget and the types that I can throw together with not too much effort. But still very fun!
This is a picture of our Italian Date Night! It was great. The only things I bought new were the tablecloth and napkins and that is because I found a great deal on them on Ebay. The rest I picked up at yard sales, the plates, silverware, wine glasses, vase and candle holders. Even the candles I think I found at a yard sale. It was so much fun finding them, they were so inexpensive and beautiful! It made the date night seem so elegant. We also put up a small table in our living room, we wanted to eat somewhere different, just turn our routine around.
I put together a great music mix of Italian music, my husband had the CDs called Mob Hits and I had a few from various CDs I had collected over the years. It made for a wonderful atmosphere. I also checked at the local library, and did a search and came up with some great music as well.
We wanted the food to be simple because we would be starting our date later in the evening after the girls were in bed, so we decided on a pizza (easy) but with fun toppings and bottle of wine. One topping was pepperoni, one was fresh basil and tomato, one was bacon and pineapples, and the last was chicken tossed in hot sauce and all were covered in cheese! It was so yummy. I don't know if it was because we took our time tasting each bite, or if it was because we prepped and baked the pizza together, or because we were having a delicious meal together at home and the children were asleep!? (We don't cook together often, one of us is usually with our children while the other makes dinner.) We chopped and prepped and talked together, it was wonderful spending that time with each other.
My husband surprised me with the roses and he picked up the silly newspaper because it headlined a mob name Gotti, he was doing his part to add to the Italian atmosphere!
The final part to put the evening together was we raided our closets to dress in what our idea of Italian was, my husband borrowed my gold necklace and I found the reddest lipstick I had!
 
I picked up 2 cannolis from a local bakery. After dinner we enjoyed our dessert while watching 'A Room with a View' which had beautiful scenes from Italy. Other great movies we had thought of were 'Roman Holiday', 'Gladiator', 'Only You', or 'Moonstruck'.
It took a little to get this date together, but it was very much worth it and it was actually fun doing all the little things that made this date happen. We made a night we wouldn't forget and we made more memories together! |
| chicken necker |
Posted - Jan 01 2011 : 11:43:43 AM
Thanks Rachel. You're right and I'll make sure to do some "connecting" with the people in my life.
FarmGirl Sister #123
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| KD Earthwork |
Posted - Jan 01 2011 : 10:07:58 AM
Racheal,
I love this post as well.You are a great writer and I appreciate the way you are sharing here. Not just the idea of a date night but also what ideas you guys came up with. I want to hear more.
Often my husband and I gaze at each other over the chaos and say " I miss you".
I used to think if you could just try to go to bed early and spend at least half an hour just talking.It hasn't been this for us . But I sure would like that.I did start what I think is a good idea this year. We're short of money trying to start this farm. So I gave my husband a card with coupons for time with me, time alone, date night, etc.He liked this and it was the right price.
Katie
http://www.rosemancreekranch.com |
| Fiddlehead Farm |
Posted - Dec 31 2010 : 3:31:24 PM
I posted on a different thread that I was going to have a weekly date night with my husband. I told him this and he said OK, what are we going to do? I decided that each week we would take turns coming up with something. His first idea was going to the range to shoot some targets! Our first date night is tonight...we are going to drink some wine and talk about the past year and plan some goals for this year. Maybe even throw in a board game or two! Rachael, I love your posts on this topic, thanks for sharing.
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
Happy to be a "Raggedy Ann" in a Barbie World!
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
| Annika |
Posted - Dec 31 2010 : 2:33:44 PM
YAY!!!!!For couple's night!
We really need to try this
=)
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
Palouse Prairie Girls Chapter
http://palouseprairiegirls.blogspot.com/
http://prairiegirlsjournal.blogspot.com/
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~Leonardo DaVinci
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| Alee |
Posted - Dec 31 2010 : 2:10:59 PM
What a great idea!
This past week Nora has been staying at her grandparent's house so Doug and I have been having some date nights ourselves. We have a game that we can play together on our Xbox so we have been doing that and talking. Lots of laughing and teasing too. I really feel a lot closer to him than I have for a long time. :)
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
| melody |
Posted - Dec 31 2010 : 12:44:28 PM
Actually that's exactly what we are doing this New Years Eve-Going out on a long overdue DATE! I RSVP'D a negative to an annual cheesecake event we have attended New Years Eve for years and instead of being in a roomful of people it will just be me and my DH-----
Dinner and a movie....(SIGH)
Melody
Farmgirl #525 |
| carsandpots |
Posted - Dec 31 2010 : 12:40:11 PM
I was just over peeling an apple for my daughter trying to think of what to say and it struck me that, this doesn't have to apply only to husbands. Maybe make a resolution to spend more time with a friend in these same ways. Plan a date with your friend, or a daughter or a son. It's about spending quality time with someone you love. I'm sorry for your sadness and your divorce, but think of now not all the could haves and should haves. There is still time to make life intentional and direct your course the way you want it to go.
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| chicken necker |
Posted - Dec 31 2010 : 12:06:31 PM
 Beautiful idea, but I wish I had thought of it years ago. Maybe my husband and I wouldn't have split up.
FarmGirl Sister #123
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| carsandpots |
Posted - Dec 31 2010 : 11:40:23 AM
Thanks Laura,
It really is such a great way to add so much to your relationship. The feeling after our dates seems to last for days and we feel so much more connected. It is the little things that mean so much.
My favorite date night, and it doesn't get easier than this was when we picked 4 or 5 of our dusty old CD's and picked one song on each to listen to together. Mostly these days we are listening to kid's music and ours have fallen by the way side! If we attempt to listen to our songs with the kids around there is usually talking and jumping or yelling or crying! I think music is full of poetry, all kinds of music. We all have songs that mean things to us, and to share those songs with our husbands and for them to do the same is such an amazing experience. You wouldn't believe it.
Until we had this date we never purposely sat down to listen to music together. We would listen to music a lot. But not like this, really concentrating on the words. It was so much more than either of us thought it would be. Music opened up so many insights and conversations for us that evening that neither of us wanted the night to end. It was an amazing evening that unfolded for us.
We grabbed some snacks (we learned crunchy snacks were not such a good idea for this date )
It was hard to narrow it down to 4 or 5 CDs we both ended with more.
We went through several complete mood shifts as we switched from song to song. There was lots of talking after each song, we actually talked (a.k.a. adult conversation) We talked about us about our lives our relationship our great memories we had made together. The best though was when songs would remind us of memories we had forgotten. We would say "oh my gosh I forgot all about that, that was so funny".
I asked my husband later what he had thought about our music night. He said he couldn't believe how fast the evening passed. He told me it felt to him what he imagined it would have been like to live in teh 60's, hanging out and mellow, listening to records! His biggest surprise that night was finding out stories about me that he never knew. I shared stories that the music made me remember. Finding something new after being together for so long surprised us both. He said it was so much better than he thought it was going to be and he wanted to do it again soon.
It was an eclectic mix of songs, my first pick was 'Crazy' by Patsy Cline. I love Patsy Cline...The words in this song are all about a lost love, but that is not what it makes me think about or feel. What I get from the song has nothing to do with the words but Patsy Cline's beautiful voice transports me back to when I was a kid. My grandfather lived on an old farm in western PA, and was a retired military officer with one big Cadillac. When we went to town for groceries we would float on those back roads, those dirt roads with nothing but huge clouds of dust billowing out behind us blaring Patsy Cline on his tape deck cruising at 50 or 60 miles an hour on roads not meant for that! It was awesome sitting in the front seat watching my Pap smoke his cigarettes and hum along to the songs like some character from an old black and white movie. Her voice always takes me right there. I loved sharing this memory with my husband and I sank into the music when i heard it, just like the leather seats of that old car. It was nice to go back in time, my husband knew my grandfather only briefly before he passed away, and I apprecieted so much being able to talk about him again with my husband, with my friend. It was nice to share again those special moment in my life.
Rachael |
| Mommyswanson |
Posted - Dec 31 2010 : 11:03:17 AM
I think that "dating my husband" would be a great New Years resolution. Thanks for the idea!! Please share more of your ides!!
Laura
"That which does not kill us makes us strong!" "I cast all my cares upon you Lord." |
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