| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| CabinCreek-Kentucky |
Posted - Jun 13 2006 : 09:19:28 AM
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
My Dear Dad
PROOF that God answers PRAYER ... my precious daddy that so many of you have prayed for since i told you almost a YEAR AGO .. was given just a short time left on this life to live by HOSPICE .. just celebrated his 92nd birthday!!! (June 3). He has not experienced profound pain during this almost year's vigil .. is lucid quite often and as my sister says ... sometimes 'eats like a big dog'!!!
Even through his life-long illness, he has always been my strength and my anchor! I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for the prayers sent heavenward in his name and for the sweet cards and letters you have sent to him .. and oh, please, do continue to write to him from time to time .. my sister says he enjoys them all and they often bring a smile to his sweet face.
His address is:
Robert H. Stevens
Beverly Health Care
3900 Plank Road
Fredericksburg, VA 22407
I will share more and more of my daddy's stories as time goes by .. but for those of you who do not already know of his life ... my dad is one of nine children born to a poor farming family in Rappahannock Academy, Virginia. I am told that he was always very shy and kind .. two qualities that have remained with him all the days of his life.
As young adults, most of the children in the family migrated together to 'the city' to look for jobs. Some ending up in Washington, D.C. and a few in the Virginia suburbs surrounding D.C. The story is told that my dad showed up one day with a beautiful blue-eyed, red-haired wife. In September of 1939, a beautiful dark-haired beauty .. a baby daughter was born .. that would be my sister Shasha (Patricia Louise is her BIRTH name .. but Shasha was the closest she could come to pronouncing Patricia when she was little .. and SHASHA just 'took').
Another little fire-cracker wild-girl-child with sunflower yellow hair followed in June of 1941 ... that would be .. you guessed it .. Frances Catherine!!!!
And a bouncing red-haired baby boy, PRINCE Robert Lee Stevens arrived in May of 1944.
We all three children inherited our daddy's deep brown eyes.
The story goes that daddy was a work-a-holic in order to be able to provide for his new family .. and that he seemed to become even quieter and more reclusive as time passed by, withdrawing into a world of his own.
Protected by very early youth, i do not remember the sad days that must have followed ... as our mama must have become frustrated, sad and lonely. I don't remember much of my mama .. i look back as an adult and cannot see from this distance the love that may or may not have been there for her children. no matter how hard i try, i cannot close my eyes tight and conjure up scenes of being held and hugged by her. I suppose 'lack of memory' is a two-edged sword .. and as long as i don't remember the PAIN .. i suppose i can bear not remembering the mother-LOVE either.
oh my .. there are soooo many stories to tell from the 'between times' .. each day, month, year is strung out like a necklace with pearls and thorns .. all .. i believe have made me and my siblings strong, loving adults.
i will share more stories in time of when and how our mother 'left us' .. of our rescuers (daddy's family) .. of searching .. of 'peeking at my mother' once as a teenager .. of hearing of her death the year i was first married .. and of finally, the year i turned 50 .. travelling to her hometown in georgia .. and re-uniting with my aunts and uncles and cousins .. of visiting her gravesite .. and of forgiveness.
i will tell you stories of the strength and love of family .. of daddy's lucid moments .. of healing. God has blessed me with the daddy given to me .. i would not change a moment of my life .. his .. YES! but mine .. NO!
but then .. i can't change his without changing mine.
in early adulthood, a line from Shakespeare hit me like a ton of bricks .. it was one of those profound 'nirvana' moments .. it gave me the knowledge to know that what IS .. was meant to be in my life.
(excuse me Sir William for changing your words a tad) ...
"ALL OF LIFE IS A STAGE .. AND WE ARE ALL PLAYERS THEREON .. HERE TO PLAY OUR PART".
Oh if we can all look at life like that .. and play the best scenes we can!
Again, thank you all so much for praying for my dad and for keeping him in your kind thoughts.
xo, frannie
*************************************************
True Friends, Frannie
My KENTUCKY RAMBLINGS 'blog':
http://cabincreekfarm-kentucky.blogspot.com/ |
| 10 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| CabinCreek-Kentucky |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 7:11:20 PM
remember .. this was in the 1950's when my dad spent that year at St. Elizabeth's .. and they do get 'release' papers when they are released. My dad was just smart enough to hang onto them for many years afterwards.
So glad to hear the somewhat happy ending .. but so sorry to hear of the dementia. send me some of them thar einstein pills! xo
True Friends, Frannie
My KENTUCKY RAMBLINGS 'blog':
http://cabincreekfarm-kentucky.blogspot.com/ |
| Phils Ann |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 2:56:39 PM
The policeman's tale is a hoot! I didn't think the psychiatrists EVER declared anyone sane.  I'm glad to be wrong. I taught emotionally disturbed children nearly 3 decades ago... and knew very little about what I was supposedly doing-- but Yes! Crazy like a fox is right. So funny. I'm glad your father had the ability to control himself around children, and how wonderful that you were taught that illness is nothing to be angry with. Your extended family deserves much credit. An update on my folks... They lived in disharmony until a "mother-in-law problem" ended, then slowly began to come together, and had about 5 really happy years. My mom is 82 now and has dementia and DAD is committed to taking care of her. We offered to have them come and live next door to us so I could help, and Dad doesn't want to move. He's as kind as can be with her, and kids around about her "Einstein pills" (Aricept) which we ALL could probably benefit from taking. I'm so proud of him.
Love,
Ann
There is a Redeemer. |
| CabinCreek-Kentucky |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 09:07:19 AM
ann thanks for your story too. sometimes i truly believe we were spared so much pain as children to not have to endure the unhappiness that our mom and dad might have had together. my dad rode his BICYCLE for fifty-some years around the streets of washington, d.c. there is NO ONE in the d.c. area that did not know who he was .. and there were many, many kind people that saw he was a good man at heart and were helpful to him. have to tell you another funny story ...
one day while working at the Department of Justice .. a policeman from VIRGINIA called .. he immediately told me he didn't want to alarm me that everything was o.k. .. but that he had my dad down at the station. said he was circling the court house in virginia rambling thoughts (out loud) .. and that he was afrraid he would be hit be a car .. soo .. he brought him into the police station. wanted to know if i could come and get him (and his bike) .. of course, i thanked him so very much and said i would be right there. ... then the police told me he had a funny story to tell me ... said he asked my dad if he had a 'mental problem' .... said my dad looked him square in the eye and replied: NO SIR! AND I HAVE PROOF! at which point, he pulled out his wallet and unfolded an olde paper that had been tucked in his wallet for many years ... daddy carefully unfolded it and put it in front of the officer to see ... and pointed to a signature .. that declared my dad 'sane' .. (it was his RELEASE papers from a mental institution he had spent a year in (getting electric shock treatments .. which, of course, we know today were barbaric!!!) .. then the police officer told me .. my dad looked back at him .. and asked for the officer's PROOF that HE was sane! The policeman laughed and told me .. he sure couldn't provide that proof for my dad!
CRAZY LIKE A FOX .. my dad was and still is!
(he is, by the way, still convinced that he has indeed WON the MILLION DOLLAR lottery that Ed McMahon promised him through all thouse mailings he sent to his home and he responded to by buying over $10,000 worth of JUNK! That company should be indicted!!!!)
i was blessed that even though i do remember that my dad would have 'uncontrollable tantrums' .. he always went into the garage and had them to himself. he adored children and could seem to 'snap out of it' .. when children were around. i am SURE i was present during some of these .. but they have just as surely faded in my memory .. and not as some 'protective' thing for my psyche .. but just out of love for my precious dad and understanding. i honestly can say i never remember being angry at him .. we were always taught that he was ill .. and we should never be angry at anyone because of an illness. i saw way more good in him that sad. xoxo
True Friends, Frannie
My KENTUCKY RAMBLINGS 'blog':
http://cabincreekfarm-kentucky.blogspot.com/ |
| Phils Ann |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 08:54:43 AM
Dear Frannie,
Thank you for sharing your story. My thoughts are in a whirl, but just wanted to relate... My husband's grandfather was "manic-depressive" and apparently mean throughout his married life to his hardworking and very forbearing wife. He told her the day he died (for the only time) that she'd been a good wife, and he couldn't have made it without her. That woman suffered.... a lot. Her older son "had" to marry at 16 and left her with my father-in-law who was 8 and the man of the house. Incidentally, Daddy grew into an extremely responsible man. On a lighter note, my husband's grandfather wasn't allowed to drive, so he drove his tractor up and down the highway as if it were a car. Everybody knew him and looked after him. Also, when I was a child, my folks were continual argue-ers (new word?) and I determined to learn what they were doing that was so harmful and learn NEVER to do the same, as you yourself did... and I can attest to having a most happy marriage, through the grace of God. What we don't look at in ourselves can really hurt us, so I believe it's best to take a hard look in hopes of change.
Hugs to you,
Ann
There is a Redeemer. |
| CabinCreek-Kentucky |
Posted - Jun 13 2006 : 7:50:09 PM
thanks kiddos .. when i was just a kid .. i came up with a theory that i have honestly tried to live all my life: "life is too short not to be happy most of the time".
i mean .. what IS the alternative? i believe so much of life is all about CHOICES .. and CONSEQUENCES (good and bad) come from OUR choices.
not saying it's always EASY .. some 'stuff' just needs to be 'worked through' for sure .. but if we keep our hearts happy .. it will all work out o.k. in the end.
xoxo
True Friends, Frannie
My KENTUCKY RAMBLINGS 'blog':
http://cabincreekfarm-kentucky.blogspot.com/ |
| rabbithorns |
Posted - Jun 13 2006 : 4:40:43 PM
Oh, Frannie, you're such a testament that everyone's own personal story, sadness, even suffering, can become such a strength in life. Thank you for sharing these things.
http://www.rabbithorns.etsy.com |
| blueroses |
Posted - Jun 13 2006 : 4:24:57 PM
Tears. Frannie, that was beautiful. Why is it that I can send your dad a card, but cringe at the thought of having to send one to mine? Also - bipolar - but more obnoxious, than shy and retiring. I guess I will learn from your stories and try to be forgiving. I can tell you that I, too, have become the kind of parent that I didn't have - so I did profit from my experiences. Thank you so much for sharing.
Debbie
"You cannot find peace...by avoiding life."
Virginia Woolfe |
| CabinCreek-Kentucky |
Posted - Jun 13 2006 : 12:58:10 PM
well chilluns, i've been getting some e-mails from some gurlfrenz (my kentucky ramblers) and those that read my BLOG about their own experiences and childhood memories of their moms and dads. Some are so very sad .. but always remember .. we can turn sadness into an amazing awesome STRENGTH. to share some more stories .. here is what i wrote to one dear friend:
DEAR friend .. I DON'T KNOW WHAT SAVES SOME OF US WHILE OTHERS HAVE TO RETURN TO THEIR YOUTH TO HEAL.
I TRULY BELIEVE THAT MY BROTHER, SISTER AND I NEVER SUFFERED DEPRESSION BECAUSE WE HAD ALWAYS LIVED WITH AN 'EXTENDED' FAMILY (DADDY'S SISTERS) .. AND WHEN MY MOTHER LEFT ... WE STILL HAD AUNT EMMA AND OUR NANNIE .. WHO NEVER SKIPPED A BEAT AND DIDN'T TREAT HER LEAVING AS A TRAGEDY. I THINK WE WERE SO LOVED BY SO MANY AUNTS AND UNCLES AND COUSINS THAT LOSING OUR MOTHER WAS LIKE A TYPICAL DEATH IN THE FAMILY WHERE EVERYONE ELSE PITCHES IN AND LIFE GOES ON FULL OF LOVE AND ADVENTURE AND 'NORMALNESS'. I WAS ONLY ABOUT FIVE OR SIX WHEN SHE LEFT .. MY SISTER WAS A YEAR OLDER AND REMEMBERS HER LITTLE MORE THAN I DO .. BUT SHE TOO .. WAS NEVER TRAUMATIZED BY HER LEAVING. MY BROTHER WHO WAS ONLY ABOUT 3 OR 4 DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER HER AT ALL.
I HAVE SEVERAL OTHER FRIENDS WHO HAD UNLOVING MOTHERS .. AND WHEN I HEAR THEIR STORIES .. AS YOURS .. I ACTUALLY FEEL BLESSED THAT SHE CHOSE TO LEAVE RATHER THAN TO 'STAY' AND NOT BE ABLE TO BE A 'GOOD MOTHER'.
A FOLLOW-UP STORY ... WHEN I TURNED FIFTY .. I DECIDED I WANTED TO FIND MY MOTHER'S FAMILY .. AND AFTER SOME HUMEROUS PHONE CALLS TO GEORGIA .. (WILL RELATE THOSE TOO SOMEDAY!) I ACTUALLY DID FIND THEM .. THEY WERE SO VERY EXCITED TO FIND US 'CHILDREN'. THEY HAD LOST TRACK OF US AFTER MY MOM DIED WHEN I WAS ABOUT 21.
THEY HAD A FAMILY REUNION EVERY YEAR ON INDEPENDENCE DAY .. THERE WERE INDEED FOURTEEN AUNTS AND UNCLES ON MY MOTHER'S SIDE .. AND ALL BUT TWO WERE STILL LIVING. SEVEN WERE FROM MY GRANDMOTHER AND GRANDFATHER ON MY MOM'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY. SEVEN MORE WERE FROM MY GRANDFATHER AND HIS SECOND WIFE. (MY MATERIAL GRANDMOTHER I FOUND OUT DIED WHEN MY MOM WAS JUST THREE YEARS OLD .. SHE NEVER HAD A LOVING ROLE-MODEL MOTHER HERSELF).
I WAS THANKFUL THAT THIS WAS THE VERY YEAR THAT I REUNITED BECAUSE ONE OF MY MOTHER'S SISTERS WHOM I DID REMEMBER FROM CHILDHOOD DIED THE NEXT YEAR AND THE OTHER .. THE YEAR FOLLOWING.
YOU WILL LOVE MY MAMA'S NAME AND THOSE OF HER TWO SISTERS .. I HAVE NAMED MANY A 'RAG DOLL' AFTER THEM:
WILLIE FAYE, LILLY MAE AND CLEOPATRA!!!
Faye was my mom and Aunt Lilly and Aunt Cleo were the two sisters that ventured to Washington, D.C. with her. TheY both found loving (but not wealthy) husbands and their marriages lasted their lifetime.
AT THE REUNION, A WOMAN CAME UP TO ME AND INTRODUCED HERSELF AND TOLD ME SHE WAS MY MOTHER'S BEST FRIEND FROM CHILDHOOD THROUGH ADULTHOOD. SHE SAID SHE HAD STORIES TO TELL ME OF MY MOTHER AND ASKED IF I COULD COME SPEND A COUPLE DAYS WITH HER. OF COURSE .. I DID.
SHE TOLD ME SOMETHING I HAD NEVER HEARD OR KNOWN. SHE MOVED TO WASHINGTON, D.C. WITH MY MOM AND TWO OF HER SISTERS .. TO 'BETTER THEIR LIVES'. SHE SAID THAT THE FAMILY WERE 'GOOD PEOPLE' .. BUT 'POOR AND UNEDUCATED PEOPLE .. THAT THEIR LIFE IN GEORGIA WAS TO WORK IN 'RUG-MILLS' .. AND THAT MY MOM AND HER TWO SISTERS AND SHE WANTED MORE OUT OF LIFE THAN THAT. SOOOO .. THEY PACKED UP AND WENT TO THE 'BIG CITY'. SHE SAID THEY ALL HOPED TO FIND WELL EDUCATED, HANDSOME, SUCCESSFUL HUSBANDS. BUT ALAS AND ALACK .. MY MOM FELL IN LOVE WITH A POOR FARMER BOY WITH A BACKGROUND MUCH LIKE HER OWN.
AFTER THREE CHILDREN, AND EVERYONE PULLING TOGETHER TO MAKE ENDS MEET AT THIS WORLD WAR II ERA ... SHE SAID MY DADDY'S ILLNESS (BI-POLAR WE NOW KNOW IT TO HAVE BEEN .. BUT SURELY UNDIAGNOSED IN THE 40'S) .. AND OUR MOTHER KNEW THEIR FAMILY WAS FALLING APART. SHE SAID SHE TRIED TO TAKE US TO GEORGIA TWICE .. BUT ALWAYS ENDED UP COMING BACK HOME TO THE EXTENDED FAMILY.
SHE SAID MY MOTHER COULD JUST NO LONGER STAY AND SHE KNEW THAT SHE WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO PROVIDE THE EDUCATION AND FUTURE FOR US THAT OUR AUNTS COULD .. AND CHOSE THAT PATH FOR US TO TAKE IN LIFE RATHER THAN TO LIVE POOR .. SO .. SHE LEFT ONE NIGHT .. NEVER TO RETURN. SHE TOLD ME OUR MOTHER LOVED US DEARLY AND PAID THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE OF GIVING US UP THAT WE MIGHT HAVE A BETTER LIFE.
THIS FRIEND TOLD ME THAT HER OWN MOTHER AND MY AUNT BOTH WERE TELEPHONE OPERATORS IN THE SAME OFFICE (I ACTUALLY REMEMBER MY AUNT TALK MANY TIMES OF HER MOTHER IN MY CHILDHOOD). AND THAT NANNIE WOULD TALK CONSTANTLY OF US AND HER MOM WOULD RELAY EACH AND EVERY STORY TO OUR MOTHER .. SO THAT SHE KNEW WE WERE HAPPY AND WELL AND LIVING A SUCCESSFUL LIFE.
WHEN I WAS SIXTEEN YEARS OLD, MY MOTHER CALLED AND BEGGED OUR FORGIVENESS. I WISH SO MUCH I COULD RETURN TO THAT DAY AND MOMENT TO RELIVE HER WORDS AND WHAT I SAID TO HER. I SEEM TO REMEMBER TELLING HER THAT SHE DID NOT NEED OUR FORGIVENSS .. JUST TO ASK GOD TO FORGIVE HER (I WAS IN A VERY RELIGIOUS TEENAGE PHASE AT THAT TIME).
WELL, AFTER GROWING INTO AN ADULT AND BECOMING A MOTHER MYSELF .. I KNEW THAT MY MOTHER NEEDED TO HEAR THOSE WORDS OF FORGIVENESS FROM EACH OF US. SOOOO .. WHEN I TURNED FIFTY AND FOUND HER GRAVE ON A LITTLE HILLSIDE BESIDE A CHURCH IN THE MOUNTAINS OF GEORIGIA .. I GATHERED SOME WILDFLOWERS FROM THE AREA .. AND A ROCK TO SCRATCH THE WORD: "MAMA" ON HER PLAIN UNSCRIBED TOMBSTONE .. AND I KNELT AT HER GRAVE AND I FORGAVE HER .. AND I FORGAVE MYSELF FOR ANY SADNESS I FELT DEEP IN MY HEART ALL THOSE YEARS AT NOT UNDERSTANDING HOW A MAMA COULD WALK AWAY FROM THREE PRECIOUS CHILDREN.
TIME TEACHES US SO VERY MUCH. I NOW KNOW THAT SHE DID INDEED MAKE THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE .. I ALSO TOLD HER THAT NOT HAVING A 'REAL' MOTHER ALL THOSE YEARS MADE ME THE 'BEST MOTHER' IN THE WORLD TO MY OWN CHILDREN. SO, THROUGH HER SADNESS .. A STRENGTH WAS PASSED FROM GENERATION TO GENERATION. I BELIEVE THAT I HAVE TAUGHT MY OWN DAUGHTERS AND GRANDCHILDREN THIS DEEP LOVE.
I am so very sorry for the pain that your relationship with your own mom and dad has caused you. Just promise not to let it go another generation forward. And .. LOVE will have won afterall!
xo, frannie
True Friends, Frannie
My KENTUCKY RAMBLINGS 'blog':
http://cabincreekfarm-kentucky.blogspot.com/ |
| CabinCreek-Kentucky |
Posted - Jun 13 2006 : 09:54:34 AM
thanks sweet jenny for the kind thoughts and prayers. all these threads that wind through our lives make the fabric of which we are made ... and what an interesting texture with the smooth and the bumpy. like some wise person said many moons ago .. we cannot truly appreciate the mountaintops until we have wandered in the dark valleys.
xoxo
True Friends, Frannie
My KENTUCKY RAMBLINGS 'blog':
http://cabincreekfarm-kentucky.blogspot.com/ |
| Aunt Jenny |
Posted - Jun 13 2006 : 09:30:01 AM
You have such a perfect attitude!! I have alot of things in my life that I guess it would be nice to have had not happen..but like you said...I wouldn't change anything. I prefer things to end up how they are now..and that wouldn't happen if I had had a perfect life.
I have found over the years that NO ONE has had a perfect life either. Even those that I thought had. That is comforting somehow too.
I will sure keep praying for your dad. And you!
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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