| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| maggie14 |
Posted - Sep 23 2009 : 8:43:15 PM
Here are some funny church bloopers. It sure made me laugh! Enjoy!
Maggie
1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall - Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
5. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
9. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs
11. Next Thursday there will be try outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
13. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: " Break Forth Into Joy."
14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
15. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice
17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
19. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
20. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
21. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
22. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
23. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
30. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| MegH |
Posted - Oct 21 2009 : 08:37:28 AM
These are truely funny. I often read the church signs that get changed weekly outside and have found many humorous ones and always wonder if they meant it to be that way. Thanks for the giggles. <<<Meg
|
| ruenietwoshoes |
Posted - Oct 20 2009 : 8:16:06 PM
Maggie I love your lil' bloopers they make me laugh so much!
<3 Patricia
sister.daughter.lover.knitter.best friend.quilter.hand stitcher.a cook.a soon-to-be-nurse.animal lover.mountaineer.facebook junkie.and a new blogger.and a lover of God!
I'm only 21! :)
http://sweetsugarstitches.blogspot.com |
| maggie14 |
Posted - Oct 20 2009 : 1:50:42 PM
here are some more funny ones.
Maggie
Church Bloopers
This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers...
Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".
Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11th.
Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
|
| maggie14 |
Posted - Oct 13 2009 : 5:08:11 PM
Here are some more church funnies. I hope I don't offend anyone on here. If I do please say so and I will not post them anymore. I only want them to put a smile on your face when you read them. :)
Maggie
At the Wedding
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment, then said "So why is the groom wearing black?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Late for Bible Class
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
New in Church
After the service a young couple talked to a church member about joining the church. He hadn't met the husband before, and he asked what church he was transferring from.
After a short hesitation, he replied,"I am transferring from the Municipal Golf Course."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Sermon
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Boasting Boys
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Funeral Instructions
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Church Announcement
There is the story of a preacher who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Instruction About Church
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping".
The Sermon Preparation
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bible Lesson
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.
A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter".
The Creation of Wives
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After the Preaching on the Devil
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Money for the Pastor
A little boy was given a five dollar bill to put in the collection plate. When the offering came around, he wouldn't put it in. But after the end of the service, when he went to shake the pastor's hand, he pulled out the five dollar bill and gave it to the pastor. The pastor asked him, "Why are you giving me this money? Why didn't you put it in the offering plate?"
And the boy answered, "Because my mommy told me you're the poorest pastor we've ever had!"
|
| magnoliakathy |
Posted - Sep 29 2009 : 4:34:08 PM
Thanks for the chuckle, I love those misspellings and bad word usage in church bulletins, goes to show humor is every where.
When you free your mind your heart can fly. Farmgirl # 714, |
| maggie14 |
Posted - Sep 29 2009 : 1:25:08 PM
Thats a funny one Shirley!
Maggie |
| jpbluesky |
Posted - Sep 29 2009 : 12:50:59 PM
I wonder how many church secretaries we have here on the forum?
Here is another one:
Our priest's microphone went on the blitz during one service, and he got up to begin the collect prayer and he knew it was not working right. He said "There is something wrong with this mike." And the congregation, not hearing him, returned with their normal response "And also with you."
(The normal line would have been The Lord be with you...)
Farmgirl Sister # 31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
| paradiseplantation |
Posted - Sep 29 2009 : 05:28:14 AM
Maggie, those are great! What a way to start my morning!
from the hearts of paradise... |
| maggie14 |
Posted - Sep 28 2009 : 7:56:31 PM
Your Welcome!
Maggie |
| countrygal56 |
Posted - Sep 27 2009 : 1:54:20 PM
Love these! Thanks for the good laugh!
http://barbaralucore.etsy.com
http://beedangledcreations.blogspot.com/ |
| Old Spirit |
Posted - Sep 27 2009 : 1:14:04 PM
THose were great and could use a laugh today!!
Rae
Farm Girl #647
...those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles:...
Isaiah 40:31
|
| Farmgirl Barb |
Posted - Sep 27 2009 : 12:58:01 PM
I work part-time as a church secretary. I'll think I'll include these in our next newsletter just for laughs. Thanks for the idea!
Barb J.
www.victoriahillfarm.com
An Urban Homestead |
| Bear5 |
Posted - Sep 25 2009 : 11:34:21 AM
Fun read. Thanks.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
| lisamarie508 |
Posted - Sep 24 2009 : 10:46:08 PM
LOL! Loved it
Farmgirl Sister #35
"If you can not do great things, do small things in a great way." Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)
my blog:
http://lisamariesbasketry.blogspot.com/
My apron website:
http://lisamariesaprons.bravehost.com |
| maggie14 |
Posted - Sep 24 2009 : 5:42:59 PM
So gald I made you all laugh today! I sure made my day!
Maggie |
| 1930sgirl |
Posted - Sep 24 2009 : 5:17:17 PM
Oh my goodness...thank you, Maggie! I really needed a good laugh today and this was the perfect post for me to read.
I was laughing out loud!
Joyce |
| krissy |
Posted - Sep 24 2009 : 12:08:27 PM
4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall - Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
LOL!! Too funny!
I have a Church Chuckles page-a-day calendar on my desk and today's says:
My wife and I invited several people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our eight-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," she replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife encouraged.
Our daughter bowed her head and said, "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
http://lateinlifemommy.blogspot.com/ |
| Caron |
Posted - Sep 24 2009 : 11:32:13 AM
I'm a former church secretary and I always had a fear of doing something like these! 
Caron
Blessed is everyone that feareth the Lord; that walketh in His ways. For thou shalt eat the labor of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee."
Ps. 128:1-2.
Farmgirl sister #254
|
| acairnsmom |
Posted - Sep 24 2009 : 11:21:56 AM
Oh, I just love these! I've seen several like this before but they always make me giggle no matter how many times I read them! Thanks for the lift to my day!
Audrey
Toto, we're not in Kansas any more! |
| jpbluesky |
Posted - Sep 24 2009 : 09:05:26 AM
Here is one that really truly happened at our church....I work in the office two days a week and do the bulletins. One week, a song was listed in the Sunday bulletin as "Oh, for a thousand tongues to sin". We accidentally left off the last letter "G"!
Farmgirl Sister # 31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
| Brenda Kay Groth |
Posted - Sep 24 2009 : 07:42:32 AM
i sent them to a bunch of friends..brought tears to my eyes..thanks
bloom where you are planted |
| Laila |
Posted - Sep 24 2009 : 07:11:52 AM
These are great. Thanks for the laugh.
Laila |
| crafter |
Posted - Sep 24 2009 : 06:58:21 AM
These are so funny!! I printed them off and now they are traveling around the office- I can hear everyone laughing. Thanks.... it will help us get thru the day!! |
| dutchy |
Posted - Sep 24 2009 : 05:13:03 AM
LOL funny
Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
My personal blog:
http://just-me-a-dutch-girl.blogspot.com/
Almost daily updates on me and mine :)
|
| Annab |
Posted - Sep 24 2009 : 03:33:05 AM
Thanks for the laugh
Those were great! |
|
|
