| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| JessieMae |
Posted - Apr 23 2009 : 07:36:18 AM
This is a question about spirituality - I guess specifically Christianity - that has been bothering me for a long time. Since I respect everyone's point of view here and could really use some advice, I thought I'd throw a question out and see what everyone has to say.
I was "born again" in 2004, in that the pastor of our local church and his wife stopped by our house, asked me if I had been saved, shared the plan of salvation with me, and had me say a prayer asking Jesus to come into my heart. After that, they said I was "saved." But I never felt any different at all. In fact, I kind of felt like a hypocrite...I started going to church and Bible studies and stuff but never felt anything. I wanted to talk to someone about it, but that church was VERY strict and small, and I never felt comfortable speaking to about my doubts. I was afraid they might cast me out or something.
Then when we moved away, we joined a new church. While I really love the people and the message they share, I still don't feel "saved." God or Jesus rarely cross my mind, unless it's to feel guilty about not praying or doing a Bible study or something. When something bad (or even good) happens, I never think about praying. And while I try to live a good life and be a good person, I don't feel I'm doing it for any reason other than because I want to...not because God wants me to.
I want - MORE THAN ANYTHING - to become a person of spirituality. I surround myself with spiritual books and try to read them, I bought a Bible and joined an online Bible study, and find myself really drawn to religious relics and items...almost as if I buy them, something inside me will change and I'll finally breach whatever it is that is holding me back.
While my extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) are Catholic, I grew up in a house that was somewhere between Atheist and Agnostic. I'm wondering if sometime during my youth some door closed on my brain / soul / spirit (whatever you call it) where now I'm too old and cynical to be "saved" and become a person of spirituality (I'm 32 now).
What do you all think? Can it be too late to change in such a radical way?
Jessie Mae
Farmgirl Sisterhood #134 |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Mother Hen |
Posted - Apr 24 2009 : 11:17:26 PM
Jessie, I read your post, but purposely didn't read anyone's reply.
I want you to know I was raised by a Catholic mother and a Protestant father, neither of whom went to church. God was rarely talked about in our house except in profanity. I had said "the prayer" a couple times in my life when I felt pressure by others to do so. I never felt any different, and I didn't change anything I was doing in my life.
When I was 35 I really hit a "bottom" point to my life and felt God calling to me. I had put Him off for about a year. Finally one night alone in my bedroom I prayed to God and asked him into my life. I didn't start going to church as I wasn't sure "which one" to go to. I did start praying and talking to God more than I had before, I listened to religious radio on my 1 1/2 hr commute each morning.
When the relationship I had been in (one after my divorce)ended I was devastated. I prayed to God and told him I couldn't be alone, He didnt make me that way. I told Him to choose a mate for me as I was not good at choosing. He did! I've been happily married for 4 yrs now as of this past Tuesday. After my husband and I were married, we wanted to go to church, but didn't know which one(denomination). My husband and I had talked a lot about our faith and beliefs. We were on the same page. We attended a prophesy seminar series and met a pastor. I told him of all the hypocrites I'd known and whenever I had visited a church all they wanted was my money. I let him know in no uncertain terms if that was what he was wanting to forget it I wasn't interested. The pastor and the evangelist called us and asked to come visit us. They did this about 3-4 times and talked about our beliefs. They asked if we had been BAPTIZED by immersion, which we hadn't. They asked if we wanted to rededicate our lives to God and be baptized as Jesus was, we did. We joined the church were the pastor was from and attended bible studies, church services.
I didn't feel any different after my baptism, but I wanted to. I learned to invite God into my life means more than just a prayer said once. You have to really WANT God to be part of your life, much like you want your husband/children to be part of your life. I started out praying when I remembered to. Then I tried to make sure I did it every day. It's been just over 2 years and I'm no "holy roller" type, I still have hang-ups like drinking too much pop, and I'm still addicted to cigarettes. I tell every one that I talk to about my faults because I don't want someone to look at me as a hypocrite. I am "a work in progress". God has changed the way I think about things, I talk to him in my thoughts throughout the day. I pray several times a day. I don't tell you this to make myself look good, I tell you this is how MY relationship is with God. I've learned that God doesn't change the outwardly things first, he changes you from within. You see, our character is the only thing we take to heaven with us. We leave our body, and everything worldly, here on this earth.
My advise to you is what I did that helped me, include God in your day. Talk to Him as you would a friend on the phone. Tell Him what you are thinking, your hopes, dreams, desires, difficulties, frustrations, and then ask for help. Thank him for the blessings in your life. Blessings come in all sizes. Ask him to help you be a blessing to others.
When we are going to work cows, we stop and pray and ask God to help us. Realize EVERYTHING you have is Gods. There is a hymn "I Surrender All". Surrender everything to God and ask him to lead you. Be prepared though, he doesn't lead us where "we think" we should go, but where He thinks we should go.
I guess I've said an awful lot here, I'm sorry if it's too long.
On the chance it isn't and you would like to discuss it more, please email me and we can talk. I would be more than happy to discuss more with you, not preach at you.
Cindy
Now, I'll go read everyone's replies.
FARMGIRLS CAN DO ANYTHING!!!
I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. Psalms 34:1 |
| Merry |
Posted - Apr 24 2009 : 9:01:18 PM
kris
Amen sister!
Sometimes we have to have faith. Simply, without proof.
http://afarminmyheart.blogspot.com/
"Nobody has ever measured, not even poets how much the heart can hold."
Zelda Fitzgerald |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - Apr 24 2009 : 8:22:18 PM
I have been reading all these great replies the last 2 days now. So many different responses from so many different women. And so many different backgrounds and church upbringings. Isn't that amazing how God made us all so different and gave us each our own mind so we can take what we learn and use it for ourselves? To do what only we can do and no one else. I love that we are all so different yet all love the same God and Father who designed each one of us. Although we don't all call God "Him", maybe "Her" or "Goddess" or whatever, it's all the same principle, don't you think?
I like what Linda said about being a red letter Christian, following what Jesus said and did. That is the way for me, too.
Sometimes I get it and sometimes I am totally confused. But I know in my heart what I believe and that's enough for me. I know God loves me and is always there for me. He knew me before I was ever thought of and I was predestined to be His child! Just keep searching and seeking and you will find the peace you are looking for. He will give it to you if you ask.
There's a song I just love to listen to when it's on the radio. I don't know who sings it, but it says I know my Redeemer lives. I know that I know that I know. That sums it all up for me. I know that I know! It's in us to know somehow. Just like a baby chick knows how to bust out of that hard shell, God put that desire in us to know Him and to walk with Him. We were made to do this. Regardless of what we call it, it's that deep desire to be with the One who made us.
I don't know if any of this makes sense. It's late and my mind is tired. But I hope ya'll know know what I'm trying to say.
Kris
Life is what you make it. Always has been. Always will be. |
| levisgrammy |
Posted - Apr 24 2009 : 7:31:55 PM
Jesus said, " I am the way the truth and the life, no man cometh to the Father but by me."
Pretty much sums up the fact that there is only one way to get to God and that is through Jesus Christ.
I agree with the verses shared by Autumn and I appreciate this thread and all who have shared here.
Denise
www.torisgram.etsy.com |
| yarnmamma |
Posted - Apr 24 2009 : 1:48:20 PM
I liked what Rosemary said too.
I studied feminist theology with a woman minister in a Christian denomination (I won't name it) We learned about the Goddesses in history. They were rejected by "Christian" men because the society was so much "for power and control"..thus called male attributes. Emotions and sensitivity and nurturing were feminine attributes basically rejected by Constantine..and thus called "evil". The Gnostic gospels were also very enlightening.
I call myself a Christian because I follow the red-letters in the Bible, otherwise the words of Jesus. He empowered women in a way that was not done before. It is good to study the Bible from Jesus's point of view NOT necessarily for Paul's or the others who wrote Gospels after Jesus died. I hope I don't get bad feelings stirred up. Religion is like politics...not usually an acceptable topic for Farmgirls.
If we open up a can of worms or turn this into a debate we will have to close the topic. Just a little warning from what happened when politics were started.
Linda
in Scranton, PA
farmgirl #71 |
| julia hayes |
Posted - Apr 24 2009 : 12:52:54 PM
Rosemary, I LOVED your response! It resonated very deeply with me and I found its eloquence so calm and peaceful. Thank you! I think all the responses here have been just brilliant and to me reflect the infinite nature of God. Those who look to the bible as a literal guide, those who have given their bibles away, those who hang on to theirs not knowing quite what to do, those who search in other bibles and traditions...so many possibilities...so many opportunities to embrace a fundamental lesson, which is that we are all connected despite the many ways we try to divide ourselves.
JessieMae, you started this all...what are your thoughts? Looking forward to hearing from you!!!
~julia
being simple to simply be
Farmgirl #30
www.julia42.etsy.com |
| Sheep Mom 2 |
Posted - Apr 24 2009 : 11:15:01 AM
Rosemary I love your analogy about fit. That is so true. When most of us don't feel like we fit we assume the problem is us and not what we are trying to fit into. It's all about learning and exploring and growing. Try watching the movie 'What the ****(bleep) do we know" it has an even different view from a purely metaphysical/scientific angle about how we create our own reality. Fascinating movie. Spiritual exploration is why we are here. I agree with Julia - we are spiritual beings having a human experience here on the earth school. We are always trying to reconnect to who we really are and that is why this longing exists.
Sheri |
| Bellepepper |
Posted - Apr 24 2009 : 10:53:54 AM
Thanks everyone! I feel like I have been to Church. You know, the one where God lives. |
| AmethystRose |
Posted - Apr 24 2009 : 10:06:59 AM
Jessie Mae, you already ARE a "person of sprituality" because you are searching.
I think there are more women searching today and questioning religions which are institutions run by imperfect human beings. The other replies here are proof.
Have you ever noticed that if a piece of clothing doesn't fit a man, he will say that IT doesn't fit HIM, but a woman will find fault with herself for not fitting into IT?
If someone else's style of expression doesn't fit yours, that doesn't make you wrong. Investigate everything that interests you.
One size never fits all.
|
| Buffalomary |
Posted - Apr 23 2009 : 9:38:53 PM
Wow! There is a lot of great advice running through this post. I am also one who was raised in church - Assembly of God. I remember going to church every Sunday with my Mom. It was just a part of life. When I joined the Army, I went to chapel and it was just natural for me to get involved with the choir. I had prayed for salvation at a young age but over the years, I just did not seem to experience what I was seeing everyone else experience. The few times I remember trying to talk to someone about it, I was told I didn't have enough faith. That never made any sense. I seldom go to an established church service now. Most of my hurt and disappointments through the years have come at the hands of "church members" and proclaimed Christians.
While in the Army, I was involved with Campus Crusade for Christ (until they found out I was A/G and then I was kicked out!). There are 2 things I remember from their basic info. 1) Religion is man's attempt to reach God and Salvation is God's attempt to reach man. 2) Emotion is like the caboose of a train and faith is the engine. The caboose can not move the train, only the engine can. We will not always "feel" salvation, but we have God's Word that by faith we know He will always be there, guiding us, and directing us, just as we can know the sun is in the sky, even on a cloudy day.
Hope this helps. I'll be praying with you, as you continue your search that you will find the answers you are seeking. 
Buffalomary
Farmgirl Sister #293
You can take the farmer's daughter off the farm but you can't take the farm out of the farmer's daughter!!
Please visit me at my blog: http://buffalomaryscorner.blogspot.com
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| Mikki |
Posted - Apr 23 2009 : 8:21:56 PM
Jessie, I have emailed you. Autumn and Misty, bless your hearts. Very well put.
~~Blessings, Mikki Jo
"Courage is being scared to death... but saddling up anyway" ***John Wayne
http://main.acsevents.org/goto/iloveyoumom
http://burningmeadowsprings.blogspot.com/
|
| kmbrown |
Posted - Apr 23 2009 : 5:55:40 PM
Oh Jessie my prayers will be with you. Autumn was very right. God is drawing you to him. WE are in no way capable of choosing God unless HE calls us to himself. (Romans 3:10-12) We are born in sin and adversity and are in no way attracted to salvation from Christ who gave HIMSELF for us. The first step to Salvation is realizing that we are not able to save ourselves and that we are sinners bound for eternity in hell. It sounds as if you've reached this step. Now is the question...What must I do? How is this eternal salvation aquired?
The Bible says "Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matt 11:28
Just from what you've said it is obvious you are heavy laden and desire this sweet rest Christ gives his own.
"For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved" Romans 10:13 Do you here how simple Christ has made this for us? in Acts 16 you will read a story of some men who sounded a little like you. IN verse 30 they ask Paul and Silas "Sirs, waht must I do to be saved"? The answer is in one verse. " Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house". Believe my dear friend. Call upon the Lord and have no doubt, he will be waiting with open arms. |
| knittingmom |
Posted - Apr 23 2009 : 1:16:34 PM
That's a very interesting question. Spirituality is very personal as I believe God speaks to us in very unique ways. Some feel closest to God and hear His/Her voice in the sounds of nature, while going for a hike, gardening. Some feel closest to God and hear His/Her voice while taking part of a Praise/worship service, others while meditating quietly.
I once read that all faiths have the truth of God in them but the words that Jesus spoke give us the most complete picture of God.
Regardless, the majority of faiths, at their root say the same thing. Treat each other kindly, respect each other, be compassionate, do good with your time here on earth. I think if most people lived by those rules this world would be a much better place.
I was raised Catholic and still feel most comfortable attending that church, however, I have read and learned about other faiths and see the similarities other than the differences.
I think what many Christians forget is that we are not perfect and we can not be perfect. They judge harshly others in their faith communities when they have absolutely no right to. I think it's hard for a Christian to put up with the critism and judgments of other Christians and so they leave thier faith communities with broken and bitter hearts. I have little use for the people who are mightier than thou, cruelty is never acceptable.
But I guess to get back to the original question where I feel God the most is out in nature, that is my soul place. I view myself as spiritual in that I absolutely believe in God and that God is always there.
"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world" |
| DeepsouthMamma |
Posted - Apr 23 2009 : 1:12:04 PM
God is not equal to religion.
Just wanted to clear that up.
People created the divisions among us- God, on the other hand CREATED US!
Blessings,
Autumn
Farmgirl #49
http://simplytoday-autumn.blogspot.com/
Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Apr 23 2009 : 12:48:28 PM
I had a post prepared a few hours ago and erased it, because I felt like maybe I was the only one who felt the way I did, but I can see now that I'm not alone. MJF truly is a sisterhood, in more ways than one, I think.
There is a church that we used to visit when I was small, in New Harmony, Indiana that has no roof. It's a large brick shell with windows, that the big blue sky and green leaves shelter. As a little girl, I felt the "presence" of the lord there like no other place, and continue to feel that presence when I stand with my toes in the sea, when I look at my baby girl. Faith and spirituality are in the fine threads we weave everyday, how we conduct ourselves, how we give of ourselves.
I don't attend church any longer in the physical sense...I was raised in church, but only my mother and I attended (my father said he'd had enough in the 1920's--he was Native American, and they tried to make good Catholics out of them :)) so he refused. But, I soon found out on my own, even as a small child, what prejudices lie within the church, and from a very early age I lost heart and faith in my church "community". I attended because I had to...my mother made me :)
As a young adult in boarding school in Michigan, I didn't bother seeking out a church because my mother wasn't there to look over my shoulder, but there was something more....the people I had surrounded myself with--my "family" away from home, weren't looked upon favorably by the church--in fact, they were ostracized. The people I knew and loved as devoted friends and kindred spirits, dancers, musicians, artists, etc...the church viewed as sinners, heretics and "unclean". I just couldn't figure out how that could be. These people had more compassion and passion about life and each other than any of the people in my church at home?!
After a divorce, I went back to the church, seeking solace, community and strength. Also direction--this happened to me because I was bad, right, because I was a "backslider" or not faithful enough? But like Jessie, I sort of felt like I was going through the motions--I wasn't putting in what I needed to get out, really, and I'm no hypocrit, so I stopped going.
In sum, I don't attend church in a building. I find a lesson in my everyday life--my faith is tested and strengthened by trials and humbling experiences that I am met with daily. I do my best to be a good person, and I will always make mistakes and stumble. I forgive myself, and I try to do better. Those are the foundations that I received in church, but I've modified them for my own purposes, I suppose.
A couple of verses come to mind, Jessie...
"Seek and ye shall find", and "to thine own self be true".
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| lisamarie508 |
Posted - Apr 23 2009 : 11:24:40 AM
I love reading everybody's posts here. I'm not sure what to add of my own but, I felt like you once, Jessie. When I went through the same ritual you described as a teenager at bible camp. I felt no different afterward and wondered if it even worked. Later, in my 20's I went through it again, thinking that because I never felt this relationship I had heard other's describe, I must be missing something. Or, I was never "saved" to begin with or, if not those two things then, I had no idea what to do about it. I still never felt any different. I continued seeking God, praying when I needed something and praying to thank him for what ever I had or got. I'm not really sure when it happened or why or what it was I did that I now feel very close to God and I feel He/She has guided my life to where I am now. Sometime in the past 10 years. That He/She has provided for all of my needs. Well, I suppose I should say that the opportunities were provided. I had to be paying attention to take advantage of what I was being given at the time. I feel now that He/She has plans for me and I am doing my best to listen and follow what I feel in my heart.
I do go to church but, I by no means believe that anyone has to in order to become close with God. I go because this particular church drew me to it and I feel God's presence there and I feel peace and direction there. I rarely read my bible and can quote very few verses from it. I don't feel any guilt about that though, because what I know is in my heart...not in a book.
I don't know if that is of any help to you
Farmgirl Sister #35
"If you can not do great things, do small things in a great way." Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)
my blog:
http://lisamariesbasketry.blogspot.com/
My apron website:
http://lisamariesaprons.bravehost.com |
| Michigan Girl in TX |
Posted - Apr 23 2009 : 11:06:05 AM
Sheri, that was beautiful! Truly! You put in words how I feel deep down inside!
~Kristi
Farmgirl #474
"Grown men may learn from very little children, for the hearts of little children are pure, and, therefore, the Great Spirit may show to them many things which older people miss" ~Black Elk |
| Lainey |
Posted - Apr 23 2009 : 10:48:42 AM
This is one of the most beautiful threads I've followed in a long time. I'm loving all the opinions and responses of everyone here! One theme that I noticed running in the posts here is 'seek or seeking'.
Jessie, I've felt like this too. I would guess that you are already on the journey towards your answer.
Farmgirl Sister #25
http://countrygirldreams.blogspot.com/
An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.' |
| Sheep Mom 2 |
Posted - Apr 23 2009 : 10:44:01 AM
I believe that there are many paths to God but they all get there. There isn't any one way to get there. My advice is to follow your heart. I also believe that when we need a teacher or an inspiration it is provided for us. I was raised staunch Lutheran. I am not comfortable with organized religion because it is so much politics within the church itself and way too much judgement for my taste. I don't believe that one needs to convert others to be a good Christian. Do check out Carolyn Myss's material. I like Anatomy of the Spirit, Sacred Contracts and Self Esteem. If you get Sacred Contracts I would advise you to get the CD's with it. The book is more like a text book with the program and until I listened to the CD's I had difficulty reading it. All are VERY valuable to answering your questions on spirituality without embracing a certain dogma. What it all boils down to is GOD is. We are all part of the totality of the Universe therefore also a part of God. In my humble opinion, as long as you treat everything and everyone as a piece of God then you are truly spiritual.
Sheri |
| Diane B Carter |
Posted - Apr 23 2009 : 10:15:38 AM
Have faith, Keep seeking, you will find it may not come as a loud marching band. But it will come. Trust in God. He's already there, you just need to believe it and thats the hard part. People don't want to believe in what they can't see. But everyone believes in wind. Have faith, Trust the Lord. Enjoy the journey.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
| Michigan Girl in TX |
Posted - Apr 23 2009 : 10:09:43 AM
quote:
Originally posted by yarnmamma
well said Julia!
Linda
in Scranton, PA
farmgirl #71
I totally agree too! Well said! 
~Kristi
Farmgirl #474
"Grown men may learn from very little children, for the hearts of little children are pure, and, therefore, the Great Spirit may show to them many things which older people miss" ~Black Elk |
| Michigan Girl in TX |
Posted - Apr 23 2009 : 10:02:09 AM
Heide's idea is GREAT! I think I am going to check out that book too!
Sometimes you just need to find the path or combination of paths that fit YOU. Even within Christianity one person's beliefs and another person's beliefs can differ greatly, and your heart can't pretend what it doesn't feel. But don't feel bad about that! You need to find what brings you peace and happiness.
It definitely is never to late!
Many Hugs!
~Kristi
Farmgirl #474
"Grown men may learn from very little children, for the hearts of little children are pure, and, therefore, the Great Spirit may show to them many things which older people miss" ~Black Elk |
| KayB |
Posted - Apr 23 2009 : 09:57:21 AM
Oh, heavens! I was raised in a Christian church, but my background is so mixed - I have ancestors that traveled to Utah with Brigham Young, my maternal great-grandfather was Christian Science and my father's family was Catholic - so I occasionally get very mixed up. I've been to many different churches and finally went back to the one I was raised in because I just don't feel comfortable in any others.
My hubby, friend and I were discussing this sort of thing over the weekend. A dear friend of mine whom I've known since 5th grade died the day before Easter. One of the women in my women's group said she had dreamed about Jeanette and knew she was about to leave us and that she was always getting signs. I have been very upset since then because I have had so many people in my life die and have never been given a "sign". I just wanted to know that everything is okay. My friend said I was one of the most spiritual people she knew and to not worry about it. I have never considered myself that way and was surprised to hear her say that. So I guess spirituality is different for each person.
KayB
Life's a dance you learn as you go |
| Especially For You |
Posted - Apr 23 2009 : 09:51:19 AM
Jessi Mae,
A new christain is like being a newborn. You have to be feed spiritualy to grow. Maybe at that church you were not feed. Jesus said I am the way no one gets to heaven but through me. I think maybe you need a mentor. Maybe an older woman in the church. Find someone that is older and wiser than you and just ask her. Thats what I did when I became a christain. I was raised catholic and never heard salvation told like it was when I went to the church that I attend now. I will be praying for you!!!!
Blessings,
Tina |
| nut4fabric |
Posted - Apr 23 2009 : 09:43:02 AM
At risk of stepping on toes I will say in my experience being a christian doesn't mean going to church or even reading the bible but in believing in the Lord and trusting in him/her. Some of the most unchristian people I have ever met I met in church. At a Christian Camp in the mountains there was a sign on a tree that said simply "GOD IS......" When I am in doubt I think of all the things that that sign can mean, I can think on that simple sign for hours.
Kathy |
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