| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| jennym |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 4:22:37 PM
Hi everyone!
Ok, I could really use some help with this one! I hate confrontations, but this one can't be put off....
Yesterday, my sons(19 &17)had 3 friends over. They were here all afternoon and evening, and at midnight, my husband went downstairs to where they were all playing RockBand and told them it was time for them to go home. Then he went up to bed. This morning when he left for work, he realized that they were all STILL HERE! (I was asleep this whole time....) I didn't even realize they were still here until I went out to get the mail this morning, and saw their vehicles. (We have a finished room in our basement, and they were down there.)
I had no idea until my husband got home from work 1/2 hour ago that he had told them to leave. It makes me so mad that these kids feel free to stay here even after being asked to leave! (Which is part of the reason I'm asking for opinions on what to say - I can so see myself losing my temper talking to them and ending up spluttering like a crazy woman!) And he (DH) had to leave for a council meeting, but I'd like to take the opportunity to talk to the boys before they leave (and yes, they're STILL here! And it's 7:15 p.m.!)
Soooo....I want to speak to them and tell them that they are welcome to stay here but that they need to respect our rules and our "requests!" But, I'm just not sure of the best way to say it. Any ideas would be really appreciated!!!
Thanks. 
P.S. Of course I'm not dismissing my son's role in this - he knew darn well what was expected (the 17 year old wasn't down there when DH went down). So he, needless to say, is going to get the riot act read to him. I'm not worried about what to say to him! Hee hee.
Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10 |
| 10 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Ms.Lilly |
Posted - Jan 09 2009 : 09:16:51 AM
I always felt honored that our house was a "safe" house, that the boys could hang out and have their friends over for all-nighters. We have had many of those rock band/guitar hero/call of duty, etc... nights in our house. DH and I have always felt it is better to know where they are and what they are doing. All of the boys that were "regulars" here knew the rules- NO Drugs, Alcohol, or Smoking and once we went to bed the noise level had to be lowered. We would get up in the morning to find boys sleeping everywhere and pop cans all over! It always brought a smile to my face and I have wonderful memories. One of the boys (DS best friend) was killed in an auto accident on his way to our house Thanksgiving (a year ago) and I am so grateful that I got to know him and spend that time with him. They don't stay home forever and my oldest (now 20) has thanked us for the many times they had "crashed and trashed" the place.
Lillian |
| abbysshadow |
Posted - Jan 09 2009 : 07:07:38 AM
I have two sons and didn't have too much of that kind of a prob when they were teens, they always knew how their dad felt about other kids wearing out their welcome, so it didn't really happen much. My now 21-year-old is another story. He is struggling at making a living,etc. so is welcome to come back home, but he doesn't like our "rules". We just don't allow this to be a flop house, no coming in and out in the middle of the night, clean up after yourself, no getting drunk, no one spends the night without our OK...We've always told them that this is OUR house...they will have THEIR own house someday. There has to be some boundary....they are always welcome back as long as they respect OUR house....it's hard...
...I cannot do all the good that the world needs, but the world needs all the good that I can do... |
| harmonyfarm |
Posted - Jan 09 2009 : 06:51:20 AM
You could just hit the switch on the breaker box to that room....nothing would make them leave faster than not being able to play video games.....
Your house...Your rules!
Debbie
"If you can't find the time to do it right...how will you find the time to do it over" |
| K-Falls Farmgirl |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 9:23:59 PM
Jenny, your sons are disrespecting your house rules. I do believe you need to talk with the sons tell them they must be responsible to tell their friends the rules. Your son's are old enough to understand that it is there friends and their responsibility to enforce YOu house rules. I am sure they figured no big deal we will just crash here. Your sons should have asked your permission before letting their frionds settle in for the night. If they do it again I would take matters in your hands. At least you have given your boys an option, being.... "You tell them or I will":
http://www.k-fallsfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
Come visit the barn at http://barndoorcreations.blogspot.com/
Cheryl
Farmgirl #309
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." Maya Angelou |
| Pearlsnjeans |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 8:23:20 PM
Both of my sons are now grown. When they were teenagers, we talked about the "house rules". When they had friends over, the friends were told how long they could stay. If that time came and they were still hanging around, I marched downstairs and TOLD them it was time to go home now! If they wanted to continue to hang out at my house they had to respect me and my rules. Not mean, just firm. Then I waited until they left. I only had to do this a couple of times. My boys always knew that it was my house (because I paid the mortgage), and wherever I am, they will always have a home and be welcome. Hope this helps a bit! Good Luck!
Vicki
Farmgirl Sister #120
Today well lived makes every yesterday a memory of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope. |
| homesteaderbelle |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 7:17:14 PM
quote:
Originally posted by shepherdgirl
It's YOUR house! The kids are only there until they get a place of their own!! Good luck!
If my mom or dad said something like what was said above I would cry and feel very unwelcome. My parents tell me that this house is OUR house(as in their house, my brother's house, sister's house, and my house) and they tell me this will always be my home. They encourage me to stay here even after I have my own family and live with them (sounds like the Walton family). I think if you say things like that, you might make your children feel unwelcome, or at least I would feel this way.....
Belle
http://www.homesteaderbelle.blogspot.com/
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| shepherdgirl |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 5:46:32 PM
Oh boy, I guess I'm not as NICE as the other ladies who've chimed in here. If it were one of MY sons (I have THREE-- all teenagers too!) I would tell his friends "Hey boys! Nice to see ya, but if you don't get out of here NOW I'm gonna charge you board for the night!" I'm supposing they ate your FOOD too? Oh noo......
My own BROTHER (who is 8mos older than my oldest boy) came down and stayed for TWO days without saying a word to me OR even showing his face! He stayed with my oldest son who lives in a travel trailer behind our garage AND he brought a GIRLFRIEND and THREE DOGS! (one was a Pit bull! I have a farm with LOTS of animals and a bunch of CATS! NOT OK!!) Let me tell you, he got an earful the next time I spoke to him. I told him POINT BLANK that "This is NOT a FLOP house and you can't just come out here anytime you feel like it, not to mention bringing your girlfriend and all your dogs WITHOUT asking us if it's OK!!!! If you want to do it the RIGHT way, your welcome to come when it's conveinent for US, but not without asking us if it's ok FIRST" Needless to say, he's never done THAT again. I have no problem speaking to my sons friends in the same manner-- although I DO make it a point to show them that I am not an unreasonable hag. I like my sons' friends for the most part, but they know where my boundries lie and they respect that.
Your children AND their friends just displayed blatant disrespect for you and your husband in your OWN home. If they had ANY manners and any CLASS at all, they would have left BEFORE your husband had to tell them to!! There are ways to go about making the boys go home in a civil, tactful manner, but you must be firm about your "House rules" and stick to them -- otherwise you are going to find your house invaded on a regular basis and for longer periods of time. I know how boys are. Give them an inch, they take TEN miles and not saying anything right at the begining of an "Issue" gives them your silent "permission" to take it one step further.
I hope you can resolve this matter without too much grief Jenny. And DON'T feel bad about putting your foot down!! It's YOUR house! The kids are only there until they get a place of their own!! Good luck!
PS-- Our son pays none of the household bills. If he were paying rent for living here, I would not have made a big deal about my brother coming and staying and not making his presance known to me (even though I KNEW he was here! AND the extras he brought with him!), but when it's US paying the power bills AND the food bill-- you're darned right I'm going to say something!!!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ~~ George Carlin |
| babysmama |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 5:25:57 PM
I think it was more of your sons responsibilty to make sure his friends left after your husband told them to go. He should be the one you talk to.
-Elizabeth |
| Tammy Claxton |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 5:07:07 PM
I have a 17 year old son and it has happened here as well. I pulled my son to the side and told him how I felt about it. I also told him that it was his responsibility to see that his friends leave when they are told too. I also told him that there would be consequences for him not being responsible when it comes to his friends leaving. He did handle it and I didn't have to resort to being mean or embarrassing him in front of his friends. Try talking to your sons and letting them tell their friends. If it happenes again, then resort to something a little more stern. Hope this helps :)
Crafty Bay Farmgirl Chapter
"What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger"
Farmgirl #152
http://countryintheburbs.blogspot.com/
http://bigdogmom130.etsy.com |
| bohemiangel |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 4:48:37 PM
hm, well Jenny that is sticky. I mean you should be THRILLED they feel safe, welcome (lil too much), and want to hang out there rather than some where else. BUT they HAVE to respect your rules and wants for your house. I honestly don't know what you could say. I mean that's great your son had friends over and they had fun at YOUR house. You know the whole least they are at my house rather than out in trouble or at an unsafe house. Please keep your temper. You want to make a good point but like have it sink in. hmm Sleep on it and pray about it. I hope someone on here can give you good advice. That was my useless 2 cents:-p. good luck xo
**~~Farmgirl Sister #60~~**
"... to thine ownself be true."
http://liggybitsandpieces.blogspot.com/
http://ligonierliving.blogspot.com/
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