| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 08:42:01 AM
Hi My farmgirl friends…I just wanted to check in. I left you all in the dark about things and I have some time before class to check in. This one might get long…so grab some coffee or chocolate or a comfy kitty, and sit a spell. Ok.ready?? Here we go…
I had a breakdown of sorts. Not the typical middle age type, but mental none the less. I was actually shaking from panic attacks and getting stress headaches. I FINALLY had my say with my parents. They were actually thinking of coming here in October, only to recant a week later because wouldn’t it be so much easier for me to go there. I know they don’t want to come here for one reason…well a few actually…they are too self absorbed to go out of their way for anyone, or at least me, and my dad thinks my house is dirty because of my dog. Yep…these are the same parents that smoked 2 packs on cigarettes a day, never opening a window and they smell like ash trays when you get within a foot of them. This is the same dad who even to this day, only bathes 2x a month. No kidding here. Yep..I am the gross one??? Then, Yes, let me quit school and my internship, put the dog in boarding, still pay for daycare so when I get back, I will have a spot, pack up all of Charlie’s belongings, including a car seat, diapers, bedding, clothing, sippy cups, along with packing myself, let me pay $ 800 for tickets (yes, I checked), rent a car when I get there, get a room for week (my parents smoke and I CAN”T tolerate it) and plus the cost of gas, food, extras and the hassle of traveling with a 2 ½ year old to see people he has no clue exists in his life. I JUST LOST IT and I told them I was done. I am no longer doing emails, cards, notes, NADDA…with anyone in the family. No one has come to see us in 3 years and before that last fateful visit, no one has ever come to see us before that. I have been working my backside off since April, when Scott moved us here and left for deployment. I have not gotten ONE single email, phone call, card..nothing.. from anyone- relative or friends in the 5 months Scott has been gone. And, neither has Scott. I have sent off pictures, remembered birthdays, made videos, made phone calls. Etc..and we have got nothing back. So Scott and I agreed we are done…with everyone. My parents were the straw that broke this cowgirl’s horse. HA!!!
The can’t GRASP WHY I am going to college (waste of time and money, I should JUST be a Mom) Like Just being a Mom, a single Mom at that, is all I will ever be to them, which is low on their totem pole. My sister keeps sending me emails and cards to “save me” (and I don’t mean disrespect to anyone’s religion, it is just REALLY REALLY ANNOYING when I have told her my stance so now, she only emails and send cards because she is too chicken s**t to pick up the phone, ,,,excuse my French.) Or I get military themed emails telling me I need to thank my Soldiers or do something for them from the very parents that never supported me one IOTA when I joined, nor are they supporting me in any capacity right now.
So, here I am. Second day of College…yeah..MY BIRTHDAY>>YEAH!!! Starting a new leaf in my life. Scott called me and we decided to be done with our families and supposed friends and move on. We are selling or donating anything given to us by friends or family, as we just need to make a fresh start. I am also selling some other things. So big yard sale probably next Spring. For now, everything is in bins in the garage and I am VERY VERY VERY Happy!!!
I got a FREE membership to theYMCA for being a spouse of a deployed soldier, so I am getting to work out for free and I take Charlie to the pool. It is a lot of fun and I love the water.
I wanted to Thank all of you, my dear TRUE farmgirl friends. It amazes me I have never “met” any of you, but I feel closer to you than any family member or friend in my past. And that is EXACTLY what it is….my past…
I am sending big hugs and kisses to all of you for being their for me. I ask today for you to light a candle for my birthday and wish ALL a very happy, healthy fresh beginning, full of love, joy, happiness and lots of steak and chocolate… : )
Thanks ladies. You are truly in my thoughts everyday though I may not visit here quite as often.
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
FARMGIRL #90 |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| CountryBorn |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 7:00:51 PM
Sweet Heather, you have made wise choices. If your family causes you nothing but anguish and makes you feel like you are going to have a true melt down, then you only have one choice, stay away from them. These are there problems honey, not yours. You can do nothing for them, they can't be "fixed"and don't want to change.But you can make your life your own and live by your own rules nobody elses. A very wise Dr. once told me, if someone or something bothers you and makes you feel bad about yourself or a nervous wreck, stay away from them or it. Life is too short to waste time and energy on toxic negative people. Believe in yourself, be happy and live your own life honey, you deserve it.Go forward now and don't look back. I am so glad you came on to fill us in. I truly miss your posts.
Hugs, Mary Jane
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 6:35:04 PM
Thanks everyone. I do appreciate it. Charlie and I went and got some hot wings and fries with the neighbors and then indulged in ice cream and tiny cupcakes. Yep...back to the gym tomorrow!! HA!!!
I had about a week and 1/2 before school started when this all went down. I spent 2 days at home just sleeping, praying, thinking and trying to grasp life. I sent Charlie off to daycare and just took really good care of myself. That is when I joined the Y and I got A LOT of sun...a little burnt but feel fantastic. Then I got a haircut, put on some makeup and a pink shirt and I felt better. It was such clarity that I felt. I wanted to stop the sick feeling I would get when family would call and I would talk through gritted teeth. I also shoot straight from the hip and I don't hold back from telling people how my life is. I no longer make excuses for my family and if people around me can't understand that, then that is their problem. Most who don't understand have a great relationship with their families and cannot see my point of view and honestly, I was tired of trying to explain it.
I know just say I can't explain and I don't want to but don't pressure me to make nice, you don't know the 15 year history and cannot sit in judgement of me.
Thanks for your understanding and (((HUGS)))... I love ya farmgals!!!
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
FARMGIRL #90 |
| melanie47601 |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 5:03:47 PM
Heather I'm so sorry for all your headache and heartache with you family issues. I ope the best for you and your family. Praying for your hubby to come home safe and sound and really soon. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Hope you and Charlie are painting the town RED!! by the way love the song!!
Melanie
~blog~ http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/ ~shop~ http://www.brokenin.ecrater.com/ |
| LivingWell4You |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 5:00:15 PM
Hey, birthday (farm)girl! Congratulations on a new year and a new life! I'm so sorry you had to make that decision but YOUR family is Scott and Charlie. I was so glad to see your post. I've been wondering how you were doing; felt so bad that you had to take your leave for awhile; feel so happy that you're back. 
Like Alee, there was a time in my past when I had panic attacks and was in my own "Great Depression." Having been there I can tell you (1) the only way out is through (there are no shortcuts or detours - you have to deal with the issues) and (2) life on the other side is better than anything you could have even imagined. And I can honestly say I'm grateful for the experience because it's made me the person I am today and given me a compassion for others that I wouldn't have otherwise. I pray it will do the same for you.
God bless -
Karen
Farmgirl Sista #311 |
| nubidane |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 4:42:00 PM
Good to hear from you Heather, Hani in there sweetie, you are a tough girl & will come through this a better person. Kiss that Charlie for me!
\___/ Hook Em! |
| bushelnpeck |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 3:10:56 PM
Hello Heather, tough going no doubt, but I so respect you for starting over without all that toxic behavior, you and Charlie and Scott will be so much healthier for it.I am happy for you and the Y, just what one needs to work off stress and Charlie will have fun as well. Glad you checked in, it hasn't been right here without you and I hope you will keep talking to your family here, the girls are so caring and they love you so... Will be praying for decisions to come for your place to live and well, never give up,never...Debbie
Farmgirl Sister #324
duty makes us do things, but love, makes us do things beautifully... |
| simplyflowers |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 12:34:22 PM
I'm in Stafford, which is right next to MCB Quantico. Ft. Belvoir is just 30 minutes up the highway as well. :)
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison |
| lilwing |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 12:23:41 PM
OH... and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I knew I was meaning to say something on my last post. LOL.
~~~~
"The Higher the Hair, The Closer to Jesus!" - Paula Deen
http://maggie.ecrater.com
http://maggiemerch.blogspot.com
http://www.myspace.com/hh_reiki
http://www.myspace.com/brookealyson |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 12:23:35 PM
He is Navy but he is thinking going back over to Army. Things are very up in the air right now. Can't make a move until he is home from deployment. We would be in VA beach if we stayed Navy...where are you? Otherwise, I know there are Army bases there also, just not sure where.
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
FARMGIRL #90 |
| simplyflowers |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 12:06:24 PM
WootWoot!!! Cowgirl up!!! I don't believe I've ever had any family in good ol' Texas until now! What branch of service is your hubby in?? I work on a MC Base. Just wondering?
Jamie :)
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 11:59:36 AM
OK COUSIN!!! And if we move to VA,,,we can be farmgal sisters!!!! HA!! I will bring you a Texas cowgirl hat!! YEE HAW!!!
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
FARMGIRL #90 |
| simplyflowers |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 11:55:51 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEATHER!!!!!
Just so you know, when I go home after work today...I will light the candle on my kitchen counter just for you. It's a pumpkin spice candle! I hardly ever light it because I forget....but today I will and it will be because of you! :)
I know whatcha mean about the family thing. We've got some real winners in my family that I have totally written off!! I don't even want to go to the family reunion this year! Which is a shame because I would like for my almost two year old to understand the value of this family togetherness....if that was even what it was....but I feel like I wouldn't want to expose him to those crazy people any more than I want to be around them myself.
How bout this.....you and I will be family instead!! You can be my cousin from TX!!! :)
Warmly and Understanding,
Jamie
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 11:54:23 AM
Ladies...I will graduate next Summer and even if I have to move from my beloved Texas, I am still going to attend the ceremony and you are ALL invited...seriously...(((HUGS)))
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
FARMGIRL #90 |
| Bear5 |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 11:20:48 AM
Happy Birthday Heather:
Sorry you had to go through all of that.
Marly |
| Txfarmgal |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 11:11:00 AM
Great to hear from you! And on your birthday! I have lit a candle in your honor and just wish I had a cupcake to eat for you as well. Great job on joining the Y it will be fun for both you and Charlie. You have alot on your shoulders so it's no wonder you had a breakdown of sorts. I am praying for you. Put one foot in front of the other and keep plowin through. You are a farmgirl and you can do it. hugs
AngiKay-farmgirl sister #301
www.angikay.etsy.com
Heart of TX chapter
Be strong and Courageous. Jos. 1:9
Texas 4H! http://texas4-h.tamu.edu/ |
| sleepless reader |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 10:46:51 AM
Well, a cowgirl/farmgirl has to do what she has to do. Happy birthday and good luck as you continue on this amazing journey.
Yours, Sharon
Farmgirl Sister #74
Life is messy. Wear your apron! |
| Annika |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 10:38:45 AM
Happy Birthday Heather! I just had mine too.
I'm darned proud of you for sticking up for yourself and not letting your family ruin your life. I wish you all the best and a bright fresh start
Cheers (and steak and chocolate)
Annika
Annika
Farmgirl sister #13
Mud Hen Queen
http://innermountainmudhens.wordpress.com/
http://panzymoon.wordpress.com/
http://panzymoonsgarden.blogspot.com/ |
| Miss Bee Haven |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 10:35:30 AM
Heather - All throughout your journey on this forum, I've been a witness to your struggles and admired your strength. You are a fantastic mom and a strong woman(I've said it before and I'll say it again). How much longer until you graduate? Because I know you WILL graduate. And I'm looking forward to my invitation!
Farmgirl Sister #50
"If you think you've got it nailed down, then what's all that around it?"
'Br.Dave Gardner' |
| Alee |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 10:33:00 AM
Heather- So glad you found time for an update sweetie! You have been on my mind! We love you and want the best for you! Happy Happy Birthday! And here is a toast and a cheer for a new leg to life!
-PS- I got nervous tremors from stress at one point in my life too. I had a bit of a break down at that point as well. I will honestly say it was one of my darker hours of saddness, stress and depression. But I am happy to say that life has only improved since then! *hugs* You can do this! Charlie is so lucky to have you. You are an awesome mom, wife, and farmgirl sister!
Just think- You and Scott are the Genesis of a new family!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our new blog:
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
| shepherdgirl |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 10:18:58 AM
Oh Heather, how sad I am for you, but at the same time HAPPY!! I know first hand some of what you are feeling. It's so easy to judge another person when you are on the OUTSIDE looking IN, and as the old cliche` goes "People in Glass houses shouldn't throw stones" but SOME of those people are so PIG HEADED (or maybe STUPID?) that they don't even see that THEY are living in the GLASS HOUSE!!!! GRRRRR.... if I have learned NOTHING else in my 37yrs on this planet (and growing up with the family from HELL as well!) it's that I DON'T CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF ME, NO MATTER IF THEY ARE FRIENDS OR BLOOD RELATIVES! This is MY life and if they don't like it, then they don't DESERVE to be a part of it. I AM worth something... and SO ARE YOU HEATHER.
I'm so glad that you were finally able to tell them what was really on your heart and mind. Now you can start over with the life YOU choose and there will be nothing to hold you back. Live for HEATHER, live for SCOTT and Little CHARLIE. THEY are your family. But, hopefully some day all those so called friends and the family you couldn't CHOOSE will finally see the truth of your words and understand the reasons behind them, and you will all be able to at least forgive and start a new relationship with each of them. Hugs and blessings to you, and I APPRECIATE your sacrifice for MY Family's freedom, even if your own family DOESN'T. Take care girl, and hang in there!!!!!! XXXOOO ~~~ Tracy
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ~~ George Carlin |
| 82kygal |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 10:07:11 AM
Heather, not sure what time I was born but in the afternoon. I weighed 10.5lbs. I guess that explains my current weight Hope you are having a great day. Good luck with your schooling it takes courage to go to school I only wish I had it. ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!!!
With God, all things are possible. (Mark 10:27)
What ever you are, be a good one. (Abe Lincoln) |
| Marcy |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 10:06:46 AM
{{{{Heather}}}} Glad you checked in. Been thinking about you! Hope things work out for the best for you! Will send wishes your way that all of your dreams come true. Best of luck in school and know that we all care! Give Charlie a hug for us!! And please check in again soon.
Farmgirl #170
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
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| JudyBlueEyes |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 09:46:13 AM
(((((Heather))))) HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!! It sounds like it will be a happy day and a happy year. I fully support your decision with your family. Put it all behind you and look to a bright future! I wish you all the best in your schooling, with your son and Scott. FarmGirl Hugs! Judy
We come from the earth, we go back to the earth, and in between, we garden! |
| Jami |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 09:39:05 AM
One of my fav's...great choice cowgirl!
Jami in WA
Farmgirl Sister #266
http://woolyinwashington.wordpress.com/ |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 09:35:07 AM
Happy Birthday Laura...do you know what time you were born? I was born at 2:59 p.m.
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
FARMGIRL #90 |
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