| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| CabinCreek-Kentucky |
Posted - Aug 12 2008 : 05:53:43 AM
we've all been here before!
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When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the d oor won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would ha ng your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah , the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that t here w as any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get." </ SPAN>
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused th at it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You c an't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!
True Friends * KENTUCKY FRANNIE
adopt a 'rag-chile'
http://sistermercysfoundlinhome.blogspot.com
treasures .. new and olde .. http://mudpiemanormercantile.blogspot.com
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| 14 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| CabinCreek-Kentucky |
Posted - Aug 13 2008 : 07:09:41 AM
girls .. if you enjoyed this one .. you jus' gotta' e-mail me to hear the one about the husband who "toots" in bed all the time and what his wife did to 'cure' him. i swear .. i read it several days ago .. and it still has me giggling!
True Friends * KENTUCKY FRANNIE
adopt a 'rag-chile'
http://sistermercysfoundlinhome.blogspot.com
treasures .. new and olde .. http://mudpiemanormercantile.blogspot.com
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| katmom |
Posted - Aug 12 2008 : 9:05:25 PM
giggling so hard that I nearly wet my panties! lol!!!!
>^..^<
>^..^< Happiness is being a katmom.
mjf#72
Sisters on the Fly#472
www.katmom4.blogspot.com
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| Sitnalta |
Posted - Aug 12 2008 : 6:47:59 PM
om goodness. have have you gone to the same mall, basball games, or rest stop as I? I know all too well and about rolled on the floor laughing as I could picture it all vividly in my mind everything you said!
lol..hugs
jess
Farmgirl Sister #235
http://crshelpmeet-heartssong.blogspot.com/
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug. -- Mark Twain |
| SusieQue |
Posted - Aug 12 2008 : 6:27:06 PM
Too Funny......been there and done that too. Thanks for the laugh. |
| Marcy |
Posted - Aug 12 2008 : 2:20:08 PM
Frannie,
This was absolutely wonderful. Thanks for the laugh. I needed it today!
Take care
Farmgirl #170
It's never too late to be what you might have been.
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. |
| melanie47601 |
Posted - Aug 12 2008 : 11:25:09 AM
OH Frannie!! I needed that! LMREO
Melanie
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart. Helen Keller "http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/ ~shop~ http://www.brokenin.ecrater.com/ |
| bushelnpeck |
Posted - Aug 12 2008 : 10:31:55 AM
Oh so true...I thank you for posting this, I really needed a belly laugh about now and I hope it's ok if I share it. Too good to keep to myself...I recognized that purse aroung your neck. Oh my gosh, how totally funny and yet so achingly true, have a great day...Debbie
Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all
Emily Dickenson |
| AuntPammy |
Posted - Aug 12 2008 : 07:27:01 AM
Oh my gosh...how funny and true. I laughed so hard I almost didn't make it to the bathroom! Hee!Hee! You have made my day thanks.
Let's dance in the rain and play in the puddles under the rainbows. |
| Past Blessings |
Posted - Aug 12 2008 : 07:13:26 AM
Too funny! And too much of reality!!
Hugs & blessings,
Brenda
Past Blessings . . . Celebrating Life as it used to be . . . when people loved God, loved their families and loved their country. |
| StarMeadow |
Posted - Aug 12 2008 : 07:03:27 AM
 TEE HEE HEE HEE....guffaw, guffaw, guffaw |
| paradiseplantation |
Posted - Aug 12 2008 : 07:01:25 AM
Frannie!! I so needed that. and have SO been there! Thanks. I'll smile for the rest of the day, now!
from the hearts of paradise... |
| dutchy |
Posted - Aug 12 2008 : 06:54:54 AM
Hehe, funny. Been there, done that too YIKES!!
"As you become secure in God's love, you will discover that you need not surrender to the opinions and judgments of others. GOD IS FOR YOU!" ~
Unknown
http://just-me-a-dutch-girl.blogspot.com/
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| CabinCreek-Kentucky |
Posted - Aug 12 2008 : 06:12:23 AM
oh tina .. yesterday .. i got the 'funniest' joke i've heard all year .. it's not 'naughty' jus' a 'tad' disgusting .. ha! e-mail me if you wanna' read it! i laughed all night in my sleep over it! xo
True Friends * KENTUCKY FRANNIE
adopt a 'rag-chile'
http://sistermercysfoundlinhome.blogspot.com
treasures .. new and olde .. http://mudpiemanormercantile.blogspot.com
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| doglady |
Posted - Aug 12 2008 : 06:01:07 AM
Oh Frannie,
Thank you for the best laugh of the day! I've been there too.
Tina
You can tell your dog all of your secrets and they'll never say a word!
www.kennelcreations.com |
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