| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Kim |
Posted - Sep 22 2005 : 11:21:43 AM
I don't know what to do my friends. I volunteered to come to Kansas because boyfriend and I were going through a rough patch and I thought the time a part would be good for both of us to reflect upon our 8 year relationship.
After a couple of trips home one horribly bad, the other good. I thought my stay here may be extended. My office in Illinois cannot afford to keep me here any longer so I am going home as scheduled on Friday (9/23).
I e-mailed BF and told him I was coming home. I get a call later that night asking if the job offer here was still open. When I asked why, I was told I may want to consider taking it. When probing further, Bf indicated he had a panic attack when I told him I was coming home.He has enjoyed being on his own and this relationship apprears to be over. Then the usual "I didn't want to do this over the phoen, but I don't want you to miss out on an opportunity here" etc etc, I didn't mean to hurt you etc etc.
Called my parents in tears, a few friends etc. He calls me the next night asking if I told my parents and now they probably this he is an ***hole. Now everything is too entangled, there is no turning back. He's miserable when I am at home and miserable when I am gone. He feels backed into a corner and was hoping I could stay out here longer so he could work through all this.
All I want to do is cry. I can't get rid of the pain in my chest and I have no idea what awaits me at home, except the joy of seeing my dog and friends again.
I don't know if I will be moving or staying. I hate to see 8 years of living together ruined because of a whim, but I have not been able to help him. He said if he knew what was wrong he'd fix it. 
I've started looking for apts/houses. I'm at a loss.
farmgirl@heart
Be at peace with yourself and the rest will follow |
| 14 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| SDPogue |
Posted - Sep 24 2005 : 11:20:48 PM
I understand. I moved cross the country to be with my boyfriend and things were really rough so one day I decided it was time to go home. Our life was not going anywhere and I could make a life for myself at home. Didn't mean I didn't love him or that I wasn't willing to work things out but I knew nothing would change if I stayed. Well he went with me and we just celebrated our 2nd anniversary. It's not easy putting two lives together but if it's meant to be nothing will keep it from happening and if it's not meant to be then there is not much you can do to keep it together without making you both miserable. Right now you do what's best for you and if it's to be he will soon follow.
Good luck
Sara
See what I have been up to in my community. www.geocities.com/sdpogue |
| Horseyrider |
Posted - Sep 23 2005 : 3:33:53 PM
Kim, sometimes the grief we feel at the end of a relationship isn't really for that person; it's for the sense of loss for what might have been. Try and see if you can separate that out. It helps sometimes.
You've gotten some good advice here; they're right in saying you can't fix him. That's for him to do. He doesn't sound like he's really ready for a committed relationship, regardless of how it might have looked at one time.
Cry and experience the grief. Let your tears wash the heartbreak away, mourn your loss, and then you'll be able to move on to the next phase of your life.
(((((HUGS))))) |
| Kim |
Posted - Sep 23 2005 : 07:42:47 AM
Thank you Lorij! I fell the strenght from Him and all of you! Bless you all!
farmgirl@heart
Be at peace with yourself and the rest will follow |
| Kim |
Posted - Sep 23 2005 : 06:22:34 AM
My friends you are wonderful. I am coming back to Illinois today. I'm am nervous about going home but I know I can trust in myself and GOD to help me through this.
farmgirl@heart
Be at peace with yourself and the rest will follow |
| therusticcottage |
Posted - Sep 22 2005 : 9:51:05 PM
Kim--I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. I really don't know what to say except that I feel so badly for you. I agree with Clare that getting your own place is a good first step. Just take it one day at a time and one step at a time. I will keep you in my prayers. Sending hugs your way!
I'm still hot...it just comes in flashes. |
| bramble |
Posted - Sep 22 2005 : 9:26:04 PM
Kim-- My heart goes out to you, this is hard news for you and not at all what you were expecting after having invested 8 years into this relationship. There are alot of warm and caring hearts here that have offered you support, friendship and compassion. There has also been opinions about what you should or should not do. That's a hard one because only you will know what will make you feel whole and happy again.And that may take some time for you to discover as you heal. I would only suggest one thing and that would be to not cut yourself off from the support system you have back at home. If you feel the need to be there, don't allow his opinion that it would be easier( for him...) if you were somewhere else. You aren't doing the leaving, so why should you have to go? Maybe it's time for him to sort himself out elsewhere and let you get on with things surrounded by the family and friends of your own. Endings are always hard, and frequently we never get the answer to why, but in the midst of your sadness remember that the glimmer of hope and new beginnings lie around the corner. Your future holds possibilities waiting to be discovered. I wish you peace , and healing and comfort in knowing that you will survive this and be a better person for it. How do I know? I was once where you are now.
with a happy heart |
| showmemom |
Posted - Sep 22 2005 : 7:49:01 PM
hey kim-
sending you a big hug from sw missouri-i'm so sorry that it hurts so much. there has been such good advice from everyone already-the only thing that i feel like adding is-sometimes when you don't know what to do, you have to give yourself permission to just not do anything-the Bible talks about having done all you can do, to stand. i've had to learn (the hard way) that standing means just that-not tapping my toe, not looking at my watch-just standing and letting our good Father work out my way for me, remembering that He has plans for me that are for good and not for evil. That's what i'm praying for you-courage and strength to stand, hope for tonight and tomorrow and God's good plans to come through for you.
we're here for you, girl. you can do it.
talk to you soon. karen
Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
Victor Hugo |
| theherblady |
Posted - Sep 22 2005 : 12:45:27 PM
Kim-Just remember to pray~ pray~ pray..For direction, comfort, and HIS will. Prayer works!
Remember, you cant change someone else...You can only change the way you react to it.Keep the faith and find happiness within..
I believe everything happens for a reason...although it hurts now~~There may be something better waiting for you and you just dont know it yet~~
I had a guy that was a long term relationship..he yo-yo me back and forth-When we were dating, I even broke up with my future DH to go back to him one last time...But nothing had changed and within a weekend I was back to my soulmate...I had made a terrible mistake. Luckily, he took me back and we have been together ever since..and I am more content and happier than I have ever been..
Sending you hugs and prayers~~
Jan |
| jpbluesky |
Posted - Sep 22 2005 : 12:10:43 PM
Kim - after reading your post over two or three times, I just kept getting the impression that painful though it may be, it is time for you to begin anew. It is between you and your BF as to why you never made the final commitment of marriage all these years, but perhaps if you meditate on that, you may find some answers as to why he is afraid. But regardless of whether you take a new job in a new city, or go back home and begin a fresh start without BF (and you can do that, too) I am praying that you will give yourself the credit and strength and respect that you deserve. You are a strong woman.
Last night, I heard a good line:
Someone said to another, who was kind of breaking up with them, "Do not worry about me. I have my own life. I had just made room for you in it." Let BF make his choices, and know that you can make your own also.
Love you girl!
jpbluesky |
| Kim |
Posted - Sep 22 2005 : 12:08:17 PM
Thanks girls, you are the best! It just makes me feel better reading these words.
farmgirl@heart
Be at peace with yourself and the rest will follow |
| ivmeer |
Posted - Sep 22 2005 : 12:00:39 PM
So sorry, Kim. I'm sure you'll come to see that you didn't deserve to be treated the way he treated you. His actions were cowardly and unfair. You wouldn't have done this to him.
Now have a cup of hot chocolate and watch a silly movie. I hope it makes you feel better. |
| Clare |
Posted - Sep 22 2005 : 11:58:52 AM
Kim, dear.... I'm hoping the right words will well up out of me right now. I understand your state of mind. Please remember that you can only take care of you, as much as bf has been apart of your life for the last 8 years, he's obviously in limbo and maybe also struggling with some mid-life issues. As sad as it feels, that best thing you may be able to do for each other is give yourselves space and time to be who you are. Getting your own place is a good step. Changes are a given in life. Embrace them as a time of new beginnings, in health for mind, body and spirit. I'm sending you lots of light and loving thoughts that you may find peace in this transition. Be well, be strong, and know that we are behind you 100% for making the best choices available. (((hugs))))))
**** Love is the great work - though every heart is first an apprentice. - Hafiz
Set a high value on spontaneous kindness. - Samuel Johnson****
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| westernhorse51 |
Posted - Sep 22 2005 : 11:57:08 AM
Oh Kim, I wish I had some magic words to tell you that would make it better. Eight years is a long time but honey, if he cant help himself, how can you? Maybe a little time apart is what is needed, doesnt mean you dont love him, just means you need to take care of you also. You have alot of stress now and its hard to think. I think if it were me and I had a mom, I'd go to her. Let her make you tea, give you hugs and tell you it will be ok. I dont have a mom but if I did, thats what I would do. Your never too old for mom. I hope and pray it works out the way you want it too. Michele
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
| MeadowLark |
Posted - Sep 22 2005 : 11:54:19 AM
I emailed ya Kim!
If I keep a green bough in my heart, the singing bird will come. |
