| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| CabinCreek-Kentucky |
Posted - Apr 18 2008 : 8:45:47 PM
BE SURE TO READ EVERY WORD ..
TOP
TO
BOTTOM
I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past years.
Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper
towel.
I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last
person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has
happened on it since it was last washed.
I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon
peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the
number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose (Although cell
phone usage may be taking the number one spot)
Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine
how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a
public bathroom. Yuck!
I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the
glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope
that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown)
who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward
an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car
so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave
anymore because it will blow up in my face. . . disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked
with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume
sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al
Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
for or which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore and Uzbekistan .
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their
recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the
parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas
companies!
Have a wonderful day. . .
Oh, by the way. . . . .
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered
that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their
hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
YEP! CAUGHT MY HAND ON THE MOUSE!!!
True Friends * Frannie
adopt a 'rag-chile'
http://sistermercysfoundlinhome.blogspot.com
treasures .. new and olde .. http://mudpiemanormercantile.blogspot.com
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| 7 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| handyam |
Posted - Apr 20 2008 : 1:47:51 PM
Some are so true.
www.adasadorableaprons.blogspot.com |
| marmieto12 |
Posted - Apr 20 2008 : 11:47:10 AM
HAHA, can I take my hand off of the mouse now?
Laura;Dreaming of big girl farm...
Farmgirl # 148
http://lilsfamilyfarm.blogspot.com
Chapter http://justsimplythegirls.blogspot.com |
| italianchildhood |
Posted - Apr 19 2008 : 6:05:05 PM
Funny!
----------------------
http://YouCraft.org ... free crafts classifieds listings
And my latest amusement: http://foundmuseum.blogspot.com |
| EmmJay |
Posted - Apr 19 2008 : 5:43:48 PM
Oh Frannie...I've gotten everyone of those emails.
Sorry, but I think I have even passed a couple on to others.
MJ
"Thank GOD I'm a country girl"
http://s119.photobucket.com/albums/o134/EmmJay07/ |
| bohemiangel |
Posted - Apr 19 2008 : 3:01:54 PM
OH Mammy I love this! I've seen it before but I love it.
**~~Farmgirl Sister #60~~**
"... to thine ownself be true."
http://ligonierfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
http://liggygirl.blogspot.com/
http://liggygirlslonggreen.blogspot.com/
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| CountryBorn |
Posted - Apr 19 2008 : 09:07:20 AM
That's too funny, and everyone of them I have read the emails!!
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
| Farmtopia |
Posted - Apr 18 2008 : 9:31:24 PM
Haha, this is crazy. They forgot about the emails from the Nigerian mafia that asks for money because they are dying, and all you have to do is transfer it from your bank account to theirs!
~*~Dream all you dreamers~*~
View my work:
www.bigtownfarmer.com
www.pumpkinpatchparlor.etsy.com
And Blogs:
agriculture: www.bigtownfarmer.blogspot.com
art: www.queenofcrows.blogspot.com
animals: www.big-luv.blogspot.com |
