| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Marybeth |
Posted - Sep 26 2007 : 08:34:56 AM
A friend sent me this
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women,
so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check
for
feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman
leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has
been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the
modern "seat
covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would
hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you
carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in
her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume
"The
Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd
love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or
lay
toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover
to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your
mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you
would have
KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one
that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now,
you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That
would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still
smaller than your thumbnail
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits
your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and
you
and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!"
you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny,
crumpled
tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide
down
directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing
all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with
every
imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid
down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to
try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because,
you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because,
frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused
that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the
inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt
and
runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything
down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser
for fear
of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet
toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you
found in
your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors,
so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the
line
of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very
end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe.
(Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe,
plunk
it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need
this."
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left
the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is
your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms
(rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what
really
does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions
about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can
hold the
door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!
This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so
accurately!
Send this to all women that need a good laugh AND, don't forget to have a
mammogram!!!!!! It could save your life!
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!
Share this with a friend!
I Just Did!
www.strawberryhillsfarm.blogspot.com
www.day4plus.blogspot.com www.holyhouses-day4plus.blogspot.com
"Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well dance!" |
| 10 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Shirlaroo |
Posted - Sep 27 2007 : 12:27:29 AM
Public dunnies are exactly the same here! How funny.
Friends are the best collectables. |
| Mumof3 |
Posted - Sep 26 2007 : 6:56:03 PM
That made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants!
Karin
Wherever you go, there you are.
Come visit me at:
www.madrekarin.etsy.com
www.madrekarin.blogspot.com |
| junkjunkie |
Posted - Sep 26 2007 : 5:59:04 PM
That DEFINITELY was written by a woman! She really got it all down, what we poor females have to go through. One of the many ways that men have it easier...they can even pull over on a highway or find any discreet spot. Very funny! I had a good laugh...thanks!
"To have life in focus, we must have death in our field of vision." Benedictine monk John Main |
| windypines |
Posted - Sep 26 2007 : 5:35:02 PM
Oh my gosh, the fun that we all have had!!! Thanks for the laugh !
Michele |
| suzyhomemaker |
Posted - Sep 26 2007 : 5:24:43 PM
Love this one. I needed this chuckle today. Thank you!!
Country girl in NE PA |
| Carol Sue |
Posted - Sep 26 2007 : 4:31:03 PM
ROFLMBO, ohhhhh my that was the laugh I truly needed and the funniest part is how true it is......and how many of us have done all those very same things....LOL.....LOL
Carol Sue
Enjoying life. |
| Alee |
Posted - Sep 26 2007 : 11:14:53 AM
LOL! Oh my gosh! I have been there and done that! Ugh- It makes me do the icky dance just thinking about public toilet seats. I am glad I am a mom now- it means that baby wipes are never to far from hand!
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for typing, one hand to hold Nora!
http://home.test-afl.tulix.com/aleeandnora/ |
| Nance in France |
Posted - Sep 26 2007 : 10:05:49 AM
I didn't realize I was being watched.........ha! So true and so funny. Thanks Mary Beth, for our much needed chuckle. Nance |
| Nancy Gartenman |
Posted - Sep 26 2007 : 08:45:01 AM
BEEN there done that, except for the purse around my neck, thats a new one.
NANCY JO
www.Nancy-Jo.blogspot.com |
| Miss Bee Haven |
Posted - Sep 26 2007 : 08:40:35 AM
That's my laugh out loud joke for today, Mary Beth. Thanks! I've certainly experienced some combination of almost everything on the list! LOL
"If you think you've got it nailed down, then what's all that around it?" - 'Brother Dave' Gardner |
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