| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| mikesgirl |
Posted - Jun 12 2007 : 4:09:10 PM
Any of you have trouble with the empty nest? I feel like I'm on a roller coaster sometimes. One day I celebrate my independence and enjoy knowing my kids as adults, another I cry for the little children I'll never get to see or hug again. I knew to expect this, but not to this degree. How do you cope? |
| 19 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| mikesgirl |
Posted - Jun 20 2007 : 09:32:06 AM
Bumping. |
| mikesgirl |
Posted - Jun 13 2007 : 12:03:01 PM
Ditto Kathie |
| Kathie |
Posted - Jun 13 2007 : 12:00:52 PM
I'm so sorry Linda..
I can't even begin to feel anything like that kind of loss..
Just not having them here now & then or missing a call now & then is so hard..
To not hear her voice at all anymore has to be unbearable for you..
I am so , so sorry..
& I hadn't even considered the Grandchildren growing up & leaving us too yet!!! Thanks!!!
Your all right though.. i know that keeping busy is the key to a happier healthier mindset.. i have always enjoyed doing things with my hands.. whether it be crafting..painting or gardening.. & i love being out doors.. & i know that continuing & making new friendships is also a part of moving forward & living a satifying life.. especialy once your kids have started their own..
So I am really gald to have all of you to throw things
at when i need to!
& I'm really happy to know that alot of you feel the same things I am feeling.. & know where I'm coming from..
Love ya lots girls!!
In a World Where you Can Be Anything, Be Yourself.. |
| mikesgirl |
Posted - Jun 13 2007 : 11:52:33 AM
So sorry Linda. |
| Horseyrider |
Posted - Jun 13 2007 : 11:19:00 AM
Linda, you're right. I can't imagine a worse pain.
(((((HUGS))))) |
| a rose |
Posted - Jun 13 2007 : 11:09:19 AM
Empty nest syndrome is rough and it doesn't stop with just your children. The Grandchildren growing up and leaving causes the same pain but the worst pain of all is losing a child to cancer. She died 11 years ago and the pain never goes away.
Remember me as a rose. |
| primjillie |
Posted - Jun 13 2007 : 09:58:09 AM
I can relate to this! My kids are 28, 26 and 24. The 24 year old just moved back home, so I guess I'm not really an empty nester yet. I never thought I would be able to accept them all moving out, but by the time the difficult teen years passed, I was a little ready. My son (who has my two grandbabies) lives minutes from me and I see them several times a week, so that helps a lot when I need my baby/toddler fix. My other son lives about 20 minutes away and we talk often. It is hard to reconnect with my husband since he is always tired from work, but I am lucky to have good hobbies and interests. I love to stitch, quilt, garden and am stocking up on scrapbook supplies so I can do that when I retire. It does really help to focus on your interests to keep you busy and maybe fulfill some dreams you have been postponing when raising children. So far I am enjoying menopause - I love not having periods! |
| Horseyrider |
Posted - Jun 13 2007 : 09:26:14 AM
It's really scary to look at your flown birds and realize that the bulk of your work is done, for good or bad. But it gets better. Heck, they bring you grandkids! And Kathie, I don't know a single woman who's gone through this that doesn't look at her husband and think "Buddy, you're not nearly enough." It gets better with time.
I'll tell you something I've also told my daughters. Raising our children is a primary activity, one we commit to with our whole hearts and lives. But always always ALWAYS have something that's just for you. Whether it's gardening, reading, painting, antiquing, a job you love, biking, boating, whatever--- You need a 'something' for which you have passion. All that energy you spent on your kids needs outlet! You are still a productive being with tons to offer, so enjoy!
For me, it's always been my horses. I'm so glad I had horses when my last one moved on in her life. They've kept me sane and engaged.
One of the hallmarks of being this age is a feeling of wistfulness. Longing for our babies, for family that have crossed over, feeling both moved and weepy over a beautiful day--- this is all part of it. Know that, feel it, and keep actively moving forward.
I've also been blessed that menopause has not been very difficult for me. Not many symptoms, and the ones I've had have been light. I take a little St John's Wort for the mild depression that moves in from time to time. Now I get to live my life to the fullest my heart can desire. My youngest moved on about eleven years ago, and now we're still very close friends, too. It's so delightful to know these people as peers! She was a good child, and now she's a remarkable adult.
(((((HUGS))))) to you that are suffering. It really can get better. Cry when you feel the urge, but celebrate too! Life is so beautiful, so live it to the hilt! This is the only one we get, so live it with enthusiasm! |
| Carol Sue |
Posted - Jun 12 2007 : 10:37:46 PM
Dear girl gang,
So glad that you wrote on this subject. It is one most of our mothers proably didn't talk about. My daughter lives 5 mobiles down from us with her dh and our 2 grandaughters. Our son is married and has granddaughter but doesn't communicate with us. That was a heartbreak but not our challenge, his.
Para menupause and menupause are certainly an eye opening experience. Reading up on menupause has helped. The book The wisdom of menupause has been the most informative one, it is by Christiane Northrup, MD. I don't always agree with everything but being informed of what things take place helps. You are not crazy for missing your kids like you do, it is perfectly normal. Eventually your life will shift, you will take on new adventures. Yes, we will always be Moms, be concerned for our kids, miss them, realize how fast they really do grow up. I still miss moments that we had. I am grateful my daughter and her family live close cause playing with those granddaughters is a lot of fun.
Take a breath, let yourself cry and grieve, it is normal. Ya gotta remember that this is normal, even if it doesn't feel like it. Taking moments and enjoying the sunshine on your face. Glad to know how many of us are in this phase of our lives. I turned 50 this year and that has been interesting all in itself. LOL
Hang in,
Carol Sue
Life is short, enjoy every moment. |
| mikesgirl |
Posted - Jun 12 2007 : 10:24:03 PM
Diane - you're making ME cry too! Kathie, I could have written your post. DH kept telling me for years that he couldn't wait til the kids were on their own so we could "do whatever we want". He thinks our lives are just beginning, but sometimes I think that I have nothing to look forward to at all anymore - my life has no purpose. He is spending his (our) "wonderful" years working 10-12 hour days, six days a week, and commuting 3-4 hours a day. Our life together consists of him getting up and leaving by 4 am, I stay home by myself and work on my business in a town where I know NOone, he gets home about 7:30, eats dinner, showers and goes to bed. I stay up crocheting, watching TV, alone again. Not exactly "doing whatever we want". He's not home on Saturdays, so all the yard work, hauling garbage etc. belongs to me, and I really don't mind the work, but I would much rather have company while I'm doing it. I'm done whining, but I did want you to know I know exactly how you feel. He's a really good man, but I feel the common bond is gone too, and he's just happy as a clam in his oblivion. |
| DaisyFarm |
Posted - Jun 12 2007 : 8:24:30 PM
Wow, I had actually thought of bringing up this very subject last week. Lordy, meno(mental)pause and empty nest syndrome, what a combo! lol I truly need to get a grip! But I miss them so much, we are all so close. I miss the nights we would laugh ourselves silly together and my youngest would entertain us all with her silly standup comedy routines. Geez I can't even write this without getting teary eyed and yet I see one or the other everyday. I am so glad that I'm not the only one.
Di |
| nut4fabric |
Posted - Jun 12 2007 : 7:17:02 PM
Your right this is a great subject. Like I said earlier ours are both gone and I guess I am lucky as DH and I have so much in common and have so much fun together. He is now semi-retired (working from home) and we have had none of those "oh get him out of my way" moments. our marriage wasn't always that way but we have worked hard at it and it has paid off. One thing I did realize after thinking about the kids being gone is how very spoiled our dogs are. So I guess I have focused alot of the mothering on them, I even call them my little boys. Oh gosh, maybe i'm ill. I won't go into details but lets just say that they own us and this house. LOL
Hugs, Kathy |
| Kathie |
Posted - Jun 12 2007 : 6:57:48 PM
This is a really good Subject Sherri..
I am so glad you thought to bring it up.. for one thing i always imagined you just a kid!! & Annie.. YOU TOO!! Nether one of you old enough to have grown kids yet!!
Isn't it funny how we imagine each other..
But i have so much of this too..
My three are soon to be.. 26, 27, & 28.. So they are all grown.. & somewhat on their own.. no one is married, & no one has any kids.. I think it might be easier for me if they were.. because as it is.. i still feel so responsible for them now!!
I know part of it is I just won't ever want to let go..
But i really hate being with out them..
& honestly.. I love my husband more then words.. But with the kids gone.. the common ground really isn't there.. I know we have gained things with them gone.. time together.. things we do.. stuff like that.. but interests.. I see more now things that i enjoyed with the kids.. then with him..
I know some of you may be nodding.. & agreeing.. & some of you haven't blinked yet because your a bit shocked maybe.. ?
I know we'll find some things we like to do together.. in time..
But i don't think i saw how much we DIDN"T really have in common before maybe..
& you know what.. i don't think he see's it..
i think he's glad their grown.. gone.. & off his plate so to speak..
The relief of the worrying about the kids at home thing for him i think.. I really don't know.. But i do know that I can't remember him ever being happier.. & me ever being more miserable!
Not with him.. just the prospect of the alone-ness..
& of course.. he doesn't get it.. so anything i'd say to him would just hurt his feelings.. so i can't say anything.. because he'd take it personaly.. & really it's not him.. or he & i.. It's more me..
& loosing my babies.. & guys just can't know that i suppose..
so.. i'll just cry here with my girls when i need to..
In a World Where you Can Be Anything, Be Yourself.. |
| mikesgirl |
Posted - Jun 12 2007 : 6:01:31 PM
Thanks Annie - you made me feel so much better!! We do have a plan. We built our Montana cabin a couple of years ago and are going to move there when DH retires. The daughters are having a fit, but the boys love the idea. (It's right in the best hunting country in Montana). I don't understand why the older daughter has anything to say about it as she has never even been to our house here in WA once. DH is going to retire at 62, he's 57 now, so we have a few years, but we go to our cabin every time theres a layoff (he's in construction). I look forward to his retirement. |
| Maryjane Lee |
Posted - Jun 12 2007 : 5:38:22 PM
Amen Annie!
Hugs, Maryjane Lee |
| Maryjane Lee |
Posted - Jun 12 2007 : 5:35:22 PM
Sweet Sherri, I have been there and done that! It is a huge stepping stone in a womans life. Our hearts are so big, we miss them awful. Keep busy!!!! Thank heavens for MaryJane's Farm to keep our heads above the water...crying! We bought a little Dashshund to keep me company but still missed the children. Sew, scrapbook, garden, spend time with friends, get involved in your community! Before you know it the grandchildren will come to visit and keep you busy! Just had one of my little granddaughters spend the night last night! We played so hard that I am so tired today! Time heals the heart and you will find yourself busy again up to your elbows wondering where time flys! Thinking of you! Please write if you need a farmgirl pen pal!
Hugs,
Maryjane Lee
"Cherish the memories and in our hearts they shall live forever! |
| Annie S |
Posted - Jun 12 2007 : 5:21:11 PM
Sherri - know what you're going through. My hubby and I have been empty nesters for over 12 years now. We just started getting on with OUR lives then. We were able to travel without any problems and started to get involved with other things - hobbies that we didn't have time for and of course getting to know each other again. Then he got early retirement from his company and we just chucked the whole thing and downsized from a big house to a little townhouse and then ended up living in an RV for two years on the road and traveling with our two dogs and seeing the U.S. And along the way we met a lot of new friends. We have now settled down on top of a mountain ridge in the Black Hills of S.D. in our little dream house. All our kids live in other states and we visit them when possible. They all have their own lives and families now. With e-mails and cell phones and land lines and mail, we're never far away. We get phone calls often and get pictures of our 11 grandkids here and there. You'll find that being an empty nester is going to be fun for you and your hubby - you'll become closer and begin to do more things as a couple. In time, you'll find that this is the most wonderful/exciting time of your life. You've spent your time as a mother caring for your kids, and now it's time to spend that energy on yourself and husband. Embrace this time of your life.
Annie |
| mikesgirl |
Posted - Jun 12 2007 : 5:20:54 PM
Yes, I am also menopausal. What was the Lord thinking of when he aarranged to have children leaving simultaneously with menopause? My youngest is in Wyoming, one daughter is in Kelso, another son is in Centralia, but getting ready to move to Idaho, and my oldest daughter, who has my two grandsons, lives in Mukilteo, but she is so busy with her kids and her job that she really has no time for us. I know that sounds awful, but I don't know how else to phrase it. If we want to go see them, she needs to look at her schedule about 3 months in advanc before she can commit. I hope her life simplifies soon, but I can't see it happening. |
| nut4fabric |
Posted - Jun 12 2007 : 5:03:11 PM
Our son left home 12 years ago to join the Navy and our daughter left 8 years ago to join the Air Force so it has been a while but I still get the blues with them gone. Son is now stationed in California and daughter out of the Air Force but working in Maryland so both are many miles away, we talk often on the phone but only get to visit maybe once a year. I try to keep as busy as possible, treasure the phone calls and visits, and talk often with DH about them. Are you at that wonderful menopause stage, that will certainly put you on a roller coaster of emotions. Are your kids nearby?
Hugs, Kathy |
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