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 Cleaning Up the Email Addy List - So Hard!
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl

7577 Posts

Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts

Posted - Mar 04 2021 :  10:55:25 AM  Show Profile
Hi girls -

I was just sending an email to a few friends and as I scrolled through the list, I gasped, and for a moment I couldn't take a breath. SO many people in my address book have passed away. I keep trying delete their email addresses, but I can't bring myself to do it. My finger just lingers over the delete key, I start to feel sick in the pit of my stomach, a non-hot flash hot flash suddenly comes on, my palms get sweaty, my heart beats fast, I panic, then I exit out and walk away. The sane part of me knows keeping them there won't bring my loved ones back. I know it's not as if I'm going to send or receive an email from any of them ever again (although I did write a message to my Dad on Father's Day last year, who had passed several years ago - but of course I never sent it..) I realize that it's the silliest, probably most childish thing that I'm doing. But it's so final...like I might forget them...like I'm really letting go. It's kind of comforting to "see" their names still there. Crazy? Perhaps. But deleting them - ugh - it's too much to bear. I...just...I...can't...I...just...can't...do...it.

Do any of you feel the same way? If you've conquered it, God bless you!!! I know I have to. I will. Some day.

Hugs and love -

Nini

Farmgirl Sister #1974

God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!


Edited by - Ninibini on Mar 04 2021 10:56:10 AM

StitchinWitch
True Blue Farmgirl

2122 Posts

Judith
Galt CA
USA
2122 Posts

Posted - Mar 04 2021 :  10:30:18 PM  Show Profile
I haven't conquered it. I'm not even trying anymore; they remain there, all my relatives and friends past. They remain a part of my life.

Judith

7932
Happiness is Homemade
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quiltee
True Blue Farmgirl

7443 Posts

Linda
Terrell TX
USA
7443 Posts

Posted - Mar 05 2021 :  08:44:46 AM  Show Profile  Send quiltee a Yahoo! Message
I have a similar problem with Facebook. I have at least 8 friends and relatives who have passed away but I find it hard to unfriend them. I still get game invites from my cousin's account - automatically generated by Facebook.

Farmgirl hugs,
Linda
Terrell, TX

Farm girl #1919
Farm Girl of the Month August 2015 and April 2017


"Women are Angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly . . . on a broomstick - we're flexible, like that."
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl

7577 Posts

Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts

Posted - Mar 06 2021 :  06:21:08 AM  Show Profile
Im with you, Judith! It feels kinda like a tribute or something keeping them on there. Kinda like a photo album, only with email addresses.

Oh my gosh, Linda! What a shock that mustve been the first few times that happened! And I would think the term "un-friend" makes it all that much harderto do! Ugh!

One of my friends keeps voicemails of those who have passed. I did of my Dad's final voicemail,but lost it when I switched service. Never even gave that a thought. But his voice is etched in my ears and his words in my heart. Nothing will ever take his memory from me.

Hugs,

Nini

Farmgirl Sister #1974

God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!


Edited by - Ninibini on Mar 06 2021 06:22:53 AM
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nndairy
True Blue Farmgirl

2972 Posts

Heather
Wapakoneta Ohio
USA
2972 Posts

Posted - Mar 09 2021 :  6:25:14 PM  Show Profile
I have an actual address book rather than an e-mail address book like this. I've added pages and rearranged the letters to keep everyone in there. I've said a few times that I should get a new one but I can't do it either. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.

~Heather
Farmgirl Sister #4701
September 2014 Farmgirl of the Month


"The purpose of life is to enjoy every moment" - Yogi teabag
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MaryJanesNiece
True Blue Farmgirl

6625 Posts

Krista
Utah
USA
6625 Posts

Posted - Mar 10 2021 :  12:29:25 PM  Show Profile
Nini, I am the same way. I have a friends phone number in my phone still and can’t ever find it in me to delete it. It’s been 5 years now and I can almost guarantee someone else has that number now, but I still can’t manage to do it. It makes me feel like she is still here. I say hold on for as long as you need. Do what’s best for you!

Krista
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl

9203 Posts

Denise
Beavercreek Ohio
USA
9203 Posts

Posted - Mar 10 2021 :  1:35:28 PM  Show Profile
I had a hard time deleting my dad's facebook account. I downloaded all his pictures before i deleted it. I cant bring myself to take the friends off who have passed. It's nice to see their faces when someone shares a memory about them.

~Denise
Sister #43~1/18/2007

"I am a bookaholic and I have no desire to be cured."

"Home is where we find comfort, security, memories, friendship, hospitality, and above all, family. It is the place that deserves our commitment and loyalty." William J. Bennett

"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105

http://www.ladybugsandlilacs.blogspot.com/

Edited by - levisgrammy on Mar 10 2021 1:36:07 PM
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JeanP
True Blue Farmgirl

1284 Posts

Jean
Deary ID
USA
1284 Posts

Posted - Mar 10 2021 :  1:44:57 PM  Show Profile
I have created a special folder in my email folders that I call "My Angels". I don't delete those who have passed on. I simply move them to "My Angels". I also keep a copy of the following in that same folder . . .

GRIEF
I have no idea who wrote this, but it’s the best explanation of grief I’ve ever seen.

Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.


"However difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at."
. . . .Stephen Hawking
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StitchinWitch
True Blue Farmgirl

2122 Posts

Judith
Galt CA
USA
2122 Posts

Posted - Mar 10 2021 :  5:03:42 PM  Show Profile
This is pretty much right on, Jean. The waves are getting smaller but they still come on unexpected. Maybe it's me getting older, but it seems like I don't have time to recover from one passing before another one hits. Dad died and a couple months later a daughter died. Then a dog mangled and killed one of our cats. That seems minor but it was just the straw that broke my back. I sometimes wish I could harden my heart not to feel so much.

Judith

7932
Happiness is Homemade
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl

7577 Posts

Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts

Posted - Mar 11 2021 :  08:01:51 AM  Show Profile
Oh my! Heather! I have all my old address books and even a card file with all the addresses... You know, truthfully, there have been times I've needed to look up old addresses of friends and family who have passed, just to reach out to their children! I've been thinking a lot lately about going back to paper records vs. electronic. I love that you've got the "old fashioned" address book! I'm inspired to move on this!!!

Oh, Krista - YES! It's like that final goodbye... Like I'm cutting them out of my life or something. Too final. I know I will see everybody again one day, but....I can't do it! I just can't! Thank you!

Oh, Denise - I totally get that. When my dad passed a few years ago, it was right after Christmas, just before New Years, in the middle of a miserable snow storm - a nor'easter, if I remember correctly. On top of that, my husband was not okay at all (we still didn't know what was happening to him at that point), so taking him anywhere or leaving him home alone was not a good idea at all. Getting there to say goodbye - 600+ miles away - was just not possible. I have not removed his number from my list, I had saved his last voicemails until something happened to my phone and his voice was wiped away forever (although I still can hear it in my heart), I have not removed his email (although he wasn't able to use it looooong before he took ill)... And because getting "back home" to visit his gravesite is still not possible due to my husband's illness, I still visit my dad's funeral home page from time to time - just because for some crazy reason it makes me feel closer to him. It's nuts. Crazy. Insane. Pathetic. I know! But it helps having that touch point, you know? And I am just not ready to close his chapter so permanently in my life. I totally get it, sister. Totally.

Oh, Jean... I LOVE the "My Angels" folder idea! That's wonderful! And yes, that author hit the pain of separation from a loved one spot on. My way of coping is just repeatedly telling myself we WILL all be together again one day, and, oh!, what a celebration that will be! It's only a veil between them and us, but the separation...sometimes...ugh...

Oh, Judith - I wish I could be there with you, share a pot of tea, give you a warm hug and spend time with you hearing your memories of your father, daughter and cat... about all your loved ones who have passed. I am so, so, SO sorry you lost your loved ones like that. How devastating. We've started experiencing that here in our family, too, and it can be so hard to make sense of it - if that were even possible - let alone learn to live without those beautiful presences in our lives, or think of any type of future without them. I remember when that started to happen to my Mother-in-law, and then to my own mother. It left them feeling very vulnerable; as if the protective circle of love that completed them was suddenly gone, and they were laid bare, exposed, left on uncertain, unsteady ground - what were they supposed to do with this? But rest assured, sister, God has a way of always bringing fullness back into our lives when our hearts are ready. He knows "it [is] not good for man to be alone," and He is ultimate love and the ultimate expression of family (Father-Son-Holy Spirit). He brings good relationships into our lives. Trough them, He makes Himself and His goodness and love known to us. He, personally, will never leave us nor forsake us, nor will He leave us without people who love us, who will give us fullness of life. He created us in a rich garden, after all; not in a barren wasteland. Our hearts need to heal and be open to "live" that fullness again. And usually that means we have to be receptive to a very different fullness of life than we are used to or hope for. He always gives us the desires of our heart. Usually they look a bit different than the way we pictured them, but when we recognize them and embrace them, life is so incredibly good.

Sometimes getting to that point of openness to the new is really, really hard. All we want is what we had - and rightly so. We mourn the beauty, the good, the love of those relationships, because those are the things which define us. When the people who brought that goodness into our lives are gone, it's so hard to regain our bearings. Anything different is simply inconceivable! But, in time, we learn how to take the fullness of our lives and the people we have become because of our loved ones, and we begin to share those good parts of us with those who are with us. It's continuity of life. It's a beautiful life line, extending from long past to present to the future. We have received the most amazing gift from those who have left us. Going forward, we share it with others. We pass the love on.

Life WILL be full again, trust me. So please don't ever harden your beautiful heart. There IS no room for anyone else until our heart wounds begin to heal - if anyone else even TRIED to enter, it would be too painful to bear. But with healing, comes room in the heart that only love can fill. In time, you will welcome it. You will get there. Be kind to yourself as you go through this, and may God bless you beyond measure. Always try to turn your focus to the good you have had and still have, and celebrate it; but always remember to look for the wonderful yet to come. No matter how long it takes, all of we farmgirl sisters are here for you - always!

My BFF from childhood always says, "Love isn't love until you give it away." Hold onto it for now, while your heart mends. Love is what heals, after all. When the time comes, however, do not fear to release that love to others who God brings into your life, because He wants you to have the best life going forward. God promises us in Jeremiah 29:11 '"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."' All in His good time, Judith. Right now, it's time to rest and reset. God love and bless you along this most difficult journey.

Hugs and love,

Nini



Farmgirl Sister #1974

God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!

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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl

9203 Posts

Denise
Beavercreek Ohio
USA
9203 Posts

Posted - Mar 11 2021 :  09:09:31 AM  Show Profile
Nini,
My sister passed in 2013 and I still have voicemails of her singing happy birthday to me and wishing me happy Easter. Im not deleting those.

~Denise
Sister #43~1/18/2007

"I am a bookaholic and I have no desire to be cured."

"Home is where we find comfort, security, memories, friendship, hospitality, and above all, family. It is the place that deserves our commitment and loyalty." William J. Bennett

"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105

http://www.ladybugsandlilacs.blogspot.com/
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wildflower17
True Blue Farmgirl

3043 Posts

Judy
KY
USA
3043 Posts

Posted - Mar 11 2021 :  7:28:15 PM  Show Profile
I hadn't been on the farm site for quite a while until recently. This really is a sad subject but one we do have to deal with unfortunately...I really hate to ask this but whatever happened to CJ??? I haven't saw her on here since I've been back for some weeks now...


Hugs!

Judy

God Has Been So Good To Me!!!

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened"...

"Country Girl at Heart...Blessed Beyond Measure"!!!

Farm Girl #5440
Farm Girl of The Month September 2013

Edited by - wildflower17 on Mar 11 2021 7:29:10 PM
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl

7577 Posts

Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts

Posted - Mar 11 2021 :  9:23:29 PM  Show Profile
Awww...Denise... Hugs to you. I am totally with you. Totally.

Judy...CJ and I are still in touch. She is doing well despite some health challenges, keeping busy...keeping ME in aprons! Lol. She is still her cheery, faith-filled, sweet, loving, kind and talented self. Just love her to bits. God bless her! I will mention to her that you asked about her...I'm sure that will make her smile and mean a lot! Maybe she can pop back in to say hello and catch up with everyone soon! I am sure she would love to hear from you, too. Maybe try to email her thru MJF? A big hug to you, too.

Nini

Farmgirl Sister #1974

God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!

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wildflower17
True Blue Farmgirl

3043 Posts

Judy
KY
USA
3043 Posts

Posted - Mar 12 2021 :  06:41:31 AM  Show Profile

Thanks Nini!!! Glad to hear CJ is doing well!!!

Hugs!

Judy

God Has Been So Good To Me!!!

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened"...

"Country Girl at Heart...Blessed Beyond Measure"!!!

Farm Girl #5440
Farm Girl of The Month September 2013
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl

7577 Posts

Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts

Posted - Mar 14 2021 :  10:18:51 AM  Show Profile
You are very welcome, Judy.. I just emailed her this morning. Sorry it took so long. Just a crazy busy week! Hugs - Nini

Farmgirl Sister #1974

God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!

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