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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  Could Use Some Hugs and Support  |
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marjean
True Blue Farmgirl
3851 Posts
Marsha
Deltona
FL
USA
3851 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 06 2018 : 07:51:29 AM
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Sometimes you just need a hug from your farmgirl friends and the support from others who have gone through the same experience.
My Mother was scheduled for ablasion surgery on her heart today. They told her be at the hospital at 6 a.m. surgery 8 a.m. well 10 a.m. and the doctor is no where to be found. Ugh!
I did not get a wink of sleep last night. My poor husband who doesn't sleep well like me was a frazzle this morning. Our daughter slept over to drive my Mom to the hospital. I can't go due to my own ill health.
So, they were 5 minutes late picking my Mom up. So what does she do?
Drive herself to the hospital. LOL She is bi-polar so I figured she'd pull something weird out of her hat. Giggle!
She should have called him and said: "Where are you"?
But, I was thinking to myself if taking care of my mentally ill Mother is the hardest thing I have to do in my middle age life I'll take it any day of the week over what some others are having to deal with in their families.
I could use some words of encouragement from any who have mentally ill family members to deal with. I need to find a local support group. I know my husband and daughter are tired of hearing me go on and on about how she is driving me nuts. She has a way of causing trouble in a matter of seconds with just one sentence. I used to correct her all the time and that climaxed into a 2 year separation period.
We finally patched things up because she had exhausted her friends and they refuse to help her anymore.
I feel like I need to sit down with our congregation who helps oversee her care and talk this whole thing out once and for all and give her some rules and guidelines to go by.
Would that work? How do you deal with it?
With her it is never a dull moment. She gets herself into more hot water with her friends than a 2 year old does. lol
I need to write a book about all her silly requests that she terms "emergencies" to get her way. Giggle!
Farmgirl sister #308
Wallets & Travel Accessories, Tea Wallets, and Hankie Envelopes
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FGOM 5/2018 |
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sherone_13
True Blue Farmgirl
2460 Posts
Sherone
Evanston
WY
USA
2460 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2018 : 12:55:28 PM
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Marsha,
I had a sister who suffered with bi-polar disorder. She eventually committed suicide three years ago. Being the caregiver of someone who is bi-polar is a very difficult job. You are going to need all the help you can get.
There are Facebook groups that can be very helpful. The one I used was called Support Group for Parents, Caregivers or Family of Bi Polar Adults. There are many others that you can access, as well.
Most cities have local chapters of NAMI, National Association for Mental Illness. They sponsor support groups and have many caregiver resources available.
The most important thing I can tell you is to not feel guilty and to not let yourself get run down. It's important to access all the resources you can. This will enable you to continue to care for your Mom in a loving way while still taking care of yourself and your family.
My prayers are with you in your struggle. (It is very real)
Hugs!
Sherone
Sherone
Farmgirl Sister #93
My Blog
www.annapearlshomestead.wordpress.com
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Avon
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Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we just jump on our broomsticks and fly! We are flexible that way! |
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marjean
True Blue Farmgirl
3851 Posts
Marsha
Deltona
FL
USA
3851 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2018 : 1:20:56 PM
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I appreciate your help in directing me to some support groups Sherone. I do struggle with feeling guilty and frustrated. A good friend reminded me today that I need to set boundaries for our relationship. When she behaves outside of those boundaries she has to suffer the consequences of HER actions. I'm not to feel guilty for having to enforce those boundaries. It was a great pep talk.
The doctor did not plan things out very well. After, he gets inside the heart with the scope he sees that it is not the bottom of the heart, where he is at, but the top of the heart that needs the surgery. He left her under and came to the waiting room to ask the surrogate for permission to do the other surgery. None of them were present. She does not have a family member as a surrogate. Go figure!
So, it was postponed to be rescheduled.
So all the stress for nothing. I will now have a talk with her and get a plan in place so this does not happen again.
I appreciate your prayers and kindness very much.
Farmgirl sister #308
Wallets & Travel Accessories, Tea Wallets, and Hankie Envelopes
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Card Making Circle of Friends
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Tea Lover's
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FGOM 5/2018 |
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firecatinc
True Blue Farmgirl
1252 Posts
Lenora
Fulks Run
VA
USA
1252 Posts |
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marjean
True Blue Farmgirl
3851 Posts
Marsha
Deltona
FL
USA
3851 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2018 : 08:13:43 AM
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Thanks so much Nora. I really appreciate the hugs and prayers.
The new surgery is to shock her heart. If that doesn't work they will drill 2 holes in the heart and cauterize them. Neither sounds like anything I would do. But, Mom says go ahead. I'll post when the 2nd procedure is scheduled.
I am praying I don't loose my Mom after these 2 procedures. Has anyone had these done?
Farmgirl sister #308
Wallets & Travel Accessories, Tea Wallets, and Hankie Envelopes
http://www.marketsofsunshine.com/p/member-classifieds.html
Card Making Circle of Friends
www.marshajaramillo.stampinup.net
Tea Lover's
www.tealightfultea.net/sweetretreats
FGOM 5/2018 |
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darlenelovesart
True Blue Farmgirl
7506 Posts
darlene
Loleta
California
USA
7506 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2018 : 09:56:40 AM
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Oh Marsha, you are in my prayers, I know different people with that and they are and all have been different in how they are. Some are harder than others.
I hope the groups help you, but
I definitely will keep you in my prayers.
Take care of yourself first so you can be strong enough to keep helping the others when you need to or want to do.
Dear Father please give Marsha strength through this and give her some peace.
Take care,
Trust in your faith, not your emotions, when it comes to making life’s decisions.
I have learned that to have a good friend is the purest of all God's gifts, for it is a love that has no exchange of payment.
by Frances Farmer
Just follow God unquestioningly.
Because you love Him so, for if you trust His judgment there is nothing you need to know.
I trust in you Jesus...
FGOTM Nov 2017 |
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HollerGirl56
True Blue Farmgirl
1334 Posts
Barbara
Flat Top
WV
USA
1334 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2018 : 3:32:44 PM
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I can understand how hard all this must be. I have had to deal with many bad things in my life. I took the wrong road and let others problems make me a nervous wreck and I spent several very unhappy years. I have learned you can't change or help others behavior. This might sound selfish, but you have got to take care of yourself first or you cannot help anyone else. Do the best you can for them and always be kind, but only they can help themselves and if they can't---please realize that it is not your fault. Hang in there. Stay strong. And always remember---life do get tedious> So take one day at a time and pray to God to show you the way through. I also love to listen to Joyce Meyer. She is a really good teacher and has healed a lot of my pain along with The Lord---of course.
Life isn't finding shelter in the storm. It's about learning to dance in the rain.===Sherrilyn Kenyon |
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Red Tractor Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
6525 Posts
Winnie
Gainesville
Fl
USA
6525 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2018 : 2:07:58 PM
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Marsha, you have a lot on your plate with your Mom's health and your health issues! I think many wise and good ideas have been already expressed here for you to consider. I would only add that you have to take things one day at a time in order not to drive yourself and your family crazy with your worries. Sometimes, the hardest problems can only be taken on, one tiny step at a time. It is hard to try and figure out the future sometimes. Being present in the now is one of the hardest places to be. We all yearn for resolution and sometimes that isn't possible.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers to use your best instincts and follow them. Then , like Barbara, you have to also realize you cannot fix everything and find ways to live as fully as possible given the issues. You have a deep faith and faith community. Between your medical support from your mother's doctor and your faith community, try and rest in the fact that you are doing all that you can do and be at peace with that. We can only do what we are capable of.
Take care and sending you some extra Farmgirl hugs today!!
Winnie #3109
Red Tractor Girl
Farm Sister of the Year 2014-2015 |
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ddmashayekhi
True Blue Farmgirl
4719 Posts
Dawn
Naperville
Illinois
USA
4719 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2018 : 3:20:29 PM
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Praying for you Marsha. My late mother had many problems with mental illness and depression. She refused to admit anything was wrong and never got help. She literally destroyed our family with the ugly things she said and did. It is difficult for others to understand what it is like to have a parent like this. I finally saw a therapist a few years before she died (7 years ago) because she had been so brutal to me my entire life. Getting help for myself was the best thing I had ever done. It made me realize none of this was my fault and she was responsible for her own actions and words. Please seek help for yourself and know you are a good daughter and person. Best of luck with this, I wish you weren't going through it.
Dawn in IL
April is a promise that May is bound to keep. |
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Dreamer42
True Blue Farmgirl
2681 Posts
April
Central
Oregon
USA
2681 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2018 : 6:45:05 PM
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Much love and many hugs being sent your way, Marsha.
Dreamer42
Farmgirl Sister #7038 |
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katmom
True Blue Farmgirl
17025 Posts
Grace
WACAL Gal
WashCalif.
USA
17025 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2018 : 12:21:27 PM
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Marsha, just wrapping you in hugz & prayers...
I wish I had words of wisdom and encouragement, but alas, I have not traveled your path, and would never want to give you wrong advice.. but just know, I am wrapping you in prayers for strength, peace and love...
<><
>^..^<
Happiness is being a katmom and Glamping Diva!
www.katmom4.blogspot.com & http://graciesvictorianrose.blogspot.com
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darlenelovesart
True Blue Farmgirl
7506 Posts
darlene
Loleta
California
USA
7506 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2018 : 4:12:19 PM
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Marsha, I am sending prayers and hugs for you through all this.
Take care!
Blessings
Trust in your faith, not your emotions, when it comes to making life’s decisions.
I have learned that to have a good friend is the purest of all God's gifts, for it is a love that has no exchange of payment.
by Frances Farmer
Just follow God unquestioningly.
Because you love Him so, for if you trust His judgment there is nothing you need to know.
I trust in you Jesus...
FGOTM Nov 2017 |
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lovinRchickens
True Blue Farmgirl
3435 Posts
Kelly
Pipe Creek
Texas
USA
3435 Posts |
Posted - Jun 17 2018 : 06:32:06 AM
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Marsha
I am sending up prayers for you.
Farmgirl #5111
Farmgirl of the month October 2014
Blessings
~Kelly~ |
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marjean
True Blue Farmgirl
3851 Posts
Marsha
Deltona
FL
USA
3851 Posts |
Posted - Jun 17 2018 : 08:09:03 AM
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This is just what I needed. You all have helped me to keep my focus on where it needs to be. On me and my family. I have 3 other siblings that she has chased out of her life. My brother is the only one that she will call when she goes into the hospital. My two sister's don't want anything to do with her.
Today, she sent me a text message saying that she is going to have a nervous breakdown because she got herself in trouble again with her friends. I don't even want to hear what it was about. I have to take her dinner today. But, I will be ready to keep the conversation positive and not let her drag me into her troubles.
@Winnie you know my faith so well and you are right. I am leaving this in God's hands and whatever discipline she needs that she accepts from Him will be loving and healing to her.
Thank you all for your loving and kind support. It really means so much to me.
Love and Hugs,
Marsha
Farmgirl sister #308
Wallets & Travel Accessories, Tea Wallets, and Hankie Envelopes
http://www.marketsofsunshine.com/p/member-classifieds.html
Card Making Circle of Friends
www.marshajaramillo.stampinup.net
Tea Lover's
www.tealightfultea.net/sweetretreats
FGOM 5/2018 |
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churunga
True Blue Farmgirl
3919 Posts
Marie
Minneapolis
MN
USA
3919 Posts |
Posted - Jun 17 2018 : 08:45:00 AM
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I am bipolar. I know I have said many hurtful things to people and have lost a few friends. Those who have stayed with me, I cherish. These friends are not afraid to confront me when I act badly. They have encouraged me to apologize no matter how embarrassed I feel. I don't know why I do these things. Mostly, I believe, I hurt so much that I want others to hurt just as much. Much of what I say to hurt others is what has been said to me when I was bullied as a child. It is a way of defending myself, I guess.
Get yourself and your brother on the list to be people who the doctors can talk to. Get her medications adjusted and make sure she makes it to therapy. Group therapy and individual therapy has been very effective for me. Find someone who does CBT (cognitive behavior therapy). I would recommend a book by Patrick Kennedy called A Common Struggle. For him to "come out" as mentally ill and chemically addicted was a brave thing to do. He is grateful for those on his staff who kept him chemically free and sober.
I wish I could be there to help you with your mother. I agree with everyone who says to take care of yourself. When your mom gets on your nerves, tell her you need a break. Many of us who are bipolar need to be treated like children when they misbehave.
Marie, Sister #5142
Farmgirl of the Month May 2014
Try everything once and the fun things twice. |
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marjean
True Blue Farmgirl
3851 Posts
Marsha
Deltona
FL
USA
3851 Posts |
Posted - Jun 17 2018 : 09:03:37 AM
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Marie this is so kind of you to share your own personal experience. I took care of my Uncle (Mom's half brother) for 4 years in my home from the time my daughter was 4 1/2 to 8 1/2 years old. He is classified as schizo-effective. As long as he took his medication which I administered he was fine. He loved me and he would listen to me. He is deaf and I learned sign language from him. He had a heart attack the year before he came to live with me. Because of his not being able to communicate well with doctor's it went untreated.
When he moved in with me he had an episode and we took him to the hospital only to find out then he had 10% heart function. That was 24 years ago. He is still living but has declining health. He is 70 now and in a facility in Tampa area.
So, I am very familiar with mental illness. Many of my friends are bi-polar or have some other type of mental illness. They manage their condition very well.
I will look into your therapies you mentioned and see if I can get my Mother into these A.S.A.P.
I was just watching a PBS program by Dr. Michael Merzenich who is a brain behavior expert. I am getting his book called Soft-wired. He has a website for retraining and other brain exercises. I will see if that can help my Mom too.
Thanks!
Farmgirl sister #308
Wallets & Travel Accessories, Tea Wallets, and Hankie Envelopes
http://www.marketsofsunshine.com/p/member-classifieds.html
Card Making Circle of Friends
www.marshajaramillo.stampinup.net
Tea Lover's
www.tealightfultea.net/sweetretreats
FGOM 5/2018 |
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sherone_13
True Blue Farmgirl
2460 Posts
Sherone
Evanston
WY
USA
2460 Posts |
Posted - Jun 18 2018 : 08:04:01 AM
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Marjean,
I looked up some resources in the area where you live. It's ironic, because my sister lived in New Symrna Beach and Titusville. She was probably involved with a lot of these organizations.
https://www.compassionatefriends.org/find-support/family-support/ This is a link for family of persons with mental illness. This has helped me soooo much, having someone to talk to that has been there, done that.
Volusia County#8203;#8203; NAMI Connection and NAMI Family Support Group meet Wednesdays, 6:30-8:00 PM, at Halifax Hospital, 303 N. Clyde Morris Blvd., Daytona Beach, FL, in the Bill Francis Tower Bldg (Classroom E) or the Auditorium.
https://www.namivfsj.org/ NAMI has so many resources. They have saved my life.
I really hope this helps. Either way, I am thinking about you. Please know that you are loved and prayed for.
Sherone
Farmgirl Sister #93
My Blog
www.annapearlshomestead.wordpress.com
The Gourmet Cupboard
http://www.thegourmetcupboard.com/sites/sheronetaylor8622
Avon
www.youravon.com/sheronetaylor
Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we just jump on our broomsticks and fly! We are flexible that way! |
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marjean
True Blue Farmgirl
3851 Posts
Marsha
Deltona
FL
USA
3851 Posts |
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Dreamer42
True Blue Farmgirl
2681 Posts
April
Central
Oregon
USA
2681 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2018 : 8:13:09 PM
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Thinking of you, Marsha, continued love and prayers being sent your way! XO, April
Dreamer42
Farmgirl Sister #7038 |
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marjean
True Blue Farmgirl
3851 Posts
Marsha
Deltona
FL
USA
3851 Posts |
Posted - Aug 06 2018 : 1:05:48 PM
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Update on My Mom. They did the heart shocking procedure a few weeks ago and it went well. She went back for her check-up last Friday and they added a new med for the PVC's. She started it and she is noticing she has more energy. What a blessing to have her back to feeling normal again.
Thank you all so much for your loving prayers and comments. I will always remember your kindness.
Farmgirl sister #308
Wallets & Travel Accessories, Tea Wallets, and Hankie Envelopes
http://www.marketsofsunshine.online
Card Making Circle of Friends
www.marshajaramillo.stampinup.net
Tea Lover's
www.tealightfultea.net/sweetretreats
FGOM 5/2018 |
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Red Tractor Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
6525 Posts
Winnie
Gainesville
Fl
USA
6525 Posts |
Posted - Aug 06 2018 : 1:58:12 PM
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Wonderful news, Marsha , that your Mom is doing so much better!
Winnie #3109
Red Tractor Girl
Farm Sister of the Year 2014-2015 |
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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: Could Use Some Hugs and Support |
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Could Use Some Hugs and Support
