| Author |
Garden Gate:  Hello from your ol' pal Nini!  |
|
|
Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 20 2018 : 07:44:59 AM
|
Hi Girls!!!!! Big, warm hello hugs and kisses to each of you!!!
OMGOSH how much I've missed all of you!!! My life is just not my own right now. No matter how many times I've tried to get to MJF and connect with everyone, it's been dang near impossible! And I miss you. SOOOO much!!! But I am here! I am alive!
First of all, I cannot thank those of you who continue to reach out to me for your patience with me, nor can I thank you enough for all the little check-in emails, letters, cards, and gifts you've sent - they have meant the world to me. Nothing has gone unnoticed and all of you have been celebrated in my heart time and time again. To be honest, I have never been showered with such love and kindness - you all mean the world to me!
Lisa M emailed me the other day and it was the first time I really realized how much time has passed since I've reached out to most of you. I felt horrible. Time has just not been my own, and I have been completely overwhelmed with life. It's been hard, but I am strong, and, as you know that I know and believe: I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me. He is my best friend, my Lord and Savior. I oouldn't do any of this without Him!
So here are the "Cliff Notes" version of what has been going on in my life (And yet, it's a book! LOL! Do you truly expect any less from me? LOL!):
As you may remember, my husband was diagnosed with frontal lobe dementia a couple of years ago at the age of 52, I think it was. I liken it to Alzheimer's on steroids. It is a very aggressive illness, and the changes come much, much faster and harder than Alzheimer's. Devastating is the word to describe it. My workload here at home seems to somehow have quadrupled between doctors, appointments, care for my family, and the usual must-do's. Plus I've taken on a lot of the responsibilities my husband used to handle, which complicates matters that much more. But I'm learning. God made me wise and strong, I know I can do this. Somedays, though, I think about what Mother Teresa said - about how God never gives us more than we can handle, but sometimes I wish He didn't trust me with so much. LOL. I'm just kidding, just as she was, I'm sure. Life has been difficult, but so greatly enriched at the same time. Things that we used to take for granted have such greater meaning now - like when my husband smiles a little, or laughs, or says something out of the blue. It's like Christmas, if you can imagine.
The changes we see in my husband seem to worsen day by day He is pretty much staring all the time, hardly interacting, responding very little, speaking in half-words or half-sentences (usually the END half, which seemed really weird), never smiling, never moving, not wanting to go anywhere, extremely confused, getting lost, getting places mixed up, forgetting, speaking in partial words or sentences, etc., as well as having ongoing trouble with self-care. It's hard to describe - like he is here, but not here at the same time. It's kind of like he is the man behind an expressionless mask, but you have to go impossibly deep to reach the man behind that mask. He is perfectly happy sitting in his recliner staring at the television all day. He doesn't want to go anywhere, do anything... he doesn't remember conversations, he doesn't respond when you speak to him... It's a nightmare. But I have to say, he has become so incredibly sweet now. All the anger and raging is gone, thank the Lord for that. I honestly thought for a while there that that in itself was going to kill me.
Anyhow, in the past few weeks, his decline has been sharp, and the staring and unresponsiveness was getting much worse. It was horrific, to be truthful. My son and I determined to get a puppy (dear God, yes, just one more thing to add to my repertoire! LOL!), partially to fill the void Pawlee once filled - we miss her so much, still. The other thing we were hoping was that a puppy would awaken something in my husband. We welcomed Bella, a lab mix (black lab, German shepherd, and Norwegian elkhound)into our home a little over a week ago, and suddenly everything seemed lighter and happier and so, so good. My husband started interacting with her almost immediately… His face lit up, he was smiling, petting her, giggling at her antics... By day two he was playing with her on the floor, AND within the week, he even started speaking again - he even spoke a couple full sentences! It was a true miracle. He keeps calling her Pawlee, but she doesn't seem to mind one bit. She knows when her Daddy is looking for her, and she is quick to the ready. She loves him to bits. I realize that it has only been a little over a week that we've had her, but I'm telling the transformation in my husband is nothing short of miraculous! He has even started offering to go outside with her when she needs exercise or to relieve herself! She makes him smile and his eyes light up to a sparkle when she goes to him - that is just amazing; something we haven't seen in ages! I noticed last night that he was more "inward" than he has been for the past few days, but when Bella jumped up to his side and started licking his hand, he seemed to "wake up" for a few minutes, smiling and asking her what she wants. If that's all we get out of him - even if only on occasion, then my son and I are thrilled. And while I know he isn’t cured (of course!), I have to say that she has a better healing effect on him than any pill or medicine or therapy they have tried to give him. I am grateful to God that we were able to convince him that getting her would be a good idea! I’ll tell you, God really knew what He was doing when He created our furbabies!!! Can I get an Amen to that?! LOL!
In the meantime, I’ve started a monthly caregiver support group, and completed a caregiver’s class. Talk about emotional. I had no idea just how much I was bottling up inside. The first time I was at group and the first time I was at class, I burst into tears and wailed. I went to speak and it was like something >>popped<< from deep inside and what came out of me - oh man! I was not prepared for that at all! I mean, it was humiliating. BUT it was then I really realized how much I was pushing down inside, so it ended up being a very good thing. The people have been great. I have learned a lot about my husband, how he "receives" things or might interpret what I am saying or doing; how he may be communicating and how to read his cues... I've learned a lot about different services available, how the "system" works... And I've learned the importance of self-care and letting go of the guilt when I do something for myself. Thing is, I hardly have any time for anything. I had been getting only 3 hours of sleep each night for months. It was killing me. I started seeing a specialist who started giving me a heavy duty dose of Vitamin D over several weeks period. It has helped tremendously. I’m sleeping, I’m losing weight… I feel so much better now than I have in ages. God is good, He really is.
Other than that, my health was taking a beating. My blood pressure and cholesterol started to go up – all that kind of thing. My heart has been all wonky… And I’m going through the change… Woo hoo! Life CAN be so exciting, can’t it?! LOL! So the specialist wanted me to change my diet, but I already was on the diet he recommended – we eat like that anyway! Without going into detail, he thinks I may have Cushing’s disease. He sent me for bloodwork. Some of it came back already and it looked pretty good. Just some adjustments were needed in my diet. But the one for The Cushing’s hadn’t come back when I spoke with him. I see him the week after next, so I will hopefully find out more when I see him then.
Our son is doing well. He had started Franciscan University last August, but left soon thereafter in the October. Seeing the decline in his dad and being so far away was just too much of a strain on him. He was working for two jobs full-time until he started back up at the community college this winter (he didn’t want to lose his credits), and is working almost full-time around his school hours for Ace Hardware (LOVES it!). He bought a car, took on the responsibility of Bella (our puppy), and now he wants to return to Franciscan. But since there are two Catholic schools within 5 – 20 minutes from here, he is applying at St. Vincent’s and Seton Hill also, figuring it will save him serious money on tuition if he goes local and resides here at home. To be honest, I hope he does that. I can’t juggle everything anymore on my own. I get easily run down and exhausted, you know? So if he is here, he can at least take care of Bella and help with some things around the house. We shall see… We shall see… I don’t want to put a lot of pressure on him. His life is just beginning, you know?
While all of this was going on, we did a major renovation to our bathroom last summer. The contractor – don’t even get me started. Long story short, he refused to give us a written quote or written contract, demanded payment in cash (I have all the records), made a ton of mistakes, used a light white board in the bathroom instead of purple board (we already have moisture issues), did a lot of shoddy work, quit coming to finish the job, and tried to charge me $1800+ over what he said it would cost us – without ever giving us an invoice! We had fired him and hired someone else to get the bathroom working, at least; but the job came in almost double that which we budgeted. I was heartbroken. We had to have contractors come in to assess the job and find out what it would cost to fix it. Nobody would touch it – they said because he used the wrong wall board it all had to be gutted and done over again. Yep. Long story. We ended up in small claims court – he wanting his money (still never produced an invoice), and us wanting to get our money back plus additional expenses to have the bathroom done properly (I was so thoroughly prepared, I should've been an attorney like my Dad had always said - even our attorney said so! LOL!). But, even though I did a ton of work and preparation for our attorney, he didn’t use any of it. He kept to one core issue, the contractor’s attorney lied and embellished (because, most likely, he had been lied to by the contractor), and the magistrate called the whole thing a wash. Don’t ask – I still don’t get it myself. So, basically, I’m stuck with the issue of getting the bathroom re-done, and this guy walks away with having been overpaid for doing a shoddy job that leaves me at a severe disadvantage. I could pursue it further in civil court, but that would be so expensive. Plus, his insurance, which will not pay for one iota of repair or replacement, will gladly cover his legal costs all the way to the end. How can I fight that? Ugh... Even a farmgirl with gumption knows her limits, right? ;) It's okay... It is well with my soul because I know God loves us, and I know that God will take care of us and provide. The contractor, however, is going to have to answer to God for this one day. If he doesn’t get his act together, I sure wouldn’t want to be him facing God on that day!
There has just been so much. SO, so much. I’ve spent my time in tears before the Lord, to be sure. Not just about the bathroom, but about everything. It's hard seeing what is happening to my husband and how it's affecting my family. But I know the Lord is taking care of us, I do. I really do. But I just feel so weary and tired sometimes. Sometimes I tell Him that I am just not cut out for this. Then He laughs, gives my heart a spiritual hug, pats me on the head and tells me that I can do all things through Him… :) He is right… He is my strength… my Rock… my Fortress...my Deliverer...my Supply. I have nothing to fear, truly! I put all my trust in Him, and He never disappoints!
So, that's it in a nutshell. I hope I didn’t confuse you or overwhelm you or anything. When I say it has been crazy, indeed, it has! But I’m still plugging along. I’ve missed you all so much! With everything that has been going on, I just haven’t had a moment to touch base – that is the God’s honest truth!!! Thank you for understanding, praying for us and for all the little notes and emails - they've meant everything to me, truly, and always seem to come at just the perfect time! I love my farmgirl sisters dearly! I really, really, really do! :) So please do drop me a line when you can.. I can't always respond right away (in some cases, it has been months!), but I truly celebrate you all in my heart every day and hearing from you is like warm, happy sunlight!
Warmest hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
|
|
|
lovinRchickens
True Blue Farmgirl
3435 Posts
Kelly
Pipe Creek
Texas
USA
3435 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2018 : 08:11:01 AM
|
Nini
I am sending many prayers up for you and your family. I too back in December moved my dad onto our property. He has dementia, you perfectly described the way it is here. Blank stares, wants to talk at times but he can't find the words, gets lost very easily. All while I raise and homeschool my 14 and 16 yr old girls. I totally understand no time. I am trying to do a few swaps here just to lighten my stress. But not sure for how much longer I can. Glad you are sleeping better and that the puppy had helped in many ways. This is such a hard disease for everyone.
Farmgirl #5111
Farmgirl of the month October 2014
Blessings
~Kelly~ |
 |
|
|
AuntJamelle
True Blue Farmgirl
569 Posts
Jaime
South Bend
Indiana
USA
569 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2018 : 08:31:12 AM
|
Nini - I just want to hug you right now!!!! And then sit you down in a comfy chair while I bustle around your house taking care of things for you!!!! What a road you've been walking! Bad things come in gangs, I really believe that and it stinks - it just stinks!!!
I can only imagine how it must be to try and be there for your husband and your son right now! You sound like you are on it - and the support groups and looking after your health are so smart.
AMEN to the furbabies! They are little bits of heaven and love and joy all wrapped up into one!
And do not get me STARTED on crooked contractors!!! I cannot ABIDE the state of affairs in this country when it comes to these individuals. Please Note: I am sure there are honest, hardworking contractors out there that do not lie, cheat and steal if they are awake and breathing - but they are RARE!!!! More precious than rubies!!! If you are one or know one - you are lucky/awesome.
The rest of them - I'd like to smack them all! Their ways of doing business would make a mobster blush.
I am so sorry that happened to you! As you can tell, I have strong feelings on the topic. We went through a housefire in 2012 and after two years, we finally partially finished the house with the FOURTH contractor. And we had to gut our retirement accounts to do it because of all the wasted $ and in one case the $ just being absconded with by one of the contractors. That was the one our FIRST lawyer recommended - and who he turned out to be "in business" with. The rats!
I keep hoping what goes around comes around! I wish we lived near you! We could come help - DH is very smart about home renovations - one of the reasons he kept catching all the mistakes our contractors were making - and he can do 99% of it - but even he couldn't build the whole house himself. Although in the end he did A LOT of it and fixed the rest - what we've been able to fix.
Bygones!
I will be thinking of you lady!!!! Thank you for the update! |
Edited by - AuntJamelle on Mar 20 2018 08:32:02 AM |
|
|
|
YellowRose
True Blue Farmgirl
6791 Posts
Sara
Paris
TX
USA
6791 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2018 : 08:58:17 AM
|
Good to hear from you Nina. May the Lord bless and keep you.
Sara~~~ FarmGirl Sister #6034 8/25/14
FarmGirl of the Month Sept 2015.
Lord put your arm around my shoulders and your hand over my mouth.
|
|
|
|
firecatinc
True Blue Farmgirl
1252 Posts
Lenora
Fulks Run
VA
USA
1252 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2018 : 4:20:31 PM
|
Prayers for you Nina. Big hug coming your way.
Nora
Farmgirl Sister #7131
Farmgirl of the Month, January 2017
http://firecatinc.wordpress.com |
|
|
|
hoosiercountry
True Blue Farmgirl
572 Posts
karla
north port
fl
USA
572 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2018 : 4:25:18 PM
|
| Hi Nini, I have thought of you and wondered what happened to you. I always read your post in the thread you started on dementia. You are wearing many hats, and carrying a full load, I will be send prayers for you and your family. It was good to hear from you. Hugs Karla |
|
|
|
levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9234 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9234 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2018 : 4:27:16 PM
|
Nini,
Praying for you Nini. I know it is very difficult to be a caregiver for someone without dementia, I can only imagine what you deal with on a daily basis. Thankfully your son is also a help.
I will keep you and your family in prayer. So glad you found a caregiver support group!
~Denise
Sister #43~1/18/2007
FGOTM~7/2013
"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105
http://www.ladybugsandlilacs.blogspot.com/
http://www.torisgram.etsy.com |
|
|
|
naturemaiden
True Blue Farmgirl
2568 Posts
Connie - Farmgirl #673
Hoosick Falls
NY
USA
2568 Posts |
|
|
craftingram
True Blue Farmgirl
526 Posts
Karin
Nashville
In
USA
526 Posts |
Posted - Mar 22 2018 : 06:40:37 AM
|
Nini, so glad to hear from you and catch up a bit. You are always in my prayers.
Karin
Sister #2708
Romans 8: 38,39 |
|
|
|
MaryJane
Queen Bee
16267 Posts
MaryJane
Moscow
Idaho
USA
16267 Posts |
Posted - Mar 22 2018 : 08:19:48 AM
|
I've thought of you plenty of times and wondered and hoped you'd find a bit of space in all you're going through to check in. Thank you Nini. Whenever I think of you and hubby, I picture you in that old pick-up truck on your wedding day. I imagine you try to go to happier times as much as possible. Now we know why we're supposed to cherish every happy day as a future memory we'll need for a life-line some day.
MaryJane, Farmgirl #1 Plowin' Thru ~ giving aprons a good wrap for 45 years and counting ~
 |
|
|
|
ceejay48
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm/Sharpshooter
13564 Posts
CeeJay (CJ)
Dolores
Colorado
USA
13564 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2018 : 6:42:52 PM
|
Oh my dearest Nini! I've know things were really rough and I've never stopped praying for you all along. I just wish there was more I could do, but we live so very, very, VERY far away from each other.
I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOO grateful to see you here and hear your update. I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOO sad to hear about your hubby, but grateful the anger, etc. issues seem to be gone. My heart hurts for you!
I will be in touch via email or snail mail . . . or both!
LOVE YOU DEARIE!
CJ
..from the barefoot farmgirl in SW Colorado...sister chick #665.
2010 Farmgirl Sister of the Year
Mother Hen: FARMGIRLS SOUTHWEST HENHOUSE
my aprons - http://www.facebook.com/FarmFreshAprons
living life - www.snippetscja.blogspot.com
from my heart - www.fromacelticheart.blogspot.com
from my hubby - www.aspenforge.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
Red Tractor Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
6517 Posts
Winnie
Gainesville
Fl
USA
6517 Posts |
Posted - Mar 30 2018 : 12:26:30 PM
|
Nina, it is good to hear from you! I have been keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as I know you have a very sick husband. Prayers to you for a Happy Easter .
Winnie #3109
Red Tractor Girl
Farm Sister of the Year 2014-2015 |
|
|
|
texdane
Farmgirl Legend Chapter Leader Chapter Guru
4658 Posts
Nicole
Sandy Hook
CT
USA
4658 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2018 : 1:04:29 PM
|
Hi Nini,
I am so glad to see you back on here. I got your email, and will email you back privately. I miss our conversations, and think of you often.
Farmgirl Hugs,
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
Suburban Farmgirl Blogger
Chapter Leader, CT Simpler Life Sisters
Farmgirl of the Month, Jan. 2013
Suburban Farmgirl Blog
http://sfgblog.maryjanesfarm.org/
www.facebook.com/suburbanfarmgirlblogger |
|
|
|
Bonnie Ellis
True Blue Farmgirl
2474 Posts
Bonnie
Minneapolis
Minnesota
USA
2474 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2018 : 06:47:07 AM
|
Nino, when trouble comes, it seems to gang up on us. The Lord is on the job. Hang in there. God bless you!
grandmother and orphan farmgirl |
|
|
| |
Garden Gate: Hello from your ol' pal Nini! |
|
|
|
Hello from your ol' pal Nini!
