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Across the Fence:  I've changed  |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 11 2017 : 07:27:53 AM
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I have gone through a lot these past 3 years. I have one friend, who otherwise, we get along great BUT (here it is) she keeps telling me I am not done with the hurt my family has done to me and I am not over it and I need to deal with it. Um..ok? Do you walk in my shoes? I have told her I feel like there will always be a scar on my heart and sometimes, I have moments where I have to work through them because of the stuff I experienced. I can forgive, and I have, but sometimes it just rears it's ugly head. I have told her I am getting tired of her judging me in that way. Just because you seem to have your stuff together, everyone is on a different level and in a different space. It's quite annoying and she just won't knock it off. Just frustrated and I value her as a friend and person but it's that one thing she keep pinging me with it. Help?!?
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Tumbleweed
True Blue Farmgirl
1019 Posts
Nancy
Texas
USA
1019 Posts |
Posted - Feb 11 2017 : 4:49:59 PM
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Hi Heather..
I don't know what to tell you. My relatives (not worthy to be called family) have caused some scars that won't go away. My hubby understands and doesn't bring it up. My BFF (my true family) feels the same with her relatives. If she needs to vent I let her and her with me. It seems your friend hasn't been through what you have been through. Many of my coworkers have big6 families and don't understand why I don't speak of mine. Well they may never understand. I have had some of them try to advise me. I just tell them it is complicated and change the subject.
TW
The fun begins where the pavement ends! |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Feb 11 2017 : 5:43:12 PM
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Tell her if she could only SEE the scars they have left, she would understand. Many people refuse to believe that someone has actually suffered unless they can see the evidence with their own eyes. And if she still refuses to understand, I would put her on "acquaintance" list. You can't make a person understand, or even believe, that you have invisible scars if they don't want to believe it.
Cindy
"Come by the hills to the land where fancy is free; And stand where the peaks meet the sky and the rocks reach the sea.Where the rivers run clear and the bracken is gold in the sun. and cares of tomorrow must wait till this day is done"--Loreena McKennit
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Feb 11 2017 : 9:08:28 PM
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Heather,
Everyone thinks they are a fair judge until they themselves experience that judgment themselves. Pray for her, that she, herself, doesn't ever experience the kind of pain you have experienced. For should that day ever arrive, she will feel even more pain over her judgment of you, than from the pain of those who deeply hurt her. It's a very hard lesson to learn, but if she needs to learn it, she will, eventually. And her cruel treatment of you will be an extremely humbling, shameful and difficult thing for her to face about herself. I am so sorry that you're going through this. Cindy is absolutely right: people can't see our scars or the suffering in our hearts (or our bodies, for that matter). They can't feel it. They can't understand it. They can't comprehend the ways our life experiences have affected every aspect of our beings. Everyone needs to realize that we all get something in life, and that when we're in the thick of it, or trying to overcome, it's real as real gets. Nobody suffers or hurts worse than anyone else. The situations may be totally different, but when you're suffering, you're suffering; when you're hurting, you're hurting. Period.
A true friend should never judge, should never tell you to "get over it." She is probably a very nice person in many, many ways, or she wouldn't be your friend to begin with; but it would seem she is extremely at ease with her own peaceful situation, and, therefore, a little bit full of herself over it. That's great that things are going well for her, but that certainly does not elevate her above you in any way, and it certainly does not give her the right to treat you like this.
Perhaps she needs a reminder as to how true friends treat each other. Friends love and respect. Friends put their arms around you, hand you a cup of tea (or a big ol' margarita, if need be) and reassure you about what a great person you are and that things will get better. Friends commiserate, help you see how far you've come, and help you see how you've been able to turn the bad and sad into good, and point out just how amazing and wonderful you are for having done so! They help you work through things, and if it takes a lifetime for you to work it through, they are right there with you each time you dare to tread down that path. If you're really lucky, your friend may even find a way to help you turn the pain into laughter. But judge? Never.
Nobody has it all together. Nobody. Those who criticize and judge are only trying to somehow make themselves feel better about their own situation by attempting to push others down beneath them. What they never see is that the very act of so doing is what is truly beneath them, and it is dragging them down to very low depths in the process. 'Seems to me you've already had enough people push you down like that, or your heart wouldn't be so scarred as it is. Shame on her for being so callous. Of course, you should forgive her and give her room to grow; she is your friend, after all, and everyone can make mistakes and be insensitive without ever meaning it! But don't let her do that to you, because it's just plain cruel, and downright un-friend-ly. You deserve better, and you are right to call her on it.
God love and bless you, sister... Be kind to yourself as you walk this journey! I think you're AMAZING!
Hugs and love -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Feb 12 2017 : 7:34:56 PM
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Thank y'all and you all hit it on the head--NO ONE understand the extreme pain and hurt caused by my family. The stories I could tell are just unbelievable to people. I relate to the comment when people have large families fawning over them and I am over in the corner never having experienced that at all.
I think she thinks she can fix me but I ain't broke- yes I am scarred but I keep moving on...She keeps harping that she did some sort of something with a psychiatrist that basically healed her from her own pain and helped her quit smoking (like hypno or something) ok that worked for her but I don't believe in that stuff and I have seen her in action and she can still be pretty fierce towards people and she doesn't see it. So there you go..
Just frustrating because everyone has their OWN journey and I hate when people try to downplay what I have been through. I am not one to say I have had it worse than the next but honestly, I have been to hades and back again and got the t-shirt. Not for sympathy or comparision at all just my perspective is wayyyyyyyy different from a lot of people, who though they have had bad things happen and bad people, but I can say people have no idea how good their bad sounds to me. I know crazy right?!?
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Christy925
True Blue Farmgirl
476 Posts
Christy
Midland
Michigan
USA
476 Posts |
Posted - Feb 13 2017 : 03:35:43 AM
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I am turning 60 this year...I don't have many friends. My choice. I can't handle people that are too needy. I was reading the other day that we should clean out the people in our lives that cause us discomfort. Toxic People. I have a couple of those in my life and I plan to wean myself away from them. I am fortunate that I have a loving family and grandchildren. After I dump those toxic people, my family can once again be my top priority. People like your friend suck the joy and life out of me. I'd rather be alone than be stressed and disappointed. You may have to dump her :) I wish you happiness.
Farmgirl Sister #2315
http://www.etsy.com/shop/WildThymeCreations?ref=pr_shop
https://www.flickr.com/photos/marketwoman45/albums |
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Melina
True Blue Farmgirl
435 Posts
Melina
USA
435 Posts |
Posted - Feb 13 2017 : 08:10:56 AM
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I had an abusive mother. I'm now 69 years old and still dealing with things that bubble up to the surface. It's not a once and done situation. Like you, I have had friends who, when they learn of my past, say "Get over it." In most cases, I got over them.
The morning breeze has secrets to tell you. Do not go back to sleep.
Rumi |
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sargesproudwife
True Blue Farmgirl
174 Posts
Christine Marie
NY
USA
174 Posts |
Posted - Feb 13 2017 : 09:47:03 AM
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Christy....I agree with you. And..getting rid of toxic people in your life is more than refreshing. I'm at a point in my life that I don't need to be involved with people that just suck he life right out of you. Life is too short to surround myself with that nonsense. I really think there are some people who thrive on seeing others down and miserable. Just my 2 cents. :)
Christine
Sister #7295
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"Live each day like he's deploying tomorrow" |
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Tumbleweed
True Blue Farmgirl
1019 Posts
Nancy
Texas
USA
1019 Posts |
Posted - Feb 13 2017 : 12:10:18 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Melina
.... Like you, I have had friends who, when they learn of my past, say "Get over it." In most cases, I got over them.
I like that thought Melina.
Heather... Wish I could give you a hug right now and no you aren't crazy. The fact you are seeking advise shows the caring person you are...seeking a solution.
Hang in there Farmgirl Sister Friend. You are a strong person and a survivor.
TW
The fun begins where the pavement ends! |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Feb 14 2017 : 05:13:29 AM
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Thank you all again. I have let go of so many people- both in person and through tragic events. I am getting to the point where it is a shortlist of people I could truly count on. Do you think we have become a society immune to one another's feelings because of the social media influence? What I mean is it's easy to say Oh I've got you back on a FB post but it's the one who shows up to truly support you that is a friend. I get people are busy and have lives, but seems most people are checked out when it comes to helping others. Just my 2 cents and a penny.
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9237 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9237 Posts |
Posted - Feb 15 2017 : 05:06:43 AM
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I agree Heather about facebook. There are so many that do that and I have found in real life that even with family, in my case extended family, it is totally different. When I see them in person they don't want to give you the time of day and if they do it is I who has to put all the work into the relationship. I'm over people like that in my life. Time goes by too quickly and is too short to waste energy on one sided relationships. I am not in a situation now where I can deal with that anymore.
I need people in my life who can encourage me and want to spend time with me. Life is so much more freeing when you are with those who love you for who you are bag and baggage and they understand that all that happens in our life doesn't go away and it makes us into the people we are and we live with it everyday.
~Denise~
Farmgirl Sister #43
"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105
http://www.ladybugsandlilacs.blogspot.com/
http://www.torisgram.etsy.com |
Edited by - levisgrammy on Feb 15 2017 05:09:24 AM |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2017 : 03:02:43 AM
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Here is the most recent email..I removed some coarse language and names...sorry if I missed something..not trying to offend...here is my take 1. Don't come after my parenting skills or my kid..that's off limits 2. The quote about glass houses comes to mind 3. Again- she is judging, not listening to me.
I honestly decided tonight that I am moving on from all of this...to keep blasting someone who is just trying to do the right thing and do it so harshly in such a disgusting manner. I can answer back to each of these statements she made but I honestly do not want to expend that energy...when did people become so righteous? Your input is valued. Thank you.
"I can’t do this in depth as I’m at my daughter’s and time is consumed immeasurably by the kids, etc. I’m so tired I can’t think…but let me just say this tonight…It’s very likely that you had the wrong therapist. I always pray for “the right person for the right reasons.” And I’ve always been led to them.
It is a known fact that your first family ,,,, you over - THIS IS WHY YOU FEEL THIS WAY:
Two things that come from a … up childhood are the need for control and perfectionism - which you just mentioned above. You did not have control over much of anything growing up and so you strive for control today, even when it’s not necessary. It’s because your life is OUT of control which makes you want to control things even more. It’s a vicious cycle. It manifests itself in trying to control your possessions (clear them out) and make sure everything is NEAT because the inside of you is NOT neat right now. We figure that if we can straighten up every magazine on the coffee table and clean out every closet, we will feel better - that maybe it will straighten up what is cluttered and mixed up inside of ourselves.
I believe that the root of ALL your issues - including your marriage and how you might “be hard to live with””ALL go back to your first family and the sh**ty way they treated you, neglected you emotionally, rejected you. THAT is what needs fixing. I am going to quote my 4th book that details the hypnotherapy session with the PTSD Marine, because it applies to ALL of us. Everyone. I know, because I had to go back and fix what was broken. Here it is:
"Your psyche is like an iceberg. Only the very tip is above sea level. This is the part we are conscious of in our lives. But below the water is your sub-conscious. It is a repository for everything that has ever happened to you. From the day you were born and most likely from conception.
“Each day, you think you are only dealing with what shows above the water. But if that were the case, your personal ship would be able to navigate around the iceberg. Instead, it often collides with what is beneath the water line. In other words, what is retained in your sub-conscious has the potential to steer you off course in life."
Let me know if you are interested in seeing the “healer” in San Antonio. She comes highly recommended by my friend, Kathleen who no longer lives there, but for 20 years ran a Wellness Center - with all kinds of woo-woo healing….BUT IT HELPED HEAL A LOT OF PEOPLE! Kathleen highly recommends this woman - and yes, she does hypno, but that’s not her only calling. THAT would be an awesome “therapist.” And not run-of-the-mill, just venting to someone.
I believe you need deep healing. And I don’t believe that you are too busy to do this. Sounds like an excuse to me. You’re too busy to feel better about yourself and life in general??? I also don’t believe you can’t afford it. You can’t afford NOT to seek healing. Because I’m willing to give you $500 toward your healing. It’s from my late sister’s money - and God knows she had a myriad of problems, so I feel that I am honoring her when I give this “scholarship” to people who I love and who I would love to see happy, healthy, and healed.
Here are three things I firmly believe: 1)You cannot do this yourself. You cannot un-do the number your parents and siblings did on you by yourself. And 2) you are going to …. up your darling child if you don’t do something soon - let alone your marriage. * is TOO important! And 3) God wants you to be the awesome teacher that you are going to be. You will be tasked with giving so many kids the emotional joy that you did not receive as a child - but you won’t be able to do it if you have to expend all that energy keeping a lid on your anger. You will be short changing all those kids who are out there waiting for your love and genius. And, as I said earlier, you might just implode. The crap from your past will not go away on its own…but it WILL begin to fester in your body and WILL affect your health. MANY times, blood pressure, arthritis, cancer, heart disease is because of “issues in the tissues.” (Emotional hurts that manifest as DIS-EASE.)
You need to release the toxins. I KNOW you would NEVER give your siblings the satisfaction of THAT!
Tell me how it’s working for you trying to do it by yourself.
And now I must sleep as I am “Parent of the Day” in my grandson’s coop pre-school tomorrow.
Sending a hugs cyber hug your way!
God bless, *
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Edited by - catscharm74 on Feb 22 2017 03:03:51 AM |
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9237 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9237 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2017 : 06:11:21 AM
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Heather, I don't understand why she seems to think she can speak into your life this way. If you have dealt with all the things you've gone through and her friendship is based on her "work" and what she thinks she can do for you, I would, in your place, tell her that you are not willing to hash over things you've dealt with whether she believes it or not and if she cannot accept that then the friendship will have to end. We are not to keep rehashing things. We are to forgive and forget. I know what it is to have things keep coming up in my life, things from way back. It seems if it is under control there is always someone ready to throw it back in the arena for a topic. I think of things often enough without the wounds being reopened all the time. It is not worth the aggravation it causes you. It's either off limits or goodbye. You need to have this area of your life respected. Prayers it will all work out for your best.
~Denise~
Farmgirl Sister #43
"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105
http://www.ladybugsandlilacs.blogspot.com/
http://www.torisgram.etsy.com |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2017 : 06:24:23 AM
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Thanks Denise..that is the word I thought of when I read this...respect! This is my response to her shenanigans.
1. I love animals and pretty much will bend over backwards to help one. You may think they are smelly, time consuming, expensive, and that I need a “better hobby” because it’s crazy someone could care that much but that’s ok. I am not compensating for the lack of love in my life, rather I am expanding it. I am off to go chase some kittens.
2. Be careful in judgement of others of their parenting skills and where THEIR children are involved. Casting that first stone in a dangerous thing.
3. I like living simple, almost minimalist. Have since I was 16 and that is not going to change. If you like me, then you visit ME and not my stuff. Again, I am not compensating for some long held childhood scars. I am lazy and like a clean house.
4. I am direct and I speak MY truth. Do not try to reprimand me or force your opinion on me to get me to change my mind. Worse thing you could do. I make a much better friend than enemy.
5. Yes, I swear A LOT but I am 42 and know when it is appropriate and when it’s not. It’s called being an adult.
6. While I appreciate your input about my career choice (this late in life, as you pointed out and the ever present why or ewww), honestly, when you have passion for something, it’s not a job, it’s a joy. I hope you find some joy and soon.
7. I am not something to be fixed or someone’s “project.” We are all broken in our own beautiful ways and life is about discovering that beauty.
8. It’s MY silver hair. Don’t like, look away but please don’t take the time to waste your breath on telling me why you don’t like it. I am sure you must have many other things to attend to in your shallow life.
I hope you find the respect and righteousness you are so craving and obviously need and to learn what boundaries are. I wish you the best!
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hudsonsinaf
True Blue Farmgirl
3162 Posts
Shannon
Rozet
Wyoming
USA
3162 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2017 : 08:00:20 AM
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Heather - (((hugs)))! I am sorry that you are dealing with so much! My original thought was that your friend was just trying to help... then I read the email you received.... and yes, it sounds like she thinks she knows what is best for you. NO ONE knows what you have been through. NO ONE can tell you how to "deal" with it. I will pray that the Lord shows you how to handle your "friend." What are hard hard situation. My hubby is a counselor internship... and I think if I ever heard him give similar "advice", I'd get on his case big time, lol. (((hugs))) and prayers!
~ Shannon, Sister # 5349
Farmgirl of the Month - January 2016
http://hudson-everydayblessings.blogspot.com/ |
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9237 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9237 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2017 : 3:22:36 PM
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Heather, very good response. I was reading through and when I got to number 8 I was shocked that you would even have to say that to a friend. We are who we are and God gave each of us the color eyes, hair etc that we have. Never is it okay to suggest someone change some natural attribute. Many people do die their hair no issue, but to suggest it is a different story. It is never right or respectful for anyone to say they don't like something like that and to tell you why. I am appalled at such a thing. My prayers are with you.
~Denise~
Farmgirl Sister #43
"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105
http://www.ladybugsandlilacs.blogspot.com/
http://www.torisgram.etsy.com |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2017 : 5:12:14 PM
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Run, don't walk, away from this person now! She sees herself, and ONLY herself, as being able to "fix" other people. THis is NOT what therapists do! My therapist has NEVER talked to me that way, and if a friend talked to me that way, i would tell her to shut up and go back to school and try to figure out why she, and only she, is fit to tell other people what to do with their lives. Real friends don't tell you what to do--they may offer suggestions, but they do so GENTLY. I have a friend, who, like myself, has a degree in psychology and we often talk about psychology-related issues---even each other's personal issues. But not like that! This person is WAY over the line and is violating your boundaries with some of the things she is saying. In the end, you are the only person who can "fix" yourself, and it sounds like you are doing your best, and she is running you down for trying? Sorry, but as someone who knows a bit about counseling, this really galls me. No one who claims to be a counselor of any sort should talk to a "friend" that way. Friends are there to support you, to let you be free to be who you are....again, this hits too close to the bone for me, so maybe my reaction is a bit extreme. As for families, we have no say in the family who raises us, and we deal with it the best we can. and if we're still having problems (grieving) after fifty years, well, there are some things a person never outgrows. And there's nothing wrong with that--it just means we're human. Your friend may realize you are human, but she doesn't seem very humane to you--just my take on it. Sorry, but this brings up some memories that make me feel angry. I'd better sign off before I say something I shouldn't.
Cindy
"Come by the hills to the land where fancy is free; And stand where the peaks meet the sky and the rocks reach the sea.Where the rivers run clear and the bracken is gold in the sun. and cares of tomorrow must wait till this day is done"--Loreena McKennit
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2017 : 5:16:13 PM
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By the way, it was a hypnotherapist "friend" who did so much mental/emotional damage to me. Just my two cents on hypnosis.
Cindy
"Come by the hills to the land where fancy is free; And stand where the peaks meet the sky and the rocks reach the sea.Where the rivers run clear and the bracken is gold in the sun. and cares of tomorrow must wait till this day is done"--Loreena McKennit
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9237 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9237 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2017 : 04:15:05 AM
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Cindy, you hit it right on the head when you said boundaries. It doesn't matter how close friends are, we have to have boundaries and we need to respect those in the lives of others.
~Denise~
Farmgirl Sister #43
"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105
http://www.ladybugsandlilacs.blogspot.com/
http://www.torisgram.etsy.com |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2017 : 07:31:40 AM
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Thanks y'all. Yes, when we first met, she quickly analyzed by skin color and what colors I should be wearing. Now, I am a VERY accepting person, as you can tell, to a fault, because people are people but I truly believe she has some long held issues with her own mother's obsession that she is trying to play off on me. She acts like my mom- in some weird way, it's almost like my mom is coming through her in some ways.
These past 3 years have been about ME and I think, my eyes are wide open now. I realize that most of the people around me and take this for what it is, are not worthy of my energy and time. They are time and soul suckers and they search out blood. I used to think I was the crazy one because I couldn't find friends who would just be friends, not judgmental, not needy, not trying to control me in anyway. My change has been their awakening as well, because they realize they no longer control me.
Her aggression is the same thing my parents, mostly my Mom, did. She would be sweet as pie and then WHAM!!! She would pull me aside and say something into my ear and then go about her sweet self again. It was like being run over and then her helping your back up and asking what happened. Passive Aggressive anyone? I truly think this gal is afraid of not being perfect, all the things she said in the email are HER issues.
I am me. I have learned to walk away from a lot these past few years. Even this week, I am cleaning out the house and moving forward with our plans to downsize and live simple/minimal. I am taking another car load to the animal rescuers. My nosy neighbor had to put his 2 cents in. I closed my Jeep up and walked into the house and close the garage. I know they are itching to find out what we are doing and selling is going to be an nightmare because they are so nosy but I am going to make it happen. NO ONE will control me anymore.
I am just a loner but happy person. I accept that.
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2017 : 07:34:51 AM
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Prairiehawk- sorry to bring up feelings but please release them. I totally agree with you.
She said I was angry because I said who the heck are you to judge my- weight, hair, parenting, house, lifestyle? Etc..I AM ANGRY?!? (As she types in caplocks) She is very good at playing mind games. I have come to realize that. It's manipulation at it's highest form.
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2017 : 3:14:11 PM
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Yes, manipulation is a very bad thing.My hypnotherapist "friend"used the power of hypnotic suggestion to manipulate me--took me years to figure out what was going on. Mainly because I had no memory of the things he'd said. I just want people to be free to be their true selves. I am glad you are experiencing freedom.
Cindy
"Come by the hills to the land where fancy is free; And stand where the peaks meet the sky and the rocks reach the sea.Where the rivers run clear and the bracken is gold in the sun. and cares of tomorrow must wait till this day is done"--Loreena McKennit
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
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Bonnie Ellis
True Blue Farmgirl
2474 Posts
Bonnie
Minneapolis
Minnesota
USA
2474 Posts |
Posted - Feb 26 2017 : 11:38:28 AM
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We all need to rid ourselves of toxic people. It is hard when those people are relatives. But it can be done. Find supportive friends and enjoy the good in life.
grandmother and orphan farmgirl |
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Across the Fence: I've changed |
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I've changed
