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Family Matters:  My mentally ill husband deserted us  |
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bec414
Farmgirl in Training
25 Posts
becky
saginaw
mi
USA
25 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 08 2015 : 7:36:10 PM
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My husband of 19+ years was diagnosed with bipolar and left me with 6 children after he went to visit his sister 1400 miles away from home. He says he is staying there and now has filed for divorce. I haven't worked outside the home since 1996.
I really want to keep our place that is 20 acres in the woods and keep the kids homeschooled.
what are your suggestions to help make that happen?
Becky,
In the heart of Todd's home with my olive branches (Josie 11/96, Gabbi 9/98, Natalie 5/00, Daniel 9/02, Mary 9/04, and Tabitha 7/06) around my table. Ps 128:3
www.hillbilliesinabarn.blogspot.com |
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Terralea
True Blue Farmgirl
138 Posts
Terra
Midland
Michigan
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - Jan 08 2015 : 7:57:56 PM
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Unfortunately he may be in his manic phase. This will change and he may come back with a clear head or not. It's a hard road you and your children will be traveling. The manic phase is very appealing especially in contrast to the depression phase. I hope your husband is able to find a good doctor and appropriate medication for this. In case your wondering if I'm speaking from experience, I am. I just retired from my career as a Children and Family Mental Health therapist.
If you have family Becky you're going to need their help. Your children will be confused by what has happened and they won't have a school counselor to speak to. You will probably need someone you trust to talk to. If you attend church then the pastor or priest would be where I would start. Somehow you and your children will have to find a way to understand that this mental illness is not about a personal rejection of you or the children. For sure the children will need to be told that they have done nothing wrong and their father's leaving is about an illness he has that he may not be able to control at this time rather then something they have done or lack. Nineteen years is a long time and I've seen marriages survive this path once everyone understands the nature of the illness.
Also, if you are able to confide in your church they are in a good position to help you with some of your other responsibilities such as food and perhaps some funding with your bills. As hard as it may be to do, I would also go to the Department of Human Services and Community Mental Health for advice.
I'm sorry that you will struggle even though it is a fact of life. I will pray for you, your children and your husband who is actually more lost than you or your children are right now. You have the wisdom and ability to ask for help. He may not.
Terralea |
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bec414
Farmgirl in Training
25 Posts
becky
saginaw
mi
USA
25 Posts |
Posted - Jan 08 2015 : 8:55:15 PM
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Thank you Terralea.
We have done everything you suggest. I am an RN so I understand the illness. DH was involuntarily hospitalized with Mania and psychosis. (Our church helped me with that first step and has not left my side.) He left shortly after his discharge. I have no idea where he is mentally now other than he still denies his illness. We have gotten a lot of help so far including counseling for the children and myself and food to last months. My heart's desire is to work together to manage this illness, but the counsel he is getting does not seem to agree with that.
I am "farm girl strong" so are my older daughters, but there is so much that DH did around here. When spring comes I am not sure I will know what to do or how to get it done.
We have been thrifty before but now it is to a new extreme.
The whole situation is like eating an elephant: one bite at a time.
Becky,
In the heart of Todd's home with my olive branches (Josie 11/96, Gabbi 9/98, Natalie 5/00, Daniel 9/02, Mary 9/04, and Tabitha 7/06) around my table. Ps 128:3
www.hillbilliesinabarn.blogspot.com |
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cajungal
True Blue Farmgirl
2348 Posts
Catherine Farmgirl Sister #76
Houston Area
Texas
2348 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2015 : 05:53:39 AM
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Becky, I am praying for you and your family. I pray that God gives you clear direction.
You sound like you have an understanding of the situation and your "farmgirl strong" attitude will definitely lead and comfort your children.
Do you think you will have to find full-time work outside the home? Can you financially stay home with some part-time supplementing? Can you rent out a portion of your land? Is there a 'cottage industry' skill you can turn into income?
I'm sure you have already thought of all those questions and more. You will find a way.
Catherine
Sister #76 (2005)
One of the best compliments from one of my daughters: "Moma, you smell good...like dirt.
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rphelps4
True Blue Farmgirl
620 Posts
roxanna
westport
indiana
USA
620 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2015 : 06:18:54 AM
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Maybe you could do a weekend option at a hospital, so u could be home all week.
Roxanna Farmgirl# 3963 |
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Terralea
True Blue Farmgirl
138 Posts
Terra
Midland
Michigan
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2015 : 07:54:42 AM
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I'm so glad you have support and so sorry you have to deal with this problem. I layed in bed last night thinking of you and your family and went though the ages of your children. The fact that they are a bit older is a blessing in the event you have to return to work full or part time. I know that this may sound odd, but my work was my blessing when my husband was having so many medical problems. Sometimes it was easier to focus on another persons problems than it was on my own. You said your husband is being counseled in opposition to what his hospital stay suggested which is sad. He went back to an old nest and probably not a healthy one.
It sounds like you have been doing a wonderful job of taking care of the important things that will help you through this. Your career is a very viable and stressful one but thank God for it. Perhaps your older children may be able to help if you have to return to work. I'd be making lists of things that my husband was doing and trying to find volunteers to supplement until your family can see daylight on this awful situation.
We are praying for you.
Blessings
Terralea |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2015 : 08:07:53 AM
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Oh, Becky... I feel so badly that you are going through this. I can only imagine how overwhelming this must be for you, on so many, many levels. Please know I'm praying for you and your family. I know you must feel terribly alone in this, but you're not. We're your farmgirl sisters, and we're here for you. If you ever need to "talk," I'm just an email away. BIG hugs to you - Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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bec414
Farmgirl in Training
25 Posts
becky
saginaw
mi
USA
25 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2015 : 11:27:17 AM
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I have thought of renting our walk out basement with barn space as on option. I would need to do a little work (build an 6" wide wall with a doorway in the house and install a kitchenette--the plumbing is in place; and clean out a tack stall to turn it into an animal stall)
There are so many things I could do it is almost overwhelming.
I love to sew, so that is an option, but I could never make enough to pay the bills on that alone.
Before I think about nursing I need to make a resume that accounts for the last 18 years.
I would love to be able to muster the strength to stay at home and make it work until my youngest is in high school.
My ideal would be that my husband would get treatment and come home. That is not going to happen in the near future. For now I need him to step up and pay for the things that he is responsible for.
Thank you for the support.
Becky,
In the heart of Todd's home with my olive branches (Josie 11/96, Gabbi 9/98, Natalie 5/00, Daniel 9/02, Mary 9/04, and Tabitha 7/06) around my table. Ps 128:3
www.hillbilliesinabarn.blogspot.com |
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laurzgot
True Blue Farmgirl
1607 Posts
Laurie
Alvin
Texas
USA
1607 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2015 : 3:12:58 PM
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Becky, I'm so sorry to hear this. You're farmgirl strong. The renting sounds good, but if you decide to do that I would do background checks on people. Also check with the utilities people, tell them in a round about way what happened without mentioning DH illness and see if they might suggest some solutions. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Hugs,
Laurie
Country girl at heart
"Smile and be yourself everyday."
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Killarney
True Blue Farmgirl
4885 Posts
Connie
Arlington
TN
USA
4885 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2015 : 4:19:48 PM
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Many, Many prayers for you and your family.
Hugs! Connie
Imagine....#3392 |
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star-schipp
True Blue Farmgirl
942 Posts
Starletta
Middletown
Indiana
USA
942 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2015 : 5:24:19 PM
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Becky, like the other farmgirls, I am praying for you. I am an RN and have been able to find work with an insurance company in the case management department that allows telecommuting. It has been a gift from God that I found it and was a direct answer to my prayers for being able to support our family and still be at home.
I'll be thinking of you so much and please email me if you need to blow off some steam.
Peace be with you,
Star
If you can't feed one hundred people, then just feed one. -Mother Teresa
Star - farmgirl sister #1927
Estle Schipp Farm: Celebrate the Hobby Farm Lifestyle
http://EstleSchippFarm.blogspot.com
https://youngliving.org/starschipp
Master Food Preserver
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brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
Posted - Jan 10 2015 : 10:05:44 AM
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Becky, first I want to send you hugs! I am thinking of you and praying for you.
Not to make light of your situation, but I see you are in Saginaw. I am also in Michigan and with this week's temperatures (I was in Flint the last three days on a business trip, dealing with minus 10 wind chill and still getting over the flu.) I can kind of understand why your husband might want to be 1400 miles away from here! (Texas, Florida or California come to mind as good places to be in January.) I am thinking of warmer places myself!
Are the kids helping with outside chores? Are you keeping warm OK?
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com http://brightmeadowknits.blogspot.com
http://www.ravelry.com/people/Brightmeadow |
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bec414
Farmgirl in Training
25 Posts
becky
saginaw
mi
USA
25 Posts |
Posted - Jan 10 2015 : 3:45:14 PM
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Actually, Brightmeadow, he is in WY so not any warmer or less windy. It has been colder there most of the winter. No sympathy form me.
The outside work is for their 4-H animals so they are doing it all. They are not daunted by these temps they have lived here their while lives.
I have been wearing many layers. We have geothermal and it has never had difficulty keeping us warm.
Becky,
In the heart of Todd's home with my olive branches (Josie 11/96, Gabbi 9/98, Natalie 5/00, Daniel 9/02, Mary 9/04, and Tabitha 7/06) around my table. Ps 128:3
www.hillbilliesinabarn.blogspot.com |
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sherone_13
True Blue Farmgirl
2460 Posts
Sherone
Evanston
WY
USA
2460 Posts |
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bec414
Farmgirl in Training
25 Posts
becky
saginaw
mi
USA
25 Posts |
Posted - Jan 10 2015 : 6:10:13 PM
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probably not.
Any where near Lander?
Becky,
In the heart of Todd's home with my olive branches (Josie 11/96, Gabbi 9/98, Natalie 5/00, Daniel 9/02, Mary 9/04, and Tabitha 7/06) around my table. Ps 128:3
www.hillbilliesinabarn.blogspot.com |
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hudsonsinaf
True Blue Farmgirl
3162 Posts
Shannon
Rozet
Wyoming
USA
3162 Posts |
Posted - Jan 10 2015 : 6:35:52 PM
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Becky - please know that you and your children (as well as your hubby) are in my prayers!!! I praise God that your church is behind you! The only suggestions I can think of would be to re-activate your license if that is an option for you (I have no idea how hard that is... there are times I kick myself for not keeping mine active!) and work weekends, 12 hour shifts, so you can continue schooling your children. My other would be some type of medical transcriptionist, as you already know the "lingo" and you can do that from home.
~ Shannon
http://hudson-everydayblessings.blogspot.com/ |
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AsiyahK
True Blue Farmgirl
113 Posts
Asiyah
New Jersey
USA
113 Posts |
Posted - Jan 11 2015 : 6:46:42 PM
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| Becky, I am so sorry about this situation. As an RN, can you work as an over-the-phone health care provider? I ask this because my good friend is an RN and works from home part time consulting on disability cases. I think the most important thing is that you be able to bring in some kind of income in the absence of your husband. If you can do anything work-related as a remote employee, that would free up some of your time to continue home-schooling your children. Prayers and hugs for you! |
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mellaisbella
True Blue Farmgirl
1862 Posts
melanie
living on Anne of Green
Gables land
Canada
1862 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2015 : 05:48:58 AM
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Sending you prayers, love and hugs from Canada
Love many, trust few. Always paddle your own canoe
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star-schipp
True Blue Farmgirl
942 Posts
Starletta
Middletown
Indiana
USA
942 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2015 : 06:44:12 AM
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Good morning Becky - thinking of you today. I will help you with your resume if you want to apply to some work at home RN positions - let me know (hugs)
If you can't feed one hundred people, then just feed one. -Mother Teresa
Star - farmgirl sister #1927
Estle Schipp Farm: Celebrate the Hobby Farm Lifestyle
http://EstleSchippFarm.blogspot.com
https://youngliving.org/starschipp
Master Food Preserver
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2015 : 09:00:49 AM
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Hugs to you and your family, Becky. Thinking of you today and sending prayers that something will immediately fall into place for you work wise. I am so sorry you are having to go thru this. I am a psychiatric RN and know how terribly mental illness is and the tole it takes on families and loved ones trying to deal with it all. Thank God for your dear children. I'm hear if you want to talk. I am a good listener. Just email me. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history.
Farmgirl #5554 |
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cajungal
True Blue Farmgirl
2348 Posts
Catherine Farmgirl Sister #76
Houston Area
Texas
2348 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2015 : 05:49:59 AM
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Becky, I'm continuing to pray for you and your family.
Catherine
Sister #76 (2005)
One of the best compliments from one of my daughters: "Moma, you smell good...like dirt.
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sherone_13
True Blue Farmgirl
2460 Posts
Sherone
Evanston
WY
USA
2460 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2015 : 05:53:17 AM
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Becky,
Sorry I haven't looked at this post for awhile. I'm about 150 miles from Lander.
Sherone
Farmgirl Sister #1682
My Blog
www.annapearlsattic.blogspot.com
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Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we just jump on our broomsticks and fly! We are flexible that way! |
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bec414
Farmgirl in Training
25 Posts
becky
saginaw
mi
USA
25 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2015 : 07:39:32 AM
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Annapearl, 150 miles in WY is like being neighbors.
Star-schip, I am working on my resume, but it is difficult to know how to represent the last 16 years in nursing job terms
Becky,
In the heart of Todd's home with my olive branches (Josie 11/96, Gabbi 9/98, Natalie 5/00, Daniel 9/02, Mary 9/04, and Tabitha 7/06) around my table. Ps 128:3
www.hillbilliesinabarn.blogspot.com |
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5 acre Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1007 Posts
~~~*Terri*~~~
WA.
USA
1007 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2015 : 06:41:24 AM
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 Your in my Prayers...my heart goes out to you my friend....
Farmgirl Sister #368
~~*Terri*~~
Life is too short, it is just a vapor, live it like you wont have another minute with the ones you love......
http://thecontentedwomannow.blogspot.com/ |
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marjean
True Blue Farmgirl
3851 Posts
Marsha
Deltona
FL
USA
3851 Posts |
Posted - Feb 03 2015 : 1:32:06 PM
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Praying for you to have peace and calmness through this rough patch.
Farmgirl sister #308
Swag Bag Marketing
www.marketsofsunshine.com
Bible Research
www.jw.org |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Feb 04 2015 : 11:57:34 AM
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Prayers for you and your children. Keep us posted.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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Family Matters: My mentally ill husband deserted us |
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My mentally ill husband deserted us
