| Author |
Parenting & Farm Kids:  Teenage Boys  |
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countrymum
True Blue Farmgirl
97 Posts
Lorie
PA
USA
97 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 10 2011 : 5:46:01 PM
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Any of you mothers of teen boys or had teenage boys, I could use some support.
My son is 15, he is a good kid, it's just some days or lately most days I shake my head and say "ugh!"
Do any of you feel this way too?
I know it's the age and my MIL says "this too shall pass." But I really sometimes wonder.
"This country needs cleaner minds & dirtier fingernails." Mark Twain |
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Lessie Louise
True Blue Farmgirl
1406 Posts
Carol
PECULIAR
MO
USA
1406 Posts |
Posted - Mar 10 2011 : 6:26:27 PM
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Sometimes it's a rocky road, and I worried more about my teen boys than I did my daughter. I am more afraid of what they would get into. My youngest goes in the Marines 8/1/11, and I think he fels that lately he can do anything he wants. I just pray a lot and watch those grey hairs grow!
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting them in a fruit salad!
Farmgirl #680!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/lessielouise22 |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Mar 10 2011 : 7:51:36 PM
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Oh gosh, yes, Lorie! Me, too. My son is 14. I love him with all my heart, but there are days I swear I hear my parents giggling in my head, utterly relishing the payback they've been sooooo longing to know I would one day experience! LOL! Tonight my son has been hammering - not tap-dancing, hammering - on my last nerve, and it has taken every ounce of energy not to blow. And the worst part is, he really seems to enjoy it! I'm starting to just shake my head, too, instead of react... but even that doesn't calm the air. He is like the Energizer bunny - he just keeps going and going and going.
When he was little and would have those days where he was just whiney and plain old cranky, I used to say that it must just be that their little bodies suffer some sort of achiness while they're growing - you can almost see that in them. I think it's the same way now, too - right down to those "sleepy growth days." Remember when they were little and cried all night long? I used to talk myself through it and remind myself that someday he would be going off to college, or walking down the aisle to start a completely new life, not needing me nearly as much as he did right then. I'd tell myself that I'd better treasure every moment with him - even the ones I felt I couldn't physically or emotionally handle anymore due to sheer exhaustion. I knew then that the day would come that I would really miss these days.
Now he's not so little and cuddly as he used to be (I still think he's cute though - a true saving grace for us both! LOL!). He towers over me with a deep voice and a strong will that is far superior to the one he had as a baby. But that time about which I used to warn myself? It's coming so quickly now. It's like we're on a rollercoaster at the amusement park together. Sitting by his side, I'm breathless and excited with every rise and turn, and then panicked and nauseated with every plummet and plunge. In some ways it's a relief to knowing the ride won't last forever. After all, he'll soon be fully ready to handle the ride on his own, and I will resume my true place, clinging safely at my husband's side. I know my son isn't going to want or need "Mommy" sitting by his side forever; but my husband will and does. I fully realize and joyfully anticipate that my seat will one day belong to another even more dear to my son's heart. And well it should! But still, I can't help praying that this ride will last just a little bit longer, because deep down I know this is the ride of my life - there is just no other experience in the world that will ever compare... Why is it, then, that we can't just enjoy these years? Why does it have to be such a struggle? I used to be the only person my little guy wanted to be with - I was everything; the sun and the moon and the stars. I guess now that he is becoming a young man, that place in his heart is simply now being prepared for the other one more dear to come. It's all good. It's the way it should be.
The sand in the hourglass falls, the hands on the clock keep moving. Tempus fugit. He's growing up, I'm growing older. Someday, God willing, we'll fall into sync before the tables turn and he becomes the grown up while I become the one slipping into a child-like state. For now, I just keep trying to stay calm and find myself talking myself through it again, just like when he was a baby. These last 14 years have passed all too quickly; the next four will be gone in the blink of an eye. I just wish he understood that. I just wish he could feel my mother's heart inside of his so we wouldn't ever have days like this. He doesn't mean it. He doesn't even realize what he's doing half the time, God love him. And I'm just a mom who's trying her best in love to prepare her boy for manhood, so that one day, in all confidence, she can let go.
All this teen stuff, Lorie - it will pass... I know it will. Our foster son (now 31) was a wiley teenager, too. Oh, the stories I could tell, God love him. Today, he is one of the kindest, most thoughtful, caring and responsible people in the world. As a matter of fact, he loves coming over to commiserate with my son about being our son (tongue-in-cheek, of course!), telling him all the stories from when he was a kid... but he is always just as quick to tell him he's the luckiest kid in the world to have us, and that nobody will ever love him the way we do. That's pretty awesome stuff, I think. I never thought I'd hear "I love you," out of our foster son as often as he now tells us he does. This is the boy who gave me my first gray hair (and relishes telling the story of the moment I discovered it, to boot!), my first wrinkle, and who caused the first mother's tear to well up in my heart and flow down my cheek. He was truly born in my heart the moment he walked into my life. I never knew whether he'd truly ever understand how much we love him. But he does - now. And every time my son gives me grief, I just remember how it used to be with our foster son, and I smile. I know it'll be okay.
Hang in there. It really is all worth it. Honest. If you ever need a friend to talk things over with, I'm here, sister!
Hugs -
Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
Edited by - Ninibini on Mar 10 2011 9:07:23 PM |
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Marcy
True Blue Farmgirl
2701 Posts
Marcy
Tiverton
Rhode Island
USA
2701 Posts |
Posted - Mar 11 2011 : 05:33:28 AM
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I have two teenage boys. One is 17 and the other just turned 16. Sometimes...oh. my. goodness. lol Still, they are such good kids that I really can't complain. I've learned and am still learning to pick my battles. But sometimes...
Farmgirl #170
Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give...Eleanor Roosevelt
http://marcysworldofcreativity.blogspot.com/ |
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Tall Holly
True Blue Farmgirl
2305 Posts
Holly
Worcester
Vermont
USA
2305 Posts |
Posted - Mar 11 2011 : 6:02:22 PM
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My sixteen year old is pushing for more independance. I am willing to give it to him but I am not willing to allow him to be unsafe. His way of being confrontational is to be silent. makes me crazy how can a pair of people work out something if one of the people refuses to engage in conversation. I know he can talk because I hear him on the phone so that skill is still intact.
He can be grumpy if he spends too much time alone in his room. He has earned back his cell phone privileges which he had lost for being mean. Although his phone is turned off right now because while it was turned off he could still receive voice mails which he accessed by dialling *67 and that cost 1 minute each time he did it and he used up 600 minutes in two weeks accessing his voice mail so until the cycle renews everyone on our calling plan is cut short. He was surprised. He so tries to get around the restrictions and then they bite him in the tookus. When he had his phone turned off for being mean all he had to do to get it turned back on was to be kind for five days. He gets his back up in a very quiet sort of way and couldn't do it. Simple things like saying hello when he enters a room or doing his chores when he is asked not 4 hours later (watering the cows can't wait that long in the winter) having conversation in the car. ( I know I am so unreasonable) It took him three weeks to start.
He really is basically a nice young man. We just but heads from time to time.
"You know, mom " he said, "being a teenager is different in the twenty first century we know more than you did and you do not need to watch us as closely and you were watched." I'll keep watching thank hyou very much. LOL
I do allow him a lot of leeway in some things and hope that he does not make unsafe mistakes. We are growing together.
Holly
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Mar 11 2011 : 8:46:06 PM
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As a result of his poor attitude and study habits lately, we decided to take away our son's XBox until school is out for the year, and he won't get his iPod back for a while, either. I hated doing it, really, because in some ways, it's more of a punishment on us when he cops an attitude about it... But his attitude is what got him in this predicament, so it better change if he wants out of it. (I sound like my father...eghads!) Then his friends come over and badger us to let him have it back, too, which really doesn't help. They are incredulous that we would do such a thing to him just because of his attitude and a few less than stellar test grades. Tough tootsie rolls! He's our son, and we do what we think is best, not what other parents think is best. I don't really care if that makes us "strict" in the kids' eyes - we're doing our job because we love him, and that's that. Honestly now, taking his XBox and iPod away isn't the end of the world - and if it is, well, then, he knows how to earn them back. He says he's bored... well, there's always board games, football, baseball, soccer, etc. to play with friends, and if that doesn't cut it, he could always clean his room or study! My goodness, how on EARTH did WE ever survive as kids without all this technology! I'll let you in on a little secret though - he's a much nicer kid, much more calm, much more sweet and loving, and much, much less attitudinal when he DOESN'T have those things...and his concentration is much better in school. I can handle his resentment over it. It's worth it! I don't take his cell phone away, though, only because I feel much better being able to reach him whenever necessary and vice versa. For me, that is a safety issue because of where we live.
You're right, Holly - you keep watching. We do, too. We don't suffocate, we just are in the picture and mindful. There's a lot to be said for that. Unfortunately where we live, at least, there are a lot of kids whose parents don't watch... It is NOT a good thing.
Hugs -
Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
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melody
True Blue Farmgirl
3317 Posts
Melody
The Great North Woods in the Land of Hiawatha
USA
3317 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2011 : 07:21:39 AM
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Nini,
Elliott turns 15 on Easter day this year. He's all elbows and knees and way taller than I am. Now when I scold him I have to look up!
He definitely knows which buttons to push but has the good sense to know when to cut it out-a sure sign of maturing I guess.
"Time stands still for no one."
Melody
Farmgirl #525
www.lemonverbenasoap.etsy.com
www.longtallsallys.etsy.com |
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Tall Holly
True Blue Farmgirl
2305 Posts
Holly
Worcester
Vermont
USA
2305 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2011 : 6:08:56 PM
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the children are still able to use their phones to call safe numbers. I do not know exactly what the term is but there is a list we put on the phone page that they may still call. HOme, our cells and another number of a friend that would go and pick them up if needed. We are able to call them as well.
Holly
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LeighErica
True Blue Farmgirl
306 Posts
Erica
PA
USA
306 Posts |
Posted - Mar 13 2011 : 08:32:16 AM
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| My son is 18 and we went through a very difficult stage with him since he was about 16..I call it the "bad boy stage". He drove us crazy!!! But, recently, he has settled down alot and I thank God every day, because I was seriously worried his Dad was going to send him away. He has enlisted into the Marines..met a different group of men because of that decision and is doing so much better. There is hope..they do settle down and they do find their way. Stay strong, don't give up and know that this too shall pass:) Hugs, Erica |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Mar 13 2011 : 9:05:33 PM
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Melody - there's hope!?! YES! Actually, he's not that bad - usually he's a lot of fun and great to be with. I can tell he's starting another growth spurt, which makes him tired and cranky and less than enthusiastic about his studies. He's a good student, but when he doesn't want to do something... ugh. And the mouth - oooooh... the mouth. My Dad used to tell me when I was his age that I should become a litigator because I loved to argue so much... My son is the same way! LOL! He's good at it, too... he has, after all, learned from one of the best! ;) Yes, the boy has honed my talents and enjoys seeking out the most opportune moments to employ them against me. One of my favorite sayings is, "Beloved and most precious child of mine, WHY must you vex me so?" ;) Well, he's his mother's son, that's for sure! I turned out okay, I think... I'm sure he will, too. He just needs to harness this ability and use it for good (like studying, getting good grades and going to college to become a litigator, for example), rather than utilize it in such a way that works to his disadvantage (like driving his mother absolutely bonkers and ending up losing his video games as a result), that's all! You're right - I'm sure it'll come with maturity! Hugs - Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
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countrymum
True Blue Farmgirl
97 Posts
Lorie
PA
USA
97 Posts |
Posted - Mar 14 2011 : 1:15:26 PM
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Thanks for the encouragement.
Like all of your sons, mine is a good kid. It is nice to know I am not the only one who struggles sometimes.
I was raised in a family of all girls, and my sister has all girls, so my mom can only understand so much. I asked my 92 yr.old grandmom and her words of advice were, "keep him busy & broke!" How true is that?
"This country needs cleaner minds & dirtier fingernails." Mark Twain |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Mar 14 2011 : 1:37:06 PM
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LOL! Oh, Lorie! Your grandma is rich with wisdom! Please give her a little kiss and hug and "thank you!" from me next time you see her! Great advice - just gotta LOVE her! Hugs - Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
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krissy
True Blue Farmgirl
278 Posts
Kristen
Snohomish
WA
USA
278 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2011 : 5:19:36 PM
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Wow, great thread! Thank you Nini for pointing me to it! 
My oldest is turning 14 tomorrow. He is in 8th grade and will be entering high school in the fall. He has had very poor study habits so far and out of six classes, three were earning F's. We took away his cell phone way back, gee, I can't even remember now. We also took away his electronics (Nintendo DS, other games as well such as the Wii that the family uses in the living room--he can't play that) and we just recently pulled him out of martial arts and made HIM call the Master to explain why. Now he has three A's and three C's, but he knows he cannot have anything below a B in order to get his stuff back. I think he's finally trying but it couldn't come soon enough. We figured if he had time for all that stuff, he certainly could have found the time to study and do well in school.
Does your teen act like a child, like maybe 4 or 5 years old? Mine does. Why is this? Sometimes I can't wait until he is out of the house but then again, how sad that would be.
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~Farmgirl Sister #986~
http://achickenwithherheadcutoff.blogspot.com/
http://lateinlifemommy.blogspot.com/
http://www.youravon.com/kristenparkinson |
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countrymum
True Blue Farmgirl
97 Posts
Lorie
PA
USA
97 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2011 : 08:16:24 AM
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I hear ya Krissy.
When they were little it was "please pick up your toys," "time to turn off the tv," "we need to be quiet" and now it's "please pick up your dirty laundry," "time to turn off the computer," "we need to stop texting." etc.
They act like a child because technically they still are, even though they don't want to hear that.
I just hope & pray that my husband and I instilled a good moral foundation in both him and my daughter and that it will carry them through to become good up-standing adults.
"This country needs cleaner minds & dirtier fingernails." Mark Twain |
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krissy
True Blue Farmgirl
278 Posts
Kristen
Snohomish
WA
USA
278 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2011 : 09:55:03 AM
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Yes, Lorie, I agree in that I hope what we've been trying to teach our kids sticks with them through adulthood, but they need to put it into practice now! lol
So the other day, my 14-y.o. son goes and sits on my 8-y.o. son's HEAD. Of course, the younger one cried and then kicked the crap out of the older one's legs in self defense. Oh gee... so there I was, telling him AGAIN not to get back at someone by hitting, but then it was the teen's fault to begin with for having no common sense. That might just be a sibling thing, but the teenager has no brain sometimes!
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~Farmgirl Sister #986~
http://achickenwithherheadcutoff.blogspot.com/
http://lateinlifemommy.blogspot.com/
http://www.youravon.com/kristenparkinson |
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ddmashayekhi
True Blue Farmgirl
4737 Posts
Dawn
Naperville
Illinois
USA
4737 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2011 : 11:45:53 AM
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My oldest sons are 25 and 28 now and my youngest son is 7. I was glad we survived the teen years, though at times I wanted to tear my hair out. They say it is all the chemical changes going on in a teens brain that makes them so difficult to live with. I'm not looking forward to going through the teen years ago, but there is no skipping it!
Hang in there & know it will pass some day! Try to keep your sense of humor too!
Dawn in IL |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2011 : 4:10:32 PM
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I actually have two 14 year old boys. One is 8 months older than the other (both adopted) so I totally know what you mean. I also have 3 grown up boys. It does get easier for sure...and some of them just have harder personalities as well. One of mine is for sure more work than the other...but they are both good boys. Hang in there!!
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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jackie v
Farmgirl in Training
32 Posts
jackie
easthampton
ma
USA
32 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2011 : 4:54:54 PM
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| Nini..I couldn't help but laugh at your entry. I can so feel your pain! Except it's with my 18 year old daughter..aaarrgghh! I honestly think that is why God put alcohol on this earth..for our sanity !LOL! |
Edited by - jackie v on Mar 23 2011 4:57:03 PM |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2011 : 08:31:49 AM
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LOL! Jackie, you're too funny! What helps me through is a handful of almonds (good for the heart) at the end of the day. My girlfriend - real farmgirl, wife and mother of four boys - told me her grandfather advised her to take them, knowing how a mother's heart can stress over boys. He took a handful a day and never stressed or had any heart problems! :)
Do any of you have that problem with your son and saggy pants? What in the WORLD is up with that? You'd think boys would want to take better care of their looks. Our son wears a belt and everything, but not a day goes by that I don't see his underwear peeping over the top of his pants or shorts. It's not like the horrifying look you see on t.v., but nevertheless, that's still exposed Fruit-of-the-Loom over there on the fruit of my womb! I swore MY son would never wear his pants like that! HA! And I thought I knew sooooo much! There's gotta be a cure...
Last weekend, I was fed up, so I got up from the couch, turned around and pulled my jeans down just enough to show the color of my skivvies. I stated I was trying out a new look and asked my DH and DS if my underwear was showing - or was it "okay?" Our son was mortified, but my husband started laughing - he got the idea. He rose up and pulled his pants down a bit. Now, I wouldn't normally share this with anyone, but you need to understand: my DH doesn't WEAR skivvies... So believe me when I say, our DS was absolutely mortified! My DH and I just looked at each other and busted out laughing, and in unison said, "Hey - let's start a new craze!" Our son said, "Oh, COME ON!" I said, "What? You don't like the "my parents are my peeps" look? You think it would be horrifying? PLEASE! You do it to us all the time! There is not one parent of a teenage boy who wouldn't 'get' our message and understand! I bet we'd inspire hundreds of parents at the mall to do the same!" His next response was an OMG look on his face and an, "Oh, Mom, no - please! I'll try harder! I'll keep them pulled up!" My husband started trapsing around the room with a rapper walk and said, "Well, yo yo yo YO - you'd betta!"
Sad to say our DS's "trying harder" lasted just about 20 mins... Ugh.
And I honestly don't have the courage to walk through the mall like that.
I pity him, however, the next time his Dad takes him to the mall! LOL! ;)
Maybe heavy-duty, double sided tape strapped to the outside of his underwear and to the inside of his jeans would help? No... then his underwear would sag, too - Heaven forbid! I think he's going to find a beautiful pair of brightly colored rainbow suspenders in his Easter basket, my friends... THAT should do the trick! ;)
Hugs and commisserations -
Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
Edited by - Ninibini on Mar 24 2011 4:54:04 PM |
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krissy
True Blue Farmgirl
278 Posts
Kristen
Snohomish
WA
USA
278 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2011 : 08:53:17 AM
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Nini, you are a hoot! I am cracking up over here!!! And Jacki, I agree about the alcohol!
My 14-y.o. has no butt so his pants hang and yes, if he didn't like long shirts, we'd all see his underwear! I sing that song from American Idol a couple years ago, "Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground," and my son says, "I do not!" ha ha little does he know! LOL
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~Farmgirl Sister #986~
http://achickenwithherheadcutoff.blogspot.com/
http://lateinlifemommy.blogspot.com/
http://www.youravon.com/kristenparkinson |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2011 : 10:11:14 AM
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LOL! Ohmygosh, Kristen! I completely forgot about that song!! I'm going to use it! I wonder if it would annoy people in church if I sang it when we go up for communion?! LOL! Just kidding - I'll quietly hoist 'em up for him by the beltloops...
Hugs - Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
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jackie v
Farmgirl in Training
32 Posts
jackie
easthampton
ma
USA
32 Posts |
Posted - Mar 26 2011 : 10:06:56 AM
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| I have to admit the thought of all parents walking the mall like that to prove a point would be quite the site..kinda' like at Christmas time when the huge groups of carolers went to the malls and sang Handel's Messiah...not quite sure goosebumps would be the reaction though...nausea and headaches maybe ! ;) I think that a SERIOUS atomic wedgie is in order..the kind that has him picking for a good five minutes ! yes???? |
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countrymum
True Blue Farmgirl
97 Posts
Lorie
PA
USA
97 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2011 : 6:14:03 PM
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Nini, you and your DH are a hoot!
I try to use humor a lot too, I figure if they are going to roll their eyes at Mom she might as well give them a good reason to do it.
I am so glad that we have each other to listen too. I feel as if you are all sitting at my kitchen table with a good pot of tea just chatting away!
"This country needs cleaner minds & dirtier fingernails." Mark Twain |
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krissy
True Blue Farmgirl
278 Posts
Kristen
Snohomish
WA
USA
278 Posts |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Apr 05 2011 : 12:58:44 PM
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Man, that would REALLY drive our boys nuts, huh, Krissy? LOL!!! But how awesome that would be for us Moms!!!
Girls - what kinds of activities are your boys involved in outside of school? Are they involved in any special summer programs, sports, groups, etc? We're homeschooled, and as I have posted in another strain, we live in a neighborhood and community where there is a very disquieting element. My son was involved in different programs in the past - taking golfing lessons in the summer, youth group, volunteering for charity, working on side jobs with Dad, for example - but now that he's older, it seems that activities suited to his age level are few and far between. If he had his way, he'd just go work with his dad full-time in the summer, but he's only 14, so that's not possible. We take him all sorts of great places and to do fun, interesting activities, and he does have good friends that he sees fairly regularly, but we'd like to get him involved in activities where he'd meet other kids his own age (outside of our neighborhood, which has problems, to say the least) and gain new wholesome experiences that will give him a little more independence. Do you all have any suggestions?
Thanks and hugs -
Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
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krissy
True Blue Farmgirl
278 Posts
Kristen
Snohomish
WA
USA
278 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2011 : 10:08:34 AM
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My son is in martial arts classes twice a week. He's in the adult class but there are other teens about his age in there as well. We had him in the Youth group at church but he has kind of fallen away from God and has stopped taking communion. This upsets me greatly. Anyway, besides church activities and martial arts, he basically sits in his room or pesters his brother. He has one friend who lives far enough away that we drive him there, and he has a friend who is two years younger than him that lives across the way, but he basically sits around here. It doesn't help that I have an ankle healing from surgery - I can't take him where he wants to go. He doesn't take the initiative to do things, though. He is a total homebody.
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~Farmgirl Sister #986~
http://achickenwithherheadcutoff.blogspot.com/
http://lateinlifemommy.blogspot.com/
http://www.youravon.com/kristenparkinson |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: Teenage Boys |
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Teenage Boys
